Adventures With BLU
by Jinny the Kisaragi
Summary: Join in the fun that is the everyday life of the BLU team mercenaries, hilarity will ensue! Tragedy may come too, along with a hint of mystery and creepiness... AKA Character Experimentation with Jinny!
1. Pyro is a Hydrophobic

**"Pyro is a Hydrophobic"**

It was a dreadful day in Thunder Mountain. It was cold and rainy, something that rarely ever happened. Nevertheless, it was always dreary. The men who fought there were no different today, especially the BLU Medic. He had an awful battle that day, running around so much that his legs ached more than they usually did, yet there were even more casualties. Mind you, that didn't exactly matter because of respawn, but the good doctor liked to keep his teammates alive and healthy.

Medic trudged back to the base and to his room, tuning out the sounds of the Soldier yelling about what incompetent un-American maggots they were. As he entered his door, he decided that he needed to use one of the few luxuries this base had to offer.

When he emerged from his bedroom, he was wearing his robe and swim trunks with a towel slung over his shoulder. He tried to be as quiet as possible, trying not to attract any attention. Persistent teammates were not wanted in his relaxation time. They were his family, his home away from home, but sometimes they could get extremely annoying.

Medic found the door leading to the basement and opened it, flicked the light on, and descended down the stairs. When he finally reached the last stair, he felt extremely relieved when nobody else was in the room.

It was a pool and hot tub, which Medic thought was a bit odd, but it was convenient, since the team, mostly Scout, used the pool for length swimming, and the hot tub was good for relaxing. Well, unless the insane American patriot was in there, if so, anywhere else in the base was better.

The extremely exhausted doctor took off his robe and lowered himself into the hot tub with a satisfied sigh, closing his eyes and finally unwinding for the first time in a very, very long time.

"Hrrr Mrrdrrc!" Medic's eyes shot wide open as he looked beside him. He saw a fully suited Pyro, who was waving to him. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses.

"Hello Pyro, how are you?" he asked halfheartedly.

"Mmm...wrrr, mm pphrr yrrr crrrmrrn drrnmrrph rrnd yrr mrrphd rrrrphmrrrp."

"You saw me? I zhought no one vas around. Anyvays, I am fine, I just need to relax a little bit."

"Rrrrkrrr, krrn rrr crrm rrn?"

"You vish to join me?" Medic chuckled a bit. "But Pyro, you are in an asbestos suit. Vhat ist zhe point of going in zhe vater?"

"Rrr crrn grrr rrn mrrrr mrrrdrrr rrrrph rrr mrrrt!"

"True, very vell, come in."

Pyro fidgeted for a bit, shifting on its feet. Medic watched with a slight smile on his face.

"Pyro, you look confused."

"wrrrl rr drrrn grrt rrt! Rrrts wrrrtrr, brrt rrts hrrrt! Lrrk phrr!"

"Just because somezhing ist hot doesn't make if fire. It's vater. But don't vorry, it von't hurt you. You'll be fine."

But the hydrophobic continued to stand and fidget by the water, making motions to enter the water and backing away at the last moment. Medic soon grew annoyed of this.

"If you're not going to come in, could you please leave me be so I can have some peace and quiet? Your boots are making zhe most irritating noise on zhe vet tile."

The firebug took a deep breath and slowly poked one finger into the water. It took its finger out, carefully inspecting it. Once a drop of water fell from its finger, it jumped and started making muffled screams. It rolled on the floor, holding it's hand and making panicked sounds. Medic just rolled his eyes at this.

"Pyro, vould you calm down?! It's just vater, nozhing is going to happen!"

"Brrrt drrc, rrt's mrrrltrrn mrr frrrngrr rrff!" Pyro continued to cry and roll on the ground.

Medic couldn't take this anymore. He wouldn't be able to relax with the sobbing hydrophobic on the floor next to the hot tub.

Sighing, the doctor climbed out, dried himself off, and pulled his robe on. He took Pyro by the hand, who was still crying and pleading for Medic to not let the water melt all his skin off. They walked up the stairs and down the hall to the infirmary, where Archimedes fluttered up to meet them. He cooed and landed on the doctor's shoulder, looking curiously at the muffling mess that was being dragged into the room.

Medic sat Pyro down a chair by a table and disappeared into the back of the room, returning with a small towel. He sat down at the opposite side of the table from the firebug and wiped all the water off of his gloved finger.

"Zhere. All better." The German picked up the towel and walked over to the small laundry basket in the corner of the room and chucked it in. When he turned around, Pyro was still there, holding its hand in the same position Medic had left it.

"Erm, Pyro, I'm done. You can leave now." The bewildered doctor told his patient.

Pyro still didn't budge, instead, it looked at Medic expectantly. "Wrrrp rrrt!"

At this point, Medic died a little inside, but complied. He walked back to his supplies cabinet, pulled out some gauze and tape, and gave an irritated groan when Pyro yelled at him to bring disinfectant.

Flopping down in the seat, the doctor put a bit of disinfectant on a piece of gauze. He glared at the hydrophobic as he wiped the gloved finger, who just stared back at him with blank lenses. He wrapped Pyro's finger with gauze and secured it with a small piece of tape.

"Zhere, NOW I'm done." He picked up his supplies and put them back in their proper place in the drawer, groaning once again when he turned around to see Pyro still sitting in the same position at the table.

"Vhat did I forget now?!" He asked, annoyed.

The firebug lifted his hand and pointed to it. "Yrr hrrf trr krrrs rrt brrtrr!"

"…You're serious?" Medic's face was pulled into an expression of absolute disbelief and slight irritation.

Pyro just nodded its head.

"Do I haff to?!" Medic whined.

Pyro nodded its head even more vigorously.

The doctor groaned, but decided that he'd just do it and then he'd be able to go to sleep without being bothered. He trudged over to his picky patient, leaned over, and gave its finger a little kiss.

The pyromaniac clapped happily, bounding over to the man who had 'saved its life', and pulled him into a tight hug, muffling its thanks.

"Ja, ja, now get to bed, kinder." Medic chuckled slightly, patting the top of Pyro's masked head.

Pyro skipped down the hall happily, humming "Do You Believe in Magic?" Medic caught himself smiling as he observed the strange mercenary. He…she…it was annoying at times, but the doctor would admit that it made up for that in innocence and willingness to help its teammates.

He stretched and yawned, walking down the hall back to his room. He changed his pajamas and flopped down into his bed. It felt strangely softer than usual, and he felt himself slowly drifting off into sleep…

…Until his door swung open, revealing a very annoyed Heavy carrying a pouting Scout with a bloodied nose.

"DOKTOR! Scout needs your help, got into another fight with Soldier after battle."

Medic let out a small sigh into his pillow before he pulled himself off his bed and walked towards the door.

"Come now, Scout, let's get zhat nose cleaned up."

Yes, these 8 other mercenaries that he fought beside and lived with could get a little annoying, but they were his family, his home away from home.


	2. Scout's Magic Trick

**"Scout's Magic Trick"**

Scout was bored.

No, bored is when you finish doing something and can't figure out what to do next. Bored is when you wake up on Saturday morning and you just decide to watch cartoons all day. This was not bored. This was on the verge of death. At least that's what Scout thought. Here he was, on the second day of his long awaited ceasefire, just itching to move, and there was already nothing to do.

Well, not that there was nothing to do, but there was nothing Scout wanted to do. He could watch TV, but the only shows that were on were black and white soap operas. He could go do laps at the pool downstairs, but he did that yesterday. Soldier always stressed that he should be making the most of it, because Thunder Mountain was the only base with a pool and hot tub in it. Scout really liked swimming in the river just outside of Mountain Lab though. Well, he did, until Demoman told him that Tentaspies lived there, just waiting for someone to swim by so they could gobble them up.

Scout shuddered at the thought. He wasn't a freakin' wimp or anything, but he wouldn't be swimming in any natural body of water anytime soon.

The young Bostonian put his head on the table as he thought of things to do. He was so bored that he didn't even want to play with his baseball! He was sure he would die of boredom soon. Maybe Medic would have some pills to prevent that.

He rolled his head onto its side so his cheek was resting on the tabletop. He was just about to get up and go pester one of his teammates when he saw it sitting on the counter beside the stove.

Holy shit, it was the most beautiful thing in the whole goddamn world as far as Scout was concerned.

An empty water bottle.

The cure to his boredom.

Scout ran over to the kitchen counter and grabbed his newest occupation, eyeing it with wonder. What was he going to do with this thing? He had no idea, but he was sure as hell going to find out.

He started with just tossing it up in the air and catching it. He could've done this with his baseball, but the water bottle was so much lighter, so it floated a little as it came down. Scout found it sort of…fun. But he was determined to find a more creative way to amuse himself with his new toy.

He ran out of the kitchen and down the hall, trying to throw the bottle far enough in front of him so he could catch it as it came down. He ran past everyone's rooms and the infirmary all the while keeping his eyes focused on the object ahead of him.

Until he tripped and fell into the door at the end of the hall, slamming his face against the doorknob.

"AAAAAGH! FRICKEN JEEZ!" He screamed as he held his head in both hands.

"Scout? Is zhat you?" A familiar German voice sounded from behind the door.

"Uuuuh, doc?" The door opened fully, revealing Medic with a pile of files in his hand and a look of slight concern on his face. Scout noticed he wasn't wearing his usual lab coat and gloves, as they were on ceasefire, instead he sported a light beige sweater vest and dress shirt, complete with his blue tie. The young Bostonian thought about how he just wore his simple uniform all the time.

The doctor kneeled down to inspect Scout, putting the files on the floor gently taking the runner's hand away from his face to see the extent of the damage. "Vhat happened? All I heard vas a somezhing crashing into zhe door. Vell, zhen I heard you cursing, but anyvays."

Scout bit his lip a little, unsure of how to tell Medic that he was so bored he resorted to playing a simple game with an empty water bottle.

"Uh, well, I was…I was bored so I took da first thing dat I saw and played wid it." He answered quickly.

Medic took little notice of the boy's uneasiness, instead, choosing to focus on his fresh injury. "It looks like you're going to haff a black eye, come vith me und ve'll get some ice for it." He stood and helped Scout up, leading him back to the infirmary.

When they got there, Scout sat down in a chair beside a white table while Medic went to the mini fridge beside his supply cabinets, pulling out an ice pack. The runner was fiddling with an empty water bottle that was in his hands, and Medic stared at him for a minute.

"Vhy did you bring zhat vith you?" The doctor inquired.

"Because he's my freakin' buddy for da day, dat's why!" Scout snapped. Medic rolled his eyes and handed him the ice pack. The young man held the pack over his eye and rested his front teeth on the mouth of the water bottle, which was now standing upright on the table.

"I just haff to get zhose files I left behind, I'll be right back." The German told Scout. He left, but popped his head back in the door a few seconds later. "Don't touch anyzhing, bitte." The Bostonian just nodded and Medic left.

A few seconds later, Scout was bored again. He was just itching to touch something, but he didn't want to be chased around the base by an angry doctor with a bonesaw. He desperately needed to do something. He tapped his foot, patted his hand on the table, and he eventually started to breath in and out of the water bottle, causing it to shrink as he breathed in and grow as he breathed back out into the bottle. It made his head bob up and down with barely any effort from the boy.

Wait.

That was kind of fun. In, out, in, out, his head bobbed up and down as each breath made the bottle shrink and grow. It was one of the best things Scout had ever experienced. It was like magic! Holy crap, this was fun.

In, out.

Down, up.

Scout was having such a good time he didn't even notice Medic walk back in the room with an extremely bewildered expression on his face. Before he could say anything, the ecstatic boy was already explaining what was going on.

"Doc, c'mere! Look at dis awesome magic trick I just made up!" He shouted.

The doctor slowly made his way to the chair on the other side of the table while Scout demonstrated his trick. When he was done, Medic was biting his knuckle and smiling.

"Too awesome for words, eh? Yeah I'm pretty good, aren't I?" the Bostonian bragged.

"Erm…" the doctor cleared his throat, "Zhat is very amazing, Scout. You know who else vould be impressed by zhat trick?"

Scout leaned in closer.

"Spy. Spy vould love it."

The young man beamed. "Holy shit, you're right! I gotta find da spook!" He grabbed his magic bottle and ran out of the room, leaving Medic sitting at the table, trying and failing to hold back his laughter.

Scout ran through the halls, trying to find the sneaky man. He finally found Spy in the kitchen, sitting at their large dinner table and fiddling with his disguise kit. The runner plopped down in the seat beside him, grinning from ear to ear.

Spy gave him a questioning look. "What are you so 'appy about?"

"I'm gonna show you my new magic trick! So shut yer frog trap and listen." Scout pointed to the water bottle. "See dis? With dis, I can make my head move up and down all by its freakin' self, I'm not even shitting you. Watch."

Spy leaned in closer as Scout performed his trick, a small smile spreading wider with each breath the boy took.

When the trick was done, Spy was grinning and biting his lip. "Zhat was very…" A small laugh slipped out. Then another, and soon the spook was struggling to finish his sentence. "Intere–hahaha!" A snort. "Interesting! Hahahaha!"

Scout was very confused. His trick wasn't supposed to be funny, it was supposed to be awe-inspiring. He decided to do it again, just in case Spy didn't look at it right the first time.

At this point, Soldier walked in the room. He looked at the espionage expert who was struggling to breath through his own chortles, and then he saw the young Bostonian performing his 'trick'.

"SCOUT!" Soldier barked. The runner looked up at the man, a confused look on his face.

"It looks like you're SUCKING A DICK, SON!" The patriot yelled.

It didn't take long for Scout's expression to morph into one of utter horror. "W-WHAT?! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! AAAUGH!" Tears flowed like waterfalls from his eyes, his injured eye puffing up more than it already was as he repeatedly screamed, "I'm not a cockfag!"

Hearing all the commotion, Engineer raced into the room. He saw Scout bawling, Spy rolling on the floor, laughing so hard that he struggled to breath, and Soldier standing there looking…scary.

The Texan decided that he was a very busy man at that point and began to walk away, but his heart of gold melted at the sound of the boy's horrified and devastated sobs. Sighing, he turned back into the kitchen, took Scout by the hand, and they walked back to the runner's room.

Engineer sat Scout down on his bed and gave him his favorite bat, which he bragged to the other men about because his older brother, his idol, had given it to him.

The Bostonian's cries faded into small whimpers and sniffles as he cuddled his bat and lay down on his bed, burying his face into his pillow. Engineer retrieved an extra blanket from his closet and gently placed it on Scout, who grabbed a fistful of the fabric and hugged it closer.

"Engie?" A small sound came from the boy's mouth. "It's not bedtime yet."

The Texan chuckled slightly. "No, no it's not. But I reckon you're due for a nap. You look a might tired, boy."

"Yeah…I guess you're right, hardhat…" A yawn. "You usually are."

Engineer didn't bother replying. Instead, he silently walked out of the room and closed the door, pausing for a moment to listen to Scout's soft snoring.


	3. Zhe Veirdest Ceasefire Ever

**"Zhe Veirdest Ceasefire Ever..."**

It was a ceasefire morning in Thunder Mountain, and Medic had slept soundly all night. He woke up to the warm sun, which was rarely seen in this dreary location, and Pyro serving him breakfast in bed as thanks for helping it heal an injured rabbit the other day. It made him bacon, French toast, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns. It even went to the trouble of stealing Spy's expensive coffee grounds imported straight from Italy, presenting a steaming cup of the delicious drink to the doctor. He thoroughly enjoyed his meal, thanking the firebug for such a lovely surprise. Pyro always loved doing little things like that, whether it was someone's birthday, someone was sick, they did a favor for it, or really any other reason it could dream up.

Medic chuckled as he remembered the time when he had to remove Scout's tonsils, and the next morning, Pyro came into the infirmary with a towering ice cream sundae for the Bostonian. He was so excited that he forgot all about the pain in his throat, until he tried to shout his thanks. The doctor's thoughts were interrupted by a soft cooing, and Archimedes landed on his shoulder.

"Hallo Archimedes! How are you, mein pretty bird? How about some breakfast, ja?" He held out his hand out to Archimedes and the dove nuzzled it affectionately before hopping on. He stood up off his bed and walked over to the container holding his birdseed. Scooping a tiny pile in his hand, he offered it to Archimedes, who fluttered onto the pinkie finger of the hand holding the seeds.

Medic stood stroking the dove for a little while until the birdseed was finished. He held up his hand, allowing Archimedes to fly off, and got dressed. He didn't wear his lab coat uniform, since it was a ceasefire day. Instead he wore a beige sweater vest with a white dress shirt underneath, rolling up the sleeves to his elbows. He pulled on his regular pants and jackboots and headed for the door.

As soon as the doctor stepped outside his room, he was met with a frantic Demoman.

"Doc! Ya got ta help me! Ah can't escape 'er!" The Scotsman flailed his arms as he spoke. "Nessie's come back ta git me! Ah need ya ta shoot 'er with yer crazy tranqui…thing…and….ah can't….an' everyone just thinks ah'm bloodeh insane…" He slurred the last of his sentence, tears welling in his eyes as he walked past Medic down the hallway.

Medic stared at the man, bewildered, but shrugged it off. Demo usually took the opportunity on a ceasefire to get even more intoxicated than he usually was.

He strode down the hallway and into his office, sighing as he remembered all the paperwork that had to be done. For the rest of his team, it was a ceasefire. For him, it was crunch time.

He sat down at his desk and pulled out a pen, eager to get to work so he could make the most of his break. However, he was interrupted by a hand shooting out from the drawer he had just opened, making him jump and scream in surprise. The hand came farther out, extending into an arm and gripping onto the desk, pulling the rest of itself out.

Medic fell out of his chair and onto the floor, scooting backward until he hit the wall, where he continued to scream out for someone to help him as he stared in horror at the body pulling itself out of his desk.

Much to the doctor's dismay, no one came to his rescue.

But much to his surprise, the person who was stuck in his drawer was Soldier.

"Hey doc!" The patriot greeted as he pulled the last of his leg out. "Thanks for opening that, otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten up today." He walked out of the room. "At ease, private! Enjoy the ceasefire AND MAKE SURE TO DO MANY AMERICAN ACTIVITIES."

Medic was anything but at ease. He continued to sit there, clutching his chest with one hand while his other was curled into a tight fist, resting on the floor. His mouth was agape, and he only realized that he wasn't breathing when the world began to look fuzzy around him.

He got up, steadying himself against the wall and still taking deep breaths. That was one of the scariest and weirdest experiences he ever had in his entire life, and Medic had seen some freaky stuff.

Collecting his paperwork, the doctor decided that he would finish the rest of it in the rec room.

* * *

Meanwhile in the rec room, Scout and Spy were sitting at the coffee table, engaged in a fierce round of cards.

"I win again." Spy smirked in delight.

Scout just sat there with a huge grin on his face. "WRONG!" He shouted.

This made the Frenchman frown slightly. "'ow so?"

"Because you gotta fricken say 'UNO!' when you've got UNO, otherwise ya gotta pick up anotha card! Stupid frog!"

"What?! Zhat was never clarified before zhe match, zherefore it was not a rule. I still win."

"No way frenchie, everyone knows how to play Uno, so da rules are freakin' universal."

"Non, back in France, we did not pass zhe time with such silly games such as zhis."

"You're just fricken mad because you lost by forgetting such a basic rule since yer so stupid!"

"Excuze moi, but I do believe zhat I won fair and square, YOU'RE zhe one who is mad about losing, seeing as you added in a last minute rule!"

The two were standing up and yelling into each other's faces by now. When Medic walked in carrying his paperwork, he immediately turned around, only to have Scout pull him back in by his arm.

"Yo doc, c'mere! Tell dat French fag he's wrong!" the Bostonian insisted, jabbing a finger towards Spy.

Medic lifted an eyebrow, contemplated on whether or not he actually wanted to know what was going on here. Scout still had a firm grip on his arm, which told him that he wasn't going anywhere until the runner got what he wanted.

"You're wrong, Spy." The doctor said flatly.

"HA! I told you, asshole!" Scout pumped his fist up in victory, and Medic took his chance to leave the bickering pair. As he walked down the hall, he could hear Spy shouting something about "unfair" and "blackmail" and something about going to "ask someone who actually knows how to play Uno". The doctor was a little confused. Since when did Spy play Scout's card games?

He decided that maybe he could borrow Engineer's workshop and finish up there.

As he rounded the corner, he spotted a large metal door with a sign labeled "Workshop". He rapped on the door three times and a stocky Texan covered with grease answered it.

"Howdy there, doc! What can I do for ya?" Engineer asked.

"Hallo Herr Engineer, I'm just looking for a place to do zhe rest of mein papervork." He gestured to the stack of medical forms in his hand. "Mein office und zhe rec room are…unfitting at zhe moment. I vas just vondering if I could finish it here."

The southerner shook his head. "'Fraid not, doc, sorry." Medic's shoulders sank a bit. "I'm workin' on a new invention, and under any other circumstances, I would've let you in, no problem, but…" He stepped back and gestured to all the tables in his workshop. Every inch was covered with grease and metal.

The doctor sighed. "Vell, Danke anyvays."

"If I were you, I'd go up to the roof. Just use a box or somethin' as your desk and you should be good to go! Plus, it's the only place where you can't hear the team screamin' at each other. Well, there and my workshop. I sound-proofed it."

Medic wasn't too keen on the idea of doing his paperwork outside, but he decided that it was the only place where he was safe.

Thanking the Texan once again, the doctor headed toward the laundry room. When he entered, he climbed the stairs in the corner and opened the door on the ceiling, the rare bright sunshine temporarily blinding him. When he stepped onto the roof, he found and arranged a small box and a large one into a desk and chair. He sat down on the small box, placed his papers on the large box, and pulled out his pen.

Engineer was right, this was the quietest place. Even in his office, he could still hear distant noise and yelling. But this was nice, it was easier to focus.

Medic had gotten through about half of his stack when he heard a small shuffling noise. He had no idea what it was, but it sounded like it was coming from the–

"G'day!" the lid of the large box popped off, revealing a grinning Sniper. The doctor, however, was not in the best of shape today. The surprise had sent him tumbling backwards while he opened his mouth in a silent scream. The marksman just stared back at the doctor for a few seconds before hopping out of the box.

"Wot a foine day, hey doc?" Sniper said as he took a deep breath in and giving a satisfied exhale. "Perfect day for nappin' in the box." With that, he jumped back in to the large crate. Medic bolted up, collected his paperwork, and ran for the stairs. This was seriously getting out of hand.

He ran through the halls and back to his room, shutting the door behind him. He pinched the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses and looked at his paperwork. He was definitely not going to be able to finish this, not with how jumpy he was right now. He'd need to calm down if he wanted to get any work done. Setting the stack down, he quickly changed into his swimtrunks, grabbed a towel, and ran for the basement. If sitting in the base's hot tub didn't relax him, nothing would.

He bolted down the stairs and to the hot tub, quickly plunging in, turning on the jets, and letting out a sigh of relief that nobody was in the pool at the time. Everyone was probably caught up in the Uno fiasco to even think about swimming.

For a few minutes, life was perfect. Medic was so relaxed that he felt like falling asleep, and there were no loud and obnoxious teammates.

After that small frame of time, reality came back to punch the doctor in the face. Well, technically, it swiftly hefted him out of the hot tub, pinned him to the ground, and THEN punched him in the face.

"Wot the bloody…doc?" Demoman asked, getting off of Medic.

"VHAT ZHE HELL?! Vhen did you…how did you…?!" the German screamed as he held his jaw where Demo had punched him.

"Real sorry about that, lad, we thought you were Nessie." The Scotsman was fully clothed and soaking wet.

"Ok, ein, did you honestly zhink zhat zhe Loch Ness monster vould be sitting in a jacuzzi? Zwei, if it vas here, vhat in zhe name of Gott vould make you zhink it's a good idea to tackle it und punch it in zhe face? Und drei…VE?"

"Ah, sorry mate." Sniper popped up from the water, also fully clothed. "Oi'm not used to huntin' fer monsters, just wild game. This was new for me."

Medic didn't even bother to ask questions. He just grabbed his towel and headed back up to his room, leaving the two monster hunters to dive back into the hot tub.

When the doctor arrived at his door, he saw his stack of paperwork sitting on his night table.

Oh hell no. Not in the state he was in. He was going to get back into his pajamas and try again tomorrow.

The German opened his drawers, looking for his nighttime attire, but to his dismay, he couldn't find them. He took out every article of clothing, tossing it on the ground behind him, but no pajamas.

Now, a large pile of clothes lay in the middle of the room. This didn't make sense, he just wore them last night, where could they have–

"Doc?"

Medic's head snapped up, looking for the source of what he heard. He frantically scanned the room until his eyes fell on Soldier, who was buried in the clothing pile up to his collarbone. The doctor couldn't even answer. He was still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

The patriot pulled his arm free and showed what he was holding to Medic. "Were you looking for these?"

His pajamas.

Slowly, he walked over to receive them from Soldier. "…D-danke."

Soldier gave a small salute and burrowed his way back down into the hoard of clothes.

"Oh no you don't, you are not giving me a scare tomorrow vhen I go to get dressed!" The German began frantically folding his clothes and putting them back in their proper drawers. He worked until every singe article of clothing was off the floor, but felt more bewildered at what he saw.

Or rather, what he didn't see. Soldier wasn't there, just a blank floor.

At this point, Medic's body felt as though it would be an appropriate time to faint.

No, he wasn't going to get those medical reports in anytime soon.


	4. The Base's New Dog: Part 1

"**The Base's New Dog, Part 1"**

It was the last day of the weekend ceasefire in Thunder Mountain, and the BLU Engineer was hard at work, finishing the upgrades on his newest sentry design. He was fully concentrated on his blueprint, making sure each stroke of the pencil was straight and neat.

Until he heard a small whimper.

The Texan glanced around the workshop, hoping to find the source of the sound. He paused and listened again, hearing the small noise coming from just outside his window.

He walked over and opened the blinds, and was a bit surprised at what he saw. It was a small, female, golden retriever puppy, looking lost and scared.

Engineer rushed out of his workshop and exited the base. He found the small puppy cowering in a corner and shivering. He slowly walked over to her and cautiously stroked the soft fur on her head. At first she flinched away from the touch, but soon saw that the Texan meant no harm and shuffled closer to him. He scooped the retriever up in his arms and continued to stroke her as she snuggled into his chest.

"Now don't you worry, I'll take you back inside and get you some food.

* * *

Engineer walked down the hallway and to the kitchen, feeling extremely relieved that no one was there to question the golden puffball in his arms.

He gently set the puppy on the ground, causing her to whimper and cry as she looked up at him with sad eyes. "Don't worry, I'm just gettin' you some grub, I'll be right here." He walked over to the fridge, rummaging through it and trying to find any kind of leftover meat the retriever could have. He finally uncovered the turkey they had last night and placed two slices on a plate.

He set the dish down before the dog and she scarfed down the food in seconds. When she was finished, she sat down and licked her snout while excitedly fidgeting, looking up at Engineer with a pleading look.

"You were really hungry, weren'tchya? I guess I could give you a bit more." The Texan reached back inside the fridge and pulled some more turkey out, placing it on the plate and watching as it disappeared once again.

When the puppy was finished, she limped over to Engineer, sat on his foot, and nuzzled up to his leg.

Wait, she was limping?

He gently picked up the small dog, a look of concern on his face, and saw that she had a bleeding paw. "Let's getchya to Medic, he'll be able to fix you up." He told, receiving a small, high–pitched whimper in response.

He strode out of the kitchen, heading for Medic's office. For some reason, one particular thought was stuck in his mind at that moment.

"What are we gonna call you? I wanna figure out a good name for you." The Texan pondered on this, recalling all of the pretty female names he'd run across in his life.

"Hmm…Jesse? Nah. Mandy? Meh. Lisa? Maggie? Sarah? Ally?" He continued to think with a quizzical expression, which melted away into a smile as he thought of the name of the most beautiful woman he knew.

The name was Emma, his wife.

"Emma…" He repeated the name as he thought of his home. "How about it, girl? Is Emma a good name?"

The golden retriever gave a happy yip, which he took as a yes.

* * *

Engineer opened the door to Medic's office, only to find that the doctor was preoccupied with something else at the moment.

"Nein! Get avay! SHOO!" He screamed while cradling one of his doves. It was Hippocrates, if Engineer's memory served correctly.

It turned out that Medic was yelling at a cat that had snuck into the base. Once the Texan got a better look at Hippocrates, he could see the small patch of red on the base of one of its wings. He put two and two together and assumed that the cat had attacked the bird, which he knew would upset the German to no end. He could also see that the feline was jumping at Medic's other birds as well.

Emma wiggled and squirmed in his hold as a way of asking Engineer to put her down. He complied, and the dog immediately let out a surprisingly loud, yet high pitched bark, making the cat jump in surprise and sprint out of the open window it had originally entered into.

"Danke, Herr Engineer!" Medic breathed. He looked down at Hippocrates, who was still lightly breathing and fidgeting a bit. The doctor carried him down to the infirmary and retrieved bandages from his back cabinets.

He placed the dove on the table and began delicately wrapping the base of the wing in a small strip of gauze. He then strapped its wing to its body with a new piece of gauze.

The Texan, who had picked up Emma and followed Medic, watched the procedure. "Is that so he won't fly when his wing is injured?"

The German nodded and gently picked up Hippocrates, placing him on his shoulder next to Archimedes, who had also followed them down to the infirmary. He then smiled up at Engineer and the golden retriever. "Velein Danke, I hate cats. It's a good zhing your dog vas zhere, ozhervise I don't zhink zhat disgusting feline vould haff left mein birds alone." Medic's expression became slightly confused, "Vhere haff you been keeping zhat? I haff not ever seen it around zhe base."

"Well, technically, she's not mine. I just found her outside with a bleedin' paw, so I thought that you might be able to patch her up. It doesn't look like she has any tags or anything either." He handed the puppy to Medic, who held her against his chest like a baby.

His eyes widened as his smile did the same. "If it has no tags, it has no owner. Let's keep it!" He squealed with glee as he stroked the soft fur.

"Well, that's just what I was thinking too. I named her Emma, since she didn't have a nametag or anything. But that's just the thing, if she doesn't have tags, how do we know she's had all of her shots?"

Medic scoffed at this. "Zhen ve just give her zhe vaccinations she needs. It von't hurt to give zhem again, better safe zhen sorry." He set the puppy down on the table and inspected her paw.

"But how are you going to get them? It's not like Mann Co supplies animal vaccinations."

"I haff a good friend back in Stuttgart who ist ein tierarzt, she vould be able to send it to me."

Engineer looked at him with confusion. "She's a…what?"

"Ah, sorry, she's a veterinarian. Ve both studied general medicine for a vhile until she vent into a different university. Ve still keep in touch, so I'm sure she'd be able to mail me some." Medic answered as he pulled a large thorn out of Emma's paw, eliciting a small yelp from the puppy. He then proceeded to carefully clean the wound and wrap it in gauze.

Once he was done, he picked up the golden retriever and cradled her against his chest as he and the Texan walked back to his office. Emma nuzzled her head affectionately in the crook of Medic's elbow, making the doctor smile and hug her closer, which caused Engineer to grin as well.

Once they reached his office, Archimedes left Hippocrates and flew off the shoulder of the doctor, who went over to his desk, still carrying Emma in his arms like a protective mother, and sat in his chair. He gently set the puppy down on the floor, and she whined and cried as she tried to jump onto the doctor's lap, although she was unsuccessful due to the height of the chair. He reached down, stroking her head until Engineer walked over and picked her up.

Medic lifted a hand to his shoulder, allowing Hippocrates to hop onto it. He brought his hand to the wooden perch sitting on his desk and the dove stepped off. Hippocrates was soon joined by two of Medic's other doves, Plato and Aristotle. Another one perched on the doctor's shoulder and nuzzled his neck.

"Hallo, Dietricha!" He greeted her. "I see you've noticed zhe new addition to zhe base." The dove was looking at Emma, cocking its head with curiosity. Engineer was holding the golden retriever as if she was a toddler in a sitting position, and Emma's ears were perked up, staring right back at Dietricha.

"Wait a minute, doc. I thought all of your doves were all named after philosophers or somethin' like that." Engineer asked while petting Emma. "I aint never heard of anyone named Dietricha."

"Vell she's an exception. See, mein sister got her for me vhen I left for medical school. She alvays zhought zhat doves vere good luck or somezhing like zhat." Medic chuckled. "So I named it after her."

"Oh, gotcha." The Texan took notice of the pictures sitting on the doctor's desk. "Is she in one of those pictures?"

Medic shook his head. "Nein, zhey are mein vife und daughter." He turned each small frame around for Engineer to see. "Mein vife's name is Liesa und mein daughter's name is Sommer." He sighed, smiling a little bit. "I miss zhem sometimes, but I get to go home on zhe longer holidays."

The Texan was leaning down close to the pictures as he and Emma inspected them. He had never really seen them before, or even began to think about the fact that someone else on the team might have a family back home. "Heh, I know how ya feel, doc. My wife and little girl, Emma and Lizzie, are back home at the ranch in Beecave. It's always great to see 'em again."

The doctor nodded in agreement before setting the photos back in their proper place on his desk, straightening them both at just the correct angle. He looked back up at Engineer and gave Emma another pat on her head. "I have some more papervork to do, so could you take care of her today? I'll send zhe letter to mein friend as vell."

The Texan smiled and started for the door. "Sure thing doc, I'll get her acquainted with the rest of the team." He was almost out the door when he felt a tugging at his arm from behind, which turned out to be Medic.

"If you're going to do zhat, please make sure zhat it's not all at once. Ve don't need her to be traumatized."

"Hehe, of course, doc." And with that, Engineer left the office.

* * *

"HOLY SHIT, FUCK ME IS DAT A PUPPY?!" Scout bounced up and down and clapped his hands, while Emma just inspected him curiously with her ears perked up.

"Sure is, son. I found her outside earlier. Her name's Emma." The retriever was set on the floor, only to be quickly picked up and snuggled by an ecstatic Bostonian.

"Oh my god, dis is going to so totally rad! We're gonna be best friends! We'll play baseball, watch movies, drink Bonk–"

He was cut off by Engineer. "You aint going to feed her any of that toxic sludge, understand, boy?" The Texan said sternly.

"Uh…ok…" Scout looked around a bit nervously. "…But it's going to be so much fun with you around, lil Emma! I always wanted a dog, but Ma always told me dat takin' care of my bruddas and I was just like takin' care of a buncha dogs or some crap like dat." He gave the puppy one last stroke before setting her down. "C'mon! Let's go play fetch!"

Before Engineer could stop her, Emma was barking excitedly and started to run after Scout until she took her first step, collapsed on the floor, and whined.

"DA SHIT?! What happened?!" Scout rushed back down the hall to Engineer, who gently picked her up.

"She has a bit of a cut on her paw, but Medic fixed her back up. She can walk now, but runnin's a different story. You'll have to wait a bit for fetch, sorry sport."

"Awww…" The runner slumped his shoulders and sighed, giving Emma's chin a sympathetic nuzzle with his knuckle. "Wait a minute." His eyes perked up. "You said dat da doc healed her, right?" Engineer nodded and Scout cheered. "Dat means dat he likes her, and if he likes her, we get to keep her!"

The Texan frowned. "What makes you think that Medic always has to be okay with it?"

"Pfft, because of dat time when Solly tried to keep a bat dat he found and da doc went totally berserk about it! Dat shit was scary as hell!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that now…" Engineer scratched his chin. "Do you think there's anyone else that would be opposed to the idea of keepin' Emma?"

Scout scoffed. "Yeah, sure, try da French faggot." And he walked back down the hall.

* * *

In a dark and rancid smelling room, a woman in purple smoked a cigarette and curiously watched the activity on the monitors before her. A younger woman, also in purple, stood behind he with a clipboard hugged to her chest.

"What do you suggest we do, ma'am?" The timid assistant asked.

The Announcer looked at the golden ball of fluff on the third monitor with disgust in her eyes. If there's on thing she hated just as much as friendship, it was cute things. "We watch for a little while longer." She inhaled on her cigarette, watching the BLU Engineer walk down the walls of his base with one of the Announcer's most hated things in his arms.

**TBC…**


	5. The Base's New Dog: Part 2

"**The Base's New Dog, Part 2"**

Engineer strode down the halls of the base with Emma in his arms. He was quite deep in thought about Spy. Would they have to let the dog go just because of the Frenchman's fussing? Surely if the rest of the team liked her, Spy would just have to suck it up. Soldier would have no problem telling him that. That's what he'd do, he'd get the rest of the team in favor of keeping Emma, and Spy would have no choice but to comply.

He took a peek into the rec room, seeing only Demoman and Pyro, and entered. "See Emma, this is the rec room. We come in here to read, play cards, pretty much anything we feel like." He told Emma, who looked around the room. Pyro was the first to run up to them.

"RRS THRRT RR PRRRPRR?!" It skipped around him in a circle while excitedly muffling things that Engineer wouldn't even try to comprehend. Emma perked up her ears, watching the firebug curiously before giving a loud yip and excitedly wagging her tail.

"Sure is, her name's Emma." He told it.

Pyro held out its arms. "Rrrngrr, crrn rr hrrrn rrrt?"

"Aw sure, bud. Just be careful." The Texan placed Emma into Pyro's arms, and it snuggled the puppy affectionately while she licked its gas mask. "That's Pyro, Emma."

"'Tis a good thing to have a dog around here." Demoman made his way over as well, surprisingly sober. "Animals can sense the supernatural before we humans can. Havin' a dog, even if it is a wee one, would help me mum sleep at night. She worries. She'd never admit it without screamin' in me ear, but she does." He chuckled a little.

Pyro and Engineer just stared at him for a while. "Uh, yeah, I guess we don't have to worry about that now." The Texan said finally. Demoman walked over to Emma and gave her a scruff on the head before exiting the room.

"And that was Demoman, Emma. Don't take anything he says too seriously, because he's drunk most of the time." He told the puppy, who just looked at the door and perked up her ears like she understood. "Py, I need to get her acquainted with the rest of the base and everyone else." He held out his hands, but Pyro just looked back at him with blank lenses, slowly stroking Emma. "Uh, Pyro. I need you to give 'er back now."

Pyro just clutched the puppy closer.

Engineer huffed. "Give her back please. You can play with her later."

The firebug suddenly sprinted away and out of the room, holding Emma as if it was holding a baby and running away from terrorists.

"PYRO! Git back here!" Engineer ran after it while Emma barked excitedly, thinking they were playing a game. He stopped in his tracks with a smile spreading on his face as Pyro kept running. "Oh well, I guess that I won't have anyone to give this big slice of chocolate hot tamale cake to, since nobody but Pyro likes it." He called out, waiting a few seconds before hearing the squeaking of boots coming closer. Pyro emerged from the doorway with Emma still in its arms.

The Texan chuckled a bit and beckoned for the firebug to come over to him. They headed down to the kitchen and to the fridge. He reached to the very back, pulling out an obscenely large slice of chocolate cake with hot tamales in the middle layer and on top.

Pyro bounced happily, giving Emma one last quick snuggle before setting her on the ground and taking the slice from Engineer. Emma, only slightly limping now, walked over to him and nuzzled his leg with the side of her head. He picked her up and walked out of the room, thinking about how his other teammates would react.

…

The Texan continued down the hall, looking around for the rest of his teammates while showing Emma each room in the base and telling her about it.

"Now this here is the bathroom. You don't really need to know what we do in here. But what you do need to know is that you never drink out of this white bowl, understood?" Emma just barked happily, wagging her tail and licking Engineer's chin as they continued down the hall.

"This is the door leadin' to the pool and hot tub in the basement. Don't go down there, I don't want to have you fallin' in and drownin'." He pointed to the white door.

The pair strode along until they came to a set of double doors labeled "Training Area". Engineer pushed one of the doors open as Emma stared with wide eyes at what lay behind it.

"You're gonna love this place. This is the training area." The room was huge, and consisted of a track going around a grass field. Engineer had no idea why they had real grass instead of just artificial turf, but the Announcer sent maintenance workers once every week to take care of it, so he wasn't going to complain. It was mostly for Scout to practice with his soccer ball, anyways. It also had another field made of gravel off to the side, which was set up with wood targets of each RED team member. The BLU ones popped up too, and Soldier would strangle you for insubordination if you hit one. Another area was set up with an obstacle course, which included many things, like army crawling, rock climbing, and hurdles.

Emma immediately squirmed and Engineer set her down. She ran as fast as she could(without hurting her paw) to the grass field and proceeded to roll around on it. She wiggled and rolled every which way until she settled on the grass with a satisfied breath.

The Texan chuckled as he watched the puppy. He heard someone open the door behind him, and saw Soldier striding up to the shooting range with his shotgun in his hands and his shovel hanging off his belt.

"Good afternoon, private hardhat!" Soldier saluted. He continued on to the shooting range until he heard a small bark. Confused, he looked behind him and saw Emma looking back, lying on the grass and wagging her tail.

"Engie, what is a dog doing in my training area?" He growled.

"Uh, well, this here's Emma. I found her outside and decided to keep her." Engineer answered nervously.

"WELL PUT HER BACK OUTSIDE!" Soldier shouted.

The Texan was very surprised by this. He was sure that Soldier would love the dog. "But I thought you'd be ok with it, seeing as you've tried to keep a number of animals before."

The patriot pouted a bit. "Yeah, but the kraut wouldn't let me. I'll miss you, Private Batty." He saluted the sky. "If I can't have a pet, you can't have one either!"

"Sol, the doc already agreed with me to keep her. And she wouldn't be mine, she's going to be everyone's."

"WHAT?! This is unfair FAVORITISM! A puppy won't give you any kind of advantage on the field!"

"We're not takin' her out on the field!"

"Then what's the point of having her?!"

"What's the point of having a bat?!"

"PRIVATE BATTY WAS GOING TO GIVE ME ECHOLOCATION POWERS SO I COULD DETECT THE FRENCHIE!"

Engineer just facepalmed and scooped up Emma, who was whimpering and cowering from all the yelling. "Fine, we'll just be on our way then. Everyone else on the team likes her!" He shouted back at Soldier while cradling Emma.

He rushed out of the training area, infuriated with the stubborn patriot. He let all his anger melt away as he looked down at the shivering puppy in his arms.

"Now don't you worry, darlin'. Solly'll get used to you bein' around, and I'm not gonna send you back outside." He cooed while stroking Emma's soft fur. She whimpered and nuzzled up to his hand as they headed back down the hallway.

They came across Medic's office, where only the small cooing of doves and the slight scratching of a pen could be heard. "That's Medic's office." He whispered. "We were in there earlier, remember? We can go in again later, but the doc is really busy with work right now."

He continued down the hallway, coming to a stop at the infirmary. "This is the infirmary. You can come here or go to the doc's office if you get hurt. But don't touch anything, wait for him to help you. I don't want you gettin' into any kind of trouble." He was about to walk away, but heard a small humming noise coming from inside.

Curious, Engineer glanced inside, finding Heavy feeding Archimedes.

"Hey there, big feller." The Texan greeted as Heavy glanced over.

"Hello! Is dat puppy dat saved leetle Hippocrates?" The large Russian asked as he came over and patted the top of Emma's head.

"Sure is, partner. Her name's Emma, she's going to be livin' with us from now on." Engineer told him.

"Da, I know dis, Doktor told me all about how leetle Emma saved all of doves from stoopid cat." Heavy scooped her up and hugged her. "Doggy is hero! Without Emma, Doktor would have had to bury a dove." He finished the last part in a sad tone. "It would not be good day for Doktor."

Engineer nodded in agreement, thinking about how much Medic adored his doves. He'd probably lock himself in his room and be bawling for weeks on end.

He glanced at his watch, noting that the time was 5:30 pm. "Hm, it's a little early for supper, but I reckon that I'll get Emma some grub before the whole team piles in there. I'll see you later, partner."

"Da, I think dere is more food in fridge dat leetle Emma can have. I will tell Doktor to ask friend for dog food as well." Heavy said as Engineer turned back and headed for the kitchen.

…

"Now, what to get you for dinner. You finished off the turkey from earlier, but I think we've got somethin' else in here." He rummaged through the fridge, hoping to find some other kind of meat. He did find something in a plastic container, but hastily put it up on the counter behind him. "Those are Solly's ribs. I'm pretty sure that he was plannin' to eat those tonight, so I wouldn't touch 'em if I were you."

He continued to search the fridge for a while, moving dishes and containers around, which made a lot of noise. They had a big fridge. He finally uncovered a few slices of roast beef.

"Here we are Emma, some nice…Emma?" The Texan glanced all around the room, but the golden retriever was nowhere to be found. "Emma?!"

He jumped up and searched the kitchen. "Emma where are you, girl?!" He sprinted out of the room and down the halls, frantically calling the dog's name.

"EMMA?! COME BACK!"

Engineer failed to notice the chair that was pulled up to the counter and the container of ribs was gone.

…

"HA! Another RED taken down!" Soldier announced triumphantly as he looked at the shattered remains of the RED Heavy's wooden target.

He reloaded his shotgun and fired again, determined to finish in record time. If he didn't get to the ribs before Scout did, he'd have to eat the leftover haggis in the fridge. He was pretty sure it was about a month old as well, though the Scotsman insisted it was still good.

Boom. Another shot, a broken RED Scout target.

Another shot, a broken RED Medic target

Another shot.

Another target.

Shot.

Target.

Whimper.

Soldier was very confused. That's not how the pattern was supposed to go. There were no whimpers in his training. It was supposed to go 'shot, target, shot, target, shot, target, shot, target, shot, target, triumph, reload, repeat.' Slowly, he turned around, seeing Emma with a large plastic container at her feet.

He huffed, annoyed. "What do you want?"

Emma just wagged her tail and looked up at him before nudging the container closer to him with her nose.

"What is that?" He asked as he picked it up. As he opened it, he felt a sudden wave of unbearable happiness wash over him. "My…ribs."

He looked down at Emma, who was sitting, still wagging her tail, and looking back up at him with her ears perked up.

Soldier reached down and picked her up with one hand, his container of ribs in the other. He couldn't express how grateful he was to this little dog.

"EMMA! Oh lordy, EMMA WHERE ARE YOU?!" A very upset and worried Texan entered the room, not noticing the golden puffball in the patriot's arms.

"Sol, have you seen…" He stared at them, bewildered. "…Emma."

"At ease, private. Our newest recruit is safe and sound."

Engineer was a little confused at what had made Soldier change his mind. "Pardon?"

"Engie, this dog," He presented Emma proudly, "is a true American."


	6. The Base's New Dog: Part 3

**Author's Note: Hello my lovely followers! This is going to be a longer chapter, and even then I had to extend it to four parts. Sorry, it was originally supposed to be shorter than this. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! My heart exploded from happiness and then Medic had to replace it.**

**People always put disclaimers and I always forget, so...**

**I DON'T OWN TF2 BUT I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE IF I DID!**

* * *

"**The Base's New Dog, Part 3"**

Soldier and Engineer walked back down the hall to the kitchen with Emma still nestled in Soldier's strong arm. He set her down once they got back to the kitchen and Engineer fed her the roast beef he had found earlier.

"So Engie, where's she gonna sleep?" The patriot asked.

Engineer opened his mouth to say something, but found that no words could escape his mouth. "I….I hadn't thought of that. Maybe she can sleep in Medic's office or somethin', I don't want her to sleep in my workshop where there's lots of tools and sharp metal."

"In the kraut's office?! You're kidding me, Engie. She has to sleep in an American's room!" Soldier beat a fist against his chest as he said this, causing Emma, who was now done her roast beef, to jump and give a surprised bark.

The Texan rolled his eyes at the man before him. "Y'know, you shouldn't write him off so quickly. After all, he is in charge of everyone's well bein'. He's most likely the best caretaker out of all of us." He fished out two beers from the fridge, handing one to Soldier. "I don't have space in my room, since I've got my blueprint desk takin' up all the extra space, your room has weapons everywhere, and who knows what Scout has in his room! Any more Americans you can think of?"

He took out a bottle opener and popped off the cap to his beer, then tossed the opener to Soldier, who followed suit. "I think Medic's office is the best choice. Maybe once we get her a bed, we can let her sleep in the rec room."

Soldier grumbled a bit under his breath, but nodded. "Alright, fine." He pouted.

The two men continued to talk about various things, not paying much attention to Emma. She soon found the conversation to be boring and decided to find something else to do.

She trotted down the hallway, her paw feeling much better thanks to Medic, and looked around at each of the different rooms. She peeked inside a room and recognized the white bowl. What did Engineer call it again? Oh that's right, this was the bathroom.

She continued to walk, seeing the door to Medic's office, which she remembered not to enter right now, since he was busy. She saw the infirmary and continued past that to the training area. She had never been further than that, so she decided to move along to the other set of double doors she could see. When she got there, she realized that it was propped open just a little bit, and she squeezed through the crack.

Oh, this was familiar. She was outside.

But this was a different outside. She walked around, her nose high in the air. What was that smell? She followed it, her nose still held up, until she came across some sort of block like structure with circles on the bottom. She had never seen anything like it before, and sniffed the ground all around the structure.

"G'day, wot are you doin' out here?" A voice from behind her rang out.

She jumped a bit in surprise, facing the figure that had spoken. It was a tall, slim man with aviators and a hat. She gave a small bark in response and sat down, wagging her tail.

The man crouched down to her level and tilted his aviators down. "Golden retriever, eh? Now why would a little pup loike you be around here?" He continued to inspect her, feeling around her neck for a collar. "You don't have any tags either, so I guess you're not from that little town nearby. This is really strange." He stood back up and shrugged. "Moight as well take you in while I'm here. C'mon."

Emma followed him as he walked to the door of the box structure, otherwise known as Sniper's camper, and entered, taking in all of her surroundings. She immediately noticed that the scent she had caught before was coming from here. There were two white chairs at the front of the van, and in the back, a rectangle thing with a brown blanket on it, and a ledge with had a big clear bowl on top of it. The bowl contained a black liquid, which she could tell was giving off the unique smell that had led her here.

Sniper noticed her curiousness and decided to help her out a bit. "That there" he pointed to the white chairs, "are the driver and passenger seats. That's me bed," he pointed to the rectangle thing with the blanket, "and this is me coffee maker." He picked up the clear bowl by a stick looking thing that was attached to it. Emma stared at each item with her ears perked up, sniffing the air before giving a satisfactory bark and wagging her tail.

"Hehe, you like me van, eh?" He sat down on his bed and patted the space next to him, allowing Emma to hop onto the bed and lie down beside him.

He gave a slight chuckle. "I guess you could stay here, it would be good company." He told her, petting her soft fur. "You can call me Sniper, or Lawrence. Whichever you prefer." He smiled at her. "I've always wanted a dog, or something to keep me company on the road. It gets a bit lonely in the van." He was beaming now. "We're going to be great friends, mate!"

The two sat there for a while, Sniper just petting Emma as she lay there, breathing softly. "Wait a tick…" He crouched down to the retriever and inspected her paw. "You've got a bandage on your paw…and it looks fairly new." He gave a sigh as his shoulders slumped. "I guess you do have an owner then, huh?"

Emma gave a small whimper before nudging the palm of Sniper's hand. "I guess they'll be lookin' for ya, come on, I'll bring ya back inside." He lifted Emma into his arms and headed for the base.

* * *

"EMMA!? How could you let this happen again, Engie?!" Soldier screamed as he searched every inch of the kitchen.

"It's not like I'm any more to blame than you are, you were with me the whole time!" Engineer retorted.

"Well…I…let's just continue searching for her!" The patriot ran out of the kitchen, starting to search in the direction of their rooms. Engineer went the opposite way, in the direction of the infirmary.

He ran into the training area, hoping to find Emma playing on the grass.

"You mates lookin' for somethin'?" He turned around to see Sniper, holding his precious golden puffball. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god you found her, Stretch." He walked over to them and petted the top of Emma's head.

"I take it you guys found her owner, seein' as you and the maniac knew her name." Sniper said sadly, giving her back to Engineer. He turned around and walked away, his head down and hands in his pockets.

"Stretch?" The Texan called out.

He turned back around and saw his short friend grinning. "I never said she had a previous owner, or that we found them, for that matter."

The Australian's eyes lit up behind his aviators. "So…y'mean…we get to…." He was at a loss for words as the giant smile on his face kept growing.

Engineer nodded and Sniper ran back to them, scooping Emma up in his arms and nuzzling her soft fur with his cheek. When he looked back, Engineer was chuckling with a large grin on his face.

"Erm, well, that's real swell mate." He set Emma down and gave her head one last pat. "Uh, I'm sure she'll be good to have around…for…professional reasons." He added quickly. "Y'know, since, I'm a professional and all."

"Snipes, you don't have to worry about bein' professional. She's a puppy." Engineer told him.

Sniper looked back down at Emma, who was sitting and looking back up at him with her tongue hanging out.

"I…erm….thanks, mate." He picked Emma up once again and stroked her fur. The retriever licked his chin before nuzzling into his chest.

"Well, I think it's about time we had dinner. You comin'?" The Texan asked him.

Sniper shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll eat later. Roight now, little Emma needs a new blanket knitted for her, don'tchya?" He looked down at the puppy, who barked happily and licked his nose.

"Alrighty then, I'll see ya, Stretch." Both men left the training area, Sniper to his van and Engineer to the kitchen.

* * *

Scout and Demoman sat on stools along the outside of the kitchen counter. The room was a box-like setup with three counters, one of which was jutting out from the wall so a few people could sit at it. Beyond that was a table with a number of chairs around it, where Soldier and Engineer were sitting. Pyro was at the stove, warming up the leftovers it had chosen.

"She's with the Aussie?!" Soldier shouted in between bites of ribs. "He is completely un-American! Why would you let him take her?!"

Engineer rolled his eyes. "Someone needed to take care of her during dinner. Otherwise she would've wandered off again. Plus, he's entitled to spend time with her too."

Soldier stopped eating his ribs for a moment. "Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that…" He took another bite. "…well it's your job to think of that! You're the one with all the PhDs! And you've done your job perfectly, as always!" He focused completely on his ribs once again.

Scout pouted and poked at his haggis. "I freakin' hate leftova night! Why do I have to have dis crap?!"

"Come on, lad. Ye haven't tried it, how do ye know ye don't like it?" Demoman nudged the runner with his elbow.

"Because it smells like a freakin' dead body, dumbass!" Scout shoved his plate away from him and crossed his arms.

"Oh well, more fer me!" The Scot took Scout's plate and dumped the haggis on his own. He was just about to take a bite when he felt the fork being pulled out of his hand.

"I zhought you zhrew zhis avay!" Medic yelled at him, taking his plate. "Zhat's disgusting, und I vill not haff you getting food poisoning." He went to the trashcan and threw the haggis in. Pyro had long since left the kitchen, returning to its room with its food.

"But doc! It's perfectly fine! It's good to eat until you can see patches of mold on it!" Demoman protested.

"Dude, that's fricken gross." Scout said as he gagged and stood up. "I'm not even hungry anymore, I'll just fill up on Bonk."

"You can possibly be serious, Scout! A proper meal does not consist of soda, kinder." Medic scolded the runner, reaching behind him to take something off the stove and putting it on a plate. "Here, I found some of zhose lamb chops you love so much." He handed Scout the plate of food, who happily took it, forgetting all about the disgusting Scottish dish.

The doctor reached back inside the fridge, pulling out a plate of leftover bratwurst sausages. He put four of them in a pan and cooked them until they were warm. He then divided the sausages between two plates. "Here, you can have zhese." He smiled and slid the plate over to Demoman.

"Aye, thanks doc." The Scot thanked him before digging in.

Medic grabbed the other two sausages, along with a fork and knife, and walked over to the table to join the two Americans, where he took a seat beside Engineer and across from Soldier.

"Howdy, doc. Did you get all your work done?" The Texan greeted.

The doctor nodded his head as he cut into his sausage. "Ja, it's all done. I sent mein friend zhe letter as vell, und I asked her for dog food just in case zhe supermarket in town doesn't supply it." He answered as he looked around. "Vhere is Herr Sniper?"

"He's in his van with Emma. I think he's knittin' her a blanket." Engineer told him between bites of food. "Speakin' of Emma, is it okay if she sleeps in your office tonight?"

"Ja, ja, of course. I can put a blanket down for her until ve get her a proper bed." Medic affirmed. "But ve still need to figure out vhat to do vizh her tomorrow during battle."

Engineer scratched his chin. "I could probably build a sort of pen to set up in the training area. That way she can play on the grass, but she won't wander off."

Soldier slammed his fist against the table, making both men jump in surprise. "What are you talking about Engie?! You can't keep an American contained like that! It's unjust! An American must have their well earned liberty!"

The Texan rubbed his forehead. "Solly, we're only keeping her in there for a couple hours while we battle. Once we get back, you can take her out. Got it?"

Soldier grumbled something about true American liberty being every American being's birthright and walked away, taking his plate and dumping it in the sink. Everyone turned back to their food until a familiar voice sounded at the doorway.

"Gentlemen." Spy greeted as he stood casually by the doorway.

"About time you showed up, Spook!" Scout yelled with his mouth full. "Where've you been? Eating frog legs and croissants or somethin'?"

Spy ignored the comment and sauntered over to the fridge, pulling out a bowl of spaghetti and heating it up on the stove in a pan.

Scout's eyes boggled. "Where the hell did you find the spaghetti?!"

"Somewhere hidden away from you!" The Frenchman spat, pouring the now hot spaghetti into a new bowl.

"Herr Spy, zhere is somezhing you must know." Medic started. "Ve haff…erm…ve haff a pet now."

Spy raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And what might zhat pet be, docteur?"

"It's a freakin' puppy, man!" Scout shouted in excitement. "Aw man, she's so cute!"

Medic smiled a bit nervously. "Ja, her name is Emma."

The Frenchman frowned. "I am definitely not fine wizh zhis. You had better get rid of it."

"Aw come on, Spy! She's just a puppy, and she doesn't have anywhere else to go." Engineer argued.

"I don't care! Get it out of 'ere!" And with that, Spy grabbed his spaghetti and cloaked away.

* * *

Sniper sat in his van, knitting at a breakneck speed with a curious golden retriever's eyes fixed on his fingers.

"How d'you loike it so far, Emma?" The Aussie held up the half finished blanket, and the puppy barked and wagged its tail excitedly.

"I don't see why you love zhis animal so much, bushman." Spy scowled from across the van, eating his dinner on a lawnchair he had unfolded. Some would say it was extremely odd for a Spy to have his meals with a Sniper in his van, but their preference to be away from the rest of the team had caused them to become fast friends.

"Come on, mate. How can you not love her?" Sniper picked Emma up and put her face up next to his, giving Spy the saddest puppy dog look he could.

Spy rolled his eyes and continued to eat his spaghetti. "Well I'll be sending a letter to zhe Announcer about zhis."

Sniper set Emma on the floor and looked at Spy in shock. "You're kiddin' me. Just because you don't like her, doesn't mean you have to send her away! That crazy sheila'll kill her!"

The Frenchman simply stood up and walked out of the van into the evening and back to the base, leaving the Australian with his mouth agape.

"Oh bugger…" He muttered.

* * *

Sniper brought Emma back inside and gave her to Medic, returning to his van afterwards. The doctor brought her back to his office, laying down a spare blanket.

"Zhere ve are, hündchen. Now, come vizh me for a moment, bitte." He walked out of the room with Emma following close behind. He walked towards Engineer's workshop, but turned down a hall that Emma had never seen before.

The hallway contained nine doors, each with a class name above it. Medic continued down to the hallway, pointing out everyone's room until he came to the end.

"Zhat's about it, you may vant to come to my room or Engineer's room if you feel zhat you don't vant to sleep in zhe office. Oh, und Sniper's room is empty, he likes to sleep in his van." He led Emma back to her bed and she spun around a few times before settling into it. Medic crouched down and stroked her back for a while until he got up and headed for the door.

"Gute Nacht." He called out before leaving and shutting off the lights.

Emma sat in the dark office for a while. She couldn't sleep thinking about what Spy said to Sniper. Who was the Announcer lady? According to Sniper, she wasn't nice. She didn't want to be taken away! She wanted to stay with her new family!

* * *

Spy tossed and turned in bed, a frightened expression and a cold sweat on his face.

_He was in a field. A huge field. It was pitch black outside, and the only thing that gave of any light was the half moon. There was a slight breeze in the air, only enough to rustle the grass and give him a slight chill. _

_He looked all around him for something, someone, anyone. He'd been here before, and he knew what happened next. He tried to run, but his legs wouldn't budge. Slowly, he could see small round figures appearing all around him._

_Gravestones._

_He looked around him in horror as he could see more and more of them, unable to run. A misty figure rose up from the one closest to him. It was a man whose skin was torn from his face and arms, slowly walking towards Spy. _

_He still couldn't move as more and more of them popped up, each crying and screaming sadly as they inched forward to him._

_They all disappeared as he heard a small, high-pitched bark._

He awoke with a gasp and a sudden jerk of his arm. His blankets had slid off and he realized that he was shivering.

He breathed deeply for a while. What was wrong with him? He hadn't had a nightmare like that for years! He was a grown adult, he wasn't scared of ghosts anymore. He sat awake for a while, looking nervously at his surroundings.

Until his eyes fell on a small figure sitting on the floor in front of him. He was startled at first, but realized that it was a just a puppy.

A small, golden retriever, puppy.

She gave a small whimper as she inched over to Spy's bed. The Frenchman looked around the room once more and sighed.

"I guess it wouldn't 'urt to 'ave some company." He grabbed his covers and allowed Emma to jump in beside him and snuggle in close.

Spy slept soundly the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning, Medic, Engineer, and Heavy were sitting around the table and drinking coffee. Scout and Pyro were sitting on the stools, each eating their breakfast.

"I swear man, I'm gonna collect all ten of dese box tops before next week, even if it kills me!" Scout took another bite of his Coco Puffs. Pyro just made a noise like it was sighing before taking a sip of its orange juice through it's swirly straw.

Spy strode into the kitchen and took out his expensive imported coffee grounds from Italy, making a new pot. Emma followed close behind and sat at his feet, looking up at him and wagging her tail.

Everyone was a bit surprised when he patted the top of the small dog's head before sipping his coffee.

"So, uh, you're okay with her stayin' now or somethin'?" Engineer questioned.

"It seems as zhough little Emma isn't as bad as she seems." He responded cooly.

Everyone sat silently for a while, thinking about what just happened. Spy usually hated animals, what made him like this one?

"LADIES! The Announcer is extending the ceasefire until tomorrow!" Soldier interrupted their thoughts as he bellowed. "Instead, she wants us all for a video conference in twenty minutes!" He promptly marched off to find the other members of the team.

Everyone had a slightly scared expression on their face. A video conference with that woman was never good. They all finished their breakfast and got into their uniforms, all meeting up outside of the conference room until everyone was there.

Emma tried to come in as well, but Scout put her back outside. "Sorry bud, you gotta stay out here. Dat freakin' Announcer lady is gonna scare da shit outta you!" He closed the door, leaving Emma to wait eagerly beside it.

The conference room had a long table with nine chairs, eight on each side and one at the end. There were no assigned seats, but Soldier decided that the end spot was the most important and claimed it as his. At the opposite end was a giant screen, which the Announcer would be displayed on.

Soldier turned the screen on to start the conference.

"Greetings, gentlemen." The Announcer took a puff of her cigarette, a sour look on her face. "I don't know if you're aware why I have called you in here today and extended your ceasefire, so I'll ask you something." She put out her cancer stick. "Did you actually expect that you could keep this from me?"

The men exchanged nervous glanced, but said nothing.

"And how were you planning to go about getting the vaccinations for this new pet of yours?" She smirked. "Oh that's right,_ someone_ sent out a letter, asking their friend to mail them in." Medic bit his lip.

"You should all know by now that nothing happens in this base without me knowing." She was scowling now, soon turning away from the camera and sitting silently for a while.

"You are all free to go," She waved a hand to the side. They all gave in a sigh of relief and got up from their chairs. "except for Kriztian."

Medic froze in place and slowly sat back down as his teammates gave him sympathetic looks.

Once everyone was gone, the Announcer turned back around to face him. "I need you to do something for me."

Her voice sent shivers up the German's spine. "Und…vhat vould zhat be?"

She held up a small vial of liquid for him to see. "This will arrive at your base before the next battle. You are to exterminate that dog."

Medic's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Y-you can't possibly…I vould never…I-I could never…I...I can't..." He stuttered, trying to make a full sentence.

"That canine will be dead by the time of the next battle." The screen shut off and the doctor was left in the dark room, tears welling in his wide eyes as he continued to stare at the blank screen.


	7. The Base's New Dog: Part 4

**Author's Note: HELLO THERE EVERYONE! ****Sorry I was late with this one, but here it is! **

* * *

"**The Base's New Dog, Part 4"**

"Hey Emma, did ya miss me?" Scout exclaimed as he picked up the overly excited puppy. He was soon shushed by Spy, who put his ear to the door. Scout winced a little, but continued talking to Emma in a whisper. "Oh right, da doc is still in dere. Da freakin' Announcer lady kept him in."

Everyone waiting silently at the door for Spy to tell them what was going on. "She's telling 'im somezhing about a delivery coming to zhe base." he said quietly. After waiting a while longer, he became a little bit concerned. "Zhe screen isn't buzzing anymore, but he isn't coming out."

As if on cue, the Frenchman heard Medic's footsteps coming up to the door. He stood up as the rest of the team waited eagerly for the door to open and hear about just what had gone on. Medic stepped out of the room, his face was pale and his expression grim.

"Dude, what da shit happened?!" Scout yelled.

"I, erm…" the doctor started. "Y-you see,"

Soldier decided to step in as well. "SPIT IT OUT, PRIVATE! What the hell did she say?!" he bellowed.

"V-vell, ah…" Medic felt as though the words would never come out of his mouth, not if his life depended on it. He looked around at all his teammates, each one staring back at him with a look of concern and nervousness.

He looked at little Emma, who was being stroked and petted by Scout.

Medic cleared his throat. "I need to speak vizh Herr Engineer in private, bitte, excuse us." He hastily strode back to his office with Engineer in tow.

"Oh well, it's probably just some dumb medical shit or somethin' if he just needs to talk to Hardhat about it." Scout dismissed the issue. "C'mon Em, let's see if you can play fetch now!" Everyone walked away from the scene, finding something else to do with their extra ceasefire day.

Everyone except for a certain Frenchman.

* * *

In Medic's office, Engineer was trying to calm down his friend, who had blurted out all the details and began to sob. "Woah, slow down there, doc, you're sure there's no other way out of this?" He patted the German's shoulder.

"I…I don't know. All she said vas zhat zhe serum vould come before zhe next battle, und I vas supposed to kill her! I don't see any vay around zhat!" Medic explained, collecting himself. Archimedes fluttered up to his master and landed on his shoulder, curious as to what was going on.

"Maybe we could try reasonin' with her. Let's get back to the conference room and we'll try to sort this out." Engineer suggested. Medic nodded his head in agreement and they headed for the door.

* * *

Spy snuck outside the base, his cloak on and a camera in his hands. He knew what was going on. He had figured it out, he knew what was being delivered to the base, and he wouldn't let the Announcer do this, not when he had met the only dog he ever liked. No, this was not going to happen. Spy had a plan, and he was sure it was going to work.

He crept away from the base until he came to an old building in the pine forest surrounding Thunder Mountain, opening the door and uncloaking. It was the ticket box at the train station, and there was an older man sleeping at the front desk. Spy hastily walked over to him and shook his shoulder.

"Dave, wake up!" he yelled in the man's ear.

"I told you, the supply train doesn't come until next week, you're not getting stupid baseball bat until then! Now leave me alone, kid!" Dave mumbled, not bothering to take his head off the counter.

Spy rolled his eyes. "It's me."

Dave looked up, wiping the drool off his lip with his sleeve.. "Well, if it isn't Maurice, the BLU Spy." He smiled and held out his hand, which Spy shook while smiling back.

"It's good to see you again, I'm sorry I 'aven't been coming by lately. Work gets in zhe way." Spy greeted.

Dave shrugged. "Well, you obviously came down here with a purpose. What can I do for you?"

Spy leaned in closer and spoke a bit quieter. "I need you to get me a train." He whispered the location into the man's ear.

"Why in the world do you want to go there?" Dave asked, bewildered.

"I just need to get zhere, it's extremely important. S'il vous plait, will you 'elp me?" Spy asked.

Dave sighed and took out a radio from his back pocket. "This is Thunder Mountain BLU to headquarters, requesting an immediate train, over."

The two sat and waited for a while until the radio crackled to life again. "Headquarters to Thunder Mountain BLU, state your requested location."

* * *

"My answer is no." the Announcer deadpanned at the two men on the screen before her.

"I refuse to do zhis. Putting down animals vas never in mein job description." Medic said firmly.

"Oh yes, go on, refuse all you like. That will give me a reason to send a letter to a…certain person." She smirked.

"Und who is zhis 'certain person'?" Medic questioned a bit nervously.

Why, your 'good friend' from the medical school back in Stuttgart, of course! He'll be thrilled to know your wife and her family survived. Oh and I'm sure he'll want to know about little Sommer, correct?" she grinned evilly as Medic's face went pale.

"You vouldn't." he snarled, his face turning into one of fury.

"Oh, but I would." She held up an envelope. "I've been keeping this, just in case you decide to step out of line."

The doctor shot her one last death glare before turning around and exiting the room, Engineer following after him. The Announcer's grin was still plastered on her face as she turned off the screen.

When the Texan came out of the room, he found Medic leaning against the door and pinching the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses.

"Doc?" Engineer said softly.

"Zhat Gott verdammt bitch." the doctor rasped.

The southerner gave Medic a soft pat on his shoulder. "What's goin' on?"

Medic took a deep breath and looked at Engineer. "Vhen Hitler came to power, I vas still in medical school. My friend und I vere alvays at zhe top of zhe class, und sometimes ve got a bit competitive."

He sighed before continuing. "I still remember zhat day. After a class, he und I planned to go for somezhing to eat. But just as ve vere leaving, someone stopped me und asked me if I vould be interested in joining zhe Nazi party. Zhey said I had remarkable medical skill zhat vould be useful later on. I said nein, und mein friend got mad at me. He said zhat I vasn't much better zhan he vas, so vhy should I be offered a job on a silver platter und not him?"

He stopped for a while staring off into the distance. "He eventually did join zhe Nazis, und I never did see him again, not until after I vas married. Liesa is Jewish, und so mein family kept her's hidden until zhe Nazis surrendered. I vas valking down zhe street one day after zheir surrender mund he pulled me into an alleyvay. He told me zhat he vas still better zhan me, und zhat he'd never rest until he had his revenge on me. He went into hiding after zhat to run from zhe Americans." The doctor shook his head sadly. "He vas alvays so competitive, so jealous."

The Texan just stared at Medic, not sure what to say. He had never heard any of this before.

"If he finds out zhat she lived…" the doctor whispered, staring at the ground, "…he'll surely kill her und my daughter."

Engineer patted Medic's arm. "I know this is going to be tough on the rest of the team, but I think you're making the right decision." he assured his friend, giving sigh before heading off. "Someone's gotta tell the kid, he aint gonna take this well."

Medic grabbed his hand before he could go. "Nein, I vill tell him." he said hoarsely as he strode off to find Scout. "You tell zhe rest of zhe team. Get zhem all in zhe kitchen."

* * *

The doctor found who he was looking for in the rec room with Pyro and Demoman. They gave him a warm welcome as he entered.

"Hey doc, good to see ya. Wot was the matter before?" the Scotsman asked.

"Mrrr!" Pyro added in. "Mrrph rrrrn mrrdrrkrr mmrr?"

Scout sat crossed legged on the couch, unwrapping the now unneeded bandage from Emma's paw. "Of course it was medical, Py. Why else would he and Hardhat be talkin' for so long?" Once the bandage was off, Emma jumped up to Scout's face and licked it happily.

Medic couldn't look at the Bostonian. He was about to tell him that his furry friend wasn't going to live another day, how was he going to prevent his own heart from shattering? "Scout, I need to speak vizh you. Demo, Pyro, could you leave, bitte? I believe Herr Engineer vanted you all in zhe kitchen."

Both nodded and took their leave while Scout was still sitting with Emma in his lap. Medic walked over to the couch and sat down beside him. The puppy jumped out of Scout's hold and bounded over to Medic, who picked her up and held her as she snuggled into his arms. He almost lost it right then and there, but managed to contain his tears.

He gave Emma one last scruff on her head before she jumped back into Scout's lap. "So what's up, doc?" the runner questioned. "If dis is about me skippin' my last checkup, I swear, it was firebug's fault."

"Vhat? No. But zhat reminds me, I still need to do zhat. Anvays," Medic took a deep breath. "Scout, zhere's no easy vay to put zhis, but…zhe Announcer says ve can't keep her."

"Huh?" Scout's face fell and soon turned into one of sudden realization. "Wait." He clutched Emma to his chest as he looked at Medic with an expression of shock and fear. "She's…she's not gonna let us just let her go, is she? IS SHE?!" He yelled shakily, keeping Emma in his grip. The boy was smarter than the doctor gave him credit for. "Dat's why Spy said dat she was mailin' somethin' here! She's givin' you some sort of shit to brutally kill her from da inside out!"

"Scout," Medic said softly, "it vould be a completely painless procedure, she vouldn't feel a zhing." Scout was in tears now, looking at Medic and holding Emma close to him while he sniffled.

"Dis…dis shit ain't fair! She doesn't deserve to be killed!" Scout screamed as the tears flowed freely from his eyes. "SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT PUPPY! WHAT DA HELL DID SHE EVER DO TO DAT FUCKIN' BITCH?!" He was sobbing uncontrollably now, and Emma was whimpering and pressing herself closer to Scout.

The doctor gently put his arm around the Bostonian's shoulder and spoke quietly and calmly. "I know, zhis is all very unfair, but–"

"You didn't even try! You didn't even try to help her!" Scout yelled in Medic's face.

This caused the doctor to jump back a little in surprise. Who did the boy think he was?! Medic couldn't believe that he had just heard this. "Scout, do you really zhink I didn't try?! You don't know half zhe story!" He shouted back, causing the Bostonian to flinch. "Do you zhink it's easy for me to be zhe one to put her down?! I don't–" He was interrupted by Scout suddenly wrapping his arm around Medic's chest and muffling his cries in the lab coat, his other arm still holding Emma close.

"I..I'm sorry…I didn't mean...I just…" Scout's words came out as pained whispers between his cries.

The doctor felt a lump growing in his throat as he wrapped his own arms around the boy, stroking his hair. "Shhh, shhh, kind." he cooed softly. "I understand, don't vorry." He swallowed before continuing. "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you."

Scout continued to cry as Medic held him and gently stroked down his hair. "Fucking bitch…" he managed as he continued his sobbing, "…dis aint…dis aint happenin'."

Medic sighed and pulled him closer, not saying anything for fear that he might break down again too.

"Doc?" the runner sniffled.

"Ja?"

"Did you ever have a puppy when you were a kid?"

"Nein, I didn't."

Scout didn't say anything after that, only sat there and slowly cried himself to sleep.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THE KRAUT HAS TO KILL HER?!" Soldier screamed as he pounded his fist on the kitchen table.

Engineer had gathered everyone up in the kitchen and was trying to explain the situation. So far, none of them looked too pleased about it. "I told you, the Announcer doesn't want us to keep her, so she ordered Medic to put her down. She's delivering the medicine before the next battle."

"Bloody bitch." Sniper choked. "I wonder how the kid's gonna take it."

"Th' doc asked fireball 'n' I to leave 'im alone with th' wee lad." Demoman slurred. He had cracked open the scrumpy after Engineer had told them what was going on.

"This is obstructing American justice. THIS CANNOT GO UNJUSTIFIED!" Soldier bellowed and gave a small sniff.

Demoman looked at him with slight interest. "Sol, are you…cryin'?"

"Are you suggesting that I'm some sort of pansy?!" he screamed in the Scot's face. "These are the manliest and most American tears you will ever see, maggot!" He stormed out of the room, leaving Demoman with one wide eye.

Everyone else slowly followed suit, leaving only Engineer and Pyro in the kitchen. The firebug had its head in its hands, making muffled sobs.

"Oh Pyro, please don't cry." the Texan pleaded tiredly. Pyro only sobbed more.

Engineer made his way over to the pyromaniac and patted its back, and it quickly pull him into a hug.

"I'm real sorry, bud." Engineer told it as he returned the embrace. "There was nothin' we could do."

* * *

It was getting late, but Spy had finally managed to take and develop the pictures he needed to turn this whole situation around. He just needed to make one last stop.

The train came to a stop and he got off, hurrying inside the purple building with an envelope under his arm. He made his way through the halls until he came to a stairwell, cursing the long climb to the top floor.

Once he made it there, he rushed down to the end of the hall until he found an office door guarded by two men in purple.

"Who are you?" One of them asked.

Spy straightened his tie. "Gentlemen, I am zhe BLU Spy. I wish to speak wizh zhe Announcer, if zhat's alright."

"You're not getting in there unless you have an appointm–aaaaugh!" Spy had swiftly swung his hand into the man's pressure point, causing him to crumple to the ground. He looked to the other, who put his hands up in defense and smiled nervously.

"Merci." the Frenchman said as he sauntered into the office. The chair behind the desk spun around, revealing the Announcer.

"Good evening, Maurice." she greeted, a slightly annoyed expression on her face.

Spy bowed gracefully. "Good evening, 'elen. May I 'ave a moment wizh you, s'il vous plait?"

She motioned for Miss Pauling, who was standing behind her, to leave. Once the assistant was gone, the Announcer turned her head back to Spy. "What is this about?"

Spy pulled out the folder from under his arm and took out one of the pictures. He showed it to Helen, who's eyes shot wide open.

"Do you like what you see?" the Frenchman asked, smirking. He pulled out several more pictures, each making the woman before him more and more interested.

They were all pictures of Saxton Hale, some in the shower, some while he was getting dressed, sun tanning, and various other activities.

"Now, I know zhat you two aren't exactly togezher anymore, but if I am not mistaken, you still 'ave some…feelings…for zhis man. Am I correct?" Spy asked as he put the pictures away.

Helen glared at him. "That is not for you to know."

"Ah, but I am a spy, it is my job to know."

She sat in silence for a while, looking off to the side. "What do you want for them?"

The Frenchman grinned inwardly, but kept a collected expression. "Oh, nozhing much, a very small price. It wouldn't even come out of your own wallet."

"And that would be?"

He leaned closer to her. "You let my team keep zhe dog."

Her frown deepened. "You know that I can send out my own blackmail if you don't give them to me. I have the dirt on everyone, even you."

He sauntered around her desk, looking at the various screens behind it. "Ah, but zhat would be so much extra work! Zhink about it, I am offering zhese to you for such a small and easy to pay price, and you can save zhe blackmail for anozher time, when it's more useful, non?"

She was quiet again for a while. That was okay, Spy could wait for what he wanted.

"This dog will never be on the field." She finally spoke.

"Definitely."

"And Mann Co will not be providing any of the food or medicine."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"And you will tell no one about these photographs."

"Of course."

She stared at him for a while longer before giving her answer. "Alright, fine." She held out her hand, and Spy placed the folder in her grasp.

He turned around to leave, slowly walking away. "I will tell my teammates zhat you 'ave 'ad a change of 'eart."

"NO!" she snapped. "Tell them I've had a change of…mind."

Spy bowed low. "As you wish."

He was just about to leave again when he heard Miss Pauling's skittering footsteps come up from behind him. "Spy!"

He turned back around to see what the young woman wanted. "Yes, what is it?"

"I've already sent the serum, you need to hurry if you want to save your dog!"

"Merde!" Spy cursed as he bolted out of the room.

* * *

Scout had fallen asleep, and Medic laid him down on the couch with a pillow and blanket. He sighed as he brushed the hair off of the boy's face, noticing that Scout's eyes were still a bit red and puffy from crying.

Medic looked down at the puppy beside him, who was obliviously wagging her tail and letting her tongue hang out of her mouth without a care in the world. He sat down, allowing Emma to lie down in his lap as he stroked her fur.

"Hey, doc?" An Australian voice rang out from the door.

He looked up and saw Sniper with a small brown box in his hands.

"Package for ya."

* * *

Medic had started to cry slightly when he brought Emma back to the infirmary. He gently held her in his arms and hugged her one last time before placing her and the box on the operating table. He retrieved a small needle from his back cabinets and returned to the box. He opened it and pulled out the small vial of clear fluid, feeling sick to his stomach.

There was a reason he hadn't become a veterinarian, he loved animals too much to have to put them down, even if it was for the best. This, though, this wasn't for the best. This was just cruel. Medic fell to his knees as he bit his lip, trying to ignore the lump in his throat and the tears streaming down his face.

He got back up, determined to fill the syringe this time. He poked the needle into the vial's rubber top before pausing and dropping it again, turning around and burying his face in his hands. He couldn't do this. He would never be able to do this, ever.

But he had to do this. For the sake of his wife and daughter, he had to do this.

The doctor walked back to the needle and vial, closing his eyes and filling the syringe with the serum. He pulled it out, looking at Emma. She was eyeing him and the needle curiously with perked up ears as she cocked her head slightly.

Medic took a deep breath and took Emma's forearm in his hand. He slowly moved the needle closer…

…closer…

The German sucked in a breath as he prepared to–

"MEDIC!" The infirmary doors swung open to reveal Spy, who was clearly out of breath as he leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees.

The action had caused Medic to jump back before the needle could enter the puppy's skin.

"Herr Spy, vhat is it?!" the doctor asked, a bit flustered from the surprise.

"Just…one…moment…" Spy managed between breaths. "I ran…from zhe train station…" Once he was satisfied that there was enough oxygen entering his lungs, he stood up.

"I was just in personal conference wizh zhe Announcer." Spy told Medic. "She has had a change of mind."

The doctor stared at him with wide eyes for a while before throwing the needle down on the table and scooped Emma up in his arms, holding her close and babbling various things in German while crying and kissing her head, a huge smile on his face. Emma licked his tears away and snuggled up to him.

Spy smiled at the adorable sight. Archimedes and Dietricha had both landed on the operating table, curious as to what made Medic so happy. The German ran down the hall, yelling for everyone to get into the kitchen.

Once everyone had gathered there, they all took a seat while looking with a confused expression at the grinning doctor.

"I have just been informed..." he started as he looked over everyone, noticing Scout wasn't there. "…zhat zhe Announcer agreed to let us keep Emma." He continued to smile as each of his teammates stared in silence and bewilderment.

Of course, the silence didn't last for long. This is the BLU team we're talking about here. Everyone was cheering and cracking open beers in celebration. They all talked and laughed together until it was late, not even bothering to eat any dinner, filling up on their drinks instead.

Once everyone had calmed down and most had headed off to bed, Medic took Emma and entered the rec room, where Scout was still sleeping on the couch. He lifted up the blankets and the puppy crawled in, nuzzling up to the runner. Medic chuckled a bit and put the blanket back down, giving both her and Scout a kiss on the forehead before striding back to his room. He predicted that he would have a good sleep that night and thought of how overjoyed Scout would be in the morning.

* * *

Sniper and Spy were the only ones left in the kitchen afterwards, discussing various random topics.

"Hey Spook?" The Aussie called to Spy.

"Oui?"

"It was you who saved Emma, wasn't it?" He smirked as the Frenchman's expression changed to one more surprised.

"N-non, it 'ad nozhing to do wizh me." Spy stuttered.

"How did ya do it? That Announcer is one hard sheila to persuade."

"I already told you, it was not me. She just decided to change 'er mind."

"So seein' as ya saved her, does that mean ya loike her now?"

"What? Non, non, I just find 'er…ah…tolerable."

"But I thought you hated animals. You can't even stand Archimedes. I don't blame you for loving her though, she's so fluffy and cute."

"Bushman, I do not like 'fluffy and cute' zhings. I just find 'er to be not as bad as I 'ad expected."

Sniper chuckled. "Yeah, roight, ok. Whatever you say, Spook."

Spy checked the time on his watch. "Well, I, uh, I must be getting to bed now. It is late, and we 'ave a battle tomorrow." he said as he stood up and cloaked away. "Bonne Nuit."

The Australian shook his head and smiled. "Stupid bloody Spois."

* * *

**Author's Note: And thus ends "The Base's New Dog"! I just wanted to let everyone know that Emma will be included in the one-shots to come, since she's now officially a member of the BLU team.**


	8. The SS Buckaneer Lads Unified

**Author's Note:**

**WHAT IS THIS?! AN UPDATE FROM JINNY?! She must've been off sick for 2 days or something like that. **

**I was, in fact, sick for 2 days, but that proved to be a bit of a blessing. I was able to finish THE LONGEST CHAPTER EVER WRITTEN, and I only missed a small quiz.**

**I am dedicating this chapter to ChaosandMayhem, because in the last chapter of her story, "Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler" (WHICH IS AMAZING BY THE WAY), she told everyone to give my story some attention! Thanks so much for that! She also kept encouraging me along the way, that definitely helped.**

**Bonus points to anyone who can name the movie that Engie's pirate name is from!**

**Dangit, guys. I always forget my disclaimer. *Ahem* **

**Disclaimer: HELLO AGAIN, DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ZHE DISCLAIMER?**

* * *

"**A Trip Aboard the S.S. Buckaneer Lads Unified"**

A light blue train chugged along the tracks through a deep pine forest in Sierra Nevada, California. The setting outside was quiet and peaceful, and if one looked out the window when the train passed at the edge of a cliff, they would see an overview of the glistening lakes and beautiful trees with the moon's silver shine showering the land with a most beautiful light.

The mercenaries on the train, however, did not particularly care for the scenery at this hour. They had boarded the train 12:30 the last night, each groggy and dragging their luggage behind them. One particular Bostonian had decided to take a power nap four hours before they left, but refused to wake up, and had to be slung over Heavy's shoulder and carried to the train station while an annoyed Demoman had the boy's luggage dumped on him. Medic had tried to convince him to be more gentle with Scout, but he was too tired to pursue the issue and Heavy was too tired to change the position the young man was in.

Now, at 2:00 in the morning, Scout was lying down on his back on the cushioned train seat, letting his head hang over the edge. He could see the seat in the aisle next to him where Demoman was snoozing. He huffed and reached one hand out to poke the Scot's leg.

"Demo." Scout continued to poke and prod at Demoman's calf. "Demo. Yo, Tavish." More poking. "Tavy. De Groot man." One last poke. "Tav Tav."

Demoman stirred and gave an irritated groan. "Wot is it, laddie?" he asked tiredly, his eyes still closed.

"I'm bored."

"That's nice. Go to sleep."

"But I don't wanna sleep!"

"Well do somethin' that doesn't have anything ta do with wakin' me up, I'm tired as fook." the Scotsman muttered as he turned onto his stomach, smushing his face into the seat.

Scout sat up and pouted while he looked around the train. The seats were all cushioned and were arranged as three long benches going around a table, and there were five tables on each side of the train. Each compartment had a window behind the middle seat, and the cushioning was quite soft, perfect for napping on, and matched the same steely blue that was on the ceiling. And darn it, the train was radio controlled, so there wasn't even a conductor to bother.

Everyone appeared to be sleeping, considering the hour. Medic was curled up in Heavy's lap, leaning against the Russian's chest and snoring lightly. He had a blanket wrapped around him, and Scout realized that he was also holding Emma, who was snoozing contently in Medic's hold.

Sniper was sitting in a more isolated seat by himself, but the runner could've sworn that he saw the blanket on the seat next to the Australian rise and fall slightly, as if some invisible man or ghost was lying there too. He shook his head a bit, concluding that his mind must've be playing tricks on him. After all, ghosts and invisible men don't exist, and if they did, why would they want to sleep beside Sniper?

Soldier, Engineer, and Pyro sat in the compartment behind Demoman's. Soldier was curled up in many layers of blankets and lying on his stomach. He almost looked like a huge maggot. Engineer sat on the opposite side of the table from him with Pyro leaning against his shoulder, and both of them were covered with blankets.

Scout rubbed his bare arms. They had to be relocated farther north where the Coldfront base was due to the fact that Soldier had gone on a rocket launcher rampage to try and find the RED Spy, thus destroying their base. The Bostonian was thankful that this was only temporary, and they could go back when it was fixed up. He liked it at Thunder Mountain, it was perfect running weather, not too hot, not too cold. Plus, there was a freaking pool! Scout concluded that they needed to get back there, ASAP.

He continued to look around at all of his teammates, hoping that one of them would wake up and play cards with him or something. He got up and headed to the cargo box, where he grabbed two blankets. It was getting colder as they headed up the mountain, and he could feel the goosebumps rising on his arms.

He sat cross-legged in the corner of the seats in his compartment as he wrapped the blankets around him, waiting for someone to at least stir a bit.

This rare display of silence and patience from the young man lasted for about five minutes. He groaned and rolled onto his back, assuming the same position he was in ten minutes ago with his head hanging off the seat. Demoman was still sleeping, and Scout gave an angry huff. He sat up and decided that enough was enough, someone needed to pay attention to him.

"AAAAAAAAAH! IT'S DA RED SPY! HELP!" the runner screamed at the top of his lungs, causing everyone on the train to jerk awake and grab their melee weapons, and Emma started barking and running around the aisle. They all looked at Scout with expectancy, and he looked at all of them with fake distress, but the team was starting to see through his lie. Soldier was waving his shovel and yelling obscenities about the 'damn crouton bastard' following them onto the train. He soon found that there was no danger, and looked to Scout.

Medic was the first to speak up. "Herr Scout, is zhere actually a RED Spy on board?" he questioned.

"Uh, y-yeah! Of course! He had his freakin' knife up against me!" the Bostonian exclaimed as he gestured wildly to his neck.

Heavy lowered his fists and frowned. "I think leetle Scout is lying."

Soldier slammed his fist on the table. "NONSENSE! An American would never lie!" he bellowed.

The runner put on a confused look. "Well, I thought I saw dat bastard. It was probably just a dream or somethin', but I think that I might be gettin' sick, y'know?" He added a cough for good measure. "Hallucinations 'n' all."

Medic walked over to him with a skeptical look and felt his forehead. "Your temperature is fine, Scout." he said, putting both hands on the sides of Scout's neck. "Und your lymph nodes are not svollen. I zhink you just need some sleep," he gave a yawn, "as do I." He turned back to his seat as Heavy picked Emma up and joined the doctor.

Engineer stretched and yawned as well. "The doc's got the right idea, I'm goin' back to bed." He returned to his seat with Pyro and Soldier following him. The rest of the team soon drifted back to sleep, but Scout was left sitting and pouting with an air of defeat.

"Well, dat certainly didn't work." Scout grumbled. He glanced around the train until his eyes fell on the person across the aisle, causing him to smirk a little.

Demoman was lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling with an annoyed look on his face. The runner decided that if the man was awake now anyways, he'd ask him if he wanted to do something.

"Hey, Demo." he called out to the Scot.

Demoman just glared back at him before rubbing his forehead and closing his eye. "Wot is it, Scoot?"

"Wanna do something? I'm bored."

"Yes. I want to sleep."

"But dat's just da thing, you're not sleepin' and it doesn't look like yer gonna be doin' dat for a while." Scout shrugged his shoulders with an innocent looking smile on his face, showing off the tiny dimples that formed on his cheeks.

The Scotsman seemed to consider this for a moment before sitting up and looking at the runner with a tired expression and sighing. "I'm probably going ta regret askin' this, but wot do ye want ta do, lad?"

Scout beamed. "I wanna play cahds!"

Demoman just shook his head. "I'll nae play cards with you. Either ye cheat, or ye throw a fit when ye lose."

The Bostonian visibly deflated. "I do fuckin' not!" he argued, his tone resembling that of a toddler that is trying to prove his innocence. He sat quietly for a while, feeling rather glum, but his mood perked right back up as a splendiferous new idea popped into his head. "Can you tell me an awesome adventure tale?!"

The Scot looked at him, confused. "Ye want…a story?"

"Don't freakin' call in a story! Dat sounds too little kid-ish! Call it a tale!" Scout protested in an extremely childish fashion.

"Alright, alright, a tale." Demoman scratched his chin. "Hmmm, I think I've got one in mind for ye." He leaned in closer to Scout with a grin on his face. "Do ye like pirates, lad?"

The Bostonian's smile could not have stretched wider. "Fuck yes I do!" he yelled as he jumped into the seat across the table from Demoman.

"Good, good. Then I guess I'll tell you the one aboot Captain Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty and his crew." The Scotsman chuckled a little as he saw the awe stricken expression on Scout's face. "Together, they made the Buckaneer Lads Unified. There were nine of them, and they were the toughest sea dogs ye ever did see. Under the command of Captain Tavish, they ruled the high seas."

"NEGATORY!" a voice bellowed from behind Demoman. He turned around to see something that resembled a rather large maggot sporting an oversized helmet peering over the seat.

"Sol, wot are ye doin'?" Demoman questioned.

"I'm correcting your drunken un-American pansy ass! The captain of the ship wasn't Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty, but Captain Fragleg Libertypants!" he shouted into Demoman's face, spraying spittle everywhere.

"Are ye fookin' kiddin' me? It was Captain Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty!" he yelled back.

"Captain Fragleg Libertypants!"

"CAPTAIN TAVISH BLOODBANE THE MIGHTY, YA WEE GIT!"

Pyro soon leaned over the seat as well. "Wrrt rrr yrr grrs shrrrtrrrn rrrbrrt?"

"Demoman's tellin' me a pirate tale!" Scout piped up.

"Rrrs rrt rrntrrrrctrrph?" the firebug questioned.

"Uh…I dunno. I guess it could be. Yo Demo, is dis interactive?"

The two were at each other's throats now, but the Scotsman stopped his fight with Soldier for just a minute. "Wot do ye mean?"

"Like, we get to add to da story too sometimes."

Demoman shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Pyro made a muffled gasp and giddily tapped Demoman on the shoulder. "Crrn rrr brr Lrrksmrrrk Frrrrbrrrts?!"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Good one, Pyro! Alrighty, you'll join the crew as Lacksmoke Fireboots!"

Pyro bounded and clapped happily before taking a seat next to Demoman, and they scooted down to the middle seat. "Srrlrr! Crrm srrt!" It gestured to the seat on the other side of the Scot, and Soldier shed his blankets and tucked them under his arm, then proceeded to jump over the seat and plop down into it.

"Oh! I want a name!" Scout exclaimed, bouncing in his seat. "Let's see, how about 'Badass the Freaking Amazing'? Or maybe 'Lightning Bolt the Awesome'?!"

All of the others at the table just looked at him for a while, the smile on the young man's face never fading until Demoman spoke up. "Ach, nae, lad. Ye can be Speck the Swift."

"What?! What da hell kind of pirate name is dat?!" Scout protested.

"Well see, Scoot, you're tha youngest one here, so you'd most likely be one of those naïve little boyos who thinks it'll be fun to join a pirate crew. Ye get ta be Speck the Swift." The runner was about to let out a long string of curses, but the Scotsman gave him such a look which could only be accomplished by someone with one eye that he decided just pouting would suffice.

Demoman cleared his throat. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes, under the command of Captain Tavish, they ruled the high seas."

"YOU MEAN CAPTAIN FRAGLEG LIBERTYPANTS!" Soldier corrected.

Before they could start arguing again, they were met with an angry and tired Texan. "SOLLY. DEMO. Would you two please shut the hell up?!"

"Rrrngrr! Crrm hrr!" Pyro muffled excitedly.

"What? No, Pyro. I want to sleep, and I want you lot to shut yer traps." Engineer deadpanned.

"Rrrngrr, grrrt rrvrr hrr."

"Py, no."

"NRRR."

He gave a groan, but complied, sitting next to the pyromaniac. "So, what are we doing?" he asked halfheartedly.

"We're embarkin' on a quest, lad! Are ye in?" Demoman asked. "Do ye got the guts to join the crew of Captain Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty?" he added enticingly.

"…Captain Fragleg Libertypants." Soldier said under his breath.

Engineer was about to say no, and that he wanted to go back to bed, but Pyro grabbed his arm and stared at him with blank lenses that seemed to grip the very essence of his soul.

"Fine. Whatever."

"Aye, ye can be Handyman Texas Jack! Welcome to the ranks, mate!" the Scotsman announced with a grin.

Engineer huffed. "Yeah, yeah."

Scout was now growing impatient, which was something to be expected from the Bostonian. "C'mon, let's go! Get on with da freakin' story already!" He quivered in his seat as if he had just drunk five cans of Bonk.

Demoman nodded, taking no notice of the young man's antics. "Anyways, their main missions were to acquire large amounts of a treasure called 'Australium' from various islands so they could bring it back to their goods supplier." His voice dropped ominously. "The head of that company was one scary lass, and the crew went to great lengths to make sure that she had no reason to be cross with them."

At that moment, Emma was attempting to hop up on Demoman's lap from under the table, but failing due to her lack of height. He bent down and picked her up, sitting her in his lap and stroking her fur. "Aye, she was one cruel, coldhearted beast. She even tried to kill their newest recruit, Loftlop PuffyWuffy!" he exclaimed as he pointed to Emma, who perked up her ears with interest.

"Erm, vhat are you all doing?" a tired German voice asked. They all looked over and saw Medic was in the aisle. They had been so engrossed in the story–er, tale, that they hadn't even realized the doctor standing there. He had woken up when he realized that Emma wasn't in his arms anymore, and had followed her to their table.

"Da, what are leetle men doing?" Heavy rumbled as he came up from behind Medic, having been awakened at the sudden realization that the German was no longer cuddled in his lap.

"We're tellin' an interactive pirate story!" Scout exclaimed. "Wanna join?"

Medic raised an eyebrow. "Ah, ja, as tempting as zhat sounds, I'm going to have to say nein." He turned around and headed for his seat.

"Come on, doktor. Is something fun to do on long train ride." the Russian said.

"Heavy, it's still early, und I'm tired. I'm going back to bed." Medic continued to walk away.

Engineer grumbled and put his head on the table. "That's what I wanted to do." Although he was known for his endless patience, the Texan was also known to be a little grumpy when rudely woken up.

Demoman grinned. "But lad, who's gonta fill the part of the brave, loyal, strikingly handsome doctor, Apothecary Alchemist Stuttveil Stüp?"

He didn't know if Stuttveil Stüp was actually a German name, but it seemed to get Medic to turn back around with a slight smirk on his face. Maybe it had something to do with the truckload of flattery that was dumped on the man. "Vell, I guess someone has to keep all of you from getting scurvy." the doctor concluded, taking the seat beside Scout. "It might as vell be me."

"I will join as well!" Heavy said happily, sitting beside Medic. "Will be fun!"

Demoman had his hand on his chin and a quizzical expression on his face. "Now lessee here, Heavy. Your pirate name can be…" He snapped his fingers. "Boardguard Mogav von Sturdy!"

"I like dis new name." the Russian grinned.

"Come on, LET'S HURRY THIS UP, LADIES!" Soldier yelled. "We need to claim the Australium!"

Medic grimaced. "Herr Soldier, vould it be possible for you to use your inside voice for once, bitte?"

The patriot leaned in close to the German's face. "I WILL USE WHATEVER VOICE I WANT, NURSE TWINKLE KRAUT!" he screeched, causing everyone at the table to reel back and wince.

"Mein Gott, I vas just asking." Medic mumbled, looking down at the table.

"Get to the story, Scottie! We haven't got all day!" Soldier continued.

Demoman looked at him with slight confusion. "Actually, we d–"

"NOT THE POINT!"

"Alright, alright, laddie. Don't get yer knickers in a knot." the Scotsman waved him off and cleared his throat. "The ship was a beautiful one, and the crew kept it spick and span. The deck was a rich, chocolatey brown, the masts were strong and tall, and the sails were a steely blue, pullin' th' mighty vessel along with all the strength of the gods. This boat could put anything on th' high seas to shame…" He drifted off as he explained this, as if he was just imagining his dream pirate ship. Pyro snapped its fingers in front of his face and he jolted back to reality. "Anyways, ye get th' picture. Now, the ship was huge in order to accommodate each crewmember's every need. They were a small crew, yes, but they were the most deadly, fearsome pirates on the seven seas. They pretty much got snooty and demanded more livin' space. So, under the quarterdeck, there were two doors leadin' into the ship. One for the captain's room and the other led down into the base of the ship, where all the other's rooms were, though they were a bit smaller than the captain's cabin."

"Ahem." Medic cleared his throat.

"Wot's the matter, doc?"

"Shouldn't zhere be a medical vard or somezhing like zhat? You know, vhere zhe doctor sleeps und keeps his zhings?"

"Well, ye jes keep the stuff down in the bunker an–"

"I zhink zhere should be one, ozzervise vhere are all zhe ozher's going to go for zheir checkups und treatments, hmm?"

"Ah…alright lad, there were three doors then. The one on the left led to the captain's room, the one in the middle led to the base of the ship, and the one on the right led to the medical ward. Now let's get back to the story before Sol throws a fit."

Both men glanced at the American, who's arms were crossed over his chest. "You're damn right about that! I've been waiting long enough for you grandmas to finish your tea and biscuits, NOW GET ON WITH IT!" he screeched.

"OI! Demo! If you can't get storytime under control, yer gonna have one pissed Australian!" a voice called from the other end of the train.

"Ach, sorry lad," Demoman called out, "ye know how Sol can–"

"Shut it, hippie! We don't need your damn hippie drugs on my vessel!" Soldier retorted.

"Bloody oath, mate! Would you shut your trap for one god forsaken moment?!"

"I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM FILTHY HIPPIE AUSSIES!"

"BLOODY MANIAC!"

"COWARD!"

"WACKJOB!"

"COWARDLY MOMMA'S BOY! I BET YOUR MOTHER WANTS TO DISOWN YOU! SHE PROBABLY REGRETS SLEEPING AROUND LIKE A HOOKER EVER SINCE YOU CAME ALONG!"

Everyone on the train looked at each other with wide eyes and slightly frightened expressions while awaiting Sniper's reaction.

They were right to be worried, Spy could've sworn that he saw steam pouring out of the Australian's ears as his face turned redder than a beet. He stood up on the seat and yelled across the train. "OH YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW! YOU DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT ME MUM LOIKE THAT, YA BLOODY POIKA!"

Before that day, nobody knew that it was possible to make it over four sets of train compartments in one leap. Even Scout wouldn't claim to be able to perform this feat. All seven mercenaries at the table witnessed Sniper's cat-like finesse in awe as he lunged for Soldier, knocking his helmet off and landing several swift punches to his face. Everyone else observed this with their mouths agape, trying to comprehend the current situation. Soldier tried to fight back, but the sharpshooter was quick to dodge each hit. The enraged Sniper gripped the patriot's neck and squeezed tightly, ignoring the frantic screams and shouts of his comrades and Emma's nervous whimpers as the men closest to him tried to pull him off.

It wasn't until Soldier's face turned purple and was only making slight movements with bloody spit bubbles forming in the corners of his mouth that Demoman was finally able to pry the Aussie away.

The American gasped frantically for a while, but slowed his breathing as the color returned to his face, as did the grimace he wore previously, his lip now bleeding and busted and his right eye was swollen. He continued to glare at Sniper as he wiped the blood away from his nose with his sleeve and was about to charge back and give the Aussie a good beating, but Medic reached across Scout and warned the American to stay put, only by looking at him a venomous glare. Soldier grumbled, but obeyed. Everyone on the team, even those as thickheaded as Soldier, knew that if you valued your life, you would not mess with the doctor when he meant business.

The Scotsman pushed Sniper away and sat him down between Pyro and Engineer, keeping him and Soldier separated. They both had to hold him down for a minute, but he finally settled for glaring daggers at Soldier and slumping down in his seat.

"Snrrrprr?" the firebug asked, poking their newest member's arm.

"Wot." Sniper responded dryly.

"Drr yrr wrrn trrr jrrn thrrr crrr?" it asked softly.

"Not really, Pyr…" The sharpshooter looked down at the pyromaniac that was hugging his arm and gave a small sigh. "…sure, I'll stay here."

Pyro clapped happily, making Sniper grin a little. It leaned towards Demoman and made muffled sounds and gestures referring to the Australian.

"Er…ye want me to…what now?" Demoman stared at the firebug, confused.

"Mrrk. Rrrr. Prrrrt. Nrrrrm. Frrr. Snrrrprr!" it said slowly, putting extra emphasis on each word.

"I…oh, a pirate name! Right, sorry. Hm, let's see, wot could we call him…" the Scot pondered.

Soldier sat pouting and holding a piece of gauze to his oversized lip. Medic had cleaned his wounds and wiped away all the blood, but that did nothing to take the American out of his sour mood, and the fact that his lip was swollen enough to impair his speech didn't help either. "Maybe he can be Hibbie Bastard the Cowardly Son ob a Bidge." he grumbled under his breath, making the Aussie's head snap in his direction.

Demoman was quick to diffuse the situation. "Ah hah! I've got one for ye! You'll be Looksman Lon'Monty!" he announced proudly.

Sniper gave a bit of a chuckle. "That's a good one, mate. How do ya come up with all of this?"

"When you grow up in an old town where all there was ta do as an orphan was make up yer own adventures, yer imagination is yer only tool. That, and I also told the wee ones at the orphanage some of me stories–"

"TALES!" Scout screeched as he threw his hands up in the air. "DEY'RE. MOTHER. FUCKING. TALES."

"Right…I told the wee ones at the orphanage some of me _**tales **_as well." Demoman looked to Sniper. "Do ye think Spy wants to be part of the crew too?"

"Nah, I think he's pretty toired. Better not to disturb him." Sniper shrugged.

"Alright then, I guess we'll just continue on without Pierre l'Espion." Demoman shrugged.

By this time, everyone was getting fed up, even Heavy, who had been gung ho about the whole idea. "Good, everyone is here, now tell!" the large Russian boomed.

The Scot chuckled nervously. "Right, sorry lads." He put his most epic tale-telling face on and continued. "Now that ye've all heard aboot the ship and crew, let's get on with how they came to face their rivals of the seas, the Raunchy Eared Devils…"

* * *

_The sun was shining brightly on the vast, blue sea. Each wave gave a glint of white reflection as it rose and fell, and some crashed against the sides of a beautiful ship that cut through the water, leaving white foam in its wake. _

_The vessel was large and proud, bearing a deep, rich, chocolatey brown. There were two masts that stood up from the main deck, one of which held a crow's nest lookout platform near the top, and each one held up its own massive, steely blue sail with their logo printed on it. It spelled 'BLU' in large, deep blue letters and read 'Buckaneer Lads Unified' underneath. In the background was a yellow silhouette of a curved sword with a large handle, and the wide base merged into a curved, pointed tip._

"_Hard to port, Texas Jack! I think the island is out there!" Captain Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty stood on the quarterdeck beside Handyman Texas Jack, who was steering the ship. The man at the wheel was wearing a beige billowy shirt and brown pants, complete with dark jackboots and a deep blue cloth wrapped around his forehead, allowing the remaining tie to flow out from the back. The belt around his waist held his pistol and hammer. At his feet stood a golden puppy, who's fur was as soft as the fine silk they stole from Asia and as fluffy as the clouds above them. She wore a light blue bandana around her neck with the vessel's sail design embroidered in the corner, and along the edge, her name: Loftlop Puffy Wuffy. The sea dog (pun intended) barked and licked at the salty air as the wind combed gently through her coat._

_The bold captain was clothed in a thick jacket with many pockets and a loose blue shirt and cloth belt. A curved sword, much like the one on their logo, was tucked underneath the band as well as a gold colored telescope. A green bird was perched on his shoulder, and the tale of how he came to acquire that bird was also the tale of how he came to acquire the nickname "The Birdman of Aberdeen", but that's one for another day. On his head, he wore a large black bicorn with two blue feathers. He had one hand stretched out over his forehead, shielding his eye from the sun, and the other reached to his belt and pulled out the large telescope, which stretched out in 4 pieces, allowing him to see the island in the distance._

_From the main deck, a burly man strutted pompously up the steps to the quarterdeck. He was clothed in a brown jacket with extremely large cuffs and a thin black belt around his waist, his pistol and shovel tucked underneath. His jacket was left to hang open, revealing his button up shirt, which had the top four buttons left open, instead of two like the rest of the men, to reveal a large portion of his chest. His black pants were tucked loosely into his jackboots, and his boots also had cuffs around the top similar to the ones on his jacket. On his head was a hat with three of its sides folded up, one at the back and two at the sides, but it was slightly too big for him, resulting in his eyes being covered. _

_This man, Fragleg Libertypants, stood beside the captain and took his own telescope from his jacket and pulled it open. To his dismay and annoyance, the telescope only stretched out into two pieces. The captain took his eye away from his own telescope for a moment to observe Fragleg's frustration as he muttered and stomped away. Captain Tavish returned his attention to the sea and his eye widened as he spotted what he was looking for._

"_That's it, lads! She's in sight! Texas, keep her going west on a steady course! Speck! I need ye over here, lad!" Captain Tavish called out. A young man perked his head up from the far end of the main deck. He was clad in a light blue billowy shirt, similar to Texas Jack's, and a black vest that was open at the front. His pants were a deep grey, and made of a material similar to that of his shirt, and a belt wrapped around his hips, holding a pistol and a sword. He was wearing a pair of jackboots, which were a staple for everyone on board, and his thick brown hair was pulled back into a small ponytail. This young man had come to be known as Speck the Swift._

* * *

"Wait! Wait a second!" Scout jumped over the table and rushed into the cargo box, coming back with his newest item on his head. He leaped back over the table and snuggled back into the extra blanket that Medic had given him when he retrieved the supplies for Soldier's wounds.

"Vhat is zhat?" Medic inquired, pointing to his head.

Pyro was also curious. "Yrr, wrrrt rrs rrrt?"

"Dis," he said, pointing to his hat, or rather, wig, "is da Hero's Tail. Cause, y'know, I'm obviously the hero of dis tale." he smirked. "I'm ready for some fricken high seas action, you guys had better be able to keep up!"

"Scout!" Soldier slurred from beside him.

"What?" the young man replied.

"IT'S YOUR WINE, BRIVATE!"

Scout tried to stifle a laugh, but failed miserably. "Holy shit, dude! You sound freakin' hilarious!" he chuckled. "Don't you mean it's my _**line**_?"

"HOW ABOUT YOU SHUB YOUR TRAB BEBORE I SHUB IB BOR YOU!" he screeched as he lifted a fist above the Bostonian.

"Okay, okay! Jeez man."

* * *

_Speck traveled across the deck in a flash, leaping up the stairs to meet Captain Tavish. Loftlop Puffy Wuffy barked and bounded towards the young man, wagging her tail happily. _

"_Hey Loftlop! What's up, bud?" he asked as he crouched down and scruffed the top of her head. She jumped up onto him, putting her forepaws on his chest and licking his face as he giggled._

"_Eheehee, stop dat! Cut it ou–heeheehee!" he managed between laughs._

"_Lad." Tavish said, arms crossed. _

_The boy looked up and realization finally dawned on him. "Oh right!" He stood up straight and saluted. "What's up, Captain Tavish?"_

* * *

Demoman rolled his eye. "Scoot, ye don't ask the captain, "Wot's up?" Ye jes say "Yes sir?" and that's it!"

Scout made an offensive hand gesture toward the Scotsman. "Hey, I get to say my own lines, so I'm gonna say whatever da hell I want! Deal with it."

The Scotsman huffed, annoyed, but continued.

* * *

"_Aye, lad, I need ye ta go up the lookout mast ta Lon'Monty up there and ask him if he can see any of those Raunchy Eared Devils." Captain Tavish told the young man._

"_Aye aye, Cap'n Tavish!" Speck said before he ran off. Puffy Wuffy ran as fast as her tiny puppy legs would carry her to keep up with her friend. She slid to a halt where Speck had stopped and grabbed onto the rope ladder that ascended up the large wooden mast they had come to. She sat down and watched with her ears perked up curiously as Speck climbed the ladder. _

_At the top, Speck came to the crow's nest, a small deck with a rail around it, and on it resided a tall man with a large telescope up to one of his eyes, scanning the entire area. He wore a creamy colored billowy shirt with a large V-neck and pants tucked into his mid shin jackboots He wore a vest similar to Speck's, except for the fact that it was blue and was tied at the front with string, and he wore a hat with a large brim and one side folded up. Hanging off of the loose strap around his waist was a kukri and a pistol, and a bow and bundle of arrows rested on the ground beside the barrel he sat on. Looksman Lon'Monty had a sharp eye, the most hawk-like on the seven seas, and nothing, not even a single gull, got past his view._

"_Yo, Monty!" Speck waved as he reached the top of the ladder and pulled himself up onto the lookout deck._

_The watchman turned his head to see Speck leaning against the mast in the middle of the small deck. "G'day, wot brings you up here, Speck?" he greeted._

"_Captain Tav wanted me to see if you found any of dem Devils hangin' around da island up ahead." the young man answered._

_Lon'Monty gave one last peek at the surrounding area before turning back to Speck. "Nah, looks loike we're all clear for today."_

"_Sweet, I'll go tell da Captain."_

"_Roight, I'll send you word if I see anything peculiar."_

_Speck jumped down onto the ladder and quickly made his way back to the captain, Loftlop Puffy Wuffy following close behind. "Captain Tavish! Lon'Monty says dat dere's no one else in sight. We're all good to head to da island." he announced._

"_Good, good, lad! That's all I need from ye. Go and see if anyone else needs a bit of help." the captain told Speck._

_Fragleg Libertypants' jacket collar flapped slightly in the wind as he approached the two men._

* * *

Soldier stopped the story for a moment. "Just bretend my wib isn't busted." he growled as he glared at all of his teammates, mostly at Sniper, each giving a nod in response as they held back their laughter. Well, all except for Scout, who couldn't miss any opportunity to make fun of someone.

"Dude! Your lip is like, da size of a freakin' pillow! I bet Archimedes could use it as a bed or somethin'!" Scout managed between guffaws.

Soldier wasted no time in grabbing him by his collar and pulling him forward so their noses were only centimeters apart. "I DON'T REMEMBER GIBING YOU BERMISSION TO SBEAK, BAGGOT!" he screeched as bloody spittle sprayed onto the young man's face. This shut Scout up for a good while.

* * *

"_Listen kid, why don't you go and make yourself useful for once and go swab the deck!" he shouted._

_Speck looked to the captain for some sort of assurance._

"_Aye, lad, that sounds like a good id–" Tavish started before he was cut off._

"_Since when did anyone take orders from you?!" Fragleg yelled. "I, Captain Fragleg Libertypants, am in charge of this vessel, and my crew will take orders from me and me only!"_

_The actual captain of the ship looked at the man with annoyance. "Fragleg, come on, not this again. Just shut yer bloodeh trap fer once."_

"_I am obviously the most capable person here, therefore I'm the captain!"_

"_Oh if you think that you're even close to being fit for the position of captain, then you've got another thing comin', boyo!" Their bickering continued as Loftlop and Speck watched with interest._

_The two were about to start a full on brawl until the door to the medical ward swung open, revealing the ship's doctor, Apothecary Alchemist Stuttveil Stüp. He wore a long, bluish white coat that stopped at his knees and had a widespread collar that reached out to the sides, making a large V as the two sides came to a point at the bottom of his chest area. Underneath his coat, he wore a light brown shirt, also with a large collar that flared upwards, that had the two top buttons undone. Three buttons were located just underneath the neckline of his bluish garment and stopped at his lower stomach just above his belt where the coat was tucked in, allowing the tail to flow behind him. There were pockets on either side of the man's coat and his belt held his pistol and a rusty looking bonesaw. The sleeves had large cuffs, though not as big as the ones on Fragleg's jacket, and his pants were tucked neatly into his boots. His jet-black hair was perfectly quaffed with a small curl coming down onto his forehead, and his round glasses sat pristinely on the bridge of his nose. _

_A white dove fluttered onto his shoulder and gave a small coo, and Stuttveil lifted his finger to allow the bird to hop on. This bird, Archimedes, had been known to help the doctor in battles by unexpectedly ripping his opponent's eyes out. He cocked his head curiously before flying back into his master's office. Stuttveil continued on to investigate the commotion on the quarterdeck._

_His closest companion, Boardguard Mogav von Sturdy, had been tying ropes for the masts and joined the doctor as soon as he was finished. The man was huge, and was clad in a large beige shirt and a brown vest that was held closed across his chest by a piece of brown string. His belt was tied around his hips and his top and vest were tucked underneath it, allowing them to flare out at the bottom. The brown pants he wore were tucked into his boots and his (rather large) pistol was tucked under the side of his belt, and on his head he wore a light blue bandana._

_Both walked up the steps in a calm manner, approaching the conflict. With Texas Jack, the usual peacmaker, busy with steering the boat, it was up to Stuttveil Stüp to prevent chaos from ensuing. _

"_Meine freunde, stop zhis pointless bickering at once." the doctor said sternly._

"_Listen to doktor," Mogav added, "or I will crush your tiny baby heads with bare hands."_

_Both men stepped back from each other, not wanting their brains to be made into soup or have their ribs sawed apart with a rusty bonesaw, but continued to glare. "Good mornin' doc. I trust ye slept well?" Captain Tavish greeted._

"_Ja, I did, danke." Stuttveil said, slowly shifting his view to Fragleg._

_The hotheaded pirate quickly grabbed Speck by the arm. "Uh, me and the kid were just going to go, uh, swab the deck." he called as they descended down the stairs. Something about their doctor always made him nervous._

"_Man, I fuckin' hate swabbin' the deck." Speck whined. "Puffy Wuffy, come with me!"_

_Loftlop looked at Speck, then looked at the deck and the mop that was on it, then back to Speck. She then turned around and jumped up the stairs, planting herself by Texas' feet._

"_What the hell is dis?! Even Loftlop doesn't like swabbin' da freakin' deck!" he yelled as Fragleg dragged him away._

_Stuttveil looked back to his large companion and smiled. "I zhink I may haff forgotten to feed Archimedes, could you do zhat for me, bitte?"_

_The burly man nodded. "Da, of course. Does leetle Fergus need feeding as well?" he asked, pointing to the parrot on the captain's shoulder._

"_Ach, no, I think he already stole some of Fragleg's breakfast, he'll be fine." Tavish responded with a chuckle._

"_Very well." Mogav went back into the doctor's room._

"_Herr Kapitän," Stuttveil said as he took a step closer to Captain Tavish, "I didn't vant to discuss zhis vizh you vhen Fragleg vas vizhin earshot. Do ve know zhe location of zhe next island?"_

_The captain grinned and pointed to what looked like a small dot in the middle of the ocean._

"_Ah, sehr gut." the doctor concluded. "Und has Herr Lon'Monty spotted any kind of ozzer vessel in zhe immediate area?"_

"_No, but he's keeping Speck posted for further updates."_

"_Wünderbar, danke." He started to make his way to the stairs, but stopped for a moment. He suddenly turned back around sharply and grabbed the captain's jaw in his hand, inspecting his face._

"_Doc! Wot are ye doin'?!" Captain Tavish muffled._

"_It seems as zhough your skin is getting a bit pale," Stuttveil pulled the captain's lower lip down, prodding gently at the gums with his thumbnail, "und your gums feel spongy, but not extremely so. Haff you been eating enough fruit lately?" the doctor questioned as let go of Tavish's face, eyeing him as though he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar._

_The captain nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Well, ah, ye see, I was just, uh…"_

"_Spit it out."_

"_We only have oranges right now and I HATE those bloodeh bastards!" he blurted._

_Stuttveil only lifted and eyebrow, keeping the rest of his face stern. "Vell it's eizher zhat or die of scurvy, your choice. Guten tag, Captain." the doctor told him flatly before walking away._

_Tavish looked ahead blankly for a few seconds before lightly poking his gum. "They're…they're not that spongy…" he reassured himself with a nervous tone._

* * *

Across the train, Spy could hear the story crystal clear. His teammates had all forgotten that he had been sleeping, or rather, trying to sleep, so the volume level in the train was getting higher as the story progressed. He had tried crumpling up the blankets and putting them over his head, but even that couldn't drown out the sounds of his obnoxiously loud team.

"Well, I'll soon put an end to their childish fun." Spy muttered as he pulled out his disguise kit.

* * *

"_Put your back into it, numbnuts!" Fragleg barked at Speck._

"_Fuckin' jeez! Swabbin' da deck sucks ass! Why aren't you helping?!" the young man whined._

"_I have to retrieve something from my quarters, that's why! You kids these days wouldn't know how to swab a deck if your life depended on it! GIVE IT SOME EFFORT!" he screamed as he disappeared into the ship._

"_Fuckin' bastard." Speck grumbled._

"_Rrrt's nrrt thrrt brrd, Sprrk." a voice sounded from behind him. Speck turned around to see his best buddy, Lacksmoke Fireboots. _

_The person wore a large, blue, frumpy looking jacket with all of the buttons done up, and it had many pockets, most of which contained matches and canteens of alcohol. It wasn't a drinker, in fact, it didn't even touch a mug of ale when their team celebrated, but alcohol is extremely flammable and proves as an effective way of setting someone on fire. The jacket's long sleeves were tucked under its thick gloves, and the heavy pants it wore were so long that even when they were tucked into its boots, they still bunched up at the top. The most unusual thing about its attire was the cloth wrapped around its head. It was made of the same thick material as its pants and was tied up at the back of Lacksmoke's head, dodging its eyes, where it sported a pair of dark tinted goggles._

"_Yo, Fireboots!" Speck greeted. "If you think it's not so bad, why don't ya help me out?" _

"_Rrrmm… rrr hrrrv strrrf trr drr… rrr thrrnk Strrtvrr wrrntrrd mrrr hrrrp. Srr yrr!" it called as it dashed for the medical ward._

"_Wow, thanks for nothin' pally!" the boy shouted, turning back to his work._

_Speck continued to grudgingly swab the deck until he heard someone calling him. He looked up and saw Looksman Lon'Monty leaning over the crow's nest and shouting things he couldn't quite hear._

"_Speck! I've got bad news for the captain!" Lon'Monty told him. _

"_What didjya say?! Ingot rad lose foreign captain?!"_

"_Wot?! No! I need you to warn him!"_

"_A reading too borin'?"_

"_JUST GIT UP HERE, YA STUPID WANKA!" he screeched making wild gestures of 'get the hell over here'._

_Speck obeyed and climbed the rope ladder as fast as he could. "What were you sayin'?" he asked casually as he approached Lon'Monty._

_The watchman grabbed Speck by his collar with one hand and pointed off into the distance with the other._

_The young man pulled away and took the telescope sitting on the deck next to him and looked to where his crewmate was pointing. He made a large gasp and descended down the rope._

* * *

_As the ship continued on its course, Captain Tavish Bloodbane the Mighty decided that it would be an appropriate time to take a swig of his scrumpy. He retrieved a bottle from his cabin and proceeded to gulp it down._

"_CAP'N CAP'N CAP'N!" a frantic voice yelled, making Tavish look in the direction of which it was coming from. Speck was running towards him from the crow's nest and was waving his arms as he ran._

"_Wot's th' matter, lad?" the captain asked as he lowered the scrumpy bottle away from his mouth._

_The young man skidded to a halt in front of Tavish, taking a deep breath to start his explanation. "So like, I was swabbin' da deck, right? And den Fragdick was all like "put your back into it!" and I was like "fuck you!" and he was like "you kids these days!" and he was bein' a total fuckin' jerkoff, and den he goes and leaves me to do all da freakin' work all by myself, and den Fireboots comes ova and he's all "mmmp mmph mmph mmph" and I'm like "why don't you fucking help me you fucking lardass?" and he's like "mmmph mmph mmphmph!" and I was like "FINE DON'T HELP ME!" so den I'm doin' all da fuckin' work and I'm really gettin' in da zone, and den Monty's yellin' stuff and I couldn't understand him so I thought he said "Ingot rad lose foreign captain" and he was all "NO!" and I'm just thinkin' like jeeze lousie dude, calm da fuck down, and den he yells somethin' else and I thought he said "A reading too borin'" and den he totally goes into a shitstorm and I get to feelin' dat he wants me to go up dere, so I do and den he freakin' grabs me by my shirt collar and it wrinkled so bad! I mean look at dis! He totally wrecked my fuckin' shirt! And I think he stretched it too! What a douche bag!"_

_Captain Tavish just stared at Speck with bewilderment. "And that's all ye wanted ta tell me." he said slowly._

_Speck looked up from his shirt with a puzzled look on his face as though he was trying to remember something. "Uuhh… yep, dat's it." he concluded as he walked away._

"_That was weird, even for him." Tavish murmured before taking another swig of scrumpy._

* * *

_As the island started to become visible and definable by the naked eye, Mogav started to feel that something was off. He wasn't quite sure, but ever since he saw the mop and bucket lying out on the deck he had gotten a weird feeling in his stomach. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was amiss. He decided to brush it off until he saw Captain Tavish storm angrily from the quarterdeck and yell at Monty to come down, and the watchman quickly obeyed._

"_Mother o' mercy! When were ye plannin' on tellin' me ABOOT TH' BLOODEH DEVILS?!" the captain screamed in Monty's face, pointing towards the sea. Sure enough, there was a large vessel with deep red sails, bearing the logo "RED" and reading "Raunchy Eared Devils" underneath it. It was getting dangerously close to the ship, close enough that they could just barely make out each crewmember on the boat._

"_Woah mate, mate woah." the watchman said putting his hands up defensively, "I sent the ankle boiter down four hours ago, get mad at him."_

_Up from behind them came Fragleg, carrying a telescope. He pulled it open, stretching it out into ten pieces, causing it to bend in the middle._

"_Oh yeah, uh huh, just as I thought, they're definitely in sight." he concluded, closing his telescope and looking back at the three men. _

"_THE RAUNCHY EARED DEVILS ARE RIGHT BEHIND US!" he yelled, spraying spittle everywhere._

"_Thank ye, mister obvious." Tavish said sarcastically._

"_That's CAPTAIN obvious to you, bucko!" Fragleg corrected, shoving a finger into the captain's chest._

_Mogav grabbed both of their heads, one in each hand. "If leetle men cannot work together, den dey are no use to crew, da? May as well dispose of." he threatened._

"_A-aye, ye got a point there, Mogav." Tavish stuttered. "Don't ye think so, Fragleg?"_

"_Y-yeah, that makes sense, I admire the way you think, private!" Fragleg added._

_Mogav released their heads, and they set out to warn the rest of the team._

* * *

_Half an hour later, everyone was at their posts with weapons at the ready as the red boat came steadily closer. Well, almost everyone. _

_Tavish, Mogav, and Fragleg were in the middle of the main deck with Stuttveil behind them, ready to tend to their wounds, give tactical advice, and surprise his enemies with a long string of German profanities and a rusty bonesaw. Lon'Monty was up in the crow's nest, ready to pull back his bow for the first blood. Texas Jack was on the quarterdeck, setting up a machine that shot various kinds of projectiles at his command. It consisted of a crossbow, three pistols, and a mechanism that shot a bolo. Texas had invented it for defensive purposes, since he had to be the one to stand behind it and fire and all the parts were too heavy to carry while he swung onto another boat. Emma was standing off to the side where Fireboots was supposed to be, and Speck should have been on the opposite side so the two of them could flank the enemy. Unfortunately, it seemed as though the two had other plans. _

"_Alright lads, be prepared for anythin'!" the captain ordered as he gripped his pistol._

"_Excuse me, Herr Kapitän?" Stuttveil called to Tavish._

"_Aye, doc?"_

"_Vhere are zhe jungen?" he asked calmly._

"_They're on the sides there!"_

"_Really now? In zhat case, I suspect you haff somezhing ozzer zhan scurvy if you zhink zhey are ready to flank anyone."_

_The captain's expression formed into one of confusion as he leaned forward and looked to either side of the deck, seeing neither Speck nor Fireboots there. "Where the fook…?" he started before slapping a hand to his face and crying out, "THOSE BLEEDIN' IDIOTS!" _

_Before anyone could dash off to find their young crewmates, Texas Jack spoke up. "Y'all hang tight, I think I know where they are." he called as he jogged towards the door descending down into the ship._

"_I'm not crazy, and I don't have a fookin' disease." Tavish pouted. He glanced down beside him to Loftlop Puffy Wuffy, who had made her way over to him, looking up with perked ears as she cocked her head slightly. "Ye don't think I'm crazy, do ye lass?" he asked his fluffy friend. She barked and licked her snout in response, fidgeting excitedly and wagging her tail._

_The captain smiled and picked her up nuzzling her with his cheek. "I knew ye'd always be on me side, lassie."_

* * *

"_So den, he goes and grabs my shirt and wrinkles it like a douche bag! Who does dat?! Obviously Monty, dat freakin' cockfag." Speck explained as he slouched on the hammock._

"_Rrr knrr, rrt? Wrrrt rrn rrs. Thrrt's rrr nrrc shrrt trr." Fireboots agreed, sitting on the floor cross-legged._

"_You're right, it really is my nicest shirt. My Ma got it for me before I left, she always had good taste in clothes."_

_The two were in the "secret room", otherwise known as the store room. They would always go there to talk, play games, get away from the rest of the crew, and eat all the apples before Captain Tavish could get any. They found it amusing how he cringed when he ate the oranges, but was forced to under Stuttveil's icy gaze. Lately he'd been feeding them to Emma under the table, and it had been fun to watch him scramble to do it when the doctor wasn't looking._

_Speck rambled on about his family for a while, feeling more and more homesick as he went through. "And den dere's my bro, Johnny, aw man, he was da coolest! He was always da smartest and knew how to pick up all kinds of chicks and he was always teachin' me how to play baseball and stuff! He even gave me his lucky bat, it's awesome!" His large grin started to fade as he look at the ceiling sadly. "But den he went away to Seattle to be a lawyer and got married. I haven't heard from him since… it's been three years." he finished quietly._

* * *

"Hold on there, lad." Demoman interjected. "I don't think that pirates would be taught baseball by their older brothers. He probably would've taught ye th' basics of swordfightin'."

Scout brought his knees up to his chest and flashed his eyes away from Demoman. "Uh, right, y-yeah." he said as he rested his head on his knees and averted his gaze to the floor. "Got a little off track dere."

"Aye, s'alright, let's just get on with it!" the Scotsman dismissed, taking no notice of Scout's sudden mood change, and nobody else seemed to either.

Though, Medic eyed the young man with slight concern. Something seemed a little off about his usual bold and cocky demeanor. Scout would probably hit him in the gut with his baseball bat for suggesting it, but he seemed… sad.

Of course, the runner found a way to mask his emotions with a façade of his usual attitude. "Get on with the freakin' story guys! I'm done talkin' here, go go go!" he yelled, crossing his arms. Medic slowly turned his gaze away as his team continued the story.

* * *

_The pair was interrupted by the door flinging open and Texas Jack stepping swiftly through the door. "What in Sam Hill do you two think you're doing?! Ya'll need to get up to the deck and be ready to fight, lickety split!" he informed them, jabbing a thumb behind him._

"_What?! Who da hell are we fightin'?!" Speck questioned._

"_The Raunchy Eared Devils are on are tail, and they look ready to slaughter us!"_

"_Raunchy Eared Devils? Oh riiiiiight, I knew dere was somethin' I forgot to tell Captain Tavish…" he admitted, standing up. Fireboots got up and stood next to him, smacking him on the back of his head._

"_Ouch! Fuckin' jeez, dude." Speck grumbled, rubbing the spot where Fireboots had left a bruise._

* * *

_The scene returned to the main deck as each crewmember fidgeted expectantly, watching the offending vessel drift closer and closer. One could have cut the tension with a knife as they waited out the seconds until the REDs, who they now could tell bore an uncanny resemblance to their own crew, were within firing range._

"_TEXAS!" Tavish yelled, thrusting his sword forward. The handyman nodded his head and shot a bolo towards the oncoming ship, hitting the young man on the other side in the face with a cry of "MOTHA FUCKA!" before he hit the deck, grabbing his face and standing back up slowly with a horribly broken nose and black eye._

_The enemy returned their fire with a blast of cannons from the base of their ship, hitting BLU's vessel hard. Handyman Texas Jack took Fraglega and ran into the hull, and the two of them loaded up their cannons as well and firing a few._

_Despite a few holes, the RED vessel was getting closer, but the largest man of their crew wasn't expecting for Looksman Lon'Monty to fire an arrow through his head with deadly precision. A shot came from their crow's nest as well, pinning Monty to the mast behind him by the sleeve of his shirt. _

"_Monty!" Captain Tavish called, "You alright, lad?!"_

"_Yeah, the bugga just got moi shirt! Don't worry 'bout me!" he responded. _

_The captain turned back around to face the enemy, relieved that they hadn't been able to pick Lon'Monty off. He realized that their remaining crew had begun to climb the masts and swung over to their boat. _

"_HARD AT 'EM, LAAAADS!" he bellowed, charging into the first enemy he saw, Speck's counterpart, and engaging him in a duel. _

_The rest of the crew followed suit, though Fragleg was a little peeved that he had missed the starting action. He more than made up for his absence when he punched his counterpart in the face and beat him to death with his telescope._

_Texas soon came back up as well, taking his position behind his invention and firing rounds into the crowd, careful to aim away from his teammates. He hit RED's lanky young man in the leg, making it easier for the captain to bring him down, and occasionally fired rounds at their watchman, hoping to make things easier on Monty. _

_Captain Tavish was toying with the boy now. He'd gone at him hard at first, but now that he was all bloody and bruised (he even had an arrow in his calf, courtesy of Texas Jack), this was just getting too easy. So what better thing to do than savor the fun of the fight? Each time the young man swung at him angrily with his club, he would jump back with a smug expression, making him miss by mere inches. The captain's grin grew even wider when the lanky boy cursed colorfully and hissed at the pain in his calf. This continued for a good ten minutes until Fragleg came out of nowhere and tackled Tavish's opponent, pinning him to the ground and shooting him in the head with his pistol._

_The captain's mouth was agape and his face was pulled into one of utter disappointment. "FRAG, YA BLOODEH GIT! HE WAS MINE!" he screamed angrily._

_Fragleg just puffed out his chest and screamed back at him. "WELL IF I WASN'T GOING TO GET HIM, THEN YOU TWO WOULD'VE BEEN PLAYING HOPSCOTCH UNTIL THE SUN WENT DOWN!" _

_The two continued to bicker throughout the battle, having seemingly forgotten that their ship was under attack._

_Speck and Fireboots waited until the last of the RED crew had boarded to hit them hard when they least expected it. Speck had come up behind Fireboots' counterpart and hit it hard on the head with the handle of his sword, only to slice its head clean off when it turned around. _

_Loftlop Puffy Wuffy had bitten into the leg of the RED doctor, making him yelp in pain and turn around to pursue the young pup. Well, he was going to pursue her, until he was covered in alcohol and was set on fire. He let out a blood curdling scream before jumping off the edge of the boat, causing Fireboots to let out a small giggle. _

_Stuttveil resembled a bipedal cheetah as he rolled, leaped, and pounced through the crowd of dueling pirates, chasing after his victim like a predator to his prey. RED's stout, Texan handyman had thought he would be able to take the doctor easily, punching him in nose when he was tending to one of Fragleg's wounds. This had hurt him, yes, but it had also fuelled him. Now the handyman was trying to run from him, turning back and holding his hammer out defensively. What he didn't expect was for Stuttveil to pop up from behind him, sawing halfway through his right arm. The Texan cried out in pain and whirled around just fast enough to deflect the doctor's bonesaw. Stuttveil jumped backwards, only to take a magnificent leap forward again and punch the man in the stomach. He doubled over, and Stuttveil thought he had him, but the handyman quickly swung his arm up and caught the doctor in the jaw. Something else he didn't expect, though, was for a flurry of white to appear in front of his vision. He felt something dig into his eye and he screamed and tried to take the white thing off, but the sight was already gone from his left eye. When he opened his right eye a crack, all he saw was a manic grin and a flash from a metal object before his head was sawed off. Archimedes flew onto the shoulder of his master, who gave the dove an affectionate nuzzle with his finger before whispering "Good boy."_

_Looksman Lon'Monty was getting exceedingly frustrated with his counterpart. The man was teasing him now! He'd stay still for the longest time, but ducked at the very last second when an arrow was about to pierce through his head. Texas noticed this, and decided that his team was faring pretty well without him for now. He waited until RED's watchman had ducked and got Monty's attention by throwing a bolo at the wall of the crow's nest. He looked over at Texas, who had grabbed two ropes and was offering one to him. He grinned and nodded, grabbing his kukri and making his way over before his counterpart came back up. They held onto the ropes and swung heroically across the gap, landing on the RED quarterdeck. The RED watchman was looking around again, but hadn't noticed that they had come over. They crept quickly and quietly across the deck, making their way to the crow's nest mast. Monty grabbed onto the rope ladder on one side while Texas occupied the other, climbing as sneakily as possible up to the nest. With nary a sound, the duo reached the top and ambushed the RED watchman. He turned around and let out an undignified scream, fumbling for his kukri. He didn't get a chance to grab it before Texas gave him a swift punch to the face, sending him toppling against the wall. Monty grabbed his kukri and wasted no time in shoving it through the other man's chest, making him scream in pain. As he pulled his weapon out, he took off his hat and put it to his chest for a moment before returning it to his head. Texas looked at him a little strangely. _

"_What did you jes do?" he asked, bewildered._

"_I'm a professional, mate." he replied matter-of-factly. "And professionals have standards: be polite, be efficient, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet."_

_Texas shrugged. "Fair enough, I guess." _

_Mogav was having the time of his life fighting off the captain of RED like it was a piece of cake. The man would try to slash him with a broken bottle, but the burly Russian would just push his head back, causing himself to be out of the captain's arm's reach. He had tried to go in with his sword, but Mogav was quicker than anticipated and had easily sidestepped the heavy slash, giving him a punch to his face that sent the man flying against a wall, though he got back up for more. With every failed blow, the captain would get angrier and angrier, adding to Mogav's amusement. Eventually, he grew tired of this, and showed everyone on board that he was, in fact, capable of crushing skulls with one hand. _

_Everyone on the boat was looking around for any survivors of the RED team, but there were none left. The crew erupted into cheer of victory. Monty and Texas, who had just swung back over, high fived joyously. Fragleg and Captain Tavish had their arms slung around each other, laughing and joking together. Mogav had swept Stuttveil up into a huge bear hug, both were smiling and congratulating each other on a job well done. Speck and Fireboots had joined hands and were dancing all around the boat, cheering and laughing about how dumb and dead the REDs were now. Everyone was celebrating, except for one small puppy. She barked and whimpered and jumped around nervously, trying to get her team's attention. Eventually, Fragleg noticed their crewmember's distress. _

"_What's the matter, private?" he asked, surprisingly quieter than his normal yell. Loftlop continued to bark and turn around in circles until Stuttveil finally gasped in horror. _

"_Ve only killed eight of zhem! Zhere should haff been nine!" he cried, recounting the bodies lying around (and RED's doctor that had jumped in the water). _

_The whole ship went into a frenzy, trying to find the missing enemy. They knew who it was, they had heard about him. He had this strange ability to disappear at will, and nobody knew how he did it. He could be anyone at any time, and that scared the living daylights out of the poor pirates. They searched around the ship, watching each other's backs at all times._

_Loftlop continued to bark, but this time, towards the sea. Speck rushed to her and picked her up, peering over the side of the boat that was upsetting his puppy._

_His eyes widened until his pupils were the size of pinpricks. _

_He stumbled backwards, babbling incoherent nonsense. Captain Tavish and Fireboots ran over to him._

"_Wot in hell is the matter, lad?!" Tavish asked him urgently._

"_Sprrk, rrnsrr!" Fireboots demanded worriedly, shaking its friend's arm._

_This of course, was of no use, for the boy's eyes were still fixed on the monstrosity in front of him._

"_Te… Te… Te…" he managed, shakily pointing his finger out. What was in front of him had fully emerged from the depths, grinning from ear to ear. _

"_TENTASPY ATTACK!" he screeched at the top of his lungs. _

* * *

If one were listening closely, one would have been able to hear eight of the girliest screams known to man ring out through the entire country, continuing for about ten full seconds.

Spy, however, was chortling and rolling on the floor, holding his gut and a paper mask with the face of a RED Tentaspy in his hand. When he got up and wiped the tear from his eye, he saw that his teammates were still in shock.

Scout had been holding Emma when he spotted the Tentaspy, and at that sight, he had jumped into the lap of the person next to him and held on tight, and the person, Medic, had pulled him close as well. Heavy had felt the instinctual need to protect his closest friend, thus pulling the doctor into his lap and as far away from danger as possible. Scout was still latched onto Medic and was still holding Emma, so the two got pulled along as well, making it end up being a bit of a dogpile on Heavy's lap. They all sat with their eyes screwed shut, leaning up against one another.

Soldier and Demoman were gripping each other tightly, staring in silent screams at Spy.

Pyro had wrapped its arms around Sniper's torso as he grabbed Pyro's shoulder and Engineer's arm, ducking behind the Texan's back slightly with his eyes squeezed shut. Engineer was leaning back against Sniper with one arm out in front of him and his mouth totally agape.

Spy couldn't help but collapse into another fit of guffaws. "Do you know how ridiculous you all look?!" he managed, still laughing a little bit.

None of the team budged or even took a breath.

It stayed like this for a while until Spy finally left them with a smug smile as he returned to sleep. Everyone began to recover, silently making their way back to their original seats.

Medic realized that he had given Scout his own blanket instead of the one from the cargo box and quickly went to go retrieve a new one.

When Scout returned to his seat, he snuggled into his blanket as a rush of sleepiness washed through him. That was definitely the most fun he'd ever had on one of these stupid relocating train rides. Though, he couldn't take his mind off the memory of his brother. Johnny, oh Johnny, why the hell did you have to leave?! He shoved his face into his blanket as he thought of all the good times he'd had with his beloved brother.

When Medic returned to his seat, he made sure the shutters on the windows in each of the compartments were closed, making the train quite dark, but not so dark that he couldn't see where he was going. He returned to his spot on Heavy's lap, allowing Emma to jump up into his arms before he let sleep overtake him.

At 4:30 in the morning, though it seemed like the middle of the night, Medic turned on the overhead light and whispered, "Somezhing ist not right."

He sat up and listened for a while, trying to hear something that would give him some kind of indication that he was not just being paranoid.

He did, indeed, hear something, but it wasn't at all what he was expecting.

It was sniffles, tiny sniffles and whimpers coming from the seat a few compartments in front of him. He was a little confused, but concerned at the same time. He shut off the overhead light in order to not wake Heavy, placed Emma carefully on the seat beside him, and tiptoed through the aisle, following the sound.

When he found the source of the sobs, he mentally kicked himself for not anticipating this.

It was Scout, curled up in his blankets with his head smushed into his arms in an attempt to muffle his weeping. Medic knelt down, raised a hand, and softly stroked the boy's head, causing him to jerk back to full consciousness and stare back at the doctor like a deer in headlights.

"I-I, um…" he started, gaping like a fish out of water.

"Shhh…" Medic shushed quietly, still stroking the boy's hair, "it's alright."

Scout wanted to say so much right now, mostly along the lines of 'Why do you care about me? I'm usually an asshole to you. I don't freakin' get it', but his mouth wasn't allowing him to. He eventually just put his head back down into his arms, but staying silent. Having someone comfort him like this while he was crying made him feel like a little kid again, and he felt… safe. Almost like he was back home in Boston and he was cuddled up with his favorite blanky. But thoughts of home made him tear up all over again and sob even louder than before.

He looked up at Medic with tears in his eyes, and the doctor looked back at him with concern. Scout pondered telling Medic everything that was on his mind, though he was sure that he would bawl like a child. Then again, the doctor had seen him and comforted him at his worst. When they thought that Emma was going to have to be put down, Medic had stayed with him until he fell asleep. The man even gave him lollipops when there were shots to be given, and he was pretty sure he gave them to Soldier as well. Yes, he could definitely trust Medic to not tell the rest of the team that he had cried for such reasons.

Scout sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, scooting backwards along the seat to allow the German some room to sit. He took the hint and occupied the empty space next to the Bostonian, sitting cross-legged and waiting for the young man to tell him what was going on.

Scout took a deep breath and looked down at his feet. "When I was a kid, I had an older brudda named Johnny. He was da best brudda a guy could ever ask for, and outta da seven, he was da only one dat ever really thought of me as something other dan da annoyin' runt." the Bostonian chuckled a bit at this memory, a slight smile returning to his face. "Me and him, we did everything together. He taught me how to play all my favorite card games, how to hit a baseball, and he even gave me his lucky bat!" He was beaming now. "Dere was dis one time when I was seven dat Randy, my second oldest brudda, was makin' fun of me for bein' scared of da movie we were watchin'. So Johnny dresses up like da guy from da movie and scares da livin' shit outta Randy!" Scout had let out a few chuckles in that sentence. "If dere was someone dat I knew I could always depend on, it would be Johnny."

Medic was glad that Scout was able to cheer up, but saw that this was not the case when his face fell before the next sentence.

"And den, after he graduated, he just… packed up and left. He moved to Seattle to become a lawyer with dat bitch wife of his." he said almost angrily.

His voice toned down to a sad whisper as he looked at his feet again. "I didn't say dis part in da story, but… he actually did send me a lettah. He sent it when he heard dat I had signed up for BLU." He started to sniffle a bit. "I received it when I joined da team at 2fort. He had originally sent it home, but my Ma mailed it to me with a lettah of her own too." His voice started cracking. "He was tellin' me how proud he was, dat he promised dat he hadn't forgotten me, it was just dat his line of work made him busy. He said dat he really missed me, and dat he was sorry because he was going to have to move to somewhere in Europe pretty soon, I can't remember where."

The doctor waited patiently for Scout to regain control of his wavering voice. "He said dat he would probably never see me again after dat." At this point, Scout broke into tears and was hugging his knees. "And in Ma's lettah, she asked me when I was gonna come home, but den I realized dat we barely get any holidays!"

Medic felt himself feel a strong sense of pity for the boy. He had lost his brother, his best friend, his role model. He was barely even going to get to see his family anymore. The doctor knew what that felt like, he missed his wife and daughter even more now, and he made an effort to respond to the letters sent from home as quickly as they came. He was able to keep in contact, but not being able to actually physically be with his family had taken a bit of a toll on him, as it did for Scout. He had been in a war at the boy's age, yes, but he was with his entire family, and they were always there to comfort each other. He couldn't imagine how many sleepless nights had gone unnoticed by the rest of the team when the young man was feeling this homesick. Scout probably felt like he was in this alone, all alone in the never-ending war.

Well, not if Medic could help it.

The Bostonian continued to sob, and Medic spoke up. "Scout?"

The young man looked up to see the doctor with his arms slightly outstretched, and that was the encouragement he needed to jump into Medic's arms and cling to his coat like he was hanging on for dear life, muffling his cries into the older man's shoulder.

Medic grabbed the blanket from beside him and wrapped it around the young man, who was now settled in his lap, and began to stroke his back and gently rock him, quietly soothing him as he cooed various things in German. Scout didn't know what they meant, but they had a calming effect on him and he wrapped his arms tighter around the doctor.

"I… I feel like a freakin' little kid." the Bostonian admitted. "But… it's been so long since I last heard from Johnny. I just…" he buried his face in Medic's chest as the German gently began to comb through Scout's hair again. "I just wanna go home. I wanna see my Ma… and my dumbass bruddas."

Medic felt a small, sympathetic smile crawl across his features. "Scout, it's alright to feel homesick." he reassured the young man.

"But I'm not a little kid, dude. Don't go tellin' anyone dat I'm some sort of pansy." he said threateningly, still not easing his grip on the German's coat in any way.

Medic let out a small chuckle. There's the cocky kid he knew. "Don't vorry, its all doctor-patient confidentiality." he said, smiling.

Neither knew how long they sat there. Medic didn't release the boy from his protective hold, and Scout made no motion of willingness for the doctor to let him go.

"Y'know…" Scout started quietly, his eyes closed. "You're like my dad or somethin'. I mean, if my dad was smart, and a doctah, and not an asshole, and actually gave two shits." he murmured sleepily. "You're like… my dad Medic. Like my Dadic." he chuckled to himself softly before yawning.

Medic was very surprised at this amount of, well, affection is probably the proper word, from the young man. Usually he was cocky, troublemaking, and didn't seem to care about what other people thought. But maybe, Medic thought to himself, he had just cracked the hard shell that was Scout's attitude and found the Scout that was his mother's pride and joy.

He yawned and looked down at the boy, who was now sleeping contently. Medic repositioned himself without waking the Bostonian so he could lean on the back of the seat. He smiled, planting a kiss on the top of Scout's head before slowly drifting off to sleep.

* * *

**I apologize, I can't stay away from Dadic. I was going to save this moment for another time, but then I randomly had the idea that Scout would talk about his brothers and I thought, "Wouldn't he be a little homesick?" And then I remembered Chaos' suggestion of "Dadic" and I couldn't help myself.**


	9. Wicked Stinky

**Author's Note: Hey guys, I really wasn't planning on having any more super long chapters, but stuff happened and then it ended up being almost as long as the S.S. Buckaneer Lads Unified. I'm really sorry it's so late, school's been whooping my butt lately. :C *sighs and sobs***

**Anyways, see if you can spot the reference to ChaosandMayhem's story, Eight Mercenaries and a Toddler! It's in there! **

**Also, WARNING. There is some wicked stinky stuff in this chapter. Seriously.**

**Disclaimer: You are... SHTUPID IF YOU ZHINK I OWN TEAM FORTRESS 2!**

* * *

"**Wicked Stinky"**

Soldier, Sniper, and Spy sat on the bench in the small train station at Coldfront while the chilly air nipped at any exposed skin. Their shipment had come in late yet again, and on this particular occasion, mostly everyone was rather upset about it.

This one had their new crates.

Every now and again, the Announcer would send them crates of new weapons that Mann Co created. She always told them of everything they would be required to test, but the rest of it was a mystery until it was actually unboxed.

They were supposed to have come in over a week ago, and this left the mercenaries uncomfortably anxious. So when the Announcer had called after their battle to tell them that the weapons had finally arrived, Soldier, Sniper, and Spy were chosen by a pointing of fingers to take a thirty second shower before rushing to the station.

Sniper was slouching down on the bench, wrapped in about ten layers of jackets, scarves, and mittens with a fur hat on his head. He was grumbling to himself about how much he would rather be in the warm outback of Australia and how he hated this 'godforsaken wasteland of fluffy white shit' while keeping his arms crossed and eyes set straight ahead of him, though the fact that his thick, brunette hair was still soaking wet wasn't helping him get any warmer.

Spy sat next to him with his legs crossed and a cigarette in his mouth. He, too, was quite bundled up, but wasn't in as nearly a sour mood as the Aussie. He would occasionally look down at Sniper, pulling his scarf up over his nose every time it fell down a bit.

"We wouldn't want you catching a cold, now would we?" he'd ask, receiving a grunt from the sharpshooter as the Frenchman chuckled lightly.

Soldier was in complete opposite spirits to Sniper. He sat bouncing in his seat, a giant grin stretched out on his face. He couldn't wait to try out his new rocket launcher, he just couldn't wait! The Announcer had told him that he would be required to use it for at least a week, but he assumed that he'd be using it for much longer than that.

The rocket launcher he was going to receive was called "The Rocket Jumper". It enabled him to rocket jump to great heights without hurting himself before the landing. Granted, the rockets didn't hurt the enemy in any way either, but he'd make up for it by cracking their skulls with Shovel after he sailed magnificently into the sky and took them by surprise. He'd soar like the great bald eagle, the national bird of America. He'd come down on his prey with all of its swiftness and precision as they watched in awe and cowered in fear. Soldier was lost in his own war fantasy as he drifted off into space.

It wasn't until the crate was dumped in front of him by the station workers that he was broken out of his trance.

"OH MY GOD IT'S HERE!" he screamed giddily as he frantically searched for a crowbar.

"Ahem." Spy coughed from his seat, holding out the item that Soldier was looking for. The patriot wasted no time in snatching it and prying open the casing for his beloved new weapon.

"Nyyyyrrrrrrgh…" Soldier grunted. These crate tops were on tight! Of course, this only pushed the man to pry even harder, eventually putting all two hundred and seventy four pounds of pure muscle onto the crowbar.

The box finally popped open, quite abruptly, sending Soldier to the ground. He was unfazed by this, jumping up and down like a child on Christmas morning as he hugged the Rocket Jumper.

"THIS IS GOING TO BE PERFECT! You, Shovel, Shotty and I are gonna beat the crap out of ever single one of those damn dirty REDs!" he assured the weapon as he caressed its smooth metal body.

Sniper and Spy were still sitting at the bench, looking at Soldier like he was an alien.

"Ah… Sol?" Sniper started. "Could you put that thing away? Or at least stop doin'… that?" He pointed to the new rocket launcher.

Soldier stopped for a moment, only to hug the Rocket Jumper protectively. "Don't refer to Jumpy as if she's merely an object!" he shouted.

Again, he received two weird looks from his teammates. "She?" Spy asked as he quirked an eyebrow.

Before Soldier was able to go into the delicate subject of weapon anatomy, he noticed that along with his new launcher, there had been another weapon inside with a note taped to the smaller box it was in.

The patriot took the slip of paper and read it out loud. "Soldier, these are your new weapons, the Rocket Jumper and the Mantreads. You are to use them together in combat to test their effectiveness. The Rocket Jumper will replace your current primary weapon and the Mantreads will replace your secondary weapon. You must use them for a time span of at least one week." Soldier unboxed the Mantreads to find that they were a pair of dark brown, sturdy looking boots. His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "REPLACE SHOTTY?! HOW DARE SHE! SHE CAN'T JUST THROW OUT PRIVATE SHOTTY AND REPLACE HIM WITH SOME MERE BOOTS!" he screeched.

Spy sauntered over and placed a hand on the American's shoulder. "Actually, she can, mon ami. She is our boss." the Frenchman reminded him.

"B-but what about Shotty?!" Soldier practically whined.

"You weren't opposed to zhe idea of replacing your Black Box wizh… Jumpy." Spy almost cringed as he said the Rocket Jumper's pet name.

"BUT BOXY AND JUMPY ARE BOTH ROCKET LAUNCHERS! Boxy feels as though he's letting a fellow comrade train in his position! Plus, he's quite the gentleman, so he's adhering to the 'ladies first' rule." Soldier protested. "But these are boots! I could understand if it was a new shotgun, but BOOTS?! What an insult to Private Shotty! That'd be like if we replaced you with some greasy Italian!"

Spy frowned at this. "Actually, my mozzer was Italian you imbecile."

The patriot jumped back a few feet. "You're French AND Italian?! I thought this situation was bad enough!"

The Frenchman rolled his eyes. "Tu sei un porco stupidi…" he grumbled under his breath.

In the meantime, Sniper had busied himself with helping the train station workers load the remaining crates into the trailer hitched onto his van. He had organized them by class and size, putting the biggest ones at the bottom. He had more patience than his insane teammate, so he was able to wait until they returned to the base to unbox his new weapons.

"Come on, mates! You can complain all you want on the way back to the base! The sooner we get to a building with a heating system, the better!" he shouted at his bickering comrades.

The Australian immediately regretted this statement when Soldier hopped into the van, shouting the whole way about this disgrace to his battle strategy and how he was going to give the Announcer an earful when they got back.

"I'm not the bloody sheila, so shut up for god's sake." Sniper muttered under his breath, hunching over the wheel.

Once they arrived at the base, the enraged patriot stomped out of the van and into the conference room where he called the Announcer. He sat in his usual spot at the head of the table with his chest puffed out and his arms crossed. The screen buzzed to life and his boss's wrinkly face appeared.

"Good evening, Mr. Doe. You'd better have a good reason for this unscheduled conference." she said sourly.

Soldier stood up and slammed his hands on the table. "I want to know why I'm being forced to use these abominations!" he screeched, holding up the Mantreads.

The Announcer only quirked an eyebrow. "As I told you in our previous conference, you are to use them in combat with your new Rocket Jumper. I don't see how you could be confused by that. But then again, it is, well, _you._"

"WHAT?! All you told me was that I would be using the Rocket Jumper! You said nothing about these!" he shook the Mantreads as he said this, oblivious to the Announcer's snide remark.

"I don't know if your inability to listen matches or exceeds your stupidity." she growled, blowing out a puff of cigarette smoke. "I expect you to be using the new weapons Mann Co has provided for the next week. Do not disappoint me, otherwise the BLU team will just have to find a new Soldier." she snapped before shutting off the screen.

The poor American did not know what to do. He was angry, devastated, and he had let Private Shotty down.

But the bold and fighting side of Soldier (which, let's be honest, is pretty much all of him) told him to do this for the greater good of his comrade. It would only be a week, and then he would take his noble Private out on the field with him again. Just one week, and all would be back to the way it should be.

He confidently strutted out of the conference room and back to Sniper's van, where he found the rest of his teammates inspecting their new weapons.

"Hmm… it feels a little strange to be smacking people vizh a bust of Hippocrates." Medic noted, holding up his new Solemn Vow as his scarf flitted in the breeze. Luckily for him, this wasn't one of the things that he was required to test. The only thing that was of any importance to him was the Quick Fix.

The other team members got new weapons as well. Scout was particularly excited about his Soda Popper and Bonk Boy hat, bouncing around and yelling "BEST UPDATE EVAH HOLY SHIT!" while Demoman was screaming about how he was going to massacre everyone on the RED team with his 1001 Demoknights set, which consisted of the Persian Persuader, Ali Baba's Wee Booties, the Splendid Screen, and the Sultan's Ceremonial.

Instead of realizing how intimidating he looked with his Tomislav, Heavy was admiring his new Pocket Medic, rushing over to the doctor to compare how alike they looked. Medic chuckled lightly, assuring his friend that the doll was an exact replica.

Unlike his Russian comrade, Spy was well aware of how handsome and honorable he appeared in his new Man of Honor set, which sported the very attractive Cosa Nostra Cap and the exquisite Made Man, which was a lovely carnation rose tucked into his jacket breast pocket. It suddenly occurred to him that the Ambassador would fit this set quite perfectly, but of course, nothing is too perfect for a dashing rogue such as himself. He smirked as he tucked the pistol into his jacket holster.

Sniper got the Shahanshah and the Bazaar Bargain, complete with the Desert Marauder hat, to which he commented, "Wot th' bloody hell am I gonna do with this desert crap in the freezin' wasteland?!"

Poor Engineer got nothing new, but this didn't seem to faze the optimistic Texan. Instead, he looked around at his team's new weapons, especially Pyro's Detonator, inspecting it with awe. Emma was just as interested and curious as he was, following him around and perking up her ears at every new and unfamiliar object.

Soldier left the scene, grumbling about how all of his teammates got things that would actually be of use to them on the battlefield. He returned to his room to try and formulate an adequate weapon strategy for the next day.

* * *

After Demoman finished polishing and cleaning his new weapons, he trotted down to the kitchen to make dinner for his hungry teammates. He got the large pot and put it on the stove, going to the fridge and searching for everything he would need. He found the oatmeal, the onions, the sheep stomach, and the seasoning for the dish. The onions and stomach looked a little old and kind of smelled bad, but there was no mold, so he deemed them as fit for cooking. It was his turn for dinner duty, and the Scotsman decided to stick with his signature meal, haggis. Once he had found most of the ingredients, he saw that he had left a bottle of scrumpy on the counter. He'd need some of that for the haggis, too.

He chuckled to himself, thinking about how he would've never had this stroke of good luck if he had taken up his new year's resolution to be more organized. He took a few good swigs and was about to go back to cooking, but now he found himself wanting even more of the alcoholic beverage.

He ran back to his room, grabbing an armful of bottles from his secret stash, and headed back to the kitchen, where he drank to his heart's content. After the last drop of scrumpy was gone from the fourth bottle, he began to feel more than a little tipsy.

He lolled his head from side to side as he lay on the couch, completely content to just stay there until sleep took him, but he realized that all of the ingredients for dinner were still sitting on the counter. He jumped to his feet, staggering a bit, and stumbled over to the counter. Once he had organized the food on the cutting board, he searched through the fridge for another ingredient that he realized he had forgotten. Though now, he had run into a small problem.

The suet was missing!

The suet, or rather, the chunks of beef fat, had disappeared from the fridge. It was probably one of his teammates, he thought angrily. They never did seem excited about haggis. He huffed and pouted, took off is shoes and heavy vest, and threw himself over the couch as he pondered what he was going to do. As he was deep in thought (or just in a drunken stupor), he smelt something in the air, something… familiar. Something like…

…haggis.

Demoman shot up, looking for the source of the smell. He ran around the room, searching through the cupboards and fridge until he realized that the strong scent had been following him the entire time. Moving his head in all directions, he let his nose lead him. He was about to give up until he followed the scent downwards.

The fumes had been coming off of his socks. He warily looked around the room and took them off, holding them out in front of him before taking a good whiff of the stench coming from the garments. He reeled back, plugging his nose. It was exactly what he needed!

**_NOTICE: What the Scotsman is about to do is mostly the result of intense alcohol abuse. Seriously, if he had one more sip, he probably would've poisoned his future grandchildren. Even though his culinary cleanliness falls below usual standards, he would not do this if he were sober or slightly less intoxicated than he currently was. He might consider it, but he would never actually follow through with it._**

He took a quick glance down both ends of the hallway, making sure that no one–especially Medic–was in sight. He didn't want to receive another pointless lecture on basic hygiene. Seriously, who needs it?

The Scot mixed together the oatmeal, onions, and seasonings, dumping them in the pot before looking drunkenly at the dirty socks he had set on the table. He quickly used scissors to cut up the garments into tiny bits, throwing them into the mix, t'was a miracle that he didn't cut off and mix in one of his fingers in the process, considering the severe mental state he was in.

Demoman took in a deep breath of the filling scent, sighing contently and silently congratulating himself on an improvising job well done. This would surely do for haggis, it smelled just like it. It would also show his teammates a thing or two about stealing from him.

Once it had cooked, he stuffed the half-rotten sheep stomach with the filling. He tried to look as casual as a stumbling drunkard could be, hoping that his teammates wouldn't notice or care what he was doing. After all, what they didn't know wouldn't kill them.

At least he hoped it wouldn't.

* * *

Once Soldier was safely inside his headquarters (his bedroom), he sat on his bed with Private Shotty, Private Shovel, and Private Jumpy dutifully leaning up against the wall in front of him.

"Private Shotty, I'm afraid I have bad news for you." he announced, staying silent and listening for Shotty's answer. He continued on, hoping his shotgun would understand. "You're being replaced… for one week." He cringed as Shotty let out a string of obscenities, demanding why he didn't refuse the new recruit.

"I'm sorry, Shotty!" His tone was unusually sincere. "I know that this is a disgrace to your position, but if I don't do this, I'll lose my job, and then we won't be able to fight together ever again! It's just one week, after all."

Shotty did not seem to like this, though he stayed in his spot on the wall, grumbling to himself. Shovel reassured him that the week would be over before he knew it, and they would all be back to killing REDs together.

"That's the spirit, Shovel! Come on, Shotty." He picked up the gun and placed it delicately in its cushioned case, giving a small salute. "I'll come back for you, I'd never leave a man behind." he added.

Just as Soldier was about to resume putting away the rest of his weapons, he smelled dinner wafting from the kitchen. Ew, what was that? Haggis? Of course it was, Demoman was cooking and nobody else on the team knew how to concoct something that overwhelmingly disgusting, and today was no exception.

"COME AN' GIT IT, LADS!" the Scotsman called out before giving a large belch that echoed through the base.

The American sighed and reluctantly got up from the bed and went for supper. Food was food, after all, no matter how gross and seemingly indigestible it might be.

* * *

Everyone filed into the kitchen slowly, their faces contorting and scrunching as they caught scent of their dinner, though Emma was nowhere to be seen, a smart move on her part.

They all looked at Demoman, who was grinning stupidly as his eyelids drooped. "Aye, lads, th'… th' STOOFF! It's… s'ready." he slurred, pointing to the plate of haggis. His teammates cringed, but took their plates.

Scout, however, was not so cooperative. "Fuck man! Dis shit smells worse dan Mike's closet aftah he dumps all da rotten food and stinky clothes in dere so Ma doesn't see it, and den he forgets about it for three months!"

Soldier came up from behind Scout and smacked him upside the head before boldly taking his own plate. "Son, if you want to survive, you have to eat. And if you want to eat, you'd better damn well respect the person who's providing your ungrateful gob with food. Now shut your trap and eat your haggis!" he scolded.

Demoman gave the pouting young man a smarmy, intoxicated grin. "Thank ye, Sol, yer too kind."

But the patriot wasn't done talking yet. "I mean, sure, it might be disgusting and it looks like it's been predigested, but it's the only edible thing you're going to get tonight, so suck it up and take the pain like a man!"

The Scotsman quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing as Scout finally took his plate and sat down on a stool at the counter beside his masked friend, who would lift up its mask just enough for it to bring a fork to its mouth. Soldier, Engineer, and Demoman had now taken up residence on the couch, Heavy and Medic taking the seats across from them. Sniper and Spy sat on the two cushioned chairs that were slightly isolated from the rest of the room, tucked into the corner.

Everyone sat silently, waiting for someone to take the first bite. Eventually, all eyes fell on Medic as he looked around at his team quite helplessly.

"I… ah… I haff to… I f-forgot… somezhing." he stuttered. "Yes, I zhink I may haff left zhe, um, zhe hypo… laser… operating zhing on. Ja, I left my Hypo Laser Operating Zhing on!" He smiled at his team before getting up. "Und Heavy, didn't you say you vere going to help me vizh somezhing? Zhat… ah… zhing?"

Heavy looked at Medic with confusion. "What thing?"

The doctor gave his Russian friend an exasperated look. "You know, zhat ZHING." he drew out the last word, trying to give Heavy a clue. "Remember?"

"Nyet, Doktor, I don't know what you're talking about."

"ZHE ZHING. You know, vhen uh… zhe Hypo Laser Operating Zhing… uh… oh come on I just need your help." Medic was cursing himself for being such a terrible liar.

"I am not recalling…"

"VHEN VE GO BACK TO ZHE INFIRMARY FOR A COUPLE HOURS."

Heavy sat silently for a while before realization finally dawned on him. "Oh, da, dat thing, yes!" he said, standing up and giving his best friend a smile. "I will help with thing."

"Ja, und it's extremely important und must be dealt vizh right avay, so please feel free to start vizhout us!" Medic called.

The two had just about made it into safety until a still drunken Demoman stumbled over to the counter by the door, leaning against it. "Don't ferget ta come back, boyos!" he slurred. "Yer always so busy and on th' run, and ye've missed out on me haggis a few times before!"

It was true, Heavy and Medic had escaped to the infirmary before, and they had come back later to eat scraps out of the fridge. They let out a sigh of defeat in unison as they left, their efforts having been for naught.

Spy couldn't help but chuckle a little bit after he knew the two were out of earshot. "Is it just me, or did zhat "zhing" sound completely sexual?"

Sniper rolled his eyes. Typical Spy. "Bloody oath, mate. Medic's married. Just shut up and eat your bloody haggis."

The rest of the team stared at their plates, unsure of how to go about consuming this. Demoman had staggered back to his seat and finally began to ponder why no one was eating. He figured that they were all waiting for him to take the first bite. With this in mind, he grabbed a knife and fork and cut into his haggis. It was a little… different than it usually was, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He had followed his mother's recipe correctly from what he could recall. Something in there just didn't seem quite right.

The Scotsman shrugged, chewing his meal contently. Soldier crossed his arms and stabbed his haggis with a fork, determined to not let Demoman take the leadership role here. Everyone in the kitchen watched in shock as Soldier scarfed down the dish, glaring at the drunkard from behind his helmet.

"What are all you pansies waiting for?!" the American bellowed. "Eat up!"

Nervous expressions and shrugs were exchanged throughout the team before they all decided to try their meal.

It was just as disgusting as they had anticipated.

With every bite, an intense amount of effort was required to keep from gagging. After they found out how chewy the bits in the filling were, they decided to just swallow everything whole.

One might ask, "Why didn't they just tell Demoman that they would rather eat the god-knows-how-old hardboiled eggs that they had found under the seat on one of their last trains?" The answer was simple: if they didn't eat it, the man would most likely cook them some other Scottish dish that would be equally or even more repulsive. So, haggis it was.

Medic and Heavy returned about five minutes later, having completed their fake task, and sat down before their now lukewarm haggis. They both gulped comically and struggled to finish their dish.

The Scotsman found it a little weird, but for some reason, all of his teammates (save Soldier) had chugged down as much water as their stomachs would hold after dinner. He shrugged and let them be, returning to his eighth bottle of scumpy.

* * *

Soldier awoke the next morning as if he'd just had a dream that he fell down three flights of stairs. He jolted upright in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and glaring straight ahead of him. Man, what was in that haggis?! He shrugged it off as the feeling faded, but his gaze fell forwards again.

It really didn't help that the Mantreads were sitting right where he was staring, just waiting for him to put them on. His eyes narrowed as he stood up, not taking his eyes off the boots. Even as he slipped on his dusty blue robe over his pajamas and his bunny slippers over his feet, he kept a sharp eye on the new recruits. The glare wasn't even lessened when Soldier's helmet was slipped over his eyes and he stepped out the door, his head popping quickly back through it to make sure they didn't try anything funny. When he was satisfied that Shovel would be able to take care of everything, he left for breakfast.

"_You'd better not fail Soldier out there, Recruit." _Shovel warned_. "His team depends on him, so be prepared to pull your weight."_

"_THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!" _Shotty screamed._ "UNACCEPTABLE! UNFATHOMABLE! How could she replace ME with YOU?!" _

The Mantreads tried to stay calm and address his new comrades in a formal fashion._ "I'll do my absolute best for the team, Private Shovel. Private Shotty, I'm sorry that it had to be like this, but I didn't really have much of a choice, and neither does Commander Soldier."_

"_You don't deserve to be on the battlefield! You're just a pair of BOOTS! Nothing more!" _Shotty continued, ignoring his new comrade's attempt to make peace.

The Mantreads were quite upset about this statement, and decided that Soldier's headstrong shotgun had gone far enough._ "Well I'll show you! I'll be even better on the battlefield than you ever were!" _

"_OH YEAH?!" _

"_YEAH!"_

Shotty snorted and his tone became snide._ "Shovel, tell me how much he made us lose by today, alright?"_

Shovel decided to stay quiet from then on, not wanting to upset either weapon further. The whole room became awkwardly silent, each private waiting for their commander's return.

* * *

When Soldier came to the kitchen, he realized that he was all alone. Pyro wasn't cooking bacon, Spy wasn't hunched over his fancy coffee, Scout wasn't eating cereal with more sugar than someone should consume in a week, and Medic wasn't scolding the runner about eating a proper breakfast. What was going on?

"They're probably all still sleeping." Soldier grumbled. He marched out of the kitchen, heading back down towards the doors of his supposedly snoozing comrades.

He kicked open the first door he saw, which was Scout's. "WAKE UP, PRIVATE! WE HAVE REDS TO KILL!" he bellowed. He was about to scream at his other teammates, but he did a double take.

Scout wasn't there.

His bed was a mess, his blanket tossed on the floor and his sheets were pushed to the foot of the bed. It looked like he had been writhing and struggling, and Soldier took in the whole scene as his eyes widened.

"ALERT! RED SPY IN THE BASE! OUR SCOUT HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!" he screeched, running back out into the hall. "WAKE UP YOU LAZY NUMBNUTS!"

The patriot flung open the door to Engineer's room, his jaw dropping to see that the Texan's bed was in the same state as Scout's.

This didn't make sense, how could the Spy have kidnapped both of them? It would've been two against one! Unless…

…unless the whole RED team had aided in the deed!

He ran frantically around the hall, finding each of the rooms of his comrades in complete disarray. Soldier was about to charge out to the RED base in his pajamas until he heard a faint noise coming from the infirmary. Maybe they hadn't gotten Medic yet!

The patriot dashed towards the sound, his slippers allowing him to skid to a halt on the smooth infirmary floor. The scene before him was taken in with utter confusion.

Each of his teammates was situated on an infirmary bed, their sweaty faces a sickly green color. They were all groaning and holding their stomachs, their hands ready to snatch the buckets that were located nearby. Pyro was on a bed behind a curtain in order to grant it the privacy to hide its face. Medic was the only one standing, trying to distribute pills, extra bedding, and water to his teammates while keeping his own stomach down.

Medic stumbled out to confront Soldier, his face sporting the same hue as his fellow BLUs and his hair a complete frazzled mess. "Hallo, Herr–_hurk!_" he managed before covering his mouth, gagging. He recovered, standing up straight and groaning. "Herr Soldier, are you feeling sick?"

The American started at Medic for a while. "Why the hell would I be sick?!"

The doctor looked at his comrade curiously, though the expression was tinged with exhaustion. "You don't feel as zhough you are going to zhrow up? Zhe haggis had zhat effect on zhe rest of zhe team."

Various groans of agreement sounded from behind Medic, followed by the sloshing of vomitting in buckets.

"Man I'm so going to fucking kill you when I can move again!" Scout screamed at Demoman before throwing up into his bucket.

Soldier jutted his chest out boldly. "Of course not! I have a stomach of steel! I once ate a rotting deer carcass just so I could make it to the next Nazi camp! It was riddled with flies and fuzzy white crap, and I think it might've had rabies when it was alive, but that didn't stop me, oh no! A little haggis is not going to take me down!"

Medic was still stuck on the thought of the rotting deer carcass, a story that was probably not the best one for Soldier to bring up in this certain situation, and began to gag violently. Soldier snapped out of his fond Nazi killing memory, slung the German over his shoulder, and swiftly took him to the small infirmary bathroom so he could empty his stomach.

The patriot walked back into the infirmary, eyeing all of his ill fallen teammates. None of them were fit to battle, he concluded. He marched down to the conference room to do something that he never thought he would in his whole life.

He was going to ask for a ceasefire.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?!" Soldier bellowed, slamming his fists down on the table while glaring daggers at the Announcer from under his helmet.

"I mean exactly what I said, Mr. Doe." she said coolly. "If you were all food poisoned last night, why aren't you in the infirmary with your teammates?"

"Because I'm stronger than any of their pansy stomachs!" he stated, shaking his fist in the air.

The Announcer gave Soldier an 'are you freaking kidding me' look before taking a puff of her cigarette and smirking slightly. "Even if that is true, this story has already been done."

Soldier took his hand out of the air and cocked his head. "By who?"

She waited a while, taking her sweet time before finally answering the American's question. "One of the RED teams tried it. It turned out that they were hiding something bigger… or should I say, smaller." She inhaled deeply on her cigarette once more before her face turned from smirking to deathly. "Tell me, where is your Scout?"

The patriot was more confused than ever now. "Why would it matter where our Scout is? He's throwing up just like everyone else!"

The Announcer's face didn't change, indicating that she was not buying it. "I'll be sending in some of my men to inspect the situation. For now, I'm declining your ceasefire request, and I expect those who are fit to fight on the battlefield." And with that, the screen shut off.

Soldier was still sitting with a quizzical expression on his face. Something… smaller? He shook the thought away, his mind switching to battle mode. Well, if those who were well enough were expected to fight, then goddammit, he'd run a one-man show today!

With a renewed hunger for battle, he sped down the halls, stopping at the infirmary to salute his teammates. Everyone just acknowledged him with a grunt or a wave, Engineer giving a few words of support, if only a few and with little energy.

"Y'all go have fun now, you'll do great, Sol." the Texan mumbled before lurching forward and barfing into his bucket.

The patriot beamed at his fellow American. "Thanks, Engie!" he called before running down the hall. Just as the team thought they could vomit in peace, Soldier popped his head back through the door.

"Doc, make sure you take good care of them." he reminded Medic.

The German glared at him from the infirmary bed where he was lying on his stomach. "Ja, I'll do my best." he grumbled. Soldier gave him a thumbs up and dashed off.

"Und don't forget to eat a proper breakfast, you can't just have a pile of bacon!" Medic yelled out after him before groaning and burying his face back into his pillow.

Heavy, who was sitting on the bed beside the doctor's, reached out and gently patted his friend's back. "Is not really of use to tell him, Doktor. Remember to order more bacon for next shipment."

Pyro grumbled something into its pillow, sounding like some sort of assurance that it would fill in the request.

* * *

As Heavy had predicted, the doctor's order had fallen on deaf ears, as Soldier was already in his room and changing into his uniform as fast as he could. He grabbed his noble privates, Shovel, Jumpy, and Shotty–

Nevermind. He lowered Shotty back into his case with a sigh and slipped on the Mantreads.

He marched to the kitchen and, just like Medic had warned him not to do, he ate an entire package of bacon. Grinning contently at the now bacon-less, grease covered plate, he dumped it in the sink and sprinted off to the battlements.

Once he was in the resupply room, Soldier gave his team a pep talk. "Alright, privates, we've got a tough battle ahead of us today." he started off, pacing around the room. "Our team has fallen ill, and we are the only ones who can keep Coldfront from being taken over by the RED team!"

He was interrupted by the Announcer coming over the intercom. "Mission begins in 60 seconds."

Soldier realized he had a short amount of time to get his comrades up to date. "On top of that, the Announcer has informed me that the REDs are hiding something… something smaller, she said. WE WILL NOT LOSE TO A BUNCH OF LYING NO GOOD RED MAGGOT SCUM, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!" he shouted.

Shovel, Jumpy, and the Mantreads all gave a call of "Sir yes sir!" before Soldier stood at attention and waited for the countdown to be finished.

"Mission begins in 10 seconds."

The American tightened his grip on Jumpy, feeling Shovel dangling off his belt.

"5, 4, 3, 2…"

He loaded Jumpy with her first set of rockets.

"1!"

The resupply doors flew open and Soldier ran out, charging towards the RED base. Once he could see the wooden building, he blasted a rocket at the ground, the knockback sending him flying into the sky.

The RED team was quite confused, wondering where the hell all the BLUs were. And Soldier, well, he was a little screwed right now. It had been so long since he had last rocket jumped in battle, and he had forgotten that he needed to land on higher ground in order to not hurt himself when he landed.

As he came down, he prepared himself for a broken leg. But when he was certain he was supposed to feel the impact,

There was nothing.

Sure, he felt himself land, but it definitely wasn't in any way painful. He looked around, confused, until he saw the RED Scout staring at the patriot's feet with his mouth agape and his eyes bulging out of their sockets. He decided to follow the young runner's gaze, and was extremely surprised at what he saw.

The RED Pyro lay squashed in a bloody mess beneath his feet, its flamethrower still in its left hand, which hadn't been crushed.

So_** that's**_ what the Mantreads did.

Just then, the intercom came on. "Congratulations, BLU Soldier, you have one kill with your Mantreads and they have reached a new rank: BROKEN IN."

Both Americans' mouths hung open. Could it be?!

Yes, his Mantreads were Strange. His Mantreads. Were. _**Strange. **_

A malicious grin spread over Soldier's face as he eyed the red mush that had previously been known as the RED Pyro, thinking about how he was going to crush each member of the RED team underfoot. The kills would be tracked as well! This made him feel on top of the world! Or perhaps, more appropriately, on top of the opposing team. He looked back up to find that the RED Scout had bolted back to his base.

"Oh no you don't." the patriot chuckled as he soared into the sky, and to the RED Scout's dismay, he was gaining quickly on the young man. A strangled cry escaped the RED's throat before he was reduced to a crumpled pile of flesh and broken bones.

Soldier laughed maniacally before catching a small glint of red in the corner of his eye. Without missing a beat, he whipped out Shovel and whirled around, catching the RED Spy in the face.

Off in the distance, the sunlight was glinting off the scope of a bewildered Australian's rifle. "Holy dooley." he said under his breath before taking aim. He steadied his hand, waited until just the right moment, and–

It was too late, Soldier had already rocket jumped away, most likely in search of the other REDs. Sniper quickly lowered his scope and dashed off to warn the rest of his team.

* * *

In the meantime, Soldier was having the time of his life, jumping around his RED counterpart as the man got madder and madder. He rocket jumped into the air, hiding on top of the broken down house above the third control point. The RED skidded to a halt in the middle, unaware of where the BLU Soldier was.

"GET DOWN HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, YOU SISSY!" the RED Soldier screeched.

"Whatever you say, cupcake!" the BLU retorted, jumping down onto his head and reducing his counterpart into mush.

"HA! You fight like a GIRL!" he laughed, looking down at his boots. "Man, I love these already and I've scarcely worn them."

The intercoms crackled to life. "Congratulations, BLU Soldier, you have three kills with your Mantreads and they have reached a new rank: SCARCELY WORN."

Soldier couldn't have looked more proud as he stood at attention, capturing the third control point.

* * *

The BLU Medic trudged around the infirmary, holding his stomach as he searched through various cupboards. When he found the indigestion pills he was looking for, he filled a glass full of water and stumbled back to Sniper's bedside.

"Here you are, Herr." he croaked tiredly, holding out the pills and water.

Sniper was curled up in the fetal position and clutching his stomach, only cracking an eye open. "Th-thanks, doc." he managed between pained groans.

The doctor set it on the Australian's bedside table before flopping down onto his own infirmary bed. He was able to lie down for about five minutes until he heard more cries of, "DOC!", "Medic!", and "Docteur!" He sighed and stood up, going to see what his sick teammates needed.

That is, after he, once again, emptied his stomach into the infirmary toilet bowl.

* * *

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER CAN FIGHT BETTER THAN YOU MAGGOT SISSIES CAN!" Soldier bellowed. "AND SHE'S ONE HUNDRED AND THREE YEARS OLD!" he added, his Merc's Pride Scarf flitting slightly in the cold breeze.

It had been a good day for Soldier. An extremely good day. He hadn't respawned once, much to the dismay and frustration of the RED team. He was dominating every single other person on the field, and his Manntreads were ranking up fast. His next plan was to kill the Spy and Pyro one last time before capturing the fourth point.

The two REDs charged in on him at once, running into each other comically after the American rocket jumped into the air at the last second. Before Spy could react, he was crushed under the weight of Soldier and Private Manny.

Upon seeing its teammate dead, Pyro was quick to set the patriot alight, sending him into a fit of screams and flailing arms.

"I. AM. ON. FIIIIIIIRE!" Soldier screamed at the top of his lungs. "STOP, DROP, AND… UH… WHATEVER ENGIE'S DAUGHTER YELLS WHEN I BURN A CAKE!" he cried as he jumped into a snow bank, relieved that he had recalled that particular stay at the Conagher household.

He rocket jumped again, determined to stay far away from the fire starter until he could come up with a plan. He ended up coming down directly above the Pyro, and it proceeded to engulf him in flames before it was reduced into RED mush.

Soldier repeated the process of jumping into the snow bank, his mind wandering elsewhere as he headed to the fourth capture point in the garage-like structure.

* * *

_He had occasionally gone home with Engineer when they got holidays, and had fond memories of his "second home". The base was his first home, of course. He didn't wish to visit his own family ever again. It had started when the Texan received a letter from his daughter, Lizzie, that she wanted to meet "Solly". He had told his family about his colleagues before, especially concerning one of his best friends. _

_At first, Soldier had his doubts about it. He had his own family difficulties and was sure that he wouldn't fit in there. But Engie insisted, and it would have been rude for Soldier to refuse hospitality from his fellow American. He was absolutely astonished when he was greeted just like one of the family, and with every day he stayed, the more he felt like he was actually Engineer's long lost brother. _

_Emma had been everything his mother hadn't. As soon as he stepped through the door, she had taken him by surprise and hugged him, dragged into the kitchen, and proceeded to stuff his mouth with various treats. After he and Engineer had thanked Emma and were dismissed from the table, they went to the living room to watch a bit of TV and have some beer. _

_Little did Soldier know, he wasn't going to be having any alcohol. As soon as he sat down, Lizzie had skipped up to him in a sparkly blue dress and handed him a pink envelope sealed with a glittery butterfly sticker. He took the letter, a small smile tinged with confusion spreading on his face as he read the childish print, which was written in purple ink. Lizzie took the reading of the letter as a yes. Before Soldier knew what was going on, he had accepted the invitation to the tea party. _

_Their uncle-niece relationship had started from there. Now, every time there is a holiday period, Lizzie takes the previous week to prepare for her tea party with Sir Helmetson and plans the adventures that they'll have in the backyard._

_On his fifth visit, he had offered to help Emma bake for a get together with some old friends that she and Engineer had been invited to. She had told him that babysitting their five year old daughter was more than enough help, but he insisted that he was still in her debt for providing hospitality, and thus began Soldier's baking lessons._

_He wasn't too bad at baking, actually. He'd followed the recipe for the vanilla cream cupcakes exactly, and it looked as though they were going to turn out absolutely delicious, but then they discovered that Soldier should probably just leave the oven work to Engineer or Pyro. _

_The cupcakes were up in flames, and the patriot's shirt had caught on fire when he tried to pull them out. "STOP, DROP, AND ROLL, SOLLY!" Oh right, that's what Lizzie had yelled. Fortunately, Engineer had ran in with the fire extinguisher and put out the flames. _

_When most people would feel embarrassment or remorse, Soldier felt the need to improve, the fuelling of his determination. He had continued to bake the whole night through, even when the Conagher couple had left for their party. Lizzie sat on the stool at the counter, content to just watch and give her critique on the pastries that Soldier didn't burn. _

"_Hmmm…" she thought as she scrunched her nose. "Not enough sugar."_

_Soldier visibly deflated. "You always say that!" he protested._

"_That's because there's never enough sugar!" she retorted._

_By this time, the patriot had figured out that there would never be enough sugar in anything for a five year old. He sighed and continued to find new recipes in the various cook books that took up an entire cupboard._

* * *

"The enemy has received additional time." the Announcer growled through the speaker as Soldier sprinted for the next point, picking up some ammunition on the way.

When he arrived, he was met with a line of RED sticky bombs. He skidded to a halt in the snow, rocket jumping back just in time to narrowly avoid being blown to bits.

"That was a close call…" he breathed. "Good thing I picked up that ammo box."

Soldier rocket jumped into the sky once again, preparing to squash the RED Demoman.

"Two can play at that game, laddie." Demoman chuckled before jumping and setting off the bombs that were at his feet.

"Aw, shit on a cracker." Soldier grumbled, meeting the Scotsman in midair.

Demoman swung at the patriot with his bottle, giving him a deep gash on his cheek. Both of them came back down to earth, suffering the same amount of fall damage.

"Hehe, what's the matter, cross dresser? Can't take the heat?" Soldier taunted upon seeing the drunkard breathe heavily and search around for a medpack.

Demoman wasn't using a Sticky Jumper or any other weapon that would enable him to use explosives to propel himself into the air and not be hurt by it. Before he could turn and run, the Scot was decapitated by Shovel. Soldier ran out of the snow and into the building of the final point and had just begun to capture it when he heard voices coming from their resupply.

"Kill dem all!"

"Los weiter!"

Dammit, the Heavy and Medic had already respawned. He growled and raced to the stairs where he climbed to the platform high above the point, waiting for them to be in view.

The RED Heavy stopped in the middle of the large room and looked around, a confused expression on his face. "Doktor?"

"Ja, kamerad?"

"I do not see tiny Soldier anywhere." He continued worriedly.

The Medic rolled his eyes. "Remember zhat trap Herr Demoman set up? He vas probably blown up und is on his vay back here from respawn."

"Oh." Heavy said simply.

"Ja."

The two stayed silent for a while, and Soldier was sure it was the perfect time to execute a sneak attack until Heavy turned around.

"Doktor, do you know why entire baby BLU team is not fighting?" he said, a genuinely worried expression on his face.

"Nein, I haff no idea vhat happened. But zhen again, vhy does it matter to us?"

"I am just thinking dat if dey are not here, something bad must have happened. What if dey are all sick with contagious disease and BLU Soldier is only one who does not have it?"

"If it is contagious, zhen zhe BLU Soldier vill catch it eventually."

"What if dere is mass kidnapper on loose?!"

Medic laughed at this. "Heavy, I'm sure zhat zhe BLUs vould be able to handle zhemselves against a few kidnappers! Zhey are trained mercenaries just like us, after all."

Heavy's expression didn't change. "Doktor, I am thinking dat we should tell Engineer to put on extra alarm system and set up sentries tonight."

Medic huffed. "Mein Gott, zhere are no kidnappers abducting grown men!"

"Maybe I should set up cot in Doktor's room…"

"Heavy, really! I can take care of myself!" Medic yelled, crossing his arms.

"Should not take chances. Maybe entire team should sleep in same room."

At this, the RED doctor finally gave up and just stayed silent, waiting for the arrival of the lone BLU. Finally, a chance for Soldier to–

"But if one of us gets kidnapped, den how do we find kidnapper?!" Heavy asked frantically, turning around to face Medic.

Soldier banged his head silently against his folded arms from where he lay exasperated on the floor. "Mother of God, Ruskie, would you shut the hell up so I can kill you?!" he whispered.

Medic pinched the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses. "Ve can call zhe police und zhe Administrator. Zhat's about it."

Heavy's eyes narrowed as his lower lip jutted out. "But you say we are trained mercenaries, da? WE find kidnapper! Den we kill him!" Heavy said, beaming.

The doctor sighed. "Ja vhatever you –AACK!"

A cry of sudden pain was all that Medic could manage before he was crushed. Soldier had jumped from the higher balcony and onto his head, meeting the gaze of a very surprised and extremely peeved Heavy.

Before he could say anything, though, the intercom crackled to life. "Congratulations, BLU Soldier, you have fifty kills with your Manntreads and they have reached a new rank: WICKED STINKY."

Soldier beamed. "Oooh, a title reference!" he said excitedly. "That means it's gotta be relevant to the story, right?"

Instead of killing him, the RED Heavy just gave him an extremely confused look. "Story?"

The patriot quickly stood up straight. "MAGGOT!" he replied quickly before swiftly decapitating his enemy.

Soldier sprinted over to the point and successfully captured it, claiming a seemingly impossible victory for BLU, given the circumstances. As he charged into the RED resupply and smashed each of their skulls in, he couldn't help but think there was a foul aroma following him.

* * *

The door to the infirmary swung open, revealing a grinning Soldier. "I'M BAAAACK!" he yelled. To his dismay, though, the only person in the infirmary was Medic, looking extremely startled. He sat at the small table used for procedures in which the patient was able to sit in a chair, such as stitches on their arms, or in Pyro's case, water on its finger.

"Mein Gott, Soldat! Don't do zhat to me!" the doctor breathed, holding his chest. "You scared me half to deazh, next time you'll scare me zhe whole vay!"

Soldier lifted his helmet a bit to scratch the back of his neck. "Ah… sorry doc." he apologized. "So where's everyone else?"

Medic picked up the medical textbook he had been reading and Archimedes perched onto his shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of the doctor's neck. "Zhey're around zhe base, ve all made a quick recovery after zhe Announcer's men came in to investigate somezhing." He shrugged. "Zhey vouldn't tell us vhat is vas about, but vhen zhey saw zhat ve vere actually sick, zhey brought in a few of zheir doctors to take care of us."

"So did it turn out to be the haggis?" the patriot questioned.

Medic looked at him with a quirked eyebrow. "Vhat else could haff made us all sick at zhe exact same time if not zhat? Ve haff different immune system strengzhs, so it could not haff been a virus. If it vere, it vould haff affected one of us first, und zhen caused ein outbreak zhrough zhe rest of zhe team. Even zhen, vhat vould zhe chances be zhat all eight of us vould fall ill from zhe same virus?" he explained, returning to his book.

Soldier shifted uneasily in his boots. "So… just clarifying here… that's a yes, right?"

The German just looked over to the patriot and nodded.

"Oh good, that's what I thought!" Soldier said as he marched to the table and sat on the side opposite to Medic.

The doctor immediately plugged is nose. "Vhat is zhat stink?!" he said, cringing. "It smells absolutely disgusting!"

The patriot looked at Medic and cocked his head like a confused puppy. "What smell? I don't know what you're talking about, doc."

Medic stood up, recalling the taste of the haggis as he opened all the windows and doors. "Soldier, take zhose boots off."

"But–"

"NOW."

Instead of doing the smart thing and listening to the doctor's orders, Soldier made a run for it. "I'M NEVER TAKING PRIVATE MANNY OFF, SO YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, KRAUT!" he shouted back at Medic as he raced down the halls.

The German could only watch him go, still feeling a little lightheaded from the stench. Yes, it was that bad. The boots were Wicked Stinky, after all. He huffed and headed back into the infirmary, hoping that the few doves that had resided in the room while he had read his book hadn't died.

* * *

Soldier's plate had barely been touched as he told the team of his magnificent victory that day. For once, each team member was paying full attention to every detail that came out of the patriot's mouth.

"And then, I stomped on his head! He was like, 'SPLAT!', EXCEPT ALL OF IT WAS RED!" Soldier emphasized this by plopping a scoop of his mashed potatoes heavily onto his meat loaf. Engineer had taken the liberty of cooking dinner that night, as well as a triple fudge cake for desert.

Spy cringed at this. "As interesting as zhat story is, I don't zhink zhat was a very appropriate example for dinner."

"Shut your trap, Crouton!" Soldier snapped, pointing his spoon at the Frenchman. "You're just jealous because I was able to single-handedly defeat the entire RED team today!"

Spy rolled his eyes, stopping when he caught a strange scent. "Does… does anyone else smell zhat?" he asked, his nose scrunched.

"Ja." Medic mumbled, trying to focus on his dinner and not the stench contaminating the air.

The rest of the BLUs did smell it, and it sort of reminded them of a certain meal they had consumed the previous night. But, due to the fact that they were so engrossed in their teammate's story of total domination, they had chosen to ignore it.

* * *

Soldier fell asleep with his Mantreads on that night. He wasn't kidding when he swore that he was never going to take them off. It took a heated battle with Medic, but the German finally gave up and went to bed, grumbling about insane Americans.

Now, he was tossing and turning in his bed, a cold sweat forming on his face as his breathing became heavier. Once he finally woke up, he could feel the entire room spinning around him, and that made him extremely nauseous.

Gripping the headboard for support, Soldier made it to his feet and trudged to the door, focusing on keeping his balance. Why the hell was he feeling this way? It felt like a train hit him and he was still in the process of bleeding out and–oh lord, his stomach was churning like a whitewater river.

He stumbled out the door, falling into the wall in front of him as he groaned. He took a few minutes to steady himself and continued down the hall, keeping both hands on the wall until he came at the door he was looking for. He knocked once and waited a little while. When no answer came, he knocked three more times and rested his head on the door. It was so cold, and it felt so good on his burning forehead.

The door swung open and the patriot fell into the arms of a very surprised Medic. Thank God for his good reflexes, otherwise they both would've ended up on the floor.

"Doc…." Soldier whined.

"Erm, ja, Soldat?" the doctor asked, still holding his teammate and sounding genuinely worried.

"Rrr drrnt frr grrd." Soldier muffled softly into the German's shoulder.

"Soldier, I couldn't hear you, say it one more time, bitte."

"Doc," the patriot groaned, "I think that bacon was past its expiry date." He clutched his stomach.

"Vell, zhat's vhat happens vhen you decide to ignore my advice. Anozzah contributing factor could be zhe fact zhat you don't vear your mittens. I tell Herr Heavy to vear zhem und does he get viruses? Nein." This was going to be a very long night, Medic thought. He took his mentally unstable teammate by the hand and led him to the infirmary where he flopped down into one of the white beds.

The doctor grabbed him a bucket and felt his forehead. "Mhmm, forehead is sveaty und hot." he mumbling to himself before sticking a thermometer in his teammate's mouth. He pulled the covers over him and made sure the man was comfortable before pulling the thermometer out.

"Ja, 103 degrees Fahrenheit." he said, putting the thermometer in the sink.

"Medic," Soldier mumbled, "do you think I'll be able to fight tomorrow?"

The doctor shook his head as he wrapped a packet of ice in a cloth and placed it on Soldier's forehead. "Nein, you need to rest tomorrow in order to get rid of zhe virus und fully recover."

Instead of putting up the usual fight that the patriot would in this case, he just mumbled an incoherent sound and drifted into sleep. Medic turned off the lights and headed back down the hallway, ready to go back to bed.

What the German didn't know, however, was that a certain Frenchman had been using his Cloak and Dagger in order to hide in the infirmary. Once Medic left, Spy crept towards the bed that Soldier resided in and lifted up the bottom of the covers, both pleased and disgusted that the American was still wearing the foul smelling boots.

He carefully, oh so carefully, undid the laces of each boot and, with such delicacy that could only belong to a master of espionage, he slipped them off. He immediately regretted not bringing a nose plug.

"Mon Dieu, zhese zhings are definitely getting washed." Spy whispered.

* * *

Engineer awoke at 3:37am to the sound of rockets exploding.

What?

Confused, he rubbed his eyes and looked out his window towards the enemy base. Sure enough, he could see the flashes of orange light in the distance.

He hurriedly ran into the laundry room, grabbed his coat, extra coat, scarf, extra scarf, mittens, extra mittens, his hat, and his boots and ran for the door.

Before he could make it outside, he was met with a tired and very annoyed looking doctor. From what Engineer could tell, his coat with singed and soaked, as if he had been caught in an explosion and fallen in the snow. He only seethed three words before returning to his room in an angry huff.

"Talk. To. Him."

This was all that the Texan needed in order know exactly who it was and what he had to say to him. He ran out the door and sprinted as fast as he could to the enemy base, finally catching sight of Soldier in the distance.

The man was firing rockets from his Black Box into the walls of the base, screaming obscenities and only clothed in his pajamas. No shoes, no gloves, just pajamas.

"YOU KIDNAPPERS! YOU MAGGOT SCUM! WORTHLESS HIPPIES! I DEMAND THAT YOU RETURN MY PRIVATE IMMEDIATELY!" he screeched.

Each of the REDs had gathered behind the gates, annoyed that Soldier had awoken them at such an ungodly hour.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A HIPPIE, HIPPIE! I WILL CONTACT THE ANNOUNCER TO HAVE YOU SENT HOME TO YOUR MOMMA IN A BOX!" the RED Soldier bellowed back.

"See, Doktor?! I tell you dere is kidnapper!" he said worriedly as he lifted Medic off the floor and into his protective hold.

"Heavy, lass mich gehen! He zhinks VE are zhe kidnappers!" Medic explained while trying to squirm out of Heavy's arms.

Engineer raced to Soldier and pulled him back from the gates. "SOL, STOP!" he screamed. Soldier stopped, if only in result of confusion. The Texan turned back towards the enemy base. "Ahm real sorry 'bout that, partners."

The members of the RED team only raised an eye or crossed their arms. Each silently headed back to bed, with the exception of the RED Scout, who was yelling, "What da hell was dat crap?!" all the way back into their living quarters.

"ENGIE, HOW COULD YOU?! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO–"

"Stop right there, Sol." Engineer interrupted. "Ah know you're upset, but how do you know that the RED team actually stole your boots?"

"BECAUSE!" Soldier screamed.

"Because isn't a significant answer." Engineer said, crossing his arms.

"Because… because they're… uh… REDS! Yeah, that's it! REDs are evil, so of course they did it!"

"Uh huh."

"Yeah!"

"What if I told you that they're in the laundry room?"

The patriot's jaw dropped as he looked at his fellow American in utter confusion and disbelief.

"Ah saw 'em in there before I left, they smelled like Spah's fancy soap. Must've been his doin'."

Soldier began to kick at the snow, grumbling things about "no good dirty frogs" and "total disrespect for a commanding officer".

Engineer quirked an eyebrow as he observed his teammate. "Sol, your toes are turnin' purple."

Soldier looked down at his feet, and then back to the Texan. "I DON'T CARE, pain is weakness leaving the body! In fact, I'll sleep right here tonight! It will only make me stronger!" he bellowed, plopping down into the soft powder.

Engineer rolled his eyes. "Sol, come on. Let's get you to bed. You're not well"

Soldier continued to pout and sit where he was, not making any motion to move.

"Don't you wanna sleep in your nice warm bed?"

Still, Engineer received no response.

"There's one last slice of cake in the fridge."

The patriot's head snapped up to look at his tinkering teammate. "There is?!"

The Texan just nodded his head, motioning for Soldier to follow. The mentally unstable American stumbled to his feet and trotted behind Engineer as though he wasn't sick at all and didn't have frostbite in his toes.

He was soon reminded of that fact and the importance of wearing shoes in the snow by the pissed off German that was waiting for them in the infirmary. While Soldier's frostbite was being treated, his best friend brought him the last slice of triple fudge cake.

"Thanks, Engie!" the patriot said gratefully.

Before he could dig in, Medic had to remind him about one last thing.

"Don't you DARE get chocolate on zhe vhite sheets, or I might decide zhat your toes need amputation instead!" he yelled from the back while retrieving supplies for the frostbite.

Engineer chuckled and went back to bed, falling into a deep sleep and a pleasant dream about the verbal lashing Spy was going to get tomorrow.

* * *

It had reached the last battle of the testing week at Coldfront.

Soldier's fever had gotten better, but he had still been unable to fight for the remainder of that week. The bacon and haggis combination really did a number on him, not to mention that going out in the snow with no shoes could only make it worse.

Demoman had finally remembered what he did to screw up his mother's haggis recipe so badly, but he was never, EVER, going to tell anyone. It had all come back to him when he found Emma chewing on a strip of suet.

Spy had been avoiding Soldier after each battle, despite Soldier's best attempts at finding him. Damn, he was sneaky.

Engineer was going around, looking for his friend, when he finally spotted him starting down the trail to the train station. He was in full uniform, despite not being able to fight that day due to his sickness, complete with his oversized helmet.

"Howdy, Sol!" the Texan yelled to Soldier. The patriot let him catch up, and they continued down the path.

"Hey Engie." Soldier greeted, a solemn tone to his voice. He was carrying a small box under one arm and holding it steady with the other.

"Watchya got there?" Engineer asked, pointing to the box.

"I'll tell you when we get there." Soldier assured.

For the rest of the walk down, they were silent. Not in an awkward kind of way, but in an appreciative one. It wasn't every day that you got to experience total quiet, not in a place like this. There was always gunfire during the day, and, well, there were eight other people to live with off the battlefield.

Once they reached the station, Soldier handed the package to Dave, the train station manager. "I'm returning this to HQ."

Dave looked the package over, pasted a couple of stamps on it, tossed it over his shoulder, and promptly went back to sleep on the ticket counter.

"What was that, Sol?" Engineer inquired.

"My Mantreads." the patriot answered with a small smile.

The Texan stared at his teammate. "But I thought you did so well with those, what made you want to send them back?"

Soldier scoffed at this. "Private Shotty, of course! Don't get me wrong, the Mantreads are great, but Private Shotty is one of the most loyal comrades I've ever had."

"Right…" Engineer said, grinning. "Well, let's get you back to your bed before Medic finds out you left. You were supposed to be restin' and gettin' well, remember?"

"Oh, shit!" Soldier yelled, smacking his helmeted head before sprinting up the path.

* * *

Once Soldier was in his room, he pulled off his uniform and changed into his pajamas, jumping into bed and doing the best he could at looking asleep.

If the patriot had been a minute later, he would've been in deep trouble. Just then, Medic had quietly opened the door to see how his patient was doing, and smiled a little at the sight of a peaceful Soldier. It was so usual to see him with a frown or malicious grin on his face that it was a surprise to see him silent and calm. The doctor slipped out of the room and closed the door as carefully as possible, trying not to wake the sleeping man.

As soon as he could no longer hear Medic's footsteps, Soldier reached under his bed and pulled out a brown box. He unfolded the top and grinned at the item inside.

His Mantreads.

"Don't worry, Private. They only _think _you've been sent away, but this gives you a very important element of battle: surprise!" he laughed as he folded the box back up and tucked them back under his bed.

After sleep took him once again, Soldier dreamt of RED mush and soaring eagles.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked that one. And don't be scared to leave a review! I always love feedback from everyone! :D**

**~ Jinny **


	10. The Haunting of Degroot Keep, Part 1

**Hey guys! So I was working on this last night, thinking, "I'm definitely not going to get this done by Halloween, but I still want my readers to know that I'm working on it." Then I had this great idea that I would split it into 2 parts and leave you guys with about five different cliffhangers. So, here it is, part one of my Halloween special! Enjoy!**

**By the way, there is one character that shows up that my brother and I had the idea for, so don't expect to recognize him. BUT, said character was sort of mentioned in the description for the story, and you guys will probably know who I'm talking about once you finish this.**

**Need a disclaymah, here!**

* * *

"**The Haunting of DeGroot Keep, Part 1"**

On a chilly and cloudy October afternoon, nine groggy mercenaries stumbled off an old plane. All but Scout and Emma were walking sluggishly to the luggage compartment, tired but eager to get to back to their favorite base: Thunder Mountain. The Announcer had told them that it was all fixed up and the damages from Soldier's rampage had been repaired, so she booked them for the quickest flight back.

Once Scout had gotten his luggage, he and his favorite puppy bounded happily to the car outside that was waiting to pick them up.

"I can't wait to get back inta da pool!" he squealed giddily. "Come on! Me and Emma wanna get dere TADAY, if ya don't mind!" he yelled back to his team, tapping his foot.

Each of them groaned and continued to trudge at the same pace, ignoring the young man's impatient cries of, "I'm not gettin' any youngah here!" and "Holy crap, MUSH YOU LAZY BUMS!" Emma barked in agreement and started to run back to the rest of the BLUs, but turned back and sprinted back to Scout, then back to the team, then back to Scout, and so forth. She continued this action until her and Scout's older teammates arrived at the van.

They threw their luggage in the back, taking a seat and just wanting to get back to the base so they could sleep off the jet lag, not really taking much care as to where they sat, save Soldier and Spy. The Frenchman had made sure to sit in a different row than his mentally unstable teammate, since they were still sour towards each other after Soldier finally got a hold of Spy for stealing his boots. Sniper did the same, as he still hadn't forgiven Soldier for the remark about his mother on the Coldfront train.

The van had three rows of seats behind the driver and passenger, each row holding three people. Heavy and Medic ended up taking the front row, behind them, Sniper, Spy, and Demoman, and in the very back sat Scout, Pyro, and Soldier while Engineer and Emma occupied the front seat next to the driver. Once they were all seated in the vehicle, the driver started it up and drove down the road.

When everyone was silent and settled, a small cooing could be heard from beside Medic's seat. Heavy perked his head up and looked towards the doctor, giving him a confused look.

"Vhat?" Medic asked, nuzzling Aristotle with his knuckle through the wires of the bird cage. "You didn't really expect me to send mein babies on zhe cargo transportation plane, did you? Zhey vere my carry on baggage!" He smiled up at Heavy as he said this, eliciting a grin and a chuckle from the Russian.

As Spy leaned on his fist and looked out the window, he noticed that the path they were on wasn't quite one he was familiar with. In fact, this whole place was strange to him, the buildings, the hills, the decline in trees. Each of the mercenaries came to realize this after a while, confusion spreading on each of their faces.

Engineer was sitting in the front passenger seat, so he decided that it would be best for him to question the route. "Uh, pardon me, sir, but I don't rightly recognize this area. Mind tellin' me where we're goin'?"

The driver was a young man with red hair, pale skin, stormy blue eyes, and an abundance of freckles. He wore a purple dress shirt with a hat to match, and he looked to be a little younger than Scout, about 19 years old. He turned to Engineer nervously and answered, "W-we're going back to your base. You know, DeGroot K-keep?"

Sniper's head snapped up from where he had been dozing off. "AND JUST WHERE TH' BLOODY HELL IS THAT?!" he screamed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I've never even heard of this bleedin' place before in moi loife!"

"U-uh, w-well… that's where Miss Pauling told me to g-go. I just d-drive you guys a-around, d-don't ask me!" he answered shakily, his high voice cracking a bit. Obviously the Australian made him more nervous than he already was.

Medic leaned forward to speak to Engineer. "Vhy vould ve be sent to some place zhat ve haff nevah heard of?! Zhe Announcer told us ve vere going back to Zhunder Mountain!"

"Wait a minute," Scout's voice rang out, "it's called DeGroot Keep, right? And Demoman's last name is DeGroot. Does dat mean it belongs to Demoman's family?" he asked. Each of his fellow BLUs just sat quietly and stared at him, wondering why he, of all people, would be the first one to make that deduction. "Wait, a keep… bein' like… a castle? DEMOMAN HAS A FUCKIN' CASTLE?! DAT'S SO NOT FUCKIN' FAIR AT FUCKIN' ALL! I WANT A MOTHA FUCKIN' CASTLE, LIKE FUCK MAN HE'S FUCKIN' DRUNK ALL DA FUCKIN' TIME WHY DOES HE GET A FUCKIN' CASTLE DAT'S DA BIGGEST LOAD O' BULL SHIT I'VE EVAH HEARD IN MY FUCKING LIFE!" he shouted, waving his arms around to emphasize the unfairness of the situation.

Demoman, who was still sleeping at this time, woke with a start at his name being shouted. "I'll kill ya an I'll keep killin' ya, and I'm… never gonna stop… cause you'll be dead!" he yelled, jumping out of his seat and flopping right back down, still only partly awake. The only reason he was sober at the time was that they hadn't let him bring his scrumpy stash as his carry on baggage.

Engineer rubbed his temples. "Scout, mind your mouth, please. I think you just broke the world record for the most cusses in a single sentence."

"Well it aint my fault dat Demo's a lazy shit and he still gets a castle!" Scout pouted.

Spy rolled his eyes at the display and returned his attention to the driver. "Garçon, where are we?"

"U-uh…" he started, not realized at first that Spy had been addressing him, "we just left the airport, s-so we should be–"

"Mon Dieu, Non!" Spy shouted, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really wasn't in the mood for this. "I meant our location on a world map."

"O-oh… uh, we're in Scotland, sir." the boy answered. Now that they thought about it, he did have a small tinge of Scottish in his accent.

"Lads?" Demoman called out to them.

All eyes were turned towards the Scotsman and the genuine look of fear on his face.

"We need to get out of here. _Right now_."

Scout scoffed and crossed his arms. "Why? So you can have da fuckin' castle all to ya fuckin' self? Huh? HUH?" he questioned, leaning in close to Demoman.

It was now Medic's turn to cross his arms and scold the boy. "Scout, language! Ve are not on zhe battlefield, ve are in a vehicle vizh someone zhat is not familiar vizh your usual behavior, so you really must mind your manners!"

Demoman paid no attention to the doctor and just looked at the young man in aghast. "Have it to meself?!" he yelled. "Boyo, goin' inta tha' castle is the last thing I'll ever want to do!"

Pyro cocked its head slightly, eyes fixed on what was out the window. "Lrrk, rrrt's Drrmrr's crrstrr, Scrrt!"

Scout whipped his head around, his jaw dropping and eyes popping at what he saw.

The castle was _huge._

It sat on the very top of a huge hill, a few rocks surrounding its landscape and a small forest could be seen a distance away from the North side of the perimeter. It looked like it was from thousands of years ago, due to all the moss and vines growing up the stone walls of the keep. Even at a large distance, one could tell how massive it was. Each of the mercenaries, save Demoman, could not help but gape at the magnificent sight.

The Scotsman, however, was fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat. "Lads, I'm not jokin' here! That place aint right!"

Heavy turned to Demoman with a puzzled expression. "Why Demoman think dat castle is bad? Is your castle, da?" Pyro nodded in agreement to this.

The Scot looked around warily before leaning in close to the two. "It's haunted with many an evil spirit…" he whispered ominously.

The Russian quirked an eyebrow, but let him continue.

"Before me mum died, she always told me that DeGroot Keep, the one ye see o'er there, was cursed by an evil wizard, and the people living there were locked inside forever, soon to be possessed by the demons that the wizard cast upon them." he paused for a moment, waiting to see if there was any kind of chance that Heavy and Pyro were believing any of this. Heavy wasn't, but Pyro looked like it was a child sitting around a fire and listening to its camp counselor tell a scary story, so Demoman continued. "No one knows what exactly those former people have become, but some say that they morphed into twisted versions of themselves, forever roaming the gloomy halls of DeGroot Keep…"

Heavy waited for a moment, but then started laughing. "Oh Demoman, you are such good story teller!" he chortled, slapping his comrade on the back.

Pyro didn't seem to be comforted by the Russian man's laughing, and stared to bite the inside of its cheek, though no one could tell.

The rest of the team had also overheard this story and had just waved him off. Engineer, being the optimistic one, tried to cheer up his Scottish comrade. "Chin up, Cyclops! That castle is giant! There's gotta be a nice dinin' room, wouldn't you think so? And the rooms were probably set up fer royalty! I'd say that we're in for the best stay of our careers."

Demoman grumbled inaudibly under his breath, obviously still not happy with the idea of staying in a supposedly haunted castle.

* * *

Once they arrived a half an hour later, each mercenary set off to his room to unpack his things. Each room was set up the same way, each with a table, a wooden chair, and a king sized bed. There were no mattresses, but the mercenaries had with them enough blankets and jackets to make do for some form of comfort.

Pyro found the kitchen and started to crack open the cans of chicken soup it had smuggled in its suitcase, but not before it made its way around the castle and carefully lit each torch that hung from the walls and lit up the keep. One might ask why the firebug would carry cans of soup around, but the simple answer would be that it thought it might get hungry on the long drive back to the base.

By the time everyone was settled and dinner was ready, it was late and had started raining. The various windows throughout the castle allowed them to hear the pitter patter of the rain and the occasional frightening crack of thunder, making Emma jump every single time.

Engineer had been right, the dining room was massive. The table looked like it was made to host banquets and the room itself looked as though it was a ballroom. It was at the very center of the castle, and it had eight corridors, four on each side of the room, leading to each end of the keep.

Pyro came out with open cans of soup that it had heated on the wood stove. Each had a spoon in it as well, which Pyro had brought along thoughtfully for each of its teammates, just in case. They had no bowls, seeing as the castle didn't exactly hold any dinnerware that wasn't reduced to a pile of dust due to old age.

Just when they had all sat down for dinner, a knocking sound was heard. It came faintly, ever so faintly, as if someone was knocking on one of the doors to the keep.

Scout looked up from his chicken soup and cocked his head. "Who da heck is knockin' dis late at night?" he asked to no one in particular. He shrugged and got up. "Whatevah, I'll see what dey want." he said as he exited the dining room and went to run in the direction of the noise.

Soldier sprang up and grabbed the kid by his collar before he could continue down the L shaped corridor. "What are you doing, maggot?! The knocking is obviously coming from the West end of the castle!" he yelled.

Scout shook his head violently. "Nuh uh! It's comin' from da East end!" he retorted as he pointed down the hall that he had intended to follow.

Soldier sighed and shook his head. "That's North, private."

The young man took his hand back and blew Soldier a raspberry. "Whatevah! It's comin' from down dere, I know it!"

Spy sauntered over to the bickering Americans and blew out a plume of smoke into the air between them, causing Scout to go into a coughing fit.

"Hey what da fuck, man?!" the Bostonian managed between coughs. "I'm a freakin' athlete, which means I gotta protect my goddamn lungs! So don't blow dat fricken cancer smoke in my face, comprendo?!"

Spy chucked and leaned against the wall. "You're both wrong." he said coolly, flicking his finished cigarette away. "Zhe knocking is obviously coming from zhe Souzh-East end of zhe castle." He pointed across the dining room to a corridor on the far side.

At this point, Medic also stood up and joined the conversation as well. "Nein, I zhink I vill haff to schedule some check ups tomorrow. Zhe knocking is clearly coming from zhe East corridor."

Sniper was actually the first to agree with someone. "I've gotta go with the Spook on this one. The South-East end is definitely roight." He said, leaning against the wall.

Engineer sighed and got up from his chair. "Hey fellas?" he called out to the group in the hallway. "Why don't we just go to where we think the sound is comin' from? It could just be echoin' through the buildin', considerin' it's all stone, and we meet back here once we've checked." he suggested.

Everyone just stared blankly at each other for a moment and shrugged, each heading off and following their ears.

Demoman looked around warily as Heavy, Engineer, and Pyro stared at him curiously. "I don't like this, not one bit." he murmured to himself, now staring at his soup.

The Texan shrugged and started to head off, but he felt as though his overalls were caught on something. He turned around and groaned. "Pyro, let go please."

The firebug shook its head. "Rr rrgrrr wrrth Drrmrrmrrn, thrrs rrs scrrry!" it muffled.

Engineer sighed. "Have you been watchin' them horror movies again?"

Pyro was completely oblivious to his question and continued on rambling. "Wrrrt rrrf rr mrrn drrvrrn crrzrr brr sprrrrts rrrrs wrrrrtrrng trrr krrrl rrrs rrrll wrrrth rrrn rrrxe?!"

"A man driven crazy by spirits waitin' to kill us with an axe? Pyro, please, this aint The Shining. Now are you gonna let go or come with me?"

Pryo made no gesture at all that it was going to release it's grip, so Engineer settled for dragging it behind him as it held on to the back strap of his overalls.

Heavy pondered the firebug's nervous behavior. Demoman was just spewing garbage, that's all, he thought. But… it wouldn't hurt to make sure… just to soothe his worry.

"Doktor, wait for me!" he called down the East corridor as he ran to catch up with Medic. He didn't want anyone killing his best friend with an axe.

At this point, Demoman was alone at the table, eating his soup and trying not to think about the fact that he could almost feel someone watching him.

And someone was.

* * *

"Mate, could ya just please take off ya shoes?!" Sniper whined as his masked companion gave an annoyed huff.

"Bushman, just because you don't like zhe noise does not mean I'm going to let my socks get dirty!" Spy retorted.

They had been walking for about five minutes, and already the combination of the frequent knocking and the clacking of Spy's shoes on the stone floor had the Aussie going insane. Sniper grumbled and huffed and pouted while Spy just sighed and shook his head.

They continued down the hall to the South-East entrance, and Sniper was relieved that the clicking and clacking would be halted soon. As they approached the door, the knocking became more urgent and forceful.

Sniper picked up his pace a little. "Yeah yeah, we're bloody comin', calm down." He yanked on the door and Spy looked outside as he opened it.

There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Spy cocked his head as Sniper took a peek outside as well, becoming equally confused with their current predicament.

"Zhis is razher odd." the Frenchman stated simply.

"I'll say. This is more curious than–wait, who's that?" Sniper asked, pointing into the distance. "You suppose it's one o' them monsters that Demo was talkin' about?"

Spy squinted his eyes to see, the task proving to be difficult, considering it was quite dark. He saw the silhouette of a person out in the field, the only indication of a jacket of sorts was the hood that covered its head. The Frenchman set his cloaking device and walked towards the figure.

"Spoi?! What the bloody hell do you think you're–?!" Sniper whispered harshly before lightly groaning. "Piss, stupid bloody spois."

The bushman crept out of the door, realizing that this was probably the only time in his life where Soldier's army crawl drills would be of use to him. He crawled across the field to the figure, hoping it wouldn't notice he was there.

"GOTCHA!" the Aussie yelled as he jumped for it.

"AUGH!" it cried out, landing with a thump onto its back.

"Now that is how you catch a monster, Spook!" Sniper called out triumphantly, straddling his catch.

From behind him, Spy uncloaked, rubbing his forehead. "Bushman, did you even take a second to look at your 'monster's' face?" he asked exasperatedly, pointing to the hooded person.

Sniper opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately, looking back at the person he sat on.

"What in God's name?!" he shouted in the face of what could now be identified as a young boy.

"Uh… hey, fancy meetin' you guys here…"

* * *

Scout raced down the hallway, following the constant knocking that had become more urgent as he approached. Dumb Soldier, what the hell does he know? The Bostonian placed two hands on the door ring and tugged on it, opening it just a crack.

But he was extremely confused at what he saw.

There was, well, nothing. It was almost as if no one had even come in the first place, let alone just gave up and walked away. If they had, Scout would have been able to spot them in the open field. They definitely wouldn't have been able to make it into the forest a little ways away.

"Weird…" he mumbled before closing the door. Maybe he was just hearing things. He'd better get to Medic and ask him to check it out.

Scout trudged back down the hall through which he came, but something seemed sort of different about it… maybe it was just him being paranoid, or maybe it was the note tacked up on the wall.

Wait.

Note?

He grabbed it and eyed it curiously. It was scrawled messily and seemed to be written rather urgently and hastily.

"Don't look or it takes you." he read out loud. He looked around warily, wondering why he hadn't noticed this before. Surely he would've seen it, it practically glowed in the dimly lit hallway. He looked outside again, gazing to the forest surrounding the field. Just as he was about to shrug it off and head back to the dining room, he did a double take.

There was another glowing white sheet tacked up to one of the trees.

Curiosity overtook the boy and he found himself sprinting to the next note, skidding to a halt on the wet ground in front of the tree.

"Always watches, no eyes." he murmured, inspecting the piece of paper. Included with the messy scratches was a circle, which appeared to represent a head, with two X's scrawled over where the person's eyes should have been.

He looked up, trying to see into the dense forest. For a while, he glanced back and forth between the keep and the trees. Eventually he could stand it no longer, and he nervously and slowly walked into the forest.

He couldn't decide whether that thumping was just his heart beating or the sound of distant drums.

* * *

Soldier marched down the hall, the flames of the torches flickering as he briskly walked past. He followed his ears, the knocking becoming more urgent as he approached. Hah, the damn Frenchie was so wrong! But then again, so was Medic… and Scout… and Engie…

This was all really strange. How could they all have been thinking different things? Sure, the sound could have been echoing through the castle, but they were all in the same area. How could they have possibly heard it that differently?

Soldier shrugged off this question as he pulled the keep door open, seeing the exact same thing that Scout did when he went to answer his choice of door. The doorstep was devoid of any human presence and so was the field behind it.

The patriot lifted up his helmet and scratched just above his eyebrow in confusion. Now he was sure something was up. He decided that he had better go back to the others and report his findings.

He turned around and started to head back to the dining room, but something cold, wet, and slimy slithered into his boot, making Soldier jump up and stumble, falling on his behind.

Soldier sat there for a few moments, trying to figure out what just happened. It couldn't have been a snake, snakes don't do that. It seemed like it was more of a coax from the being that caused it.

He got to his feet, cracking his back as he did so. Once he was fully standing, the light of the torch glinted briefly off something on the floor. Soldier bent down and lifted his helmet up to see a bit better, feeling around the floor with the other hand. He felt something cold and wet, and as he lifted his arm, he could see a long string of some goopy substance clinging to his palm.

Soldier wiped it off on his jacket and removed one of the torches from its mounted sconce on the wall, laughing when he found that the thing had been foolish enough to leave a trail of slime to follow. The patriot ran down the hall, using his torch to locate the path. No comrade of his was going to be assaulted by the slimy menace, not if he could help it!

It seemed to go on forever, how could the damn creature have gotten away this quickly? Soldier was huffing and panting by the time he reached an end, opening the door to the basement and descending down the stairs, still following the goop.

"OOF!" he cried as he slipped and plummeted down the flight. The fact that the creature's trail was still on the stairs and was, in fact, very slippery did not cross his mind when he had taken that first step.

Soldier landed with a splash, groaning when his torch sizzled out.

Only now did he realize that he was standing up to his mid-shins in water.

It was hard for him to take in the extremely dimly lit room, seeing as there were only two torches lighting the entire place. It seemed to be some kind of food storage room, but how did all this water get in here?

Or, Soldier thought, maybe the beer barrels broke and this was alcohol! He cupped his hands together and scooped up some of the mystery liquid, took a gulp, and spit it right back out. Nope, definitely water. Old, disgusting, algae ridden water.

Sighing, the patriot picked up his burnt out torch, intending to use it as a club, and waded deeper into the water.

* * *

Medic sat on the chair in his bedroom, feeling rather full and sleepy. Emma lay on his lap, and all of his doves hopped around on the desk. He leaned back and closed his eyes, petting the puppy as she slept contently.

It was really kind of strange, he pondered, that Soldier, Scout, Sniper, and Spy didn't return to the dining room that night. Demoman, who hadn't left, nervously informed them that when he was alone, he had heard voices speaking to him specifically, calling out his name. He had told Emma all about what he had heard, asking her if she could sense the supernatural presence in the room. All she did was perk up her ears and cock her head to the side.

"_Hell, partner, yer jes bein' a little paranoid is all!"_ Engineer had told the Scot. _"I'm sure it was yer mind playin' tricks on ya. Why don't ya get some sleep?"_

Medic had been the first to realize that he could no longer hear other footsteps in the castle, and the others should have been back by then. He had started to check down each corridor, hoping to find some sign of his remaining teammates. Heavy eventually sighed at the familiar display of worry, taking Medic by the hand and walking back to the doctor's room.

"_Doktor should go to bed as well." _Heavy had told him as the Russian guided him through the halls. _"Dey will come back, I stay in dining room and make sure."_

The only reason Medic had agreed (albeit reluctantly) to this was because he trusted and respected Heavy enough to know that the man would not let him or any of him team down. The Russian had also plopped Emma comfortably into his arms, so that had helped him to calm down considerably.

Now, as he sat in his chair, he felt himself about to peacefully doze off when the golden retriever began to whimper and stir slightly. Medic frowned a bit and sat back up, looking down at her with confusion as she began to fidget and whimper even more.

He picked her up and cradled her in his arms. "Emma," he whispered, stroking her soft fur, "Don't vorry, Demoman vas just being… Demoman. Don't let his stories scare you, liebling."

Unfortunately, this did very little to calm her, as she whined and wriggled even more, flattening her ears against her head.

"Emma, was ist los?!" he asked frantically as she squirmed out of his hold and sprinted for the far corner. He looked back at his desk and saw that his doves had also flown to Emma, visibly shaking and occasionally letting out panicked chirps. Each of the animals seemed to be pushing itself as far away as possible from something that was on the opposite side of the room.

Medic slowly and cautiously scanned the room for any kind of weapon. Darn, he hadn't brought them in with him. He'd have to make do with what he had. He plucked his spare scalpel out of his breast pocket and turned to look behind him, jumping in surprise when his eyes caught the silhouette of a man. He hadn't actually expected anything to be there! He held his ground, holding out his weapon defensively at the figure in the shadows.

It gave a chuckle, walking forward slowly until it was bathed in the light of the torch on the wall.

It was the RED Sniper.

Wait, no, this couldn't be the specific RED Sniper that he fought everyday, the RED team wasn't even staying here. How did he even–

"G'daaaaaaaay…" he greeted, drawing out the word.

Medic still stood frozen in place, continuing to hold the scalpel. "Don't come any closer, I know how to use zhis und use it vell!" he warned.

The man chuckled, still walking towards Medic, much to the German's dismay. "Oi, that won't be necessary, Kriztian Schulze."

The doctor almost dropped his scalpel in shock. "H-how…?" he stuttered, trying to form a complete sentence.

The mysterious man's smile grew wider. "How's Liesa doin'? An' how 'bout little Sommer? How old is she now, six?" he asked, as if Medic was an old family friend.

It was physically impossible for Medic's jaw to drop any more without unhinging itself, and his pupils were already the size of pinpricks, despite the dim lighting. He sat gaping for a moment, trying to find the right words. Heck, he was just trying to find words at all. He wanted to strangle the man for even getting near his family, but he quickly closed his mouth and decided that if he didn't bring it up, the RED would deem it as unimportant and leave them alone.

"V-vhy are you here? Shouldn't you be vizh your team?!" he asked, regaining some of his composure, if only a little.

This made a sly smile form across the Australian's features. "What do you mean, 'with moi team'?" he asked as his shirt faded from red to blue. He shrugged slowly and spread his arms out to the sides, his shirt slowly changing purple, green, orange, yellow, and finally back to blue.

"Where are moi manners? Moi name is…" he started. "Well, I don't really have a name, y'see, but those who have encountered me before have referred to me as… 'Creepy Crawly Sniper'. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He grinned toothily at the doctor.

"Zh-zhose who haff encountered you before?" Medic asked shakily.

"And this," he continued, ignoring the German's question, "is Scrubby, moi best mate." The moment he said those words, the weirdest companion one could ever have flew to his side.

It was a strangely levitating toilet bowl scrub brush. "*chick chik!*" it said as it shook twice. The doctor stared at it, unsure of what exactly it was. He couldn't place his finger on it, but for some reason, he felt extremely unsettled by Scrubby. It made the hair on his neck stand up and his stomach gurgle with nervous anxiety. Maybe he was just overreacting, like his teammates said he always had a knack for doing, or maybe it was the fact that_ he was looking at a floating scrub brush that responded to it's name, _and the man it accompanied had broken into his room and knew everything about him, right down to his daughter's name and was hard to decide which explanation fit the situation better, but he eventually decided on the latter of the two.

"Zhat is just… really veird." Medic stated as he started to back up. The man scowled a bit, and in a fraction of a millisecond he and Scrubby were behind the doctor, and something was emitting a frequency of sound waves that made Medic hold his head in his hands.

"AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!" was all the he could manage to cry out before he was engulfed by darkness.

* * *

Engineer and Heavy sat at the dining table, discussing their current predicament as they waited for their teammates to come back.

"All I'm sayin' is that I don't believe Demo in the slightest." The Texan stated. "The existence of ghosts is scientifically unproven, therefore, impractical."

Heavy nodded. "Da, I know dis, Engineer. But even if problem is not ghosts, dere are other things dat could be holding up team from coming back."

Engineer sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I know, I know." he grumbled. "Well, let's wait about five more minutes, and then… hey, where's Pyro? The feller was here just a minute ago."

His question was answered as a muffled shriek sounded from afar, mixing with a very familiar, German sounding wail.

Both men bounded up from the table, sprinting as fast as their legs would carry them to rescue their distressed teammate.


	11. The Haunting of DeGroot Keep, Part 2

**H-hey...um...you guys are gonna hate me. Please don't freak out when I tell you this, but...this is gonna be in three parts. Yep. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! *hides and whimpers***

**There were just too many good cliffhanger opportunities and I really didn't want to waste them! Plus, I didn't want to keep you guys waiting for too long. Please enjoy! :D**

**Also, I just wanted you guys to know, that when I'm stuck on a story and I just have absolutely no idea where to go with it, I go back and read all of the lovely reviews that you guys have posted. I'm not even kidding, you guys make me blush like a kawaii desu anime girl. So thank you, all of you, for your lovely amount of support throughout this! :')**

**Vhere is your precious disclaimer now, dummkopfs?!**

* * *

"**The Haunting of DeGroot Keep, Part 2"**

All Scout could hear was the crunching of his feet on the grass and dead leaves, mixed with the chirping of crickets. He walked slowly and nervously, grateful that he had found an abandoned flashlight that still worked.

With every passing moment, Scout regretted venturing into this forest. All he wanted to do was investigate these notes a little, but now it had gotten pitch black and he couldn't find his way out of this damn place.

He shined his flashlight left and right, trying to see through the trees and locate where he was in relation to the keep. But all he could see were trees, trees, more trees, a huge fuel drum, note, trees–

He snapped his attention back to the tall cylinder container, and, lo and behold, a bright white page was tacked up onto it. He raced over, hopeful that it might tell him the way out of the forest. But, much to his dismay, it was yet another cryptic message, just like the last two had been.

"Follows..." Scout said nervously, beginning to piece together the situation. He scanned the area to make sure that nothing that had been watching him with no eyes was following him.

"What da…?" he squinted into the distance, trying to tell if that was just a tree or not.

No, no, definitely not a tree. It appeared to be a slim man clad in a black suit and a blood red tie. He could tell that the man's skin was completely white, but… he couldn't make out any of his features, but maybe that was because he was just too far away at the time.

"Ow, shit!" Scout cursed, pressing his free hand against one of his eyes. What the hell was that? All of a sudden his vision was filled with static, and he got a little woozy. But the feeling was gone now, and he should really be trying to get out of–

He looked up to now find that the man was not fifty meters away from him, but stood directly in front of the Bostonian. The man's facial features were now clearly discernable, in the sense that he didn't have any. There were dips where his eyes should have been, but other than that, his face was a blank canvas.

"AAAHHHH SHIT SHIT SHIT!" the Bostonian shrieked, jumping away. Had his reflexes been a millisecond late, the tentacles that had sprung out of the mysterious man's back would have captured him.

"Oh my god oh my god, fuckin' hell, HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?!" he cried, beginning to go into hysterics.

"Come on, you've gotta tell me somethin' else! Please be a hidden message somewhere or somethin'!" he whispered as he sorted through the pages he'd found. He flipped them upside down, read them backwards, tried to find words in the pictures, but he couldn't decipher anything other than the clear message.

Finally, when he had started to break down into panicked tears, he found something on the backside of the first page he collected. It was a small message, written in tiny font, but it was still readable.

"C-collect all eight pages…" he stuttered, his voice cracking. "Beware of da Senderman… O-okay, I can do dat, I just gotta–AAH NO, NO NO NO!" he screamed as he caught sight of said Slenderman.

Scout sprinted faster than he ever had in his entire life. He weaved and darted between the trees, hoping that his trail would be lost. He checked behind him cautiously, taking a breath of relief when Slenderman was nowhere to be–

"MOTHERFUCKIN' HELL DAT'S HIM! RUN! RUN!" the runner shrieked to himself, hoping that his exhausted body would listen to his pleas. His legs sprang to life once again and he dashed away.

* * *

When Medic came to, he saw Heavy with one hand on his shoulder as he lightly shook it.

"Doktor?" he rumbled softly.

Medic's vision started to become less blurry, and he now realized that Heavy had placed him on the bed and covered him with a few of their extra blankets. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, making his Russian comrade's expression soften a bit and he took his hand off the doctor's shoulder.

"Vhat happened?" Medic asked groggily, looking around the room and accepting his glasses back from his comrade. Archimedes fluttered up to him and landed on his shoulder, nuzzling affectionately against the German's cheek. He smiled tiredly and held up his hand, allowing the dove to perch on his finger.

"Well," Heavy started, "I am downstairs with Engineer, and we hear Doktor and Pyro scream, so we run quick to destroy puny monsters."

"Screaming?" Medic asked, a confused expression forming on his face. "I don't remember scr…" he trailed off as he caught sight of someone standing at the door.

Creepy Crawly Sniper sauntered in, but Scrubby was nowhere to be seen. "How're ya feelin', doc?" he asked innocently.

Medic couldn't do anything but stare blankly as memories of recent events flooded back into his brain. Archimedes chirped nervously and fluttered his wings, causing Creepy Crawly Sniper to scowl at him a little. The doctor instinctively held his bird closer to his chest, stroking his head comfortingly and not daring to take his eyes off the man at the door for one second.

Heavy had noticed this, and concluded that an introduction of sorts was in order. "Dis man is kredit to team!" he stated, beaming. "All I know is I find Doktor lying on floor, pale as ghost. You give Heavy big worry! Did not know what had happened to you or how to fix. But he says you are sick, and he tells me secret remedy!"

Medic still hadn't broken his gaze from Creepy Crawly Sniper, but listened to every word his comrade had spoken.

Heavy continued on. "He says name is Creepy Crawly Sniper. Is easy to remember, is just like our Sniper, but creepy and crawly!"

"Heavy." the doctor said quietly.

"OH! And he makes delicious sandvich!"

"Heavy."

"And he give me Dalkhos bar!"

"Heavy!" Medic finally said a little more sternly, make the Russian discontinue his ramblings.

"Da, Doktor?"

"Do not associate vizh zhis man any longer." he said simply.

Heavy looked rather confused as to why Medic didn't approve of his new friend. He had saved the German's life, after all. But then again, he thought, Medic always had some sort of motive behind his actions, and, even though it usually took some time, he always revealed his reasons.

"But… he is friend…" The Russian stated as-a-matter-of-factly. "He is kredit to team."

"Nein, Heavy, he's not." Medic growled, still continuing to stare at Creepy Crawly Sniper, who still stood patiently in the doorway, a small smirk on his face.

"Come on now, mate, is that any way to treat the man who just saved your loife?" he chided.

By this time, Medic had gotten up from where he sat and was walking up to the man. "You had better leave mein family und mein team alone or I svear to Gott I–"

"Doc! You okay?" Engineer asked as he brushed past Creepy Crawly Sniper and burst into the room.

Medic looked curiously at his teammate. "Uh… ja, I'm fine, Herr Engineer, vhy do you–"

The Texan grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door and down the hall, catching the doctor quite off guard. Medic could tell that Engineer's actions were panicked and frantic, so he followed the man through the halls and into the dining room. From there, they proceeded through the North-West hall and to an open door leading to the basement.

"Oh mein Gott, vhat happened here?!" Medic cried as he caught sight of the firebug lying at the bottom of the stairs.

Pyro lay flat on its back and motionless on the ground, its arms wrapped around its torso and breathing raggedly. The doctor rushed over, gingerly pulling its arms away from its body and placing them by its sides.

"Pyro?" he whispered, softly stroking one gloved hand with his thumb.

"…mmmph…" it managed painfully, whimpering slightly.

Medic turned back to Engineer, who was biting his lip and wringing his hands in worry.

"Herr, do you know vhat happened?" the German asked, not taking his hand away from Pyro's.

"To be honest with you, doc, I don't rightly know." he answered quietly. "I just found Py lyin' there, and the feller looked hurt, so I went to find you." Engineer looked hopeful at the doctor. "You think he'll be okay?"

While the Texan had been talking, Medic had been trying to assess Pyro's condition, gently prodding at its ribs with his fingers, eliciting a small whimper from the firebug whenever he hit a sensitive spot.

"Ja, I zhink so," the doctor concluded, "it's only a few bruised ribs, a few bumps, maybe a concussion, but I don't zhink there are any broken bones."

Engineer let out a sigh of relief. "Well thank the Lord." he breathed, letting his hands fall to his sides.

Medic nodded in agreement. "It vas probably just a fall down zhe stairs." he suggested, helping Pyro sit up and slinging its arm over his shoulder. "Herr Engineer, could you help me, bitte?" the doctor asked, gesturing to the pyromaniac's other arm.

The Texan had been in a sort of trance at the time, obviously deep in thought. He snapped back to reality when Medic called for him, and made his way over to his fire starting comrade's side.

"Y'know, doc, I think there's more to it than just fallin'." Engineer stated as they made their way up the stairs.

Medic quirked an eyebrow. "Vhat do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, when Heavy 'n' I were in the dinin' area, we heard you and Pyro scream. We went off to find you two, and the only way I found Pyro was because I followed the multiple screams that came after."

Medic listened intently to his teammate, not saying a word and waiting for him to continue as they slowly walked down the hall.

"That's when I saw him at the bottom of that flight of stairs. I had no idea what had happened, but the more I think about it, the more I want to say that somethin' was chasin' him." Engineer finished, his brows furrowed in thought.

Pyro made a muffled whimper and squirmed as best it could, breaking both men out of their thoughts.

"Py, what's the matter?!" Engineer asked urgently as he and Medic tried to keep their hold on it's arms without hurting it.

A soft moaning behind them caused all three BLUs to freeze in place, slowly turning their heads to the source of the noise.

"Muuuu…" another groan, this one making Pyro whimper a little bit.

The mercenaries sprung into action, their first call of duty being to get their injured teammate to safety. Medic helped Engineer sling Pyro onto his back, apologizing to the firebug that they weren't able to be more careful at that moment as it winced and yelped in pain.

They ran down the hall as fast as they could, still hearing the soft moaning behind them, but not knowing what it was or where it was coming from.

Around the corner, the undead man limped slowly after them as bits of rotting flesh fell off his face and arms. He looked as though an entire half of his face was ripped off, including part of his nose and lips, and the eye on that side seemed to be completely gone.

Slowly but surely, it made its way toward the dining room, and ominous chuckling could be heard in the background.

* * *

Demoman swore that he wasn't going crazy.

He bloody well knew that the voices speaking to him were not just his imagination.

"Taviiiiiish…" one of them whimpered softly. "Why did you do this to uuuuuus?"

"I told ye, I'm not th' one who did it! It was me great-great-great-great grandfather's fault!" he retorted angrily.

"We were your people…" another moaned. "Why, Tavish, WHYYYYYY?!"

Demoman couldn't help but cover himself under his sheets. Cripe, these ghosts were starting to get mad. Where's Emma when you need her?! He could almost feel their cool breath on the back of his neck as he tried to pretend they weren't there.

"Priiiiiince TaaaaviiiiIIIIIIISH!" they called ominously and angrily.

The Scotsman could feel himself quivering. Holy shite, he had dealt with a few ghosts before, but not with ones that were seeking revenge on his bloodline! But he was a DeGroot, and no DeGroot was scared of a measly little ghost!

He took a deep breath, closed his eye…

...and made a mad dash for the door.

"COOOOME BAAAAACK HEEEEEERE!" they screamed after him, wailing and moaning the whole time.

Demoman would not stop sprinting, not until he made it back to the dining room to prove to Engineer and Heavy that he had been right the entire time, and that the team needed to get the hell out of this place.

When he finally got there, he felt like he had run a marathon. It was a scary thing, having a bunch of vengeful ghosts chasing you. He ran to the dining table collapsing and panting beside where Heavy and Engineer sat.

Well, where they _had been _sitting. Much to the Scot's dismay, his teammates were nowhere to be found.

"Cripe, you're bloody kiddin' me here!" he yelled before letting out a string of curses.

"TAVISH." a chorus of sad and angry voices rang out from behind him.

Demoman slowly turned around and froze, eye wide and staring at the army of semi transparent figures before him.

There were men, women, children, each looking like they had caught a disease that mixed the effects of leprosy and the Black Plague. Their skin was rotting and had gaping holes through it, and some areas of their skin were covered in small red rings. They looked so sad, so angry, so…

…betrayed.

It looked as though the Scotsman was doomed. They were closing in on him, each one's eyes starting to glow an eerie red and purple and brandishing some sort of pitchfork or torch.

But, ever the stubborn man, Demo rolled backwards off the table and made another break for it, screaming for help from anyone at all.

The ghosts did not follow him though. They simply disappeared into thin air, chuckling ominously all the while.

* * *

Soldier sloshed through the water, his legs sliding past several hundred years' worth of algae with every step. This place was disgusting! Even an ancient slime –secreting creature wouldn't want to live here.

By now, the American had waded almost to the end of the large room. As he had gone farther in, the water level had gotten deeper and it was now up to the bottom of his chest. He could hardly see anything, and he was about to give up his search entirely until he felt a little something move past his leg.

No, it couldn't be anything relevant, just strings of algae.

That's what he'd thought until he felt something wrap itself tightly around his stomach and flip him upside down, then proceed to throw him up against the wall.

Soldier fell into the water, sputtering and coughing as he came up. He whipped his head around in all directions, trying to spot the being that had dared just do that to him.

It is vital to realize that in this situation, Soldier was a total disadvantage. The factors of water and lighting were on the creature's side right now, and if Soldier was a sane person, or at least not as ignorant as he is, he would try to get out of that basement, pronto.

But this isn't a sane person we're talking about here, this is Soldier, and god dammit, America is on his side!

"Get out here and FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN, CUPCAKE!" the patriot yelled, putting up his fists.

A very dark sounding chuckle was heard from across the room, followed by only a small sloshing sound. This raised cause for a bit of concern, but nothing was going to stop him now! Not even a creepy sea monster.

It was very silent for a while, and Soldier soon became quite bored of this cryptic behavior.

"Uh… hello? I don't have all day." he complained. "What, are you just gonn–AAAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed as a tentacle that shot out of the water lifted him up into the air.

Another tentacle sprang up and grabbed his other leg, pulling him down into the water and holding him to the bottom of the pool. Soldier tugged and pulled at them with all his might, but they would not budge.

All of a sudden, they just went slack and let the patriot wriggle out from underneath them. Soldier took this as a golden opportunity to get the hell out of there. It only counts for so much to have America on your side where you're dealing with something that shouldn't even exist.

As soon as he was free, Soldier began swimming as fast he could back to the door through which he came. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to check if the monster had left him alone…

Big mistake.

What Soldier saw in that two-second period of time was probably one of the most terrifying things he'd ever experience.

It was definitely chasing him, and oh man, was it ever enjoying it. The thing had let the patriot go in order to make the chase more thrilling, that much was evident through the look on its face.

Wait, he recognized this thing… he'd seen it before… somewhere…

Soldier's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he finally made out the features of the creature.

_He had invaded the home of a Tentaspy._

He needed to get out of there. _Fast. _If there were two things that scared him, they were Tentaspies and snakes.

The American swam and swam as fast as his arms and legs would paddle, but right when he thought that he had escaped, the Tentaspy had grabbed him by his ankles and somehow managed to get him pinned down on the pool floor again.

This time, the Tentaspy did not let go, but savored the look of utter horror on his prey's face with glowing, yellow, cat-like eyes that bore themselves into your soul and razor sharp teeth that would haunt your nightmares, should you survive.

* * *

Scout continued at full speed until he came to a small clearing, containing what looked like an oil tanker. He slammed up against the truck, using his hands to brace himself before he plucked the note off of the back.

"No no no no no no no no…" he read, breathing heavily. The only word that the note contained was 'no' scrawled multiple times beside a picture of Slenderman. Scout exasperatedly threw his arms up in the air. "My fuckin' thoughts exactly!"

He quickly whipped his head around to check if his stalker was still in the dense forest, a relieved smile spread on his face. "Aw yes, he fucked off!" the runner laughed. "Who's da Slendahman now, huh? Can't catch me ya bastard. Oh watchya gonna do now, Slendy? Huh? You gonna cry? You gonna cr–NEVAHMIND IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU DON'T HAVE TA ANSWER DAT!" he screamed as his taunting was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the faceless man.

He continued to sprint at full speed, tripping multiple times in his haste. His instincts kicked in, causing his senses, including his sight and hearing, to be heightened. He was always checking behind him, taking in and memorizing his surroundings… maybe a little too well.

"Ok dis fuckin' tree was NOT here before." he said, pointing an accusing finger at the tree standing beside three large boulders. "Hey, Slendahman, did you move dis tree you asshole?!" he called out into the woods. "I fuckin' swear, if you moved da tree just to freakin' mess with me, I will fuck your shit up."

"_Daniel, that tree was always there. Don't be stupid."_

The runner stopped talking for a moment, staring blankly ahead of him, but that look was soon replaced with an annoyed grimace.

"Shut up, conscience! What da hell do you know?!"

Scout's conscience sighed. It was so difficult when the boy got like this. _"Just trust me for once, you're jumping into this situation and you don't even know what you're dealing with."_

"Uh, excuse me? I'm dealin' with da freakin' Slendahman here, I know what I'm doin'"

"_No, Danny, you don't know what you're doing. You're making assumptions."_

"Dude, I'm gettin' all da pages so dat dey'll tell me a way outta dis freakin' forest! Try ta keep up, doufus."

"_How do you actually know that they'll show you a way out? The only instructions were, 'find all eight pages, beware of the Slenderman.'"_

This was a little piece of information that Scout hadn't come to realize until now. Had he really collected all those notes for nothing? Did he actually need the messages to get out? Why the heck was this creepy faceless molester following him anyways? Nothing made sense right now.

And when things don't make sense, what better thing to do than ignore your conscience, right?

"Just get outta here, you aint helpin' anyone!" he yelled.

"_But –"_

"I said get lost!"

Scout's conscience sighed and settled down into his frontal lobe, watching and waiting to see how this situation was going to work out.

"Dumbass." the Bostonian muttered as he searched the rocks for any notes. Eventually, he did find one tacked up on the rocks.

"Help me…" he read out loud. "Okay, seriously, who da fuck put up all dese freakin' pages anyway?!" he growled, annoyed.

His flashlight flickered a bit, and Scout noticed that it was significantly dimmer than it had been when he had first found it. Damn, the batteries were probably running out! This was just perfect, now he could barely see anything, let alone watch out for the–

"NOOO! DUDE, GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY!" he wailed as he stumbled backwards, trying to avert his eyes from his oppressor.

Miraculously, the Bostonian was able to successfully turn in the opposite direction and run for his life.

"Don't look or it takes you, don't look or it takes you, don't look or it takes you…" he whimpered to himself, making his way through the trees. He breathed a sigh of relief when he caught sight of a small building in the distance.

"Oh yes, safe house, safe house, nice safe house." he laughed nervously to himself.

The runner quickly entered the building, noting that there was no door, and the floors and walls were tiled, so this was most likely some sort of public bathroom.

"Why da heck is dere a bathroom in the middle of da freakin' forest?" he murmured to himself, still nervously looking around. "Maybe dere's just so many people dat got lost in here dat one of 'em decided to build it for da convenience of everyone else."

He continued to walk along the tiled floor, listening to the soft tapping of his shoes as he made his way through. He really didn't know what he was looking for, but the house made him feel safe in a way.

"Hey, maybe he's da one who put up all of dem freakin' notes dat don't tell me nothin'!" Scout growled. "You fucking asshole! I hate you! YOU'RE DA REASON I'M STUCK IN HERE!"

"_Actually, Danny, your unbearable amount of curiosity got you into this."_

"SHUT DA FUCK UP, CONSCIENCE! NOBODY LIKES YOU!"

He rounded the corner, seeing a small chair at the other end of the hall that was knocked over. For some odd reason, the chair was extremely unsettling to him. It was as if it was trying to give him some sort of sign…

He shrugged it off, continuing further into the bathroom. Scout came to another corner, but this time, it led to a small room. Tacked up on the wall was another note!

The Bostonian was there in a flash, snatching the piece of paper and reading it to himself. "Can't run… well dat doesn't…"

His eyes grew wide as he realized just what this note was trying to tell him.

This was a dead end.

He was stuck in a dead end with Slenderman following him.

The only way out was to go _**back the way he came.**_

His hands started shaking, his eyes were wide, his pupils completely dilated, and his breath wheezy and labored as he came to realize just how screwed he was.

"I-it's… it's a dead end, it's a dead end," he said, breathily and shakily, "can't run, c-can't… r-run…" he whimpered, curling up in the corner, his eyes never closing or leaving the entrance to the room.

He continued to murmur silent nonsense to himself, shaking violently as the anxiety in his stomach grew and grew. He knew he wasn't going to come out of this alive, there was just no possible way.

It's a hard thing, to accept death. Especially when your career includes a machine that will bring you back to life ten seconds after you're killed. Death–_**real **_death–is something that was completely beyond what Scout's brain could fathom.

The only thing the boy could do was watch in silent terror as the all too familiar white face slowly, but surely, peered in the doorway.

* * *

**Aaaaaaaaaaand insane get mad at Jinny for killing Scoot time. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave a review! :D**


	12. The Haunting of DeGroot Keep, Part 3

***Waves* Hey guys! Sorry this is a little late, I was planning to finish this on Friday, but my brother came to visit, and he almost NEVER comes to visit, so we had my birthday dinner with him (even though my birthday was last week)! :D**

**Anywho, I never get to thank my wonderful anons! So I just want to give a little thank you to iheznonem, Okamilover, Wepul, and any other anon who has reviewed in the past that I may have forgotten! Your support is greatly appreciated! I also want to thank EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED! I LOVE YOU GUYS! **

**Ooooh, I love Halloveen zhemed disclaimers!**

* * *

"**The Haunting of DeGroot Keep, Part 3"**

Engineer and Medic rushed Pyro down to its room, gently laying it down in the bed and covering it with a blanket.

"Pyro," Medic started, "I need to check for ein head injury, could you please remove–"

"NRRR! NRR-RRR!" Pyro muffled, grabbing onto its mask.

Engineer rubbed his temples. "Oh Lord, here we go again."

"Please, it's for your own vell being!" the doctor reasoned. "I can't assess for a concussion zhrough a gasmask."

"Brrt yrr lrrt Sprr crrp hrrs brrlrrclrrvrr rrn!" Pyro whined.

"Zhat's because a balaclava doesn't cover zhe eyes, your gasmask vill make zhis almost impossible."

The argument was interrupted by Demoman running into the room and slamming the door behind him, breathing heavily.

"Ghosts…" the Scot breathed. "…TH' FOOKIN' GHOSTS ARE AFTER ME, LADS! GRAB THE CRUCIFIX!" he shouted, searching through the room.

His Texan teammate just rolled his eyes. "Demo, there's no such thing as ghosts. Did you even get any sleep when you went up to your room?"

"Actually, Herr Engineer," Medic intergected, "vizh all zhat's been happening in zhis castle lately, I can't help but believe him… to an extent."

Engineer looked at the doctor in shock and exasperation. "Doc, not you too!"

"Herr, I have reason to believe zhat zhere is, in fact, somezhing oppressing us." Medic stated. "Vhatever it may be, paranormal or not."

Demoman lunged over to Engineer and took him by the overall straps, staring at him with one wide eye. "I swear, lad," he whispered, "they were fookin' chasin' me, they want revenge! I saw them with me own eye!" He wildly gestured to his eye as he said this.

At this point, Pyro had sat up, looking very nervous as it glanced around the room. "Wrrt rrbrrt thrr rrthrrs?"

Medic looked at it questioningly. "Zhe ozhers? Vhat are you…" He gasped as he realized who Pyro was referring to.

He sped past Engineer and Demoman to the hallway, sprinting to his room. "HEAVY!" he yelled frantically as he pushed open the door.

He entered the room to find Heavy and Creepy Crawly Sniper sitting at the desk, having sandviches and tea. Once the Russian caught sight of Medic after he had burst through the door, he could tell how distraught the man was, due to the fact that he was now biting the inside of his lip and gripping his forearm. He knew very well that this was the doctor's nervous habit, and immediately got up and made his way over to his friend.

"Doktor?" he asked, putting a comforting hand on the German's shoulder. "What is wrong?"

Medic looked up at his comrade with worried eyes. "Heavy," he gulped, "did zhe ozhers ever come back?"

Heavy didn't reply right away, due to the fact that he couldn't give an answer that wouldn't send the German into hysterics. He had been having such a lovely time with Creepy Crawly Sniper that he had forgotten all about his missing teammates.

"Vell?!" Medic asked a bit impatiently.

"Um… well," he started, getting a good grip on the doctor's shoulder, "before I tell, you have to promise to stay ca–"

"I KNEW I SHOULD HAFF KEPT LOOKING!" Medic screamed, now grabbing his arm so tightly it bruised. "I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!" He tried to break away from Heavy, but the Russian made sure to keep his grip. In the middle of he German's struggling, his gaze fell upon the man that was still seated behind them.

This was his fault.

He knew where his teammates were.

He planned all of the things that were going to happen to them.

"Doktor, wait," Heavy interrupted Medic's thoughts, using his free hand to gently, but firmly, pry the doctor's hand away to prevent him from hurting himself any further, "we solve dis together, but you have to calm down."

"Calm… down?" Medic breathed. "CALM DOWN?! YOU VANT ME TO CALM DOWN IN A SITUATION LIKE ZHIS?! IT HAS BEEN FOUR HOURS SINCE ZHEY DISAPPEARED! IT DOESN'T TAKE ZHAT LONG TO ANSWER A VERDAMMT DOOR!"

"Da, I know dis, but think about it for minute. Dey are grown mercenaries, I think dey would be able to take care of demselves."

This statement caused Medic to step back a bit, and Heavy released his grip, allowing the doctor to start pacing around the room. They were paid killers, after all. Sniper and Spy had gone together, so they could back each other up, Soldier might as well count as two people, and Scout…

Oh god…

"He's alone…" he murmured, glancing over to Creepy Crawly Sniper. The man just sat there, drinking his tea casually.

With every new thought of his teammates' possible demise that popped into his head, Medic scared himself more and more. Heavy continued to try reasoning with him and calming him down, but when he got like this, it was an extremely difficult feat that even the doctor's best friend had a hard time accomplishing.

It's not that the weapons expert wasn't worried about his team. He too was very concerned for their wellbeing and wanted to get to the bottom of why they were missing. But he knew that no amount of frantic pacing and worrying was going to help, and that was something that Medic often forgot. There was only one other instance in their entire careers at Builder's League United when the German had gotten to the point of hysterics, and he'd rather not go down that road again. It was a long story, but let's just say that in the end, Engineer had to build a heavy-duty birdcage for Archimedes to be kept in while they battled.

Medic's pacing had increased in speed as his voice increased in volume, shouting out all the horrible things that might be happening to Scout, Sniper, Soldier, and Spy at the moment. He found himself switching to German, something he did when he couldn't collect his thoughts, and all Heavy could do was hope that the man didn't go into full blown hysterics.

Meanwhile, Creepy Crawly Sniper had been watching the scene with interest, wondering if Medic had even acknowledged his presence. Only one way to find out.

"Heavy," Creepy Crawly Sniper called, "if you want moi opinion, I think th' doc should stay here and rest. He's sick, remember?"

The Russian's eyes shot wide open as he remembered what had happened earlier that night. He immediately scooped Medic up into his arms, ignoring the frantic thrashing and protests, and plopped the doctor onto the bed.

"Doktor needs rest. Is not well." Heavy said sternly, concluding that this was the reason that the German had acted so rashly.

Just when Medic was about to scream at the Russian once again, he heard a nervous little chirping coming from the desk.

Creepy Crawly Sniper still sat where he had been, but now he was holding and softly stroking Archimedes, who was shaking and quivering, trying his best to break out of the man's iron grip. The corrupted Sniper stared at the doctor with a mocking grin.

"I can stay here with him, if ya loike." he offered.

With speed that would have surpassed that of a cheetah, Medic tackled Creepy Crawly Sniper to the ground and saved his dove, whom he held to his chest protectively and lovingly, all the while glaring daggers at the man. Without a word, he got up, regained his composure, and walked out to find his teammates, the other doves flying closely behind.

Heavy sighed and followed him. At least the doctor had calmed down a bit.

Creepy Crawly Sniper, however, grimaced and gritted his teeth. He almost had him! Had it not have been for that stupid Russian oaf, he would've had Medic right where he wanted him!

Oh well, he thought, there would be plenty of other opportunities…

* * *

"No, Pyro, y'all gotta stay here." Engineer said sternly. "Don't worry, I'm sure that Demo can keep both of you safe." He motioned to the man cowering in the corner.

Pyro didn't look very convinced. "Brrt wrrt rrf thrr grrsts grrt yrr?" it questioned worriedly.

Engineer gave a light chuckle. "Py, ghosts don't exist, you really need to stop watching all those movies." he told the firebug. "And besides, I'm gonna find out why th' doc was in such a hurry earlier." With that, he exited the room.

The hydrophobic sighed shakily, looking over to Demoman. He sat up against the wall, his ear pressed firmly against it.

"They're comin'… I can feel it…" the Scot murmured ominously.

* * *

Scout wasn't breathing.

He couldn't. He felt as though it was physically impossible for him to inhale right now. In fact, it felt like he wasn't in control of anything. He couldn't stop shaking, he couldn't stop the steady stream of tears flowing down his cheeks, and he couldn't make his body get up and run for dear life, no matter how hard he tried.

Time seemed to go by in slow motion as the faceless man stalked towards him, moving inch by inch, making it the most agonizing thing that Scout had ever experienced.

He could feel his vision going fuzzy, and the static from his first encounter had returned at full blast. Even as he squeezed his eyes shut, he could still see the static and feel his skull buzzing. He grimaced and hugged his knees as he waited for it to be over.

After a long moment, the static stopped, slowly fading away. Had… had he died? Had he just dreamt the whole thing up? Maybe he'd hit his head and he was in the infirmary with a concussion.

The Bostonian's eyes fluttered open, hoping that any one of these guesses were correct. But to his dismay, he did not see the immaculate white of the Thunder Mountain infirmary, nor did he hear the idle humming of German songs or the occasional clicking of jackboots on the tile floor.

When he opened his eyes completely, his oppressor was not advancing upon him, but kicking its leg behind it in a very un-Slenderman like manner. Scout was very confused by the situation, and sat up to get a better view.

Slenderman was obviously kicking at something behind him, but what it was, Scout couldn't quite see. Judging by the way he held his leg back behind him and shook it rather than kicked it, something was dragging him back by his pant leg.

The thing let go of his clothing, only to lash out at him again, biting his leg and tearing at it. Looking at how Slenderman stumbled back, it had been painful… if Slenderman could even feel pain, that is.

He vanished in an instant, leaving a very perplexed and stupefied Bostonian to sit and wonder what had just happened. These thoughts were soon abandoned as he came to realize who the tiny figure was.

"EMMA!" he exclaimed, running over to his rescuer and scooping her up into his arms. She wagged her tail and barked happily, licking at Scout's face as he hugged her tightly. "Oh god, Slendahman's gonna be back, we gotta fuckin' hightail it outta here!" he told her, a panicked expression on his face.

He sprinted off, his only thoughts being to get out and hope that he didn't run into his faceless stalker by mistake.

"_Psst… Danny."_

Scout stopped, and Emma looked up at him curiously. That didn't sound like conscience…

"_Don't worry, it's just me. Y'know, Curiosity."_

The runner huffed. Were all of his senses speaking to him now? Maybe this only happened when he was scared… no, screw that, he wasn't scared.

He was downright terrified.

"Listen, dude, I'm just tryin' to get away from some bitch ass mother fucker dat wants to kill me, so could you just say outta da way for a little bit?" he asked, sounding a little annoyed that he was actually scared.

"_But don't you want to see the rest of this bathroom?" _Curiosity's voice was so soothing, so convincing. _"When you saw this place from the outside, it was huge! Surely there's got to be more rooms and exits. Maybe there's a message hidden in here that takes us out of the forest! Or even a baseball bat so you can smash his skull in!"_

Scout contemplated this for a moment. He couldn't see any sign of Slenderman anywhere… maybe it would be ok…

"_Daniel, don't listen to him!" _Conscience shouted. _"You need to get out of here RIGHT NOW! I don't care if there's a million dollars hidden somewhere in this building, you've got to leave this instant!"_

The Bostonian let out a little whine, looking longingly at the unexplored hallway.

"_Come on…" _Curiosity cooed. _"Just a little peek…"_

Just when Scout was about to turn back into the bathroom, a much louder, much more booming voice entered his head.

"_RUN." _Instinct commanded.

Scout immediately fled the scene without question, slipping a little bit on the wet patches of grass. He still held Emma in his arms, and the golden retriever was sniffing the air and growling slightly.

The runner continued to sprint through the forest, thankful that his flashlight had not been left behind in the bathroom. There wasn't much to trip over, the only thing he had to watch out for were the trees. As Scout ran aimlessly around the forest, he realized that he had been faced with quite the dilemma.

He still didn't know the way out.

"Fuck, guys! How da hell are we gonna get back to da castle?!" he asked, beginning to get frantic again.

"_Emma! She came in and rescued you, so she must know the way!" _Conscience exclaimed.

Scout scoffed. "What da hell are you talkin' about? We need to come up with somethin' else…" Scout scratched his chin in thought, snapping his fingers when the solution came to him. "I know! Emma came and found me, right? So she's gotta know da way out!"

If Conscience had a forehead, he would be smacking his palm up against it right now.

The Bostonian put Emma down on the ground, and she proceeded to sniff all around the area. As soon as she lifted her head, she wagged her tail and started running off in the direction she had come from.

Scout bolted after her, relishing the feeling of finally getting away from this forest. It was fortunate that they hadn't run into Slenderman on their way out, otherwise that would have been…

…wait.

The forest was much too quiet right now. He couldn't even hear that thumping noise anymore. He whipped his head in all directions, and Instinct started to give him that feeling in the pit of his stomach that something really wasn't right.

Just as he was about to dismiss the feeling, he returned his flashlight to a large yellow box resembling a portable home. There, in the distance, he could slightly see… a white circle…

That little faceless motherfucker.

Yeah, there's the static again. "Guys, he's still fuckin' followin' me! What do I do?!" Scout hissed.

"_Well don't just stand there, for God's sake!"_ Conscience shouted.

"_Wait, how do you know it was even him? Try looking again." _Curiosity suggested.

"_FOLLOW EMMA. NOW." _Instinct boomed, overpowering both of them.

In an instant, Scout was back on Emma's trail, trying to keep up with the swift little puppy. Luckily, she had waited for him, and as soon as he was by her side, they continued through the forest. All the while, mischievous little Curiosity had been whispering into the boy's ear… metaphorically, of course.

"_Couldn't you have so much more peace of mind if you actually looked? How do you know he's not two feet away from you?" _Curiosity questioned.

At this, Scouts body went a little more rigid. That was definitely not something that he wanted to happen. With a little bit of reluctance, Scout snuck a peek behind him.

Phew, there was nothi–

"PFFAAA JUST FUCK OFF!" he sputtered as he caught sight of the faceless man, who was now considerably closer than he was before. He sprinted ahead, scooped Emma into his arms, and ran for it.

* * *

Soldier sputtered and coughed as he came to the surface of the water, making yet another desperate attempt to swim to safety. The Tentaspy, however, would have none of it, and proceeded to snake a tentacle around his ankle and pull him back under the water.

The patiot had been at this for hours, and despite years of harsh physical training, he was not going to be able to keep up this constant struggle for much longer. The tentacle bearing man seemed to be enjoying itself considerably well. Every time Soldier thought he was going to be devoured, the Tentaspy threw him against another wall, delighted in the sound of his cracking bones.

Just when Soldier had thought this whole game was terrible and he just wanted it to end already, he immediately regretted it.

After a long while of waiting, the Tentaspy remained nowhere to be seen.

Perfect. Just perfect. This was worse than having his ribs broken as he was thrown against a wall. At least then he had some idea of when the creature was going to strike.

Everything was completely still, save for the small ripples that Soldier made whilst treading water. He didn't really know what to do. On one hand, if he swam away, his guard would be let down and the creature was sure to chase after him. But on the other, if he stayed, he would succumb to fatigue, and the Tenta would have an easy lunch… or dinner… what time was it again?

All of a sudden, a loud crash came from the other side of the room and Soldier snapped his head in the direction of the sound. There, a pot was smashed, its fragments scattered around the floor by the exit.

What the hell was that? It couldn't have just fallen from the ceiling, and from what Soldier could tell, the water there wasn't stirring at all, so the likelihood of the Tentaspy having smashed it was very small.

So… what did break it?

Soldier scoffed and ignored it. Let 'em try to lure him over there. He wasn't like his Bostonian teammate. His curiosity didn't control him.

But it was most certainly there.

As the patriot continued to tread water, he found it very difficult not to take a quick glance now and again to the broken pot. He had no idea how long he stayed there, and he had no idea how long he would have to stay there until he could come up with a course of action.

As if out of nowhere, another pot fell. This time, it landed with a splash in the middle of the pool. Soldier looked up to the ceiling, trying to see where it had come from, but the room was so dark that looking up was like looking at a black void. So was looking down, frankly.

Soldier's eyes widened a little (not that it mattered under his helmet) as he treaded water a little faster. If looking down was like a void, then catching sight of the Tentaspy would be nearly impossible! The beast could be right below him and he wouldn't even know it!

At this point, the patriot had abandoned any and all of the plans that had been forming in his head and made a mad dash for the exit.

Obviously, someone didn't like this.

Many more pots began to fall with increased aggression, following Soldier as he swam. One of them crashed on top of his helmet, and he couldn't help but stop and guffaw loudly.

"You idiot!" he shouted, looking up to the black void. "I am wearing a top quality Mann Co helmet! You will not break this fine helmet with some measly, no good, scum sucking p –AUGH!" he cried as another measly, no good, scum sucking pot was thrown at his face with enough force to shatter.

The American held his jaw with one hand, feeling the warm blood oozing down. Time to get out of here.

He continued swimming for dear life, gritting his teeth as the clay fragments in his skin dug deeper and deeper. Pots continued to fall all around him, but he didn't stop for a moment. He was almost there, come on, just a little more.

All hopes of escape were dashed when Soldier felt a familiar coiling around his ankle.

He was hauled up into the air, dangling by the single tentacle as Tentaspy emerged from the water, leaning in close to Soldier.

It looked as though its face had been morphed. Its pupils had become dilated to the point that Soldier could barely see them in the dim lighting. Instead, the irises, which took up the entirety of the eye, glowed an eerie yellow, and its eyes were wide open. Its lips were split and cracked due to the unnaturally large, predatory smile on the creature's face, and its razor sharp teeth were reflecting off the water just slightly. Soldier could now see that there were three rows of the knife-like teeth, and he gulped involuntarily. You can imagine how scary this must have looked from upside down.

It was so scary that I can represent it through a math equation.

The scariness of it was multiplied by 'holy shit' to the power of 'I'm so screwed'.

Yeah. It was that scary.

Good thing our pal Soldier is a quick thinker.

As soon as he felt something brush past his dangling and flailing hand, he immediately grabbed it and smashed it against the creature's face. It had been one of the fallen pots, and the Tentaspy dropped him and retreated into the water.

After laughing and taunting at the creature for having its own plan backfire on it, Soldier wasted no time in getting the hell out of there, feeling the effects of fatigue finally taking their toll.

* * *

The rain was now just a small sprinkling, and now that the clouds were cleared, Scout was able to see by light of the moon. He put his flashlight away, confident that he would no longer need it, and pumped his free hand back and forth, allowing him to run faster. He kept running for a long while, motivated by the fact that he could see DeGroot Keep on top of the hill through the breaks in the trees.

Eventually, all runners need a break, and our young Bostonian is no exception. He leaned against a tree, just for a quick breather. He'd stay hidden, stay quiet, then he'd sprint his little heart out all the way back to the castle, where his team would be waiting to beat up this freaking Slenderman. Maybe then he could have a talk with Medic about Conscience and the gang. But oh god, Medic was going to be so mad at him. He guessed that the doctor had made a full on ditch in the castle floor by now, just from nervous pacing. Lucky for him, he'd probably get a rib-crushing hug before a lecture. That's sort of what tended to happen in situations like this. Granted, you still got the lecture no matter what. Maybe he could somehow avoi…

What the fuck is that noise.

Why the fuck is there more thumping.

Why did he get the feeling that it was not his heart this time.

Where the hell is that creepy bastard.

He'd better not be the fuck behind him.

"I…I don't know if I should look back, guys…" he whispered, eyes wide and fearful. "I-I mean, he's obviously right behind me."

"_RUN, DANIEL." _Instinct told him quickly.

Scout wasn't sure if it was just all the adrenaline rushing through his veins right now or if it was Curiosity quietly persuading him again, but nevertheless, he looked.

Slenderman was about ten meters away, but now, he looked almost enraged. You wouldn't think it possible for a man with no facial features, but Scout could tell that he was pissed.

"Oh no…" he whimpered, pressing himself back up against the tree. "…no no no… I fucking hate you, Curiosity, I hate you I hate you I hate you…"

Emma squirmed uncomfortably in his grip, and Scout just realized that he had been just short of crushing his little puppy.

He let out a little wince and loosened his hold. "S-sorry, dahlin'." he apologized quietly, stroking her fur. Emma was more than happy to forgive him, nuzzling into the crook of his elbow.

What the hell was he going to do?! Slenderman was really close, but Scout wasn't sure that the man had seen him. He hoped to god that was not the case.

"_See what happens when you decide to listen to Curiosity?"_ Conscience asked in an I-told-you-so-you-dumbass manner.

"Shut up, he'll fuckin' hear you!" Scout hissed.

"_Actually, you're the only one that can he –"_

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE, YOU'RE JUST A STUPID ASSHOLE DAT WANTS TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT EVERYTHING!" Scout screamed before promptly covering his mouth. Emma growled and barred her teeth, looking around the area.

"_GET AWAY** NOW.**"_

Scout was more than happy to listen to his gut, or rather, his Instinct, and jumped away from the tree just as a set of tentacles had wrapped themselves around it. He stumbled a bit, still holding the growling golden retriever, and proceeded to sprint in the direction of the keep.

He didn't want to do this anymore, he just wanted to be back at Thunder Mountain. He just wanted to have a bowl of Engineer's chicken soup, have some of Spy's gratin dau… dau… uh… cheesy potaters, play fetch with Emma, go to the comic book store in Sniper's van! He wanted to sit and watch Star Trek with Pyro, make fun of Soldier with Demoman, learn how to make a perfect sandvich with Heavy, and goddammit, he didn't care if he got lectured everyday for the rest of his life, he wanted to cling to Medic and never let go.

He just wanted to feel safe again. Even living in a base not far away from his enemies was more secure than this.

* * *

Medic ran through the halls of the keep with Heavy in tow, calling out the names of his teammates and getting significantly more frustrated and worried with each unsuccessful search. They looked in every room, checked every twist and turn of the hall, and still, nothing. The doves had stayed with him a while, but soon they found perches around the dining area and waited there.

Heavy wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up his calm and rational act. He wanted to run around frantically like the doctor and make every effort he could to finding his missing teammates. The only reason he was doing it was because he knew that Medic needed someone else to be the strong one right now. The man could take a lot of stress, but when it just became too much, that's when Heavy would usually step in.

Medic really couldn't help but feel panicked and overwhelmed right now, and his Russian friend was sympathetic to that. He was sick, after all, and he knew that the man hadn't been getting much rest lately, not to mention his usual worried nature in matters like this. The doctor could handle surgeries and wounds with ease, but take the outcome situation completely out of his hands, and you have one extremely distressed German.

By the time they were sure they had checked each hallway at least three times, Medic had decided that he was going to search the outdoor grounds.

"But Doktor, is dark outside!" Heavy argued. "Let us find rest of team dat is not missing to help." This seemed logical to the doctor, so they made their way back to the dining room.

But a small thump coming from the unnoticed door at the end of the hall caught Medic's attention.

He stared at it for a long while before promptly making his way over to it, much to the confusion of his large friend. This didn't prevent Heavy from following the German, though, and Medic wasted no time in flinging the door open.

"SOLDAT!" the doctor cried in a mixture of relief and newfound concern.

Soldier had collapsed against the door, thus creating the 'thump' that Medic had heard. He now lay on the floor, bloody, bruised, and soaking wet.

Heavy and Medic exchanged worried glances before the Russian gently picked up the patriot, emitting a small grunt.

"Soldier weigh more dan Sascha, I think." he noted as they made their way back to the dining area.

Medic scratched his chin. "Hmm, maybe he has been eating all zhose pound cakes zhat Engineer's vife has been sending…"

* * *

Engineer was waiting for them in the dining room. As soon as he caught sight of the bruised and battered Soldier that rested in Heavy's arms, he immediately dashed over to his teammates.

"Doc, what in Sam Hill is goin' on?!" he questioned, looking extremely confused at this seemingly sudden turn of events. Heavy set Soldier on the table, allowing Medic to examine him.

"To be honest, Herr Engineer, I haff absolutely no clue. Vell, I do know zhat Herr Soldier has been eating your vife's pound cakes." the German muttered, pulling a pair of tweezers out of his breast pocket and proceeding to remove the pot fragments from Soldier's face. "Tell me zhat Scout, Sniper, und Spy haff returned vizhout mein knowledge, bitte." he asked softly, not looking up at the Texan.

Engineer got the feeling that this wasn't going to end well. "Uh… 'fraid not, sorry." he apologized. He now realized had been so caught up in this whole ghost fiasco with Demoman that he had forgotten about the safety of his other teammates.

Medic let out a shuddering sigh before finishing the procedure on Soldier's face. By this time, the patriot had started to come to, and he sat up groggily. Heavy, Medic, and Engineer looked at him expectantly, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Where…" he grunted before letting out a hiss and holding his side. Damn, there were most definitely a few cracked ribs in there, and unfortunately, his nose had not been protected by his helmet when he was being thrown around.

"I'm sorry, Soldat," Medic started, "I didn't bring any medical supplies vizh me, since I expected to be back at Zhunder Mountain by now."

Heavy continued to look at him. "I think he is trying to tell us something."

Soldier nodded his head as much as he could. He continued to try and speak, but every time he did, the pain shooting through his torso would stop him. In truth, he seemed to be more frustrated than hurt.

Engineer scratched his chin in thought, then proceeded to snap his fingers and dig around in his toolbelt. He produced a scrap piece of paper with work of various equations on it and a pencil, which he handed to his fellow American.

Soldier took them and laid the piece of paper down in his lap, since he couldn't bend down to write on the table he was currently sitting on. The writing was messy, but still readable. Once he was done (which took about five minutes), he handed the paper back to Engineer.

The Texan cleared his throat, then read what the patriot had written. "What are you maggots looking at? Pain does not hurt, pain is weakness leaving the body. Instead of… what does that say? The writin's illegible." he asked, pointing to a word.

Medic leaned in, adjusting his glasses. "I zhink zhat says 'standing', but I could be mistaken." he guessed after looking at it for a while. Soldier nodded his head and gestured for the man to continue reading.

Engineer turned his attention back to the messy scrawl. "Instead of standing here, you should get your sorry butts downstairs and kick that Tentaspy's ass into next week…" He looked up, confused. "Tentaspy?"

Soldier nodded his head vigorously, hissing a bit when he felt the sharp pain running through his ribcage once again.

The group exchanged glances, unsure of what to do. Did Soldier just hit his head or something? Maybe he tripped and fell face first onto a pot, though that seemed highly unlikely.

Medic didn't like this, not one bit. Without a word to his comrades, he left, grabbing his coat and ignoring them when they tried to call him back.

* * *

Scout couldn't feel his lungs anymore, but he didn't care. He just couldn't stop running for any reason whatsoever, not even to catch a breather. His last break didn't go so well. He continued on, not even daring to glance behind him even for a split second.

At long last, the trees finally thinned a bit, and he ran out into the open field. He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding in, slowing his pace and setting Emma down as he made his way back to the keep.

It didn't take long for Emma to start growling again as she perked her ears up. Scout looked at her curiously.

"Hey, s'okay, we lost 'im!" he said, crouching down next to her. She didn't stop her growling, though. In fact, it got louder and louder as she barred her teeth.

"_Uh.. Danny?" _Curiosity asked.

"What da hell do you want?!" Scout snapped. Jeez, he couldn't see Medic about this soon enough.

"_Maybe you should look behind you…"_

"Pff, yeah right, like I'm gonna listen to you."

"_LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU." _Instinct warned him.

At the sound of this, Scout whipped around, finding Slenderman not more than four meters away from him.

He let out a shrill scream of surprise before scooping Emma up and bolting for the keep. What the hell was this crap?! He was in the field! He made it out!

Unless…

Oh shit.

Unless that little bastard was going to follow him into the castle.

Scout let out a small whine as he raced even faster. Now he was in an open field, goddammit! There was nowhere for him to hide! Whoever put up those notes was made of pure evil!

He continued sprinting until finally he slammed into the keep door with his back and stumbled into the hall, accidentally catching sight of Slenderman out of the corner of his eye. The man was getting steadily closer, and Scout bolted down the hall, breathing heavily and murmuring, "Don't look or it takes you, don't look or it takes you…"

* * *

Demoman and Pyro dashed through the hall as fast as they could, though they were slowed down considerably due to the fact that the Scotsman had to support his masked comrade along the way. All the while, they could hear the moans and cries coming from behind them, and they could tell that the sounds were getting louder. They needed to get out of here now.

"Tavish…" the voices started calling softly. Demoman continued onward, trying to ignore them.

They were quiet for a long while, and both mercenaries were quite relieved. Although, Pyro still looked around nervously. It definitely didn't trust the silence, and Demoman noticed this.

"Don't worry, Py, we'll be out of here in no time. The ghosts won't follow us out… I don't think so, anyways." he reassured, though a slight quivering could still be heard in his voice.

Pyro didn't look so convinced, but it trusted Demoman enough to keep walking, although it picked up the pace as much as it could.

"TAVISH!" the chorus of voices screeched suddenly. The Scot and the firebug jumped and ran down the hallway, Demoman screaming and Pyro just trying to focus on something other than the pain in its ribs.

* * *

Medic continued down the hall, his coat still in his arms as he started straight ahead of him. He didn't need their help, he was going to find them by himself. He muttered to himself in German as he headed down the long twisting hallway that Scout had gone into.

He could have sworn that he heard footsteps from behind him, but it was probably just his own steps echoing through the halls.

Then again, with all that's been happening…

Medic whipped around, standing defensively. He had been right, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end at what he saw.

"G'daaaaaaaaaay, doc." Creepy Crawly Sniper greeted, walking slowly towards Medic. "Ya feelin' alroight?"

"I know zhat you know vhat happened to mein teammates." the German growled. "Und you are going to tell me right now." He quickly pulled out his bonesaw, which he had retrieved after their first encounter.

The corrupted Sniper clucked his tongue and grinned, shaking his head. "Nah, mate, you don't wanna do that."

"Vhat makes you so sure?" Medic questioned.

This just made Creepy Crawly Sniper grin even more. "I don't think you want anyone knowin' about that little… incident durin' the war. The Party was pretty upset about that one, but it ended up bein' a cold case, didn't it? Oh, roight, and weren't thousands of suspected innocents killed by th' Nazis because they just couldn't figure out who it was?" He chuckled darkly. "Wouldn't it be a shame if someone found out?"

The doctor froze, almost dropping his bonesaw. How did he know about… that?! Not even Liesa knew, or any member of his family, or Heavy! Hell, he didn't even think the Announcer knew! Medic had no choice. He lowered his bonesaw.

"There's a good boy." Creepy Crawly Sniper crooned. He was about to speak again, but they both heard murmuring and footsteps in the background. In a flash, Medic was sprinting ahead to see what it was.

"Hey, mate."

The doctor stopped and looked back, expecting to see Creepy Crawly Sniper there. But instead…

…nothing. Absolutely nothing but blackness.

Medic turned back around, but froze as his eyes opened wide. He could no longer see the hallway, just the same blackness, but this time, a chair sat in front of him.

He didn't want to move at all. He didn't know what to do, really. What does one do in a situation like this? The only thing he really _did _know is that he was sure as hell not going to sit in that chair.

The doctor backed up slowly, trying to figure out what just happened and what was going to happen if he didn't get out of here.

"_Chick chick_!"

Medic knew that sound. He wished he didn't but he could recognize that sound from a mile away. He turned around cautiously, seeing exactly what he was afraid would be there.

Scrubby.

All of a sudden, the doctor felt a sharp pain growing in the side of his neck. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it just kept getting worse until finally, he passed out.

When Medic came to, he could no longer see the black room. He was back in the hallway, and this time, Creepy Crawly Sniper and Scrubby were nowhere to be seen.

But, to his dismay, he was also unable to hear the footsteps and the small voice he had heard earlier. He got up and raced down the hallway, hoping to find who he was looking for. He did hear _something_ though…

A small barking and tiny little pitter-patters grew louder until Medic finally found the source.

"Emma!" he called to her. She perked up her ears and turned around, so delighted in the sight of her favorite doctor that she jumped into his arms. He stroked her fur and scratched behind her ears affectionately, and she nuzzled into his hand.

After she got her ear scratch, Emma hopped out of Medic's hold and ran down the hallway, barking at the German to come as well. He followed her diligently through the twists and turns of the hall. She finally stopped, pawing at something on the ground.

…oh no…

"SCOUT!" the doctor yelled, rushing to his side. Scout lay unconscious on the ground, flat on his back. Medic put a hand against his neck, checking for a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he could still feel the pumping of the Bostonian's blood. He couldn't see any signs of injury either, so that also helped to lift some of the stress off his shoulders.

The doctor gently brushed the hair out of Scout's face, laying the back of his hand on his forehead to check for a temperature. Yes, definitely a fever. It wasn't surprising, considering that the boy was most likely outside in the rain, judging by his soaking wet hair and clothes.

"Nnnn…" Scout groaned softly, stirring a little. Medic was quick to help the boy into a sitting position, supporting him until he could regain full consiousness.

Scout had never been more relieved to see Medic in his entire life.

"DOC!" the runner exclaimed, lunging for the older man and wrapping his arms around his torso. Medic didn't hesitate to pull Scout tighter into the embrace.

"Oh schatzi," Medic said softly, stroking his hair, "vhat did you go und get yourself into zhis time?" The doctor had said this jokingly, not really feeling in the mood to give a full lecture, but Scout began to sniffle and hiccup, and what was even more alarming, he began to shake at the very thought of what he just went through. Medic started rubbing circles on the runner's back in an effort to calm him.

He wasn't going to pry. As concerned as he was, he couldn't make the boy talk in this state. Scout looked like he had gone through quite the ordeal, and Medic's imagination started up again as the boy clung tighter and buried his face into the doctor's shoulder.

"Doc…" Scout sniffed. "I promise I'll nevah do anything stupid or reckless or… uh… what did you say dat one time? Absurdly moronic? I think dat's what it was."

Medic couldn't help but smile and shush his youngest comrade softly, continuing the circular motions and reassuring him that everything would be just fine.

When Scout had calmed down, he, Emma, and Medic made their way back to the dining room to meet up with the others.

* * *

Engineer stood on the table, wrench in hand. "If y'all get any closer, ah swear, I'm gonna beatchya like a rented muel!" he shouted at the hoard coming closer to him, Soldier, Demoman, Heavy and Pyro.

It had started out with just one. Just one that followed Demoman and Pyro through the halls. Engineer, Heavy, and Soldier were thoroughly confused when the duo had come racing in, screaming about how they needed to get out of here and just rent a hotel room.

Once the Texan had caught sight of their little problem, he was quite stunned and confused. The undead were not real, and so that simply could not be a zombie.

That's what Engineer had thought at first.

Before long, the zombie was joined by a hoard of others, all trudging along with their arms out in front of them.

Now, all that was on Engineer's mind was to find the others as quickly as possible and get the hell out of this place. Heavy and Demoman both held chairs, ready to crush any zombie that came too close. Soldier and Pyro were getting exceedingly frustrated that there was nothing they could do to help because of their injuries.

At that moment, Medic, Scout, and Emma had just come back into the room. They really had absolutely no clue whatsoever what was going on, but it sure didn't look pretty. The German's doves were flying everywhere, but came to perch on his shoulders and head once he entered the room .The only thing that Scout and Medic could think of was to help their team to escape.

"Herr Engineer!" Medic called. "Hold zhem off for as long as you can! Ve're getting out of here!" He helped Soldier up, slinging the man's arm over his shoulder.

The Texan breathed a sigh of relief. "Will do, doc!" he answered. Scout followed Medic and supported Pyro as they made their way out of the castle, all of the doves following closely behind.

When he turned back to face the hoard, his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Not only was there a full crowd of zombies, but it was joined by a full crowd of _ghosts_ too. Engineer now noticed the Tentaspy that had somehow slithered in unnoticed, and the tall, lean man with no face.

Engineer waited until his teammates were out of sight before screaming, "RUN FOR IT, FELLAS!"

Everyone had met up outside, trying to figure out how they were going to go about acquiring a vehicle. They could just run, but how were Pyro and Soldier going to be able to hold up? Not to mention the people that were currently holding _them _up.

"Wait…" Scout intergected into everyone's shouting. "Where's da Frenchie and Snipes?"

* * *

"Ooooh, I love Halloveen!" the RED Medic chirped giddily, admiring his zombie costume. "Herr Spy, you really know how to make someone look undead!"

The RED team stood in the dining room of the keep, laughing and chuckling together about the idiocy of the BLU team.

The RED Spy took off his plain white mask, and he shrunk down from a ten foot tall, faceless man in a black suit to his normal self. "A pleasure, my good docteur." he said as he gave a slight bow.

The RED Scout bounded up to his team's Engineer. "Dos ghost holograms were da SHIT, man!" he exclaimed, beaming. "And dese voice changer thingys, you couldn't even tell it was us!"

Engineer, also all zombified, chuckled. "S'not that big of a deal, Scout. Besides, it was worth it to see those BLU pansies wet their shorts!" he explained, breaking out into full guffaws.

"I must say," the RED Soldier stated, a proud grin on his face, "that this was by far the best Halloween I've ever had! Be proud, maggots!"

"And," the RED Demoman intergected, "let's not forget the BLU traitors that made this possible!" He said jokingly as he slung his arms around the BLU Sniper and Spy.

Spy grinned. "All I wanted was my revenge on zhat stupid oaf." he chuckled, thinking back on the faces that his team's Soldier made and how good it felt to throw him up against the wall. "And you, mon ami?"

The BLU Sniper could help but crack a smile as well. "He bloody deserved that pot to the face, the wankah. After wot he said about me mum, I think he got off easy. Good thing it was too dark to see the rafters, eh?"

The RED Heavy stared at them, hopelessly confused. "Wait, I am not understanding. Why you help scare own team? You find us or we find you?"

"Well," the RED Spy said, staring at Scout, "after zhe boy got found out, zhey told 'im to reveal what exactly it was zhat 'e was doing 'ere. So, 'e brought zhem back to us, and zhey said zhat zhey would not tell zheir team on one condition: zhat zhey would be zhe ones to prank zheir Soldier."

"HEY! It wasn't my fault! I didn't know dat dey were gonna come out of dat freakin' door!" the RED Scout retorted rather loudly. "…Why did you guys come out anyway?"

Both BLUs looked at him, confused. "Didn't you all knock on zhe doors?" Spy questioned.

All of the REDs shook their heads. A nervous silence filled the room afterwards.

Sniper decided to break the silence. "At any rate, why don't you all chase us out so we can take our team to that truck in the forest, hm?"

* * *

Outside of the keep, frantic discussion took place in between members of the BLU team. How were they going to find Sniper and Spy with all of the monsters roaming the castle? Even if they did, how would they get out of here?

All of their questions were soon answered once they caught sight of their missing teammates running out of the keep, the hoard following closely behind. The BLUs rushed up to meet them, Medic checking for injuries and relieved to find none.

"I… I know…" Spy panted. "I know how to… get out." In an instant, all eyes were fixed on the Frenchman.

Scout paled when Spy pointed towards the forest.

Each of the BLUs were racing towards the forest in an instant, save for Scout. The Bostonian just stood there, his knees threatening to buckle underneath him.

Medic paused. That's odd. Usually Scout would be at the front of the pack by now. He turned around to find the runner still staring with a horrified expression at the forest.

"Scout!" he called. "Vhat are you vaiting for?!" When he didn't receive an answer, the doctor ran up to him and shook him by the shoulders.

"I-I can't go in d-dere, doc." he replied shakily.

Medic looked thoughtfully at the Bostonian's fearful expression, then to the forest. Maybe something had happened in there…

The German shook his head. It didn't matter now. What mattered was getting out of here and never coming back. Medic pulled Scout's attention away from the forest.

"Scout, zhe only vay out is in zhat forest." Medic stated. "Go in zhere once more, und you'll never even have to zhink about it again."

The runner bit his lip, but shakily moved forward. He was going to go in just once more to go out forever.

* * *

The BLUs made their way through the forest, whooping and cheering in delight at the sight of the red van beside the yellow portable home. Once everyone had hopped into the back trailer (including Emma and all of the doctor's doves), Spy hotwired the car, then proceeding to jump into the passenger seat beside Sniper, who was at the wheel.

"Wait!" Heavy cried just as they were about to drive away. "I need to say goodbye to Creepy Crawly Sniper first!"

"Ooooh no you don't." Medic stated, pushing his Russian friend back down into his seat. "SNIPER, FLOOR IT!"

Sniper did as he was told, mostly because Medic can be scary as hell when he wants to. They sped away from the keep and down to the airport, Engineer already setting up arrangements for a flight to Sierra Nevada and a conference with the Announcer.

Standing just outside the entrance of the forest was Creepy Crawly Sniper and Scrubby, watching the van disappear into the distance. The corrupted Sniper grinned and looked down at the item he held draped over his arm.

Medic's jacket.

"I think he moight be in need of this, considerin' that Thunder Mountain can get a bit chilly, don't you think so, Scrubby?" The scrub brush nodded with a slight '_chick chick!' _before the wind picked up, blowing them away particle by particle until they were completely gone.

Creepy Crawly Sniper chuckled ominously, the sound echoing all throughout Scotland.

* * *

**And that concludes the Halloween special! I really hoped you guys enjoyed it, and don't forget to leave a review! :)**

**-Jinny**


	13. If You Love Something

**Hey guys! I actually hadn't intended for this to be the next chapter, but then Chaos' mind collaborated with mine in a ball of rainbow swirls, and this happened! I hope you enjoy it :)**

* * *

"**If You Love Something…"**

Guns were blazing in Thunder Mountain that evening, breaking the peaceful silence of the forest. The BLU team was having quite the struggle that day, seeing as two of their attack classes were out of commission due to their stay at DeGroot Keep (which no one, save for the two that seemed to be MIA the entire time, wanted to remember). With Pyro gone, there was no one to Spy check, and that was getting to be a problem.

But, Engineer, being the problem solver, found a temporary Spychecker for them.

"Good girl, Emma! Show that fancy pants frog that he ain't got nothin' on us!" the Texan laughed as he watched Emma tear up the RED Spy's pant leg. It had become a favorite activity of hers ever since their experience at DeGroot Keep. Once she was done and had scared the Spy off, she dutifully returned to her spot beside Engineer's dispenser, which was a little out in the open. But, it caught the REDs off guard when they ran into his sentry that was just around the corner.

However, even with the Spychecking under control, it still seemed as though they were still short a couple people.

Engineer pondered this, glancing around the area. To his surprise, he saw a pair of sock clad legs swinging from the top of his dispenser. He looked up, finding Scout, who sat there with Emma in his lap.

"Boy, you're supposed to be up at the front lines! Why are you hangin' back here?!" he questioned exasperatedly. "Without you, we've got absolutely no attack classes!"

Scout shrugged innocently and continued to cuddle the puppy. "Ooohhh, you knoooow, just wanna hang out with my best Texan bud, Engie!"

Engineer huffed, crossing his arms. "Scout, you're not gettin' paid to sit there and pet Emma all day."

"Ok first thing's first, Engie. I'm not just pettin' her, I'm also lettin' her in on da top secret in-fo-may-shun, thank ya very much." Scout informed him. "And second, I said I was freakin' hangin' out with you, dummy!"

The Texan sighed and was about to start lecturing Scout again, but he heard an equally obnoxious voice come from a few yards away.

"HOLY SHIT DOS DAMN BLUS HAVE A FREAKING PUPPY! CAN WE GET A PUPPY? HEY, BLU FAGGOT, LEMME PET DA PUPPY!" the RED Scout screamed obnoxiously from where he stood.

Scout sat up and clutched Emma protectively. "NO FUCKIN' WAY, DUMBASS! YOU AIN'T TOUCHING HER YA MORON SO WHY DONTCHYA GO CRY TO YA FUCKIN' MA, YA WUSS?!"

The RED seemed to be completely oblivious to anything Scout had just said. "YO, PUPPY C'MON HERE! YA DON'T WANNA HANG OUT WIT A BUNCHA LOSERS LIKE DEM!" he called. To Scout's dismay and Engineer's surprise, Emma wriggled out of the BLU runner's hold and made her way to the RED. "C'mere...GOOD GIRL!"

"HEY WHAT DA FRICKEN HELL?!" Scout screeched, not believing what just happened. "OH MY GOD ENGIE DEY'RE KIDNAPPIN' EMMA! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" he declared, running around cross-eyed and flailing his arms.

By this time, the RED Scout had made it into earshot of his team. "HOLY SHIT THIS PUPPY IS FREAKIN' SOFT! YO, DOC! I WANT A PUPPY! LET'S GET A PUPPY!"

"NOOOO! NO NO NO NO DAT'S MY FREAKING PUPPY YA COCKFAG! GIVE HERE BACK OR I'LL BAT YA SKULL INTA NEXT FUCKIN' WEEK!" he cried racing after his counterpart, no matter how hard Engineer tried to stop him.

He ran and ran, but felt something heft him up from the back of his shirt mid-sprint. Heavy, who had picked him up, and Medic stared at him questioningly as he dangled by his blue garment. Scout didn't skip a beat, taking in a huge breath and screaming, "DOC, HE'S TAKIN' MY PUPPY!"

In a desperate attempt to free himself, Scout wriggled out of his shirt, now topless and breathing heavily. He grabbed Medic by the tie and pulled him along at a full sprint.

"Scout! Let–_cough_–let go!" the doctor rasped, trying to keep up so he wouldn't be choked to death.

They had caught up to the RED Scout, who was admiring Emma as she licked his fingers. "HAW-HAW SHE LOVES ME BETTER, JACKASS!" he taunted at Scout, who had now released Medic's tie.

Medic walked up to the RED Scout in a curious fashion, giving the air a light sniff. He looked down at Emma, who was still licking the boy's fingers clean. "Zhat smell… is zhat... bacon?"

The RED Scout hugged Emma closer, nuzzling her head with his cheek. "Yeah, so?"

At this point, the BLU Scout was on the verge of tears, though he would have probably claimed that something flew into his eye if he was questioned on the matter. "Doc..." he sniffed, glaring at his counterpart. "...help me get Emma back from dat fricken cockfag."

Medic scratched chin, seemingly ignoring his own Scout. "I don't suppose zhat perhaps she might like you because of zhe bacon on your fingers?"

"Wha–no way! She likes me because I am tall, and handsome, and awesome, and..." he trailed off, seeing the BLU Scout so upset as he looked at the puppy. "And...and..."

The intercoms boomed to life, cutting the RED Scout's thoughts off. "BLU team, you've failed." At the sound of this, each member of both teams started to head back to their base.

Medic shrugged. "Oh vell, how vould Herr Spy say it again? Ah yes, 'C'est la vie'. Enjoy your puppy, she's quite lovable, I assure you." With that, he walked away, leaving his teammate with his mouth agape. "Come along, Scout." the doctor called.

The RED Scout glanced down at Emma and back up at the BLU, looking more and more guilty by the minute.

The BLU Scout looked sadly at Emma as his lip quivered. Had.., had he honestly just lost his best friend that easily?! This wasn't fair, Emma was rightfully part of the BLU team! He glared at the RED one last time before flipping him the bird and sprinting back to his base with angry tears in his eyes, swearing revenge on his counterpart.

The RED's face had complete and utter guilt written all over it. "Awwwwwww FUCK IT! YO, FAG! HAVE YA STUPID DOG BACK! I BET SHE'S FULL-A FLEAS AND SHIT!" he screamed, though the BLU Scout was too far away now to hear it.

Emma whimpered, looking at RED Scout as if he just punted her across the battlefield.

Scout bit his lip. "Aw, baby, I-I'm sorry, I don't mean it." he reassured her, letting her lick his bacon grease coated fingers again. Emma nuzzled into the crook of his elbow, promptly falling asleep. A little puppy like her wasn't used to having a full day of work.

He looked around the area, huffing enough to adequately express his annoyance. "Damn, where'd the BLU faggot go?"

* * *

Scout's eyes were filled with enraged tears as he shouted at Medic, pacing around the kitchen. "I CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT! HOW COULD YOU DO DAT TO ME DOC?! WHY DA HELL DID YOU SIDE WITH DAT FRICKEN RED MORON?!"

Medic sighed, putting his book down on the table in front of him. "Scout, let me tell you something." he said, adjusting his glasses. Scout stopped and looked at him, slightly sniffling. "If you really love somezhing, let it go. Und if it vas really yours, it vill come back. If it doesn't, it vas never meant to be."

Scout stared at Medic blankly for a moment. "Dat is da dumbest freaking thing I've ever heard you say."

The doctor just sighed, opening up his book again.

* * *

The RED Scout walked into the Rec Room, holding the sleeping golden retriever in his arms. "Engie… I need to go visit the fricking BLUs."

"Why is tha –where in tarnation did y'all get a PUPPY?!"

The RED Pyro walked into the room, gasping in delight at the fluffball its teammate was holding. "RRR PRRPRR!"

"NO PY! She belongs to the BLUs! I gotta take her back." He looked down at the sleepy puppy in his arms sadly.

Emma looked up at the RED, perking her ears up and cocking her head. Pyro twitched a little and reached out to rub behind the dog's ears, a faint sigh escaping the suit, and Scout's lip quivered. "I know. But she ain't ours."

Engineer sighed. "What if I get ya a nice goldfish, Scout?"

A single tear rolled down Scout's cheek, and Emma sat up and licked it off his face, nuzzling into his chest. "Fish are stupid, hardhat. They can't play fetch or nut-tin."

The Texan sighed. "Well, I'm at a loss as to what to tell you, Scout. Ah'm almost 100% sure that the BLUs found that dog. S'not like we can go 'n' order one."

The same "Awwwwww" noise escaped Scout and Pyro and they slumped back onto the couch, dejected.

Engineer scratched his chin. "Maybe we can get Spy to smuggle one in for us."

Scout brightened instantly but Pyro held up a finger. "Sprrrr hrrrrts drrrrrgs" This caused Scout to slump down once again, his hopes crushed.

"Y'know," a voice rang out, causing everyone in the room to jump a bit at the unnoticed presence, "you could just keep 'er. S'not lokie you owe that BLU mongrel anythin' anyways." Sniper informed them as he pushed his aviators up his nose and arched his eyebrows.

"Yeah, but," Scout shifted, "when I was little, my bros would take away ANYTHING that I so much as looked at. It made me feel like crap, y'know? 'Sides, I woudn't want someone takin' my puppy." he mumbled.

A decloaking sound could be hear from across the room, making everyone, especially Sniper and Engineer, jump a little once again.

"Oui, I agree wizh Scout." he said, scowling at Emma. "Leave zhe mangy dog wizh zhe BLUs."

Sniper scoffed. "Yer just sore over the time she bit ya, spook."

"ZAT FILZHY BEAST LEFT SCARS ON MY LEG!" he argued, glaring at Emma as she growled at him.

"Well, ya probably deserved it, Frenchie!" Scout sneered.

Spy grumbled something inaudible in French about Scout's mother, sauntering out of the room and lighting up a cigarette.

The hardhatted man smiled a bit at Scout. "Good fer you, son. I'm proud of you for wantin' to return her."

Scout beamed, pleased with any sort of positive attention. "Thanks, hardhat! Can ya come wit me sose I don't get shot?"

Engineer patted the boy on the shoulder. "Sure thing. Let's git along now if we want to make it there before dark."

Pyro sighed and crossed its arms as it watched Emma leave, sniffling softly. It really loved puppies...

Sniper patted Pyro's back sympathetically. "Maybe we'll find a kitten hangin' 'round, mate."

The firebug sat up with its fingers laced together in glee. "Yrrr rlrrr thrrnk srr, Snrrps?!"

"Sure, why not?" Sniper shrugged. "All sorts of animals show up 'round here."

Pyro clapped happily and grabbed the Australian by the hand, pulling him towards the base's exit.

"'EY! I DIDN'T MEAN GO LOOK FOR ONE ROIGHT NOW!" Sniper protested. Pyro would have none of it, though, and it dragged the bushman along to find itself a furry friend.

* * *

"DOC! LOOK!"

Medic adjusted his glasses and gazed out the window to where the Bostonian was pointing, feeling a soft smile forming on his face as he observed the sight.

The RED Scout and Engineer were approaching the base with Emma nestled safe and secure in the boy's arms.

"Engie..." the RED Scout whispered. "You sure dey won't shoot?"

"Nah, we got a hostage." A corner of Engineer's mouth twitched upwards.

Scout however, didn't appreciate the joke. "Engie!" he hissed. "She's a freakin' puppy! You're makin' me feel like a kidnapper!"

"Well, technically y'all are." Engineer clapped him on the back, sending the youth stumbling forward just as the BLU Scout came bounding out of the base.

"EMM—OOOF!" the BLU grunted as he was tackled to the ground by an invisible force.

"Are you insane?!" Spy seethed, continuing to pin the boy to the ground.

"But–"

"Oi! If you wont to keep yer heads, ya best put down the sheila and turn back to ya base!" Sniper yelled from his nest.

The RED Scout sighed heavily, and, with slow movements, set Emma on the ground. For an instant the puppy stood stock-still, head tipped to the side as she considered the boy who cuddled her and the boy who tasted like bacon.

He sniffed as Emma trotted over to the BLU Scout, who wriggled his way out of Spy's hold and gathered his puppy in his arms and kissed her head, nuzzling his nose into her soft fur.

"Well… dere's ya stupid dog back, dumbass." The RED Scout spat. "I wasn't gonna hurt her or nut-tin, I just wanted to play wit her for a bit, 'cause Fatass McGee ovah here and Snooty McfrenchiePants said we couldn't have a dog."

Engineer patted the boy on the back, ignoring the blatant insult that had been directed at him. The two turned to walk away, but Scout stopped when he heard a small cough from behind him.

The BLU Scout held Emma in his arms, looking at the ground and scuffing the dirt with his shoe. "Hey, uh... thanks, fag."

The RED Scout felt a sudden rush of warmth, the kind felt only after doing a deed of great altruism. "Ya welcome, cocksucker."

The BLU chuckled, smiling a bit at his counterpart. "Hey, if... if you want, I was thinkin', well like, if you want, you could maybe... I dunno, see her durin' ceasefires, I mean, uh, if ya want dat is."

The RED straightened up a bit, glancing at Engineer for confirmation.

Engineer shrugged. "Sure. If it's all right with you lot."

The RED spun around and gave his BLU counterpart a thumbs-up.

The BLU Scout beamed back at him, returning the gesture before calling, "See ya 'round, cockfag!"

"Yeah, you too, dicklicker!"

* * *

Scout bounded happily back into his base, heading to the kitchen to get dinner for Emma.

Medic, who was sitting on the couch and still reading his book, noticed the pair and coughed, gaining Scout's attention. "So, I see she came back."

Scout thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, technically, dat RED fag brought her back."

"But she has, in fact, returned. Correct?"

Scout nodded, wondering where Medic was going with this.

Medic smiled inwardly. He could guarantee that the reason Scout's RED counterpart had returned their fluffy friend was because he felt guilty about taking something so important away from the BLU. He had seen the look in both Scouts' eyes at the end of that battle, and he knew that there was a lesson learned on both sides of the conflict…

…which is exactly what he had intended in the first place.

"Und so it seems zhat she vas really yours after all." Medic concluded, returning to his novel.

Scout was about to question this, but as he looked down at the golden retriever in his arms, a lopsided smile formed on his face as he gazed into her big brown eyes. "Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

**So this was a short one, but still, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! Please don't be afraid to leave a review, I love to hear your feedback! :D**

**-Jinny**


	14. Anesthetics

**Hello everyone! How are you all? I don't really have much to say today, other than this one took a lot longer than I would have liked it to. Oh, and one more thing, I am working on somewhat of a story–a FULL story. Though I can't pinpoint a date** **for publishing it, I still haven't worked out a lot of the details. **

**At any rate, enjoy some drugged up Soldier.**

**Oh, and let's just pretend that Star Wars came out a little earlier than when this is set. Just for the joke's sake.**

**OH and reviewers: I love you guys. Anons and non-anons alike. I love all your feedback.**

***Insert disclaimer here, I'm too tired to think of something clever***

* * *

"**Anesthetics"**

It was truly a lovely day at Thunder Mountain, which only happened on rare occasions. Soldier and Pyro had still been receiving constant medical care for their injuries, though the patriot protested against any further care after a couple weeks, insisting that 'pain is weakness leaving the body'. It only took one poke from Medic's pen to a broken rib for him to change his mind.

The repairmen had done a good job with fixing up their base, and the mercenaries had been delighted in finding their living quarters to be just how they remembered them, though, as Engineer pointed out, that probably had something to do with just following the blueprints.

At any rate, even though the repairmen had done exemplary work, it was discovered that the base had been inhabited by some of the wildlife in the area when its walls were still knocked down. Sniper had been quick in catching most of the critters, but now and again, a mouse or an absurdly large spider might be found in a secluded area. Today was no exception.

Medic whistled 'Roll out the Barrels' as he tidied the infirmary, setting each of the beds with their usual clean, white sheets and pillows and making sure that each medication was in its place on the shelf. Archimedes and Hyppolita were perched up on the coat rack, which had become a favorite spot of theirs to cuddle together.

The doctor couldn't help but smile and chuckle a little bit as he watched his two little lovebirds. Those two had become quite close a few months ago, and Medic found it especially adorable how Hyppolita would rest her head under Archimedes' as they pressed closely together and cooed happily. They were like the essence of love itself, Medic mused.

He continued on with his cleaning, noting that it was almost time for lunch. He really wanted to be done by then so he could get on with the monthly check ups. He had planned to do it the week before, but things hadn't exactly worked out that way due to constantly having to take care of Pyro and Soldier, plus still unboxing all of his medical equipment. Moving was such a hassle.

Once Medic was done setting all the beds, he made his way over to the corner of the room where boxes of syringes, gauze, disinfectant, and various other medical equipments still sat from the week before.

Just as the doctor had picked up the box and was about to organize the syringes, he dropped it with a gasp as he flailed and stumbled backwards. The doves in the room all fluttered from their perches, alarmed at the sudden crashing and clattering.

Medic had scrambled up on one of the infirmary beds, sitting cross-legged and eyeing the box warily. After a long while, a fairly large, red colored snake with white and black stripes slithered partially out of it, flicking its forked tongue.

The doctor winced a bit. God, he hated snakes. Not as much as he hated cats, but he still had a significant amount of loathe towards the scaly creatures. Some of his doves perched on his shoulders, Hyppolita making sure to nuzzle in closely to Archimedes as they looked at the snake curiously. Plato seemed to hate it just as much as Medic did, and he hopped onto the German's shoulder, adjusting until he was nestled securely in the crook of the man's neck.

Medic smiled a little, holding up his hand and letting the little dove jump into it. He stroked Plato's feathers and held him comfortingly, still keeping a close eye on the snake. He should probably fetch Sniper to get it out of here.

But just as Medic was about to follow through with this task, he was faced with a bit of a dilemma: There was no way in hell he was touching the ground until that snake was out of the infirmary.

The doctor thought for a minute, then shrugged his shoulders. Why not?

"HERR SNIIIIIIPEEEEEEER!" He screeched at the top of his lungs. "HERKOMMEN, BIIIIIIITTEEEEE!" None of the doves seemed even remotely fazed, remaining perched on Medic's shoulders as if this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Not more than five seconds later, Soldier and Demoman came rushing into the room, although it looked more like Demoman stumbled drunkenly. Medic rolled his eyes. This wasn't who he needed at all.

"Kraut, what the hell is going on?!" Soldier demanded.

Medic pointed to the box, still holding Plato in his other hand. "Zhere's a snake in my syringes." He said flatly.

Soldier let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding in. "Holy hell, Doc, was the screaming really necessary?! We thought that you were getting brutally massacred by the RED Spy!"

Demoman stumbled to the American's side, leaning on his shoulder. "Aye," he slurred, "y…ye scared th' SHITE out of us is… is wot ye did…" He finished his statement with a loud burp.

Medic quirked an eyebrow at the drunken Scot, obviously not impressed with him belching in the infirmary. "Vell I am very sorry to haff vorried you. Now if you vould kindly get Herr Sniper for me, it vould be much appreciated." The German dismissed.

Soldier, however, was not going to go away as easy as that. He crept towards the box quietly, smiling as he caught sight of the little creature inside. "Hehe, he's so cute!" The patriot giggled.

Demoman stumbled towards him, smiling drunkenly at the snake. "He's so wee…" The Scot slurred, not taking note that the snake was actually fairly large.

The doctor was not happy at all with the behavior of his teammates. "NO, it is not 'cute', und you vill get Herr Sniper to–OH MEIN GOTT DON'T PICK IT UP YOU DUMMKOPF!"

Soldier grinned as he watched the reptile entwine itself around his arm. "See, Doc? He's adorable, he doesn't mean any harm."

Demoman leaned down to Soldier's arm, inspecting the snake with awe. "Only when you're there…" He said, his voice ringing with philosophy as he looked up wistfully into a distant nothingness. "…you'll be able to make a new friend."

Soldier smiled in happiness as he admired the sheer adorableness of his new pet. "Can I keep him, Doc?!" He exclaimed, full of excitement and hope that Medic would say–

"ABSOLUT NICHT!" Medic shouted, deflating the American's spirit.

Soldier was being stubborn though, keeping his eyes fixed on his little snake. His eyes flicked to Medic, who was still seated on the infirmary bed and clutching his dove protectively. Maybe the man didn't like him because he hadn't gotten to know the little guy yet…

"Soldat," The doctor seethed, "put zhe snake down before it bites you or anyone else. Go und get Sniper to take care of it."

"Just pet him, Doc!" the patriot pleaded, holding out the snake towards Medic. "You might like him!"

Medic was thoroughly alarmed when the foul reptile was shoved into his face, and his panicked reaction was to lean back and give Soldier a swift kick to the gut, remembering to aim away from the man's fragile ribs.

Soldier staggered a bit, the snake still wrapped around his arm as he used the other to hold his stomach. "Jeez, okay, I'll take him outside." The patriot grumbled. "Why is it that I never get to keep any kind of animal, but as soon as Engie finds a dog, you're all gung-ho about the idea?" He muttered under his breath.

He was just about to walk out of the infirmary when a hand clapped on his shoulder. Soldier turned around in confusion, seeing Demoman grinning stupidly at him.

"If ye lightly poke it and see…" He said, staring off into distant nothingness once again. "…you'll feel so strange."

Soldier looked blankly at his Scottish teammate. "So… let me get this straight, Cyclops. If I poke the snake, I'll feel strange?"

Demoman nodded solemnly.

The patriot grinned. "I like Stranges!" he exclaimed in a very Ralph Wiggam-esque fashion, holding up his index finger to the reptile.

"Soldier, STOP." Medic ordered from where he sat.

The American pouted a bit, pulling back his finger. Why wouldn't the doctor just give the poor snake a chance?

"Doc… mate… lad… me boyo…" Demoman started before promptly passing out onto the floor.

Huh. That was strange, Soldier thought. Usually when that happened, Medic would be yelling at him to help the Scot up into one of the beds. But now he was just sitting there.

"Uh… Medic?" The patriot called. "Why are you sitting on the bed anyways?"

The doctor stayed silent for a while, obviously planning his answer carefully. "Because, Herr Soldier, I do not vish to risk getting bitten by zhat snake by placing my feet on zhe floor while it is still in zhe building." He stated.

Soldier grinned mischievously. "So… you're not gonna get off no matter what?"

"Nein." Medic said, placing Plato on his shoulder and crossing his arms.

"Oh ok, then I guess you won't mind then if I do THIS!" Soldier poked furiously at the snake, laughing at the alarmed expression on the doctor's face.

"Soldat…"

"I don't get why you're so uptight about this sort of thing all the time, Doc!"

"Soldat!"

"I mean seriously, you've got to lighten up!"

"HERR SOLDIER, YOUR HAND!" Medic cried, gesturing wildly.

"My…" The patriot trailed off as he glanced back at his hand. Sure enough, the snake was no longer wrapped innocently around his arm, but had its fangs sunken into the man's palm as a dribble of blood landed on the floor. Huh. How he had not noticed that at first, Soldier didn't know.

"W…woooow, Deeemooo was riiiiiight, I… do feel straaange." The American drawled out, swaying a little bit as the snake injected more of its venom.

Medic bit his lip, finally bounding off the infirmary bed. He ran to his stupid teammate, supporting Soldier and being careful to keep his own hand away from the reptile. He wasn't really sure what to do right now. He hadn't exactly been trained in this sort of thing, and he definitely wasn't about to try and risk making things worse.

So, he elevated Soldiers arm, and ran as fast as he could while supporting the man all the way to their Australian comrade's van.

….

Scout, Heavy, and Pyro sat in the Rec Room, watching one of the firebug's favorite movies: Star Wars.

"Chips in a tube…" Scout stated to no one in particular, looked into his bag of salt and vinegar chips. "Dat'd be like, da coolest thing evah. It'd be crazy, but supah cool."

Heavy and Pyro stared long and hard at the Bostonian before chuckling to themselves and shaking their heads.

"I think leetle Scout has bit too much imagination, da?" The Russian asked before turning his attention back to the TV. Little did both Heavy and the firebug know that, years later, Scout would become one of the founders of a company that we now know as 'Pringles'.

The sound of struggling and grunting could be heard from the hallway, followed by various German mutterings. The trio sat up and looked to the door in confusion and curiosity, waiting for the source of the sounds to appear as they grew louder.

"Schweinehund…" Medic grumbled, holding Soldier up as they walked down the hall. The snake was still firmly latched onto the patriot's hand, and the blood dribbling out had covered a fair portion of his skin.

Scout blinked, then turned his attention back to the TV. "Sol, just so ya know, you've got a sock on your hand."

Soldier's head swayed from side to side before he looked down at his bloodied appendage, bringing it close to his face for further inspection. "Huh…" was all he could manage before he started blacking out.

Medic gasped in surprise as he tried to support the sudden extra weight. "Heavy," He grunted, "help, bitte."

The Russian immediately stood up and made his way over. "Da, Doktor!" He said cheerily as he hefted Soldier up and slung him over his shoulder, his helmet falling off in the process.

Medic jumped a little. "Ach, be careful! His ribs haff not fully healed yet!" He warned. But, the doctor was a millisecond too late, and a soft crack was heard from the patriot's ribcage as he was manhandled.

Heavy bit his lip with an oops-I-forgot-about-that-and-now-Soldier-has-broken-ribs-again expression on his face while Medic cringed a bit, feeling a bit of sympathy for the unconscious man.

"Erm, let's just get him to Herr Sniper's van, ja?" Medic suggested.

"Da." Heavy answered quickly, following the doctor down the hall.

…

"Whaddaya think, Emma?" Sniper asked proudly, holding up the newly knitted blanket for the golden retriever to see. It had taken a while, but he finally finished the blanket he had promised Emma when they first found her. She fidgeted excitedly and wagged her tail, jumping into Sniper's lap. He chuckled and patted her head, wrapping her up in the soft wool as she snuggled into it.

"She seems to like it." Spy commented, looking up from his book. He was seated on the bed across the van from the chair Sniper sat in, and was currently enjoying some coffee to go along with his novel. Of course, he brought his own coffee grounds. The disgusting drink that Sniper usually treated himself to didn't even pass for consumable in Spy's books.

"Bloody roight she does, and she's gonna be all noice and comfy tonight when she goes to bed, isn't that roight, Em?" Sniper asked, bundling her up in the blanket even more. Emma looked up at Sniper and licked the bottom of his chin in gratification, eliciting another chuckle from the Aussie as he scratched behind her ear.

Soon, an urgent knocking was heard on the door of the camper van. Sniper set Emma down on the ground, walking over to the door and opening up to a very peculiar sight.

"Uh, woi is Sol…" He trailed off, finally catching sight of the snake that was still firmly latched onto the patriot's hand. "…oh."

"Ja." Medic said flatly, glancing at his unconscious American teammate.

"Well, let's see wot we got here, shall we?" Sniper suggested, lifting up Soldier's hand and inspecting the reptile. He made a few 'hmm's, 'uh-huh's, and a few twisted expressions, making Medic a little nervous as he watched the Aussie's face intently.

"Is… is it lezhal poison?" The doctor asked finally.

"Well, this _is_ a genus lampropeltis elapsoides, Doc." The bushman stated, crossing his arms.

Now, Medic considered himself to be a man of science, and a good one at that. He hadn't exactly studied animals like his good friend had done, but he knew enough Latin words from studying medicine to figure out what that meant.

"Erm… so you're saying zhat Scarlet King snakes _are_ or _aren't _lezhally poisonous?" he asked warily, hoping for an answer besides the one he knew was correct.

Sniper just cocked an eyebrow, walking over to the doctor. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about it." he chided, exaggeratedly patting Medic's head and successfully messing up the now very annoyed German's hair. "The snake looks very calm roight now, so it probably thinks that Sol's dead."

Medic inspected the snake curiously, trying to find some sort of indication of venom being injected, but a tiny jostle made the German look up to an annoyed looking Heavy.

"Doktor, you look at tiny snake later." The weapons expert grunted.

Medic stood up and adjusted his glasses, looking at Heavy apologetically. "Herr Sniper, could you remove zhe snake vizhout aggravating it?"

Sniper rocked back and forth on his heels, glancing around. "Well... I could, but I don't really loike Sol all that much." he said flatly.

Medic slapped a hand to his forehead. "Really?! You're just going to let your own teammate die because you don't exactly enjoy zheir company?!"

Sniper nodded. "There's a reason woi I didn't soign the contract for team medic, _Doc_."

The German looked at his comrade in exasperation. He knew that Sniper and Soldier weren't exactly two peas in a pod, but he thought the Australian was more professional than–

Medic cracked a slight smile. He could get around this one.

"I see how it is, Herr." He said, adjusting his glasses. "I zhought zhat your level of professionalism vould allow you to see past zhe disagreements betveen you und your covorker, but I see now zhat I overestimated you." He shrugged.

Sniper stood frozen for a moment, his gaze piercing through the yellow tinted aviators. "Wot." This of course, was a question, though it was said with such dangerous aggression that it sounded more like a statement rather than a question.

"It's sad, really." The doctor sighed. "I zhought you acted a bit more professionally zhan–Herr Sniper?" Medic stopped mid-sentence to look at the Aussie, how was crouched down beside the snake and slowly caressing its scales.

"Come on, sheila." He cooed, gently holding the snake's head. "Could ya be a noice snake and let go of Sol's hand?"

Medic continued to stare with curiosity and confusion as Sniper continued to whisper to the reptile.

"Who's a beautiful snake? That's roight, you are. You're the most gorgeous lampropeltis elapsoides I've ever seen." The snake's grip loosened a bit, but kept its fangs buried deeply into the flesh. Sniper glared up at the unconscious patriot. "Trust me, you don't want to be keepin' your mouth on that. Nobody knows where it's been." He growled.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the snake retracted its fangs and reconnected its jaw, and Sniper grabbed its head as the snake loosened its grip on Soldier's arm.

The Australian held her up for inspection, turning her and holding her tail in his free hand. "Ain't she a beaut." He murmured before leaving Medic and bringing her to the outskirts of the battlefield. He set her down and she slithered away into the depths of the surrounding forest.

When he returned, he found that Medic had busied himself with retrieving supplies from the van (he most likely asked Spy where they were) and cleaning out the wound on Soldier's hand.

The Aussie continued into his van and went to the back, receiving questioning looks from Spy and Emma, the puppy seated in the Frenchman's lap, as he pulled open a drawer with several small bottles in it.

"Lampropeltis, lampropeltis, lampropelits," Sniper murmured, looking through the bottles before pulling one out. "Aha! Lucky for Sol, I had some of this left over." He said as he walked back out to give the antidote to Medic.

Spy and Emma sneaked a peek outside the van window, seeing the unconscious Soldier slung over Heavy's shoulder. He almost felt bad that he had been the one that broke the man's ribs a few short weeks ago. But, then again, he had a very good reason (well, he thought so anyways), and that helped to ease his conscience as he returned to his book.

…

Soldier awoke groggily, seeing two, no, four Medics above him. Or… were there six? He blinked a few times, trying to get all these Medics to stop moving the hell around so he could count them already.

"Herr Soldat, how are you feeling?" They all said at once.

"Nnuuu…" He moaned as he lolled his head from side to side and rubbed his eyes, finally starting to reduce the number of doctors in the room.

"I vill take zhat as an 'I don't know quite yet, but I am avake und extremely grateful zhat you saved me, Medic! Even aftah I did somezhing so utterly idiotic vhen you specifically told me not to! How can I evah repay your generosity?' Oh, vell, it's nozzing, Soldier, I'm just doing my job." The German reassured his teammate, patting his hand. "But I do haff a few zhings in mind, just some simple favors. I'll give you a list later, once you've recovered."

Soldier stared at the man for a while, his countenance twisted with confusion as he massaged his temples. Medic's smile softened a bit before he retreated to the back room of the infirmary, returning with two pills and a glass of water. He placed them on the table beside the patriot's bed and gestured for the man to sit up.

Soldier grunted a bit and made an effort to sit, but laid right back down, grimacing and hissing and holding his torso. Medic's memory immediately brought him back to the incident with his ribs earlier that day, and he helped the man settle back down. But no matter how many times he told Soldier to just calm down and stop thrashing, the pain in the American's ribs grew steadily worse.

In a few short minutes, Soldier had given up breathing in order to ease the shots of knife-like feelings that went through his ribcage every time his lungs expanded. His face was slowly turning blue as he grimaced, and Medic quickly filled up a syringe of anesthetics and injected it into Soldier's neck.

…

For the second time that day, the patriot was faced with four blurry Medics hovering over him. Wait, seven this time? Wasn't he supposed to be seeing double? But that didn't make sense, seven isn't divisible by two! Oh dear God, he was starting to sound like Engie.

The only difference between waking up now and before was that he felt oddly light, almost as if he was floating on a cloud of sweet cotton candy, and the sugar crystals were brushing by him ever so lightly in the vanilla breeze. He opened his eyes fully now, taking in his new surroundings.

The sky was a pinky-white, and the cotton candy clouds in the distance looked as fluffy as they felt. The sun looked as though it was made of marmalade, but his attention was diverted away from it when he saw a flock of marshmallow birds float across the sky. His eyes followed them until he came to one figure that was familiar.

He stared blankly at Medic for a good while, and the doctor stood there with a confused smile on his face as the marmalade glinted off his glasses, and two of the marshmallow birds landed on his shoulder.

Medic looked at Soldier with slight amusement. The man had sat up and was looking around the room with wide eyes as he patted his hands gently on the infirmary bed, occasionally cocking his head like Emma would when she finds something new. "What the hell is life?" He asked simply, still taking in his new view.

"Soldat," The doctor asked, walking forward to talk to his patient, "how are your ribs feeling? Heavy really didn't mean to hurt you, he was ju–"

Soldier didn't respond, but instead, reached his hands up to Medic's face and mapped it out until he reached the curl of the German's hair. Soldier put his hands on Medic's cheeks as the doctor just let out a muffled huff as his lips were squished together. He didn't like his sentences being cut off.

Though, under any other circumstances, the doctor would have found this extremely weird and unsettling. But he knew that Soldier's anesthetics were still wearing off, and that often drove patients to odd behavior.

"Dooooooc." The American drew out.

"Are yo–"

"Ssshh… ssshh shh ssssssssshhhhh…" Soldier shushed, placing his hand on the front of Medic's face and looking suspiciously around the room. "Doc…"

"Vha –"

"Sssssssshhhh, Doc." He whispered. "Doc."

The man stayed silent for a while, keeping his hand on the German's face. The silence was soon broken, though, by Soldier's philosophical breakthrough. "In the stockroom of my mind…" He spoke poetically, sniffing the air. "…taste the smell of my touch."

"Er–"

"Sssshhhhh…." The patriot shushed once again. "In the stockroom of my mind… taste the smell of my touch. She wrote beauty on her face,"

"Vhat exa–"

"Ssssshhhh… in the stockroom of my mind… taste the smell of my touch."

Medic rolled his eyes, but stayed silent and let his patient continue.

"She wrote beauty on her face…" He released Medic's face as he got on his knees, looking up into the coconut milkshake sky where Archimedes and Hyppolita had flown off the coat rack and to the doctor's shoulder. "We will fly with the doves in the morning…"

Despite being quite annoyed, the German fought extremely hard to bite back a laugh. Never in his entire career had he heard a patient say something that ridiculous after being put on anesthetics. He pressed down on the American's shoulders and sat him on the bed, almost breaking down in a fit of guffaws when he saw the serious expression on Soldier's face.

The patriot, however, soon had a complete mood swing, giggling like a child and pointing to Medic's shoulder. "Doc," he snickered, "those flying marshmallows got stuck to you!" He flopped back down onto the bed in uncontrollable laughter, little tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he snorted and chortled.

Medic rolled his eyes and Archimedes and Hyppolita eyed the strange man curiously, soon deciding to retreat back to the coat rack.

The doctor left Soldier for the time being, deciding to file the man's X-rays and fill out the required medical document. By the time he was done, the American's laughing had subsided and he was looking at the bandages on his hand in awe, moving it towards and away from his face.

"It's splashy…" Soldier murmured, followed by some incomprehensible hushed rambles. He looked up at Medic, then back down at his hands, then back to Medic. Without a word, he got up and bolted out of the room, ignoring the doctor's shouts about how he was surely going to hurt his ribs again.

…

Soldier stumbled through the candy cane striped halls, though they didn't taste very good, and it's pretty obvious how he figured that out. Letting out a growl of annoyance, he carefully made his way through the halls and put his hands on the wall for support. He couldn't help it if he was tripping, the chocolate flooring melted onto his feet and made him slip around!

Eventually, he made it back to the rec room where Heavy and Pyro were engaged in a game of cards while Demoman was lying drunk on the couch beside the firebug.

The patriot stomped over to the pair, slamming his hands down on the table. Both Heavy and Pyro jumped a bit, looking to Soldier for an explanation.

"Do you have a problem, Bablo Brabbins?!" He bellowed at the firebug, voice wavering and slurred from the effects of the drug. Pyro put its hands up in defense, backing away from the patriot.

Demoman stood up shakily, stumbling forwards and catching Soldier by the shoulder. Soldier just turned and looked stoically, as if the two were sharing a conversation in their mind.

"Sometimes, we cannae see what's comin'," The Scot reassured, patting the American's shoulder, "but we can hear the grain that leads us to what's right. And that's when ye know."

Soldier stayed silent for a moment. "…Is this real life?" He asked quietly.

Demoman just nodded slowly. "It's all there."

Soldier turned back to Heavy, who was extremely confused at this point, and pointed an accusing finger at him. "My associates" He spoke slowly, voice wavering as he pointed to Demoman "have just informed me of your assault on… on…" He trailed off, trying to find the right words.

The Scotsman leaned forward. "Commandin' officer?" He offered.

"Yeah! Your assault on a commanding officer!" Soldier pointed over exaggeratedly to himself.

Heavy studied the man for a while, trying to figure out what he was talking about. Soldier stood, pointing at himself whilst the Russian scratched his head in thought. He knew that the bandages on the man's hand were from the snake bite, but the bandages around his torso…

Heavy's eyes shot open as he bit his lip, pupils darting around the room. Dammit, he forgot that he had broken Soldiers ribs again! He looked to Pyro pleadingly, but the firebug just shrugged its shoulders.

Just when the Russian was about to bolt and hope that he could outrun the American, he came up with an ingenious plan.

Heavy placed his cards on the table, his countenance becoming relaxed once again. Thankfully, he had watched Star Wars with his rubber suited friend that day, and he had remembered a trick that Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi used to fool the weak minded.

"Dis is not Heavy you are looking for…" he told Soldier, brining two fingers up and slowly waving them across the patriot's vision.

Soldier's eyes slowly widened. "Oh my god…" He murmured before sprinting (as best he could) out of the room.

Heavy and Pyro looked at Demoman with confusion, but the Scot just grinned stupidly as he swayed from side to side, eventually falling on the floor. The two shrugged and went back to their card game.

…

Soldier ran out the back door of the base, squinting when his eyes caught the light. After he blinked a few times and his vision adjusted, he made his way to the van situated not too far away. He stumbled up to it and banged and the door so hard that it left a small dent.

The door flung open, and Soldier was faced with a very pissed off Aussie. "WOT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN', YA MONGREL?!" He screeched at the patriot.

Soldier, though, didn't flinch in the slightest and pointed accusingly at Sniper. "You… Private Slithers!" He shouted dazedly, the effects of the anesthetics still having a while to go before they wore off.

"Wot, the snake?! I let 'er go in the forest" he jabbed his thumb towards said forest. "over the–OI! MEDIC'S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY WITH YOU IF YOU BRING IT BACK!" He called to the American, who had made off in the direction that Sniper had indicated.

The Australian shook his head and turned back inside, noticing that Emma was sitting right behind him, fidgeting as she wagged her tail and licked her nose. She looked straight up at him, giving him a little bark and a wag of her tail as he crossed his arms and smirked.

"And wot would you loike, Miss?" He asked, a playful tone in his voice.

Emma immediately stood up and trotted between Sniper's legs, continuing on out the doggy door that Engineer had installed a few weeks ago.

The Australian watched her go and scratched his head, but shrugged as he went to clean up his knitting supplies and brew a fresh pot of coffee.

…

Soldier stumbled and tripped over roots as he entered the forest, the mint chocolate leaves rustling and crunching as he walked through the brush and pushed the sparkly cinnamon tree branches out of his way. Getting down on all fours, Soldier began to clear away the plants on the ground, but couldn't resist trying some of the chocolate cookie crumbles that the plants were rooted into. To his dismay, these crumbs were not quite as delicious as he would've hoped.

Grumbling, the patriot continued to look around on the ground, rejoicing when he found a bundle of red coiled up under the protection of the brush. He stripped his uniform jacket and carefully crept up to the snake, pouncing on it and bundling it up in his jacket like a bag, the reptile writhing violently inside.

Soldier grinned and whispered to the makeshift bag. "Don't worry, Private, I'll keep you safe from Medic." He giggled and snorted as he ran back to the base with his new pet, making his way to his room.

The patriot gleefully made his way through the halls as he skipped to his Headquarters, making sure to keep his coat in a bag form. He didn't need Medic catching him and sending his newest recruit back into the forest.

…

Medic sorted his syringes glumly, only lightening up a little when Hippocrates flew onto his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck. The doctor was in a bad mood from not being able to do the routine check ups like he had planned. This whole thing with Soldier's snake had thrown his carefully planned schedule right off.

Not a minute later, Emma came running into the infirmary, skidding and slipping as she tried to stop on the waxed floor. Before she could fall onto her stomach, Medic had scooped her up and placed her gently on the floor. She barked and turned in a full circle before staring back at the German and repeating the process again.

Medic looked puzzled, but decided that Emma wanted him to follow her. He headed out the door and heard tiny toenails clacking on the hard floor, but they weren't getting any closer.

Emma was running as fast as she could, but not moving an inch as she tried to get a grip on the flat surface. Medic let out a hearty laugh before making his way over to the golden retriever, picking her up and brining her to the hallway. He had requested they wax the infirmary floor for that extra touch in his workspace that he took so much pride in, but maybe they had done it a little too well.

…

Soldier continued to his room, regretting his choice to come this way. Damn, if he had only come in the other entrance, he wouldn't need to pass the infirmary where he was sure that Medic would be. He'd just have to put his stealth crawl into work.

He knew the infirmary was still a few halls ahead, so, clutching the coat-bag firmly, he got down on his stomach and crawled. He made it pretty far, actually, when he heard a rapid scraping sound that was slowly getting closer.

In a few short seconds, Emma was standing near his head, pawing cautiously at the man's helmetless head. Soldier looked up at her, putting a finger to his lips in a 'ssshh' motion as he continued down the hall. The golden retriever followed him with perked up ears as he crawled towards what he didn't know would most likely be his doom.

Before long, Soldier had bumped into a pair of legs. He looked up, seeing a very displeased German who was crossing his arms and cocking an eyebrow at him. Soldier looked down, his cover almost having been blown. He continued on slowly, trying to make his way around Medic.

The doctor huffed. "Soldat, I know you're here."

Soldier froze mid-crawl. "How did you know?! Are…" His eyes widened. "Are you a genie?!"

Medic rolled his eyes. "Nein, Herr Soldier, I am not a ge–"

"That's what they all want you to think!" He yelled, cutting Medic off for what was probably the sixth time that day.

The German decided to drop the topic completely, seeing as this was going absolutely nowhere fast. "So, vhat are you doing crawling around in zhe halls?"

The patriot bit his lip. "Uh… nothing. It's definitely nothing. Nothing to do with this bag. And there's definitely nothing in this bag. Nothing to do with anything in this bag, because there's nothing in the bag. Nothing."

Medic tapped his foot and sucked his cheek. "Vhat's in zhat bag? Or should I say, your coat?" He noted the man's lack of jacket and his simple wife beater underneath.

Soldier grimaced. "There's nothing in the bag. And the bag is not my coat." He said simply.

The doctor glared at the drugged man, and Soldier just let out a small whine.

"How do you always knooo–oh yeah, 'cause you're a genie." He remembered. "Well, the thing in this bag is definitely not a snake. It is not. It is not a snake. Stop accusing me of this, Doc. It's not a snake."

Medic's expression turned from unimpressed to furious in a matter of milliseconds. "YOU BROUGHT ZHE SNAKE BACK INSIDE?!" He roared, obviously not very pleased.

Soldier's jaw dropped. "How do you always kno–oh wait, you're a genie."

Before Medic could stop him, Soldier had gotten up and bolted down the way he came. The German let out a growl of annoyance and headed back to his infirmary, where he filled up his Syringe Gun.

…

"Engie, seriously, I need you to help me invent dis. You're da only one dat's like, good at inventin' shit, so you hafta help me." Scout informed his Texan teammate. "It's like, ya job or somethin'."

Engineer sighed. "Scout, there's no way anyone is gonna want potato chips in a tube! The product would surely fail!"

"Come on, Engie. You don't know dat." The Bostonian reasoned as he leaned on Engineer's workbench.

"I can make an educated guess." The hard-hatted man dismissed before returning his attention to his blueprints.

"Engiiiiiie!" Scout whined, laying his head on the table and sprawling his arms over his teammate's work. "Puh-leeeeaaase! Please oh please with rainbow sprinkles and buttahscotch and whipped cream and bananas and strawberries and blueberries and walnuts and fudge sauce and chocolate chips and pistachios and cookie dough chunks and a cherry on top!" The boy pleaded, his own mouth starting to water.

Engineer couldn't help but chuckle a little as he pushed Scout off of his blueprints. "As temptin' as that sounds, I'm gonna have to decline. I've got some work to do."

The runner let out a "hmph" before getting up and trudging away, grumbling about how everyone on the base was going to regret this when he was a millionaire.

Though, before Scout could exit the workshop, Soldier barged in, knocking the poor kid on his butt.

"FUCKIN' OW, DUDE!" Scout yelled, rubbing his bruised behind. "Da hell's dis all about?!"

Soldier huffed and panted as he leaned against the door, the makeshift bag still in his hand. "You… you gotta hide me, Engie! Private Slithers is in danger and you're the only one that can save the future of this universe! MANN UP AND DO YOUR DUTY, PRIVATE!" He shouted, dropping the bag and shaking Engineer's shoulders.

"Woah there, Sol! Easy!" The Texan yelled, trying to calm his teammate. "Now, what's gotchya all bothered?"

Before Soldier could reply, Engineer caught sight of Scout and gasped, ripping off his goggles to make sure they weren't causing him to have illusions.

The snake was firmly latched onto Scout's arm, but the boy didn't move, nor did he even stir in the slightest. He just sat on the floor, pale faced and droopy-eyed.

"SCOUT, A SNAKE BIT YOU!" Engineer cried, horrified.

Scout glanced over to the snake and halfheartedly scoffed. "Pfff, Engie, dat ain't no snake." He said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Dat's a sock." He brushed off the red and black and white striped sock off his arm.

Engineer looked quite confused. How… how had that even happened? Oh well, it was better for his mental health if he didn't try to figure out every odd thing that happened in this base.

"Dis is a snake." Scout pointed out, lifting up his other arm. The Scarlet King snake had its fangs sunken into his wrist with no intention of letting go.

The horror on the poor Texan's face returned at full blast, while Soldier just chuckled. "I think he likes you, kid!" The patriot reassured, continuing to ignore the fact that this snake was female.

"Heh… yeah." Scout mumbled before passing out. Engineer sprung up and scooped Scout into his arms, heading for the infirmary and calling for Medic.

A warning bell went off in Soldier's head. If Engineer took Scout to Medic, the doctor would surely dispose of his new friend! He couldn't let that happen, not when he and Private Slithers had been through so much together. The patriot got on his stomach once again and stealth crawled as he followed his teammates.

…

"Fess, zhis verdammt snake his been causing so much trouble today." Medic grumbled, carefully injecting the antidote into Scout's circulatory system.

Engineer stood on the other side of the infirmary bed. "All day? How so, Doc?" He asked, glancing at the reptile that was in the cage that they borrowed from Sniper.

Medic huffed. "Vell, first I found it in my syringes, so I called Herr Sniper to get rid of it. Instead, I got Demo und Soldier, who only made zhe situation vorse."

The Texan couldn't help but chuckle. "They've got knack for that, don't they?"

Medic rolled his eyes. "It vould seem so." He grumbled. The story continued until the point where Engineer was running frantically into the infirmary, an unconscious Scout in his arms.

The Texan nodded, noticing the full Syringe Gun on the table behind Medic. "Now what in Sam Hill are you plannin' to do with that?" He questioned.

The German looked confused at first, but followed Engineer's gaze to his weapon before grimacing and returning his attention back to Scout as he wrapped the wound on the boy's wrist. "Zhe needles are filled vizh a sleeping drug zhat vorks almost instantly. I vas planning on hunting down Herr Soldier before he could cause any more damage, but it's too late for zhat. I'm almost regretting not tranquilizing him, seeing as ve vouldn't be haffing zhis problem if zhe shtupid man couldn't move."

Engineer nodded, understanding the situation. Things were quiet after that, which was just fine with the two men of science. Once Scout's bite was wrapped and his arm tucked under the blanket, the Texan was about to leave, but stopped in his tracks and tapped Medic on the shoulder. The doctor glanced back, and was just as shocked as his teammate at the sight.

The snake was gone.

…

Soldier congratulated himself on his brilliance as he ran out of the base, Private Slithers in his coat-bag once again. Medic was so stupid, not even noticing his stealth crawl as he rescued his brave and noble comrade. He chuckled and ran a bit faster, not really knowing where exactly he was going. Eh, he'd figure it out when he got there.

Little did he know, the team brainiacs were hot on his trail, Medic with a Syringe Gun fully loaded and Engineer with a walkie-talkie. The Texan gave the contraption a shake before he spoke into it. "Truckie to Stretch, come in, Stretch."

He waited a while, but it eventually crackled to life and a voice came out. "Stretch to Truckie, I hear ya."

Engineer smiled reassuringly at Medic, whose face was contorted into something between frustration, worry, and exasperation. "Have you seen Sol out and about lately?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. He went and got a bloody snake, but I figured the Doc would take care of him."

Medic's eyes widened and his face was now definitely full of rage. He snatched the walkie-talkie out of Engineer's hands. "SO YOU ZHINK IT'S JUST FINE TO LEAVE EVERYZHING UP TO ME?! YOU ZHOUGHT IT VOULD BE FINE TO JUST LET SOLDIER GET INTO TROUBLE UND COUNT ON ME TO CLEAN IT UP?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE ZHAT HAS CAUSED ME TODAY?! DO YOU?!" He screeched, obviously not pleased with the Australian.

Sniper's voice came out shakily in an I'm-fearing-for-my-bloody-life-over-here way. "S-sorry, mate, I–"

"DON'T YOU 'SORRY, MATE' ME!" He retorted, doing a very poor impression of the sharpshooter's accent. "YOU'D BETTER HIDE IN ZHAT VAN OF YOURS FOR A GOOD TWO VEEKS OR YOU MIGHT SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF ON ZHE FLOOR IN A POOL OF YOUR OWN BLOOD UND ALL OF YOUR ORGANS REMOVED AS YOU DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL DEAZH!"

Engineer nervously plucked the piece of technology out of Medic's hands, and the doctor crossed his arms, muttering things under his breath in German.

"Uh… you ok, Stretch?" He asked.

"Yeah, just a little scared for moi organs. That's all."

The Texan glanced at the German, who had calmed down considerably and was fiddling with the barrel of his gun. "Alrighty, if you say so. Listen, if you see Sol, gimme a call. He ain't gonna have his coat on, and he might be carryin' a blue bag lookin' thing."

"Will do, Truckie." The Aussie assured him.

Sniper laid the walkie-talkie down with a quivering hand and sat down on his bed, drinking his now lukewarm coffee.

Spy looked up from his book to observe the shaken assassin. "I take it I'll be bringing you your meals for a while, non?" He asked jokingly.

"Piss off, wankah." Sniper spat as he put the coffee mug to his lips. "Bloody egghead, just sits there reading all day." He grumbled under his breath.

Unfortunately, Sniper did not get to enjoy his decaffeinated coffee, for he caught sight of something rather peculiar in the distance outside the driver window. It looked like something flat… but it was moving across the ground in the back of their base. The sharpshooter got up to have a better look, but couldn't really make out what it was until he saw what the thing was dragging behind it.

A blue coat, crumpled and pulled together as a sack.

Sniper immediately jumped in the driver's seat and floored it, eliciting a string of French profanities from Spy, who had been knocked off the chair.

"FILS DE PUTE, LAWRENCE! I'M NOT WEARING A SEATBELT!" The suited man cried as he desperately tried to get a grip on the floor.

…

Soldier was still stealth crawling across the damp ground, feeling pretty successful. His new plan was simple: hide around the base for a bit, go back in, and keep Private Slithers _secretly_ in his room. No complications about that.

Well, actually, one complication did start to arise. A big one. The anesthetics were wearing off on Soldier, and he could now feel a bit of pain in his ribs. Not enough to make him abandon his mission, oh no, just enough to cause some slight discomfort. But pain is weakness leaving the body, so feeling it was a good thing! Soldier patted himself on the back. He always knew how to make himself feel better.

He continued to crawl until he heard something big approaching. He looked to his left and, sure enough, Sniper's van was heading straight for him. He had some sort of communication device in his hand, and was talking to someone named "Truckie". Pff, whatever the hell that meant.

Soldier felt a danger in the situation though, and immediately stealth crawled underneath the van. It appeared as though Sniper was extremely annoyed by this.

"Get your sorry arse out from undah moi van or I swear I'm gonna run you over with it!" He threatened, but to no avail.

Engineer and Medic soon arrived, asking where Soldier was. When he pointed the man out, however, he was not there. They searched the whole area, but the patriot was nowhere to be found. Though, it wasn't long until Sniper's sharp eye caught sight of something on the battlefield.

"THERE HE GOES!" the assassin yelled, jumping back into his van and gesturing for Medic and Engineer to join him. "Get in, mates!"

Spy was still flat on the floor of the van, resembling a cat with his gloved nails attempting to grip the flat surface. Medic and Engineer had no time to give him any sort of look, confused as they were. Engineer took the passenger seat while Medic stood behind them, gripping the back of the Texan's chair.

Before Spy could scream "Don't you dare floor it", Sniper had slammed his foot down on the gas pedal, causing Spy to yelp in surprise and cling to the floor, Engineer to grip the armrests, and Medic to lose his balance and topple backwards, meeting a similar fate to his French teammate.

As alarmed as they were with Sniper's driving, they couldn't deny the fact that they were gaining on Soldier. Obviously, the man had caught sight of them, getting off of his belly and taking to his feet as he ran for the forest.

Soldier grinned as he formulated his plan. The van was, well, just that. A van. It wouldn't be very maneuverable, considering its bulky frame. As it approached, he actually ran straight for it.

Everyone inside was alarmed (but not entirely shocked) with this action, and Sniper swerved the van from side to side, trying to avoid their maniacal teammate. Screams of "DON'T HIT HIM!", "STOP ZHE VAN, DUMMKOPF!", "Merde, I'm going to be sick.", "JUST MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!", and "I'M TROIYIN'!" were exchanged throughout the vehicle until the van finally jolted to the right.

Soldier dove to the left, makeshift bag still in his hand and completing his jump with a roll as he got back on his feet. The automobile had come to a complete stop, and his teammates were stumbling out of it, looking rather dazed. Spy actually fell to his knees and elbows, looking very green in the face (or what could be seen of it) as he put his forehead on the ground.

The patriot bolted for the forest and his team followed him, save for the Frenchman. He soon disappeared into the thick foliage, making Medic groan. He'd had enough of this for one day.

Lucky for him, they had Australia's best hunter with them.

Sniper immediately began to scan the area, taking in the broken branches and footprints in the dirt that wasn't covered in leaves. He suddenly darted off as Medic and Engineer tried to keep track of him.

It had taken a half an hour of following the assassin through the seemingly endless woods, but they finally discovered Soldier writhing on the ground in pain, his makeshift sack now empty. Poor snake. It was probably traumatized from having to spend the day with the insane patriot.

"Doooc my ribs huuuurt!" Soldier grimaced, holding his torso.

Medic was about to shoot him with the sleeping drug, but a part of him told him to savor this little piece of revenge. Putting his hand on his chin, the doctor 'pondered' for a moment.

"So, vhat if I do not comply vizh your vishes? Vhat zhen, Soldat?" He asked mischievously, seeing Sniper out of the corner of his eye. The Aussie bit his lip as he tried to stifle a laugh. Engineer just sighed and shook his head.

"PLEEEAAASSE! PLEASE OH PLEASE WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES AND BUTTERSCOTCH AND WHIPPED CREAM AND BANANAS AND STRAWBERRIES AND BLUBERRIES AND WALNUST AND FUDGE SAUCE AND COOKIE DOUGH CHUNKS AND A CHERRY ON TOP?!" Soldier pleaded, desperate. He was lucky that he had heard Scout's plea to Engineer before he entered the workshop.

Medic looked indecisive. "Meh, vell, I don't know…" Sniper was loving this. He sort of wished that Spy was here to see it too..

"I'LL DO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE FAVORS YOU WANTED ME TO DO!" The patriot screeched, groaning when Medic still didn't make any motion to help him.

Medic cocked an eyebrow, quite unimpressed. "How about you actually listen to me vhen I tell you not to do somezhing?"

Soldier rolled on the ground, but didn't make any sound. Medic shrugged and started to walk away. "AUGH, OKAY OKAY I PROMISE!" The American groaned.

The doctor looked pleased as he shot his teammate with the drugs, getting help from Engineer with taking him back to the infirmary. Each man slung one of Soldier's heavily muscled appendages over his shoulder, lugging him back inside.

…

"Dooooc, how much longer do I have to do this foooor?" Soldier whined, holding the broom in one hand as the other drooped by his side.

"For as long as I say so, Herr." Medic answered quickly, seeing as he was currently engrossed in the paperwork he was so diligently working on. He glanced up again, looking into the corner of the room and huffing. "Soldier, zhe dirt does not go into zhe corner, you pick it up vizh zhe dustpan."

Soldier pouted. "How do you always kno–oh wait, you're a genie." He grumbled.

Medic thought about it for a moment. Genies were usually portrayed as cunning and crafty, and he realized that what he had done to Soldier was pretty much that.

"Ja, Herr Soldat, ja I am." He grinned. That grin slowly faded into one of annoyance as he watched Soldier work. "Nein, you dummkopf, you can't leave lines of dirt vhen you pick it up vizh zhe dustpan!"

Soldier rolled his eyes. "Yes, your Highness." He snarled.

"Und zhrow zhat jacket avay! It's got an enormous rip in zhe sleeve!" Medic scolded, pointing at the American's jacket. It had a large rip torn down the forearm of the right sleeve, stopping at the cuff.

Soldier crossed his arms. "No way, Doc! A rip in the right sleeve looks manly and badass! It's not going anywhere."

Medic rolled his eyes and returned to his work while Soldier returned to his. The patriot couldn't wait for all these favors to be done, he needed to go find Private Slithers again so they could have another adventure just like the one they had a few weeks ago.

And who knows, maybe Medic would let him keep the reptile next time.

Though he highly doubted that. He made a mental note to practice his stealth crawling.

* * *

**I hope you guys enjoyed that. Jinny out! :D**


	15. Here for the Holidays, Part 1

**Hello everyone, and welcome to Jinny's Christmas Special! It'll be (ideally) in 4 parts, and I hope you enjoy!**

**And I would also like to thank ALL of you lovely reviewers! I always love going back and reading what you've said about my story, it really helps to get me going! :)**

**"Zhe sentry goes HERE, zhe dispenser goes HERE, zhe disclaimer goes HERE!"**

* * *

**"Here For the Holidays, Part 1"**

The only time the mercenaries didn't like fighting was around Christmas. It really wasn't a time for fighting, it was a time for holiday cheer and taking time off to visit their families. They usually got one week for a holiday, but that was all that the Announcer would allow them, and no more.

However, they weren't entirely glum when the snow set in. The winter blues were still there, yes, but for some less than others.

Scout was snoring lightly as he lay sleeping on his bed, his face smushed up against his mattress. He had a most pleasant dream. He dreamt that he was a little kid back in Boston, playing in the snow with his brothers. He was making a snowman while his other brothers were having a snowball fight. They had said he was too little to play with them, so after much pouting, he decided that snowmen were way cooler than snowballs anyway. He was almost finished his creation when Emmet, one of the twins, "accidentally" ran into his snowman and wrecked it. He felt mad, sad, and annoyed, and was about to try and take on his older brother when Johnny stepped in.

"Get lost, Emmet!" He shouted, standing in front of Scout. "Go on and plan an ambush on Randy. I'm sure Mike'll help ya." He turned back around, facing his youngest brother. "Hows about we fix ya snowman, huh?" He asked.

Scout nodded vigorously, wiping his little nose, red from the cold. Together, he and Johnny rebuilt the snowman, and it was even better than it was before. Scout ran to his brother and jumped into his arms, knocking them both down in the snow.

However, this pleasant dream ended with a loud bellowing coming from the house.

"UP AND AT 'EM, LADIES! WE'VE GOT REDS TO KILL TODAY! GET YOUR SORRY ASSES OUT HERE!" Soldier screamed from the hall as he banged on each of the doors with his shovel.

Scout woke up to find that he was clutching his pillow tightly. He sighed and turned onto his stomach, holding his pillow on top of his head as he tried to go back to his dream.

About fifteen minutes later, a much softer knocking was at his door. He ignored it, and eventually, the person waiting outside let himself in.

"Guten Morgen, Scout." Medic greeted, making his way over to the window and drawing back the curtains. "Rise und shine, ozhervise Herr Soldier vill eat all zhe bacon before you can get any."

Scout groaned, making no motion to get out of bed.

Medic rolled his eyes. "Look outside." He suggested.

The Bostonian slowly took his head out from under his pillow, drool on the side of his face and his bed-head sticking up like a tornado had just passed through. His eyes shot wide open as a huge grin immediately filled his face.

"HOLY SHIT IT'S SNOWIN'!" He shouted with glee, jumping out of his bed and running for the kitchen. "IT'S SNOWIN'! GUYS IT'S FRICKEN SNOWIN'!"

Scout ate his breakfast with gusto, almost inhaling his toast as he slipped on his jacket and Merc's Pride Scarf. His feet were always freezing in winter battles, since Mann Co hadn't exactly invented 'running boots' yet, but he figured he'd warm up if he ran enough. He slipped on his gloves, scooping Emma up in his arms and running out the back door as he called for Pyro to follow.

Engineer quirked his eyebrow, spreading peanut butter on his toast. "What's he in such a rush for?" He asked the rest of his teammates sitting at the table.

Soldier currently had his mouth absolutely stuffed with bacon, a few pieces hanging out as he chewed on the greasy strips loudly. He poured himself a cup of steaming hot, black coffee and used it to wash down the meat. After wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he let out a loud belch as Engineer rolled his eyes and waved away the smell.

Demoman barked out a laugh at this, promptly falling asleep on the table once again. Spy groaned and returned to his coffee, trying to focus less on his rowdy teammates and more on having a somewhat peaceful morning. Heavy was reading a small book written in Russian, indicating that the large man was in his own world at the time.

Engineer huffed, realizing that he wasn't going to get any sort of answer out of them anytime soon. He finished his breakfast and went to go get ready for the battle that day.

* * *

As soon as Scout, Pyro, and Emma were out the door, they jumped into the large snowbank just outside the base, which was deep enough to submerge their whole bodies. Scout and Pyro lifted their heads out, laughing, and Emma was just able to poke her nose above the surface of the snow. Scout reached down and picked her up, her usually golden coat having turned white. She shook off, covering Pyro and Scout's faces with a coating of slush.

They waded out of the bank and tried having a snowball fight, but Scout found something much more amusing to do with the snow.

He formed a loose snowball, holding it behind his back and bending down to Emma's level. "Py, watch dis. Hey, Emma!" He called as she sat in front of him, licking her nose and wagging her tail.

He pulled the snowball from out behind his back and waved it in front of her. "Look what I got! Lookie lookie, Emma!" He coaxed, grinning when she leapt to her feet and spun in a circle.

He reeled back his arm and flung the snowball as he and Pyro watched Emma chase it down. When it landed on the ground, it broke and disappeared, making the poor golden retriever very confused.

She sniffed the ground and walked in circles, pawing cautiously at various spots, but to no avail. She ran back to Scout and sat on his foot, whimpering in confusion. This game continued on for a while, as seeing Emma's reaction to a disappearing ball too hilarious not to savor.

The three were having so much fun inside that they didn't hear Medic calling them for the battle until it was too late.

"SCOUT. PYRO. KOMMEN SIE HIER. NOW." The doctor ordered firmly, having lost all patience with the two.

They both jumped at the sudden noise and promptly made their way back, dropping Emma off inside while quickly slipping into their regular uniforms and lining up in the battlements with everyone else.

* * *

The battles were exciting in the fresh powder, and more often than not, the mercenaries of both teams abandoned their weapons and had a massive snowball fight.

And we're not talking your sissy little backyard snowball fights that you had as a kid.

We're talking an epic battle of crystallized water formed into spheres and being flung around by men who kill each other for a living.

Duels were happening all around the field. The BLU Demoman and Heavy loved teaming up each year, acting as the superpower on the field. Sometimes Soldier would join in with them, but his constant rivalry with the RED Soldier usually caused him to stray form their group, terminating any kind of battle strategy they might've had.

"TAKE THAT, YOU SISSY MAGGOT SCUM!" The BLU Soldier bellowed at his counterpart, unloading his arsenal into the RED's face. The impact of the snowball sent the man flying backwards into the nearby wall. He got up and wiped away the snow as he growled, sporting an impressive welt on his forehead while the BLU laughed and taunted him.

Before he could finish his insult, the RED Scout leaped out with a call of, "Heads up, cockfag!" and whipped a snowball at his face, sending him flying backwards and into Medic, who had been fighting the RED Pyro.

The two slid to a halt in the snow, and Soldier sat up, rubbing his face while glaring at the boy. "It's time for REVENGE! Come on, Doc!" The patriot looked around. "Doc? Where'd you go?"

"Get off me!" Medic ordered, his voice muffled due to his face being buried in the snow.

Soldier stood up and hefted the doctor up by his coat, ignoring the venomous glare shot in his direction. "Shape up, Private! We've got REDs to kill!"

* * *

The BLU Scout leaped and bounded through the snow, flinging a snowball at the RED Demoman, who was hurtled to the ground by the impact as he held his face.

"Bloody hell, me good eye!" The Scot cursed, glaring daggers at Scout.

The boy laughed heartily, but yelped and wheezed as a snowball hit him in the ribcage and sent him flying. The RED grinned, loading up more ammunition and pursuing Scout.

The Bostonian ran and hid around a corner, loading up on snowballs. Just when Demoman showed himself, Scout surprised him and hit him in the gut with one of the lethal spheres.

Scout and Demoman both went down to make another snowball, turned around, and whipped them at each other, both snowballs hitting their targets at the exact same time. They both doubled over, wheezing and coughing until they called a silent truce and trudged away. It was hard to kill someone with a snowball, but they had done it many times before and _man_ did it hurt.

* * *

In the meantime, Engineer was happy to serve hot coco to everyone that had gone for a rest inside of his snow fort that he rigged to act as their respawn. It was an impressive structure, complete with snow sculpted couches, chairs, and tables. Scout had dragged himself there, leaving a trail of blood from his broken nose. He flopped on top of Engineer's dispenser, letting the blue misty rays stitch his wounds back together.

"One too many snowballs to the face, eh Scout?" The Texan chuckled, handing him a cup of hot coco. Scout accepted it gratefully, taking a huge chug and licking the whipped cream off his upper lip. Engineer's hot coco was the best. It had whipped cream, chocolate shavings, a cinnamon dusting, and even one of those little chocolate straw things that Scout had forgotten the name of. Even the drink itself tasted better than what you could buy anywhere. The young runner really wanted to know Engineer's secret so he could give it to his Ma.

"Oh yeah, but lemme tell ya, dat Demo was waaaay worse off dan me!" Scout bragged. "When I was through with him, he crawled away cryin'!" The Bostonian's stories always had a way of telling a completely different tale than what actually happened.

Engineer crossed his arms. "Oh really?"

"Fuck yes, I messed him u–AUGH!" Scout screamed, flying forward and into Engineer when a snowball hit him in the back of the head.

Both BLUs shot up from the ground, looking to the door. Scout groaned and formed a snowball, preparing to hurl it at their intruder.

The RED Demoman stood at the door, chuckling with an armful of snowballs. Behind him came the RED Medic, Heavy, Pyro, Soldier, and Scout, all with full arms of ammunition, though they looked surprised to see so little BLUs. Engineer groaned and Scout threw a fit.

"DEY'RE FUCKING SPAWN CAMPIN', WHAT DA SHIT IS DIS?! ONLY FUCKIN' SISSIES FUCKIN' SPAWN CAMP SO WHY DON'TCHYA GET YER STUPID COCKFAG ASSES OUTTA HERE AND BUG SOME-FUCKIN'-ONE ELSE?!" The enraged runner screeched.

Scout was not met with a verbal answer, however, but instead, six snowballs thrown with great force at different parts of his body. The boy lay lifeless on the ground, his body promptly disappearing and being sent to respawn. Engineer winced a bit. That had to hurt.

The Texan looked back at the opposing team awkwardly. "Uh… While y'all are here, would y'like some coco?" He asked, holding out a mug.

To Engineer's surprise, the REDs accepted and actually thanked him for his hospitality. They all walked out to enjoy their drinks and Thunder Mountain's beautiful winter scenery, and Engineer sighed in relief. The force of snowballs had never killed him, and he didn't want to find out how many it would take to do the trick.

* * *

The RED Soldier and Scout enjoyed their American drinks while sitting on an American hill covered with American snow, looking out at the American view of their American battlefield.

"Now this, son," Soldier started, clapping a hand on Scout's back, "is American victory."

Scout looked a little confused, seeing as no one was really winning the battle, but went along with it. "Heh, yeah…" He mumbled, taking another drink of coco. Nobody else on the team really saw it, but when Soldier wasn't yelling at people, he was a cool guy to hang out with. He had a lot of awesome stories, even though most were made up, and Scout found all of them pretty neat.

The two were just finishing their coco when they heard a small sound beneath them. It seemed as though it was coming from the foot of the hill, like someone's feet were crunching in the snow and making just the slightest sound. Soldier leaned forward, unsure of what to make of this sound until he was sent flying from the force of a stealthily thrown snowball.

"HIYAAAAA!" The BLU Medic cried, reloading with another snowball.

"HOOO-WAAAAH!" The BLU Soldier followed, pelting the RED Scout in the face as well.

The two REDs were dazed, but hastily made snowballs for themselves and fought back against their oppressors. Scout was able to catch Medic on the cheek, leaving a purple welt.

The doctor was not very happy about this, and returned the young Bostonian's throw with a few of his own. Scout dodged the shots, his agility and speed coming in handy as he bounded through the snow and grabbed a tree branch, swinging up and landing on top of it.

"Oh what, is dat all you got, old man?" The RED taunted from his perch. The BLU growled and loaded up a snowball. He feigned a throw and Scout jumped for the next branch, allowing Medic to catch him in the ribcage. The young man fell to the ground and held his side, coughing and wheezing.

The Soldiers had given up on any kind of projectiles and just had a full out brawl with each other. The RED was pinned to the ground, but he managed to kick the BLU's thigh and give him a charley horse, allowing him to turn the tables and pin the BLU down.

The two continued to twist and turn and punch and kick until they looked like a black and blue pretzel. They had practically torn their clothes to shreds, and both of their helmets were off. Scout and Medic had actually stopped their fighting, seeing no point in pummeling each other when they could sit and watch their teammates duel it out.

"You think dey'll last much longah?" Scout asked, still staring at the Soldiers.

Medic shrugged. "I guess it depends on vhen I decide to give zhe signal."

Scout quirked an eyebrow at the older man. "'Scuse me?"

The doctor just chuckled a bit, giving a shrill whistle that made the young man beside him clutch his ears and both Soldiers to divert their attention to him.

No sooner than they did that did a snowball come flying in from afar, pelting the RED Soldier in the side of the head and successfully knocking him out. The BLU soon met the same fate, and both were now unconscious in the snow.

Scout sat stock-still, his face contorted with surprise and shock. "Da FUCK did you just do? Do you have, like, supah genie powahs or somethin'?!" The boy asked, his eyes wide.

Medic rolled his eyes. That was the second person that had asked him that. From what he knew, he looked nothing like a genie. Maybe Americans were just weird. Yes, that was definitely it.

He decided to answer the young man's question with a simple wave to the sniping post a ways away. Sniper could barely be seen, but made it clear that he was waving back by leaning out a little.

* * *

Sniper chuckled a bit. He loved causing bodily harm to those stupid Americans. He returned to his crate, a cold cup of coffee sitting on it. He scowled and dumped the decaffeinated drink onto the ground below the post. Grabbing the pile of blankets that had been previously wrapped around him, he bundled up and huddled beside the crate.

His eyes shot wide open as he heard a decloaking sound right beside him. He sprung up, holding his kukri out defensively as the BLU Spy on top of the crate chuckled a bit.

"Lawrence, really, calm down. It's just me." The Frenchman said calmly, lighting up a cigarette, the firelight accentuating the deep purple bags around his eyes.

Sniper growled and crossed his arms. "Well piss off, Spook!"

Spy raised an eyebrow. "And what 'as caused zhis sudden rush of anger?"

"Oh don't pretend you don't bloody know!"

"But I don't know."

"Oh sure you don't."

"It might 'elp if you gave me a reminder."

Sniper gritted his teeth. "You stole me bloody Jarate jars yesterday, and I had to cloimb down the ladder with a full bladder!"

Spy was able to keep his straight face no longer as he broke out into a fit of laughter. "Okay, you 'ave to admit, zhat was 'ilarious!"

The Australian glared daggers at his teammate. "Well I'm sick and tired of you roight now, so once again, _piss off_."

Spy rolled his eyes. "Mon dieu, Lawrence, I am not 'ere to steal your disgusting jars."

"Yeah bloody roight."

"No, really, I'm not." Spy answered. "You 'ave my word." He held a hand over his heart.

"…Do you pinky promise?"

Spy stopped for a moment, but soon broke out into hearty laughs and snorts. "What, are you still in Kindergarten?!" He managed between guffaws.

The Australian's expression remained deadly serious, however, and Spy's laughter trailed off once he came to realize this.

"You're serious?" The Frenchman said, quirking an eyebrow. Sniper didn't even give a nod, he just kept his kukri outstretched in front of him.

Spy sighed. "Fine, if you insist." He complied, offering his gloved pinky. "I pinky promise zhat I will not steal your piss jars anymore. 'appy?"

Sniper immediately lowered his weapon and hooked his pinky with Spy's, promptly grabbing him by the tie and pulling their faces close enough for their foreheads to touch. "Pinky promises are _serious_ business in Australia, mate. And don't you bloody forget it." He growled dangerously, flopping down beside the crate and bundling himself up in the blankets.

Spy grinned a bit, remembering the reason he had come up here. He settled down beside Sniper, holding a steaming cup of coffee in his hands.

"Care to share zhe blankets, mon ami?" Spy asked the Australian.

Sniper scoffed. "Woi should I?"

"Because it still looks like you're shivering, even wizh all zhose layers." The suited man pointed out. "And I myself am quite chilly."

Sniper pouted a bit. "'m not cold… bloody spook." He muttered.

Spy sighed. "I brought you coffee." He offered, grinning as the Aussie's expression changed from annoyed to relieved.

Sniper still hesitated, but finally complied by lifting up the blankets and gesturing for Spy to shuffle in. The Frenchman handed the coffee to his friend before making himself comfortable and wrapping himself up in the numerous layers of fabric.

The bushman sipped his coffee as both parties relished in the sweet silence. Some people might call it awkward when two people are completely quiet, but this duo preferred it that way. Sniper sipped his coffee, his mood brightening a bit as he felt the warm sensation travel down his throat. He stared down at the steam coming off of the drink, wondering why Spy hadn't brought any for himself.

"Hey Spook, woi… Spook?" He called, craning his neck forward to try and get a better view of his friend's face.

Spy was sleeping soundly, lightly clutching the Aussie's arm as he leaned his head against it. Only now did Sniper realize the dark rings around the man's eyes, indicating that he hadn't been sleeping and was probably having nightmares again. Sniper sighed and pulled up the blankets that fell off the man's shoulder in his slumber.

"Stupid bloody Spois…" He mumbled, taking another drink of his coffee.

* * *

Back on the ground, Scout's expression turned into one of realization. Damn, that Aussie had good aim. Though, the boy soon started scratching his head once again. "Hey, why'd he hit your Soldier instead of me?" He asked, genuinely confused.

Medic chuckled. "Vhat, you zhought zhat I didn't know zhat Soldier's revenge vould end in a never ending duel betveen him und his counterpart?"

Scout thought for a moment before his eyes widened and mouth gaped. "So you ARE a genie!" He exclaimed. "You used some sort of see-into-da-future spell!"

The German sighed. He made his way over to his unconscious teammate, hefting him up and grunting as he slung the man's arms around his neck, carrying him in a sort of piggy-back fashion. He trudged back towards his base, but was stopped by the RED Scout.

"Woah woah woah, so what da hell am I supposed to do with him?!" The boy complained, gesturing to his teammate. "He's like, a billion pounds!"

Medic shrugged as best he could. "I don't know, but figure out a vay to get him back before zhe battle ends. I'm sure you're vell avare zhat zhe Medigun doesn't vork outside of battle, und neizher does respawn." He warned before making his way back to the base. He regretted not bringing his Medigun with him now.

Scout grumbled something about stupid smart old men and started dragging his fellow RED back to their base, calling for his own Medic.

* * *

After dumping Soldier in front of Engineer's dispenser and giving a very long explanation, Medic sat down on the snow-sculpted chair with a cup of coco warming his hands. Soldier woke up soon after being exposed to the healing rays, blinking until he was ship-shape and ready to go again.

"Come on, let's go! My revenge isn't complete!" Soldier exclaimed, trying to drag Medic out of the chair and back onto the battlefield.

Medic grimaced, digging his heels into the snow. "Soldat, NEIN! You can go und do vhatever you vant, but I am staying here!" The doctor yelled.

Soldier let go, almost sending Medic toppling backwards. Lucky for him, the German was able to catch himself. "Fine, be that way. I'll just go k–"

"YOU FAILED! STALEMATE!" The intercom boomed, the voice on the other side sounding more unimpressed than usual.

Each of the men in the room looked at each other quizzically before Engineer checked his watch.

"The battle's endin' this early?" The Texan questioned skeptically. "Must be somethin' goin' on."

Medic nodded. "Let's get back to zhe conference room und find out, ja?"

Engineer and Soldier both agreed with the idea, and the three of them headed back inside, finding that the rest of the team decided to do that as well.

* * *

Emma, who held the blanket that Sniper made for her in her mouth as she wagged her tail and jumped up on their legs, greeted them at the door. She never went anywhere without that thing anymore. Scout immediately scooped her up and bundled her in the blanket, hugging her closely as he accepted the licks to his chin.

Heavy and Demoman were very annoyed that their battle had been called off early. They were dominating out there! How dare she end it before they could obtain total victory?!

Demoman crossed his arms. "So wot's this all aboot?" He asked sourly.

Medic and Engineer were already heading off to the conference room. "Zhat's vhat ve're going to find out, Herr Demo." The doctor called back to him as they continued down the hall.

The Scot grumbled to himself, but followed the two, as the rest of the team did.

* * *

Once everyone was seated, Soldier turned the screen on. Each mercenary flinched back a bit at the sight of their boss's face. Before any of them could speak, she held up a slender and wrinkly hand, indicating for them to keep quiet.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I've called off your little game early today. Well, it is a matter that is directly connected with one of you." She said bitterly, looking in Engineer's direction.

The Texan suddenly became conscious of the Announcer's eyes on him. "Me? What's it got to do with me, ma'am?"

She soon revealed a letter mailed to the base, or more specifically, to Engineer.

The hard-hatted man scowled a bit. "Y'all can't just go through mah mail!"

Her gaze became dangerous as she stared down the Texan. "I can do whatever I please, Mr. Conagher." She growled. "Now, about this letter. It is from your wife. She's doing well, except for the fact that she 'tripped over the damn cat while putting up Christmas lights and fell off the roof.'" She grinned maliciously as Engineer's face became contorted with worry.

Before he could say anything, she continued. "She is fine, but she's in the hospital with a broken collar bone and arm. She says that she won't be able to do much of anything for a while," She couldn't contain her grin before continuing, "and the daycare that she would usually send Lizzie to is being renovated."

Engineer was looking down at the table now, hand on his chin and eyes darting back and forth. It was only a week until their Christmas holiday, why not ask her? He finally looked up at the Announcer after a long moment of silence. "Would it be possible for me to take an extra week off to go home and take care of my daughter?"

The Announcer's expression turned icy cold once again. "Absolutely not." She hissed.

The Texan clenched his fist. "Well what in Sam Hill am I supposed to do?! Ah can't just leave mah family like this!"

Helen grinned evilly once again. "You can bring her here. I've already got the train booked for her." She informed him before signing off.

Engineer sat with his mouth agape. Bring his daughter?! Here?! Into a warzone?!

Soldier, however, was excited beyond belief. "Isn't this great, Engie?!" He asked his friend, beaming. "Lizzie's coming to visit us! She's gonna get to see where we work!"

The Texan whipped around, furious. "Ah don't want mah baby doll to be exposed to this kind of thing at such a young age, Sol!" He screamed at the patriot. "And what if she gets hurt?! What if she sneaks out during a battle and gets lost?! What if–"

He was cut off by Heavy clasping a hand over his mouth. "Engineer's tiny devochka will be fine, we make sure." The Russian assured him.

Medic nodded, understanding why his friend would be upset. "Don't vorry, ve'll make sure she's alright."

Engineer's shoulder's slumped. "That's easy for you to say, Doc. It ain't yer little girl that's gettin' brought out here."

Demoman slammed his fist on the table, a triumphal look on his face as he stood up. "I've got it, lads! Why don't we git th' Doc's wee lass out here, too? Tha' way, Lizzie'll have a playmate!"

Medic sat frozen for a moment, staring at his Scottish teammate. He stayed that way for a long while before giving a few hearty laughs. "Zhat's a good one, Demoman!" He managed between chuckles. However, the doctor's laughing stopped abruptly as he glared dangerously at the man, the look warning the demolitions expert to never even think of suggesting that his precious little girl should be put in such danger.

Demoman's grin faded away as he slowly sat down, hoping that Medic wasn't still mentally dissecting him.

The screen flickered back to life, and Miss Pauling came into view. "Mr. Conagher, I suggest that you make your way down to the train station. Your daughter should be arriving within the next half hour." She informed him before shutting the screen off once again.

* * *

Down at the Thunder Mountain train station sat two helmeted men, one excited and the other worried.

"Come on, Engie!" Soldier reasoned. "I promise, her Uncle Solly will make sure she has the time of her life at the base!"

Engineer sighed and put his head in his hands. "Whether or not she has fun is not my biggest concern." He mumbled shakily, hoping that this week would go by without any serious problems.

A train soon pulled up to the station, drawing the attention of both BLUs.

"Daddy! Uncle Solly!" A tiny voice tinged with a Texan drawl called to them.

* * *

**Alrighty, end of part 1! You guys asked for more adventures with Lizzie, so here she is! She's here for the holidays! (See what I did there? Eh? Like a spin off of Home for the Holidays because in that one, Sniper is going home but now it's the opposite and... nevermind.)**

**-Jinny**


	16. Here for the Holidays, Part 2

**So how's it going, guys? It's been a while since I've seen you last. I want to apologize for being such a slow writer. I hope you all enjoy this, and I hope you don't hate me for being a slow updater, because I don't think I'm going to be able to finish this before Christmas is here.****_  
_**

***Insert disclaimer***

* * *

"**Here for the Holidays, Part 2"**

The little Texan girl on the train ran to her daddy and he enveloped her in a hug, red hair a tangled mess as he ran his fingers through it.

"Hey, baby doll." Engineer chuckled, hugging her tightly as if she would surely be swept away if he let go.

Eventually, he did have to let go, and she was swept away. Soldier hefted her up in the air and tossed her skyward, eliciting a string of high-pitched giggles from the little girl. Soldier repeated this action again and again, giving poor Engineer quite the scare.

They would have probably had to call Medic down to the station if the patriot continued that, but Lizzie was caught safely in Soldier's arms once more before she was placed on the ground, the little redhead still giggling.

She skipped back over to Engineer, grabbing his arm. "I wanna see where Daddy works! Purple lady said y'all sleep at a biiiiig buildin'!" She exclaimed, spreading her arms as far as they would go.

Engineer chuckled and picked her up as the trio walked back to the truck and climbed in. "That's right, darlin'. It's real big, so puttin' up Christmas decorations is gonna be a challenge." He told her, putting her in Soldier's lap and starting up the vehicle.

"Affirmative!" Soldier barked. "Are you up to the job, Private?" He asked, straightening up and eyeing Lizzie from under his helmet.

Lizzie put on her most serious face and gave a salute. "Sir, yes sir!"

* * *

The snow crunched under Lizzie's little booted feet as she held Engineer's hand and walked to the base. The base wasn't all that big in the eyes of the mercenaries, but to a seven year old girl, it was bigger than the whole state of Texas.

Her eyes widened at he first thing she saw once they were inside.

"PUPPY!" She squealed before running over to Emma and sitting on the floor in front of the dog. Emma sniffed her curiously as she wagged her tail, giving Lizzie's face a few licks as the girl giggled and petted her fur.

"What's your name?" She asked, wrapping her arms around Emma's neck. The golden retriever wagged her tail as she sat and let Lizzie hug her. This was the first thing she had ever seen in the base that was almost smaller than she was.

Engineer gave a slight chuckle. "Her name's Emma. You wanna play with her?"

Lizzie's eyes widened with delight as a grin spread on her face. "Yeah! Wanna play with Puppy!" She squealed, letting go of the dog's neck and bouncing up and down. Apparently, 'Puppy' was a better name for Emma in Lizzie's mind.

Soldier scooped her up and put her on his shoulders as the little girl giggled. "Well you can play with her later, but right now, you've got to meet your decorating team, Private! There are snowflakes that need making and cookies that need baking!"

Lizzie beamed at the idea of having a whole team of people to help her get the base ready for Christmas. "Giddyup, Sir Helmetson!" She shouted, pointing forwards.

Soldier proceeded to sprint down the hallway and to the rec room, Lizzie squealing and giggling the whole time. Engineer just smiled and continued after them. Maybe this week would be so bad. Lizzie would be busy playing with Emma and decorating the base that he wouldn't have to worry about something unfortunate happening to his baby girl.

* * *

As soon as Soldier, Engineer, and Lizzie entered the rec room, they were met with Spy, who had looked up from his book and was now staring at them curiously, and Sniper, who was concentrating intently on his knitting and probably wasn't going to be bothered to look up.

Spy snorted. "So zhis is zhe laborer's daughter zhen." He said as the patriot gently set Lizzie on the ground, allowing her to run to the center of the room and grab Spy's coat.

"Hi! Mah name's Lizzie! What's yer name? Huh? Ooooh I know! Yer fancy-pants feller with the mask! And yer always annoyin' Daddy! Yer Spooky!" She beamed, jumping up and down excitedly.

Spy quirked an eyebrow at Engineer. The Texan just shrugged. "Ah usually say that 'bout the RED Spy, but, y'know, that works too."

The suited man just rolled his eyes and returned to his book as Lizzie ran past all three of them to follow Emma, who was now trotting down the hallway in search of her favorite ball.

"Hmph. Children." Spy muttered. "Zhey 'ave zhe attention span of a gnat."

* * *

Lizzie chased Emma, soon losing sight of the puppy as she rounded the corner. She ignored the sound of Engineer calling to her as she tried to find her furry friend. The little girl ran down the halls, more than once ending up in the same place she was five minutes ago. She huffed, annoyed. Where could Puppy have gone?

She finally came to a hall that she knew she hadn't been in before, because it had a set of large double doors at the end of it. With much effort, she pushed opened one of the doors and skipped inside, eyes widening at the room before her.

Lizzie had found the training room. She marveled at the equipment, the targets, the weights, until her eyes fell on the large field off to the side.

She ran as fast as she could around the track that surrounded the field, laughing and flapping her arms as if she was flying. She had just about finished a lap around the track when she saw another set of double doors, but these ones were already open and leading outside.

Lizzie quickly made her way over, watching with interest as her breath crystallized in the cold air. She stepped out into the snow and stared curiously at a young man a ways away, who was just standing there. She ran through the snow and to the boy, who was a little startled when she started pulling on his pant leg, having been seemingly in some sort of a trance before then.

She looked up at him, beaming. "Hi, Ah'm Lizzie! Who're you?!" She asked, bouncing up and down and still holding onto his pant leg.

Scout looked down at her, a little confused. "Uh… I'm Scout."

"Scoot!"

"No, _Scout._"

"Scoot!"

"Scout!"

"Scoot! Scoot Scoot Scoot!" She squealed.

The runner huffed. "Yeah, sure, whatevah kid."

Lizzie clapped her hands and bounced up and down before hearing the sound of snow being crunched slightly. She turned around to see Emma with her favorite ball in her mouth, sitting at Scout's feet and dropping the toy there.

"PUPPY!" Lizzie shouted with delight, clasping her hands together and jumping up and down even more vigorously.

Scout chuckled and picked up the ball, holding it teasingly over Emma. The golden retriever leapt up and spun in a circle, perking up her ears and giving a whine when Scout didn't throw the ball.

After Emma finally let out a small bark, Scout whipped the ball as far as he could, the puppy sprinting as fast as her little legs would take her as she raced for that yellow sphere. Lizzie gasped and her expression became sad as she reached out to where Emma ran.

"Puppy?" She whimpered, staring out into the white distance.

A few moments later, Emma came sprinting back, kicking up white powder as she ran. She skidded to a halt in front of Scout, dropping the ball and looking up at him expectantly.

Lizzie immediately lit up as she sprang towards the golden retriever. "PUPPY!" She squealed, throwing her arms around Emma's neck.

Scout looked down at her, finding himself smiling just the tiniest bit. He never had any younger siblings, and was always surrounded by people who were older than him. Little kids were an entirely new experience for the Bostonian.

"So," He began, picking up the ball and tossing it to himself a few times. "yer Engie's kid, right?"

Lizzie looked confused. "Engie?"

At first Scout's face resembled hers, contorted with confusion, but it then occurred to him that she probably didn't call her father by his class name.

"Uh… Dell? Dell Conagher?" He guessed, hoping that she might know Engineer's first name. "Is dat ya dad?"

Lizzie face didn't change, and Scout groaned. There had to be a name she knew Engineer by besides 'Daddy'.

Fortunately for Scout, he didn't have to strain his brain to come up with something as Engineer and Soldier appeared from the double doors. Lizzie looked and called to her father, claiming that she 'found Puppy'. Both men just smiled and chuckled, walking over to meet her as she continued to stroke Emma's fur.

Scout walked over to Soldier, amazed at the absence of his screaming. "Dude, I can't believe it. Ya not fuckin' yellin' in h–AUGH!" The runner screamed as Soldier smacked him upside the head. "FUCKIN' OW, DUDE! WHAT DA SHI–FUCK WOULD YOU STOP DO –UGH! WHY ARE YOU DOING DAT?!" He yelled at Soldier, holding his head and backing away.

Soldier and Engineer both exasperatedly pointed at Lizzie, who was looking at Scout with confusion as she hugged Emma.

Scout thought for a moment before realization dawned on him. "Ooohh… uh… um…" Once again, he had never been around younger children, so this whole thing about not swearing in front of kids didn't really come to him as a first thought. "Hey Sol, why are you, uh, not bein' as silly as you usually are?" He asked slowly, looking to Engineer for confirmation.

The Bostonian's fellow Americans eyed him dangerously as Lizzie just glanced between the three. She finally looked to Engineer, who just smiled and picked her up.

"It's really cold out here, you wanna go in and color a picture? I'll make ya some cocoa." Engineer offered.

Lizzie smiled and wiped her little red nose, nodding her head as the softly falling snowflakes landed on her hair and lashes. Daddy's hot cocoa was the best! The two made their way inside, leaving Soldier and Scout in the snow.

Soldier turned around abruptly, standing tall and looking like a true military man. "SCOUT." He barked, making the young boy jump and stand at attention (force of habit from Soldier's past rants).

"We have a mission to complete, Private." Soldier told him, pacing back and forth and never taking his eye off the runner. "Engineer's daughter is here for one week, and our mission is to aid her in decorating the base for Christmas!"

Scout's abandoned his attentive stance as he laughed. "Seriously? Dat's da big mission? What, are w–"

"DO NOT LOOK AT ME, I DID NOT ASK YOU A QUESTION!" Soldier cut him off, causing Scout to hastily resume standing at attention. "You _will_ aid her in every and any way possible. She is your commanding officer as of right now, maggot! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"Yeah, sure, Sol." Scout grumbled. Contrary to popular belief, Scout didn't like Christmas for the decorating and the presents. The only aspects he liked about it were the snow and going back to visit his family. For him, Christmas didn't mean anything without his Ma or his brothers. He was going to have a hard time getting into the holiday spirit without them.

He sighed. Well, it _was_ for that kid, Lizzie, and she was pretty adorable. Plus she was Engineer's daughter, and the Texan had always been kind to him. Soldier marched back inside as Scout rolled his eyes and followed the patriot.

…But then again, Engineer _had _refused to help him make chips in a tube…

* * *

Soldier stealth crawled into the rec room, finding Sniper hastily knitting a blanket and grumbling about the weather. He scanned Sniper as he hid behind the Aussie's chair, frowning. The damn hippie hadn't taken off his vest! Just as Soldier was contemplating how to get into the man's pocket without him noticing, Sniper put his knitting down.

The American made sure to stay hidden behind the armchair as Sniper got up and cracked his back with a satisfied sigh. The Aussie then took his vest off, draped it over the arm of the chair, and continued knitting.

"_Jackpot."_ Soldier grinned.

He stealth crawled even stealthier than he ever had before, carefully sticking his hand inside the dangling pocket. Hm, no luck. He slowly took his hand out, only to retract it quickly when Sniper reached up to wipe his nose.

Holding his breath, Soldier reached into the other pocket, grinning when he felt the cold metal of the camper van keys.

It was all pretty simple from there. He clamped the keys in his hand, making sure they didn't jingle together, and stealth crawled away.

"_Objective achieved, proceed with mission." _He thought to himself.

Once Soldier had successfully stealth crawled through the halls and made it outside, he ran to the van and unlocked it, jumping in the passenger seat. Now, to go to the nearby town and get Lizzie some craft supplies. He made a mental list of the items one would need to acquire: colored paper, pipe cleaners, glue, oh and glitter, definitely glitter. And he would need at least five different colors, preferably red, white, and blue for some American decorations. Did they even sell white glitter? They'd better, OTHERWISE THEY WEREN'T AMERICAN!

It was a good thing he managed to snag Sniper's wallet, too.

* * *

Engineer left Lizzie in the kitchen with her cocoa for a while, going to clean up his workshop. He hadn't gotten a chance to do it before she arrived, and he wanted to make sure that if she happened to wander in, any and all potentially harmful objects were put out of her reach. He figured she'd be safe, Emma usually started barking up a storm if she knew something was about to happen.

Lizzie had finished her cocoa and was sitting on the ground, petting Emma's fur. Engineer had left her some paper and gotten out the crayons she packed, but she felt like she needed something else to really decorate this place well. It wouldn't hurt to take a look around. She was going to be here for a while anyways, why not explore a bit?

She got up and made her way over to the fridge, fishing through it and finally tossing a chicken thigh to the puppy. Emma downed it with gusto, licking her lips when she finished. But when she looked up for more, Lizzie was gone.

First, the little Texan went to the only other room in the base she could remember: the rec room. Thankfully, the two rooms weren't far apart, and Lizzie found her way just fine. The room wasn't really much to look at for her, but maybe there would be something she could use in the closet over there. Too bad Spooky wasn't in here anymore. He might've been able to help her.

The little girl swung the door open, frowning a bit when all she saw was paper, pencils, playing cards, and a few board games. She had seen Uncle Solly bring one of them home when he visited. What was it called again? Risk? Something like that. He loved it, but she never understood why all those little men were just standing on countries.

Lizzie huffed, annoyed that the closet was a failed search. She closed the door and decided that it was time to venture out and find new rooms where she could acquire some glue and glitter. She was just about to leave when a loveseat in the corner of the room caught her eye. A man was sitting there, hardly making a sound except for the clicking of his knitting needles. She watched his fingers work their magic, finishing off a row in seconds. Lizzie unknowingly walked forward, taking a seat on the floor in front of Sniper as she stared in awe.

A while had gone by, but Sniper finally realized the little girl's presence, jumping in surprise and making her giggle.

"Hehe, sorry, mister." She laughed, looking at his startled face.

Sniper readjusted the hat on his head, grumbling to himself as he continued his knitting. Lizzie leaned forward and rested her hand on her fist as she continued to watch the Aussie.

Sniper soon looked up, groaning when he saw that she was still sitting there. She smiled and gave him a little wave. "Hi, Ah'm Lizzie."

The Aussie looked at her blankly. "I know."

Lizzie gaped. "How?! Ah dunno you!"

Sniper had returned to the yarn in his hands and was ignoring her again. Yeah, kids were great and all, but not when they interrupted your preparations for the coldest part of winter.

He became lost in his project, concentrating on the twirling of his fingers and how much warmer he was going to be at night with this blanket around him. It wasn't until he felt a small poke to his shin that he realized she was still sitting there.

Lizzie was looking up at him and smiling, and Sniper noticed that she had scooted right up to his feet when he wasn't looking.

"Who are you?" She asked.

Sniper sighed. This kid wasn't going to go away unless he told her his name, was she? He set his knitting in his lap and pushed his aviators down the bridge of his nose. "Snoipah."

Lizzie srunched her nose in confusion as she looked up at him. "Noypa?"

"N-no, _Snoipah_!"

The little girl's face didn't change. "…Noypa?"

Sniper was about to correct her once again, but decided against it. He slumped back into his chair and grumbled to himself as he continued knitting. Damn his bloody accent.

Lizzie continued staring at him, eyes fixed on his fingers. "Watchya doin?"

"Knittin' a blanket." He told her, not looking up from his work.

"Oohh… why?"

"So I won't be cold at noight."

"Oohh… can ah use that?" She asked, pointing to the yarn basket beside the chair.

Sniper followed her finger, shaking his head when he laid eyes on the yarn. "No way, kiddo. That's what's gonna keep me from freezin' ta death in the middle of winter."

Lizzie visibly deflated, looking up at Sniper with the best puppy dog eyes and pouty lip she could muster.

The Aussie just quirked an eyebrow at her and returned to his knitting. "That ain't gonna work on me."

The little girl sighed and stood up, heading out the door to check the rest of the base. "Bye, Noypa!" She called, waving as she left.

* * *

Lizzie wandered down the halls, humming Jingle Bells as her messy red hair bounced with each step. So far she had found the bathroom, the showers, and big white doors with a blue cross on them, but they were locked. None of the rooms she could actually enter had any kind of material for crafts, either. She was about to just forget about the glitter and just draw a picture when she heard the crash of glass coming from the hall just ahead of her.

She ran towards the sound, finding a long hallway with nine doors, each with a funny looking picture on them. She could hear some mumbling coming from down the hall, and she continued down until she pinpointed which door the source was behind. She looked up at the symbol on the door. It looked like a blue spikey ball. What was up with that?

Lizzie slowly turned the door handle and peeked inside, seeing brown, broken glass on the floor and a weird looking pirate man lying on the ground and drooling. She knelt down beside his face curiously. Why was he drooling? Only babies drooled. Martha and Maddy told her that. But she wasn't a baby. She didn't drool.

Okay maybe there was that one time but that's it.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize that the pirate guy had woken up and was now staring at her with a half lidded, bloodshot eye.

"Who… wassat…" He slurred as the two stared at each other.

Lizzie, seemingly unfazed by Demoman's disarray, plopped down beside him and grinned. "Hi! Ah'm Lizzie! Who're you?"

When Demoman didn't answer her, she shrugged and looked up at the desk in his room. It had many different powders and liquids on it, and she sat up on the chair, curious. The Scotsman slowly turned to look at her as she carefully inspected each element. He stood up slowly, making his way over to the desk to see what she would do.

She turned to him and tugged on his vest. "You makin' a craft?!" She asked giddily.

Demoman seemed thoughtful for a moment. "Aye, these could be… a… considered tha'." He managed, swaying from side to side.

Her eyes opened wide as she bounced up and down in her seat. Finally, she had found the only place in here with a craft worthy of her skill!

"Wanna make one!" Lizzie squealed, grabbing his vest once again. She didn't exactly know what she was about to make, but with all these supplies, it _had_ to be something good.

Demoman rubbed his eye before staring down at the little girl. "I cannae see… why… why ye… ye not."

Lizzie clapped her hands excitedly before awaiting Demoman's instructions. He pulled up an extra chair and inspected the materials, handing her different substances and just barely staying conscious enough to tell her what to do.

* * *

Engineer whistled casually as he cleared out the last of the scrap metal from his workshop. He had taken a little longer than he would've liked, and he hoped that Lizzie was still in the kitchen drawing pictures. He was confident that she was alright, though. As long as she stayed out of the infirmary and Medic's office, he was sure that she wouldn't find anything to hurt herself with.

Well… there was the possibility that she had found the kitchen utensils… they had some rather sharp knives in that drawer…

Engineer strode down to the kitchen. _"She's fine, she's fine."_ He told himself, although his pace quickened significantly.

He rounded the corner into the kitchen, worry growing in his stomach when he found that Lizzie wasn't sitting on the stool at the counter anymore. The Texan continued down the hall, checking in every room he came across. When he made it to the rec room, Sniper was still sitting on the armchair, and his blanket had grown in size.

"Stretch!" Engineer called. "You seen Lizzie?"

Sniper looked up for a moment to look at Engineer, and returned to his work casually. "I saw her earlier, she headed down to the bathroom I think."

"Much obliged!" Engineer called as he raced down the hall.

He passed the bathroom, giving it a quick check. Nope, not there. The showers? No. Oh God please don't say she went in the infirmary –phew, Medic, bless his heart, he had locked the doors.

Engineer scratched his head. Where could she have gone? He continued down the hall, about to pass their rooms until he heard a small laughing. The Texan stood frozen, listening intently for that sound.

There it was again! Obviously, Lizzie had gone into one of their rooms. He checked each one, hoping that she hadn't found Soldier's and started playing with his sharpened gardening tools. He didn't get to the end of the hall before Lizzie bounced out of Demoman's room, giggling and skipping.

"Daddy!" She called, holding a flashing blue cylinder in her hands. "Look what I made!"

Engineer did a double take. Was she holding a bomb?!

The Texan sprung into action, leaping towards his daughter and snatching the bomb seconds before it exploded in his face. Lizzie was a little singed from the blast, but Engineer was sent flying down the hall, landing face first on the floor with a loud thud.

Scout, who had been in his room and tossing a baseball to himself, poked his head out of the door. He casually walked over to Engineer, giving the unconscious man a poke with his foot.

"Yo, Engie." Scout said, crouching beside the Texan. "Da ground ain't very comfy, ya know. I'd suggest ya bed."

When Engineer didn't answer him, the Bostonian became a little nervous. "Uh… Engie? Y'okay?"

Engineer still lay motionless on the ground and Scout bit his lip. "…Medic?"

Lizzie ran over, leaning down and looking at her daddy's charred face. "Wassa matter?" She asked quietly.

Scout quickly plastered a smile on his face. "Uh, it's nothin', don't worry 'bout it." He answered, not wanting her to get scared. He got up with his mind set on getting Medic as fast as possible, but it then occurred to him that if he left her here, she would figure out that something was very wrong.

"Uh…" He started, scratching the back of his head. "Can you do me a really quick favor?"

She nodded her head slowly, looking up at Scout. He pointed down the hall from where she had originally come. "Can you go get da doc for me?"

Lizzie cocked her head. "Doc?"

Scout groaned. Had she not met everyone yet? "Yeah, y'know, dark hair with a curl, glasses, German accent?"

"Accent?"

"It's like… he talks differently. Yeah, dat's it."

When the little girl's face didn't change, the runner was at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Medic might be in his office, he wondered if she knew the way there already.

"Hey, uh, did ya see a big door with a blue cross on it while yous was wanderin' around?" He asked, relieved when she nodded her head vigorously. Scout thought for a moment before continuing, trying to remember how his older brothers would explain something to him.

"Good, now ya gotta listen real careful, kid. 'Cause dis shit –I mean, silly… dis silly stuff is important."

She nodded again.

"When ya go dere, keep goin' down da hall and knock on da third-last door ya see on da right."

Oops, too much information at once. She scrunched her nose and looked up at him in confusion.

"Uh… when you pass da door with da cross, knock on every door ya see in da hall, got it?"

She lit up, racing past Scout and down the hall. "Gotcha, Scoot!" She called before disappearing around the corner.

The Bostonian waited until he could no longer hear her footsteps before rolling Engineer onto his back.

Yeesh, that wasn't pretty…

* * *

Lizzie's little feet barely touched the ground as he sprinted through the hall, knocking on every door she saw. The doors with the red crosses were just at the beginning of the hall, and she was determined to find this 'Doc' that Scoot spoke of.

Just as she was about to knock on a door near the end of the hall, it opened to reveal –in Lizzie's eyes –a giant.

Heavy looked from side to side, trying to find the source of all the knocking he heard. He had been feeding Medic's doves and all the noise had startled them. Lizzie stood right in front of him, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Archimedes flew out of Medic's office and landed on Heavy's shoulder, cocking his head and looking curiously at Lizzie. The Russian noticed this and he glanced down to see what the dove was looking at. He leaned down, towering over the frightened girl. He looked her over before a grin spread over his face when he remembered who she was and why she was there.

"EES LEETLE LIZZI–"

"AAAAAAAAAH!" She cut him off, a long, high-pitched shriek exerted from her lungs as she sprinted down the hall.

Heavy looked disappointed as he watched her go. He always had a problem with scaring people before they got to know him, even if he was only trying to be friendly. He sighed and headed back inside the office. He couldn't help the small smile that spread on his face as Hippocrates and Aristotle fluttered over and perched happily on his broad shoulder. At least the doves understood him.

* * *

Lizzie almost slipped as she turned the corner. Was that Doc?! She sure hoped it wasn't, otherwise she'd have to go back there and take him to Scoot. And she was not about to do that.

She was so focused on running that she didn't see the pair of legs that rounded the corner before she ran into them.

"Was?!"

"Ow…" She mumbled, holding her head with one hand as she lay on the floor.

Lizzie opened her eyes, finding a man crouching down next to her. "Are you alright, kind?" The man asked, adjusting his glasses.

She didn't say anything, instead, analyzed him. Dark hair, glasses, he was definitely speaking differently, just like Scoot said! She found Doc!

"Doc! Doc!" She yelled, tugging on his coat and pointing down the hall from where she came.

Medic was a little confused. How did she know that he was the team's doctor? He didn't recall meeting her before, and all he knew was that she was Engineer's daughter. The Texan had said that she had heard of each member of the BLU team, but the only person she could actually remember the name of was Soldier (for obvious reasons). Apparently, she didn't even know her own father's class name.

Lizzie tugged more insistently on his coat. "Gotta see Scoot! Gotta see Scoot!"

Ah, that's how she knew.

Medic stood up and let the little girl take the lead, following her down the hall as she ran. It was funny, really, how little kids thought they were running so fast when, in fact, a grown man could outrun them by simply increasing his stride.

When they came back to the hall with Medic's office, Heavy had just come out, and was making sure the doves stayed in the room. As soon as Lizzie caught sight of the Russian, she let out another loud screech and jumped back, latching firmly onto Medic's leg.

The giant man looked at the little Texan sadly before turning around and walking back to his room. Medic looked from Heavy, to Lizzie, to Heavy, and back to Lizzie, finally piecing together the situation. He felt bad for his friend. He had such a kind heart, but his appearance made him seem ferocious.

The doctor leaned down and pried her off his leg, grunting with effort as he tried to loose her iron grip. For a seven year old girl, she was quite strong. He finally managed to pull her away before gently setting her on the ground.

Before he could say anything, she had bolted, calling for him to follow her. Medic soon remembered why she had come to find him in the first place and quickly made off to catch up with her. He could deal with Lizzie and Heavy's situation later.

* * *

Scout was lightly poking Engineer every so often, hoping that he might wake up. From what he could tell, a bomb had exploded in his face. But then again, if it had, he wouldn't be intact right then. Eh, must've been a dud.

He heard rapid footsteps coming from down the hall, and little Lizzie was sprinting towards him, Medic following close behind.

Scout recalled the state her father's face was in and jumped in front of her, holding her away by placing a hand on her forehead. "Uh, no can do, kiddo. Just let Medic handle it, m'kay?"

Medic had originally thought it was Scout that was in need of help, but obviously, that wasn't the case. He rushed past them and checked Engineer's condition, emitting a small gasp. The right side of his face was badly burned (thankfully that wasn't the side that Lizzie had seen) and some of the flesh had melted off in the middle of his cheek. The left side of his face was slightly less burned than the right and had a black residue on it from the blast. Medic got up and made his way over to Scout, leaning in closely to his ear.

"Vhat in zhe name of Gott happened?" He hissed, making sure Lizzie couldn't hear him.

"I dunno, Doc." Scout whispered back, his hand still on Lizzie's forehead as she struggled to get past him. "I just heard somethin' like a small explosion, I come outta my room, and hard-hat's face looks like it's been blown off."

Soon after Scout said that, Demoman stumbled drunkenly out of his room. He looked at Engineer, who was sprawled on the floor, and he looked at Medic, who was now eyeing him dangerously.

The Scot seemed to be having a staring contest with the doctor, although his stare was a bit more mellow. He soon put his hands up in defense. "Wosn't me." He claimed before going back into his room and shutting the door.

The German rolled his eyes. Demoman must've made a dud bomb while he was drunk, and it somehow evolved into… this.

"How about" Medic started, looking at Lizzie, "you take zhe mädchen… somevhere else, ja? Maybe take her to zhe kitchen for some lunch?"

Scout whined. "Come oooon, do I haftaaaaa?"

The doctor quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms. Scout let out a long, overdramatic groan and took Lizzie by the hand, slumping as he brought her back to the kitchen.

As soon as the two were gone, Medic quickly hefted Engineer up, grunting as he managed to get the Texan into a fireman's hold. He ran as fast as he could back to the infirmary, only to realize that it was still locked. Groaning, the doctor took a hand off Engineer and fished through his pocket for the key. He had a bit of trouble unlocking the door, but he managed, quickly shouldering the door open and laying Engineer as gently as possible onto one of the beds.

* * *

Scout grumbled as he flipped the grilled cheese sandwich over in the frying pan. He was lucky that Lizzie wasn't an overly picky eater, otherwise Scout would've ditched her right then and there. As he stood by the stove, spatula in hand, he wondered how things were going to work out now that Engineer's face had been partially mangled. He swore if he had to take care of the kid he'd throw a fit.

The Bostonian sighed. Even if he did refuse, his team would probably force him to anyways. Better to get used to the idea. Maybe he could call his buddy Tom from BLU 11, apparently he had some sort of technique with a lamp and a bunny and all of the bunny's animal friends. Heh, stupid kids. They didn't even know that the animals were just shadows that he was making with his hands.

But it did prove effective, after all… he'd have to ask Tom for the full walkthrough.

He picked up the grilled cheese sandwich and plopped it onto the plate in front of Lizzie. She gasped in delight, as if this simple sandwich was the single most marvelous thing she had ever seen in her life. Scout let out a single halfhearted chuckle as she quickly dug in to her lunch.

Spy soon popped in the doorway. "Zhe docteur wishes to see us all in zhe infirmary." He informed Scout.

Lizzie smiled and waved at Spy. "Hi Spooky! Hi hi hi!" She called happily.

The Frenchman quirked an eyebrow, but gave her a little wave back. Scout tossed the spatula in the sink, gesturing that Lizzie get up and follow them. She hopped off her stool, grilled cheese in her right hand as she ran to catch up to Scout and grabbing his hand with her left. The boy seemed momentarily startled by the action, but shrugged it off as they made their way to the infirmary.

* * *

Heavy, Spy, Sniper, Scout, and Demoman were all gathered outside the infirmary, fidgeting a little. Lizzie seemed to be the only one who wasn't nervous, but that was because she didn't have a clue as to what could be going on. She just stood there, quietly munching on her lunch.

The thing was, whenever Medic called them all together like this, it was usually to tell them that they were due for flu shots or checkups…

…or that something bad had happened.

When Medic finally emerged from the infirmary doors, he was met with five of his coworkers with their eyes fixed on him. He furrowed his eyebrows, scanning them.

"Vhere are Soldier und Pyro?" He asked, looking through the group in case he missed them. Each of the five mercenaries shrugged, ignoring the matter for now. Medic cleared his throat.

"As you all may or may not be avare, Herr Engineer…" He thought for a moment, searching for the right words. Lizzie was standing right there, after all. "…has been caught in an unfortunate accident. He is not conscious right now, so you may not go in to see him, but once he is avake, I vill permit visits." He informed them. "_One_ at a time." He added quickly.

Before Medic could start his next sentence, Spy spoke up. "So," he started, grimacing. "Just who is going to take care of zhe laborer's daughter?"

* * *

**Okay hopefully you guys picked up the reference from one of Chaos' fics. As you can tell, I enjoy referencing other people's writing... a lot.**

**-Jinny**


	17. Here for the Holidays, Part 3

**Jinny's back, tell a friend! Oh, and guess who has his own ask blog now. That's right, Creepy Crawley Sniper does! He's accompanied by Scrubby, so go and ask him questions. And don't forget to _also_ follow Lawrence and Phillipe's ask blog!**

* * *

"**Here for the Holidays, Part 3"**

A woman walked through the little store in the town not too far away from the Thunder Mountain base. She had shoulder length red hair, a little frazzled at the ends, but it suited her well, and so did her hazel eyes. She wasn't much taller than 5'5, and the muscles on her arms and legs made her look plump in the asbestos suit she wore. But the most eye-grabbing feature of all was the large burn scar that covered more than half of her face and disappeared into the suit. It startled some people at first, but her effort to be kind to strangers usually allowed them to see past the startling scar.

Pyro walked through the store, mask tucked under her arm and purse on her shoulder as she hummed "Do You Believe in Magic?" and scanned through the various holiday and birthday cards. She finally found a nice Christmas one that she could send to her best friend in Los Angeles and smiled to herself, knowing that she would love the season's greetings. She happily walked over to the till, a bounce in her step as she thought of how great the holidays were going to be even if she was going to be spending them at the base. She looked at her watch, noting that it was almost dinnertime, and decided that she needed to get back pretty quickly before someone noticed she was gone.

As Pyro rounded the corner into the next aisle, she stopped dead in her tracks.

A man, dressed in a blue jacket and wearing a helmet that was too big for his head, was standing in the aisle before her, looking at the different craft materials.

What the hell was Soldier doing here?!

Pyro flung herself backwards, returning into the aisle that she had come from and biting her nail. What if he had seen her?! What if he figured out that she was the Pyro?! Dammit, she was still wearing her suit, he'd surely know who she was! He would know what her face looked like, and more importantly, her gender!

The red-head's thoughts were interrupted when a voice called to her from the other end of the aisle.

"Excuse me, miss!" Soldier called. Pyro jumped and immediately pulled her hair in front of her face as she looked away from the American. Soldier seemed to pay this action no mind as he continued towards her. "Miss, can you help me?"

Pyro internally groaned as she rolled her eyes. "Uh… I don't work here." She informed him quickly.

"I know, but I really need some insight from a woman. Care to help me out?"

Now, Pyro was about to politely refuse and suggest one of the store clerks, but something about that sentence interested her. Insight from a woman, eh? Did that mean that Soldier was shopping for some kind of girlfriend?

She grinned to herself, wanting to be the first one to know about Soldier's (most likely first) lady friend. Pyro looked up, not quite revealing her face, but nodding. Chances were that if he didn't pick up on the blue asbestos suit by now, he never would.

And knowing Soldier, that was very possible.

She followed him back to the aisle where he started, expecting to see assorted chocolates or maybe some perfume. The red-head was very surprised to see a wall full of craft materials: glue, crayons, scissors, colored paper, and _lots_ of glitter. What kind of lady was the American shopping for?

"Y'see," Soldier started, pointing at the wall. "I'm picking up a few things for my best friend's little girl. She's visiting us up at Thunder Mountain, and she wants to decorate the base for Christmas while we fight those damn dirty REDs!" He explained, beaming at the last sentence.

Pyro mentally slapped a hand to her forehead. He wasn't supposed to just tell people about their jobs! The citizens here wanted them _gone,_ they were supposed to keep any and all information about the war secret! If she had been some regular person in the Thunder Mountain city, Soldier would be arrested within the next half hour. Nevertheless, Pyro pointed to the glitter.

"She'll like the glitter, I think, and maybe those stencils so she can spell out 'Merry Christmas' or something like that, and I think that she'd like the pink glitter better than the blue and red you have there. And maybe the pretty turquoise one here as well. Oh and you'd better get her lots of glue, otherwise she'll have nothing to stick the glitter on with. Get some scissors and paper too, you need those to make snowflakes, and… um…" She trailed off, trying to find something else to get Soldier to the checkout line. "All little girls like baking! You should probably run and get her some cookie cutters so she can make them into different shapes, and you should get flour, milk, eggs, sugar, butter, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking powder, and cookie sheets! Oh and of course icing sugar, lots of icing sugar for homemade icing. Vanilla icing! Get vanilla extract! And baking chocolate for anyone that might not enjoy vanilla, like Spy." She finished, clapping a hand over her mouth. She had gotten so excited about all this holiday baking that she was foolish enough to mention one of their teammates!

Though, when Pyro looked back at the patriot, he had a large shopping cart that was filled to the brim with everything she had suggested and more. She was now extremely confused, seeing as the store they were currently in didn't supply grocery, yet he had three of each item that was mentioned. Then again, it was… well, _Soldier._

She looked over everything in the cart, counting up an approximate price in her head. This would be extremely expensive. Not to say that he wouldn't be able to pay for it, their jobs were considerably well paying, but this was pretty costly. She wouldn't really want to spend that much money in one place.

"Are you sure you can–" Before she could finish, she caught sight of the wallet that Soldier was now holding proudly in his hand. She couldn't help but giggle. Judging by the alligator skin wallet that its owner had told her was real and home made, she knew which Aussie she'd be avoiding later.

"Thank you for your help, ma'am!" He beamed, turning and walking away. "Merry Christmas!"

Pyro gave a little wave after him, remembering that she needed the matching envelope for the card she picked. But as soon as she turned around, Demoman was standing right in front of her, looking not in the least bit surprised to see her.

"Hey there, Abigail. Wot're ye doin'?" He asked, scratching his head.

She gasped and covered her face with her hands. "Demo! You're not supposed to see my face!" She hissed.

Demoman blinked. "Oh, er, sorry lass." He apologized, taking his eye patch off and switching it to his good eye. "Better?"

Pyro peeked at him between her fingers, recoiling a bit when she saw the empty socket, but sighed in relief. "Yeah, thanks." She breathed, dropping her hands to her sides. "I'm just picking up a Christmas card for my friend. Nothing special."

"Ah, I see." He nodded. "Well… I don't see, but… ye know."

Abigail let out a hearty laugh. "Yeah, I know." She paused, beginning to wonder just how she was going to pay for the card, get out of the building, get a bus ride home and trail a blind cyclops behind her the whole time. She looked down at the card, sighing. There was a back exit they could take, but there was no checkout there. Surely she couldn't drag Demoman around the store with his empty socket showing. The firebug went back to the card isle and placed it back where it originally was. She'd replicate it back at the base. With all the stuff Soldier just bought, it couldn't be that hard.

Pyro dragged her teammate to the back door, trying to direct him away from any citizens that may have been startled by the Scotsman's appearance. Once they were outside, she led him to the nearby bus stop and sat him down on the bench, fishing spare change out of her purse. She managed to find enough for herself, but it looked as though Demoman was going to be stranded at the bus stop.

"Demo," Pyro called, sorting through the coins in her hand. "I only have seven extra cents from my bus fare. How did you get here in the… Demo?" She quirked her eyebrow at the Scot, who now had a large grin on his face.

"Seven…" He smiled. "It's me favorite flavor."

She continued to stare at him, her eyebrow raised. "Uh… right." Was he intoxicated? No, he couldn't be. She didn't smell any alcohol, and in the past few weeks, Medic had proven that he was quite good at hiding things. "Listen, how did you get here?"

Demoman thought for a moment. "I had just enough money ta get on tha bus. The _seventh _bus." He leaned a bit closer to her. "It's me favorite flavor, ye know."

Pyro sighed. "Well how are you planning to get back?"

The Scot raised a finger and opened his mouth, but slowly put it back down as he realized that he had no clue. Abigail groaned and placed her hands on her hips. Now what? She scanned the area, looking for a payphone that she might be able to call Engineer or Sniper with. Why the hell wasn't there one at the bus stop? Maybe there was one by the entrance of the store. Nope, no payphone there.

Abigail sighed and flopped down on the bench beside Demoman. She might be able to go inside and ask the cashier if she could use the phone in the store. The pyrotechnic had gotten up and was just about to head inside when her gaze fell on an oddly familiar vehicle. She inspected it further, seeing a helmeted man making his way over to it with an overflowing shopping cart.

She grinned. Sniper was going to be _so pissed._

Pyro quickly slipped on her mask and slid Demoman's eye patch back over to the socket. He looked surprised, blinking a few times to get his eye used to the light again. Once he had stopped blinking, she tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the parking lot.

The Scot crinkled his nose. "I don't see wot yer tryin' ta tell me, lass." He said, attempting to follow where Pyro's finger was pointing.

Abigal let out a muffled groan before grabbing her teammate by the hand and dragging him towards the van. The duo could soon see Soldier chucking everything he had purchased into the vehicle as each item unceremoniously landed on the van floor with a soft thud.

"Hrr Srrldrr!" She chirped, waving to him. Demoman soon realized what Pyro had been pointing to and gave her a not-so-subtle thumbs up. Abigail chuckled and rolled her eyes behind the mask, and Soldier turned to them and gave a salute.

"Private Pyro! I require your assistance in loading up the van that I certainly did not borrow from Sniper with craft supplies which I bought with money that I certainly did not borrow from Sniper either! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!" He bellowed, causing his fellow BLUs flinch at the volume of his voice.

Nevertheless, Demoman and Pyro put the last of the glitter in the van and hopped in, taking the seats on the couch that would pull out to become Sniper's bed. They had to step over the various packages of glitter and cookie cutters, but they managed. Abigail crossed her legs and put a hand on her chin. Now that they were in the van, Sniper would probably think that they had aided Soldier in the theft of his van! Maybe if she and Demoman could get out quickly enough, they would be able to avoid the wrath of their Australian teammate. Granted, he might be waiting for them there, and in that case, they'd just have to wait inside the van until he was beating up Soldier to slip away undetected.

The red-head's thoughts were interrupted by Demoman tapping on her shoulder and pointing to the open closet at the end of the van. Pyro frowned and turned around to see what her friend was pointing at, and was both exasperated and terrified at what she saw.

Their patriotic teammate had even thrown the eggs and milk in the van without care, causing the items to break and soil the neatly folded blankets that had been placed on the floor inside the closet. Sniper would be livid if he had no warm winter blankets to use that night.

Now both BLUs were extremely nervous. How were they going to get away before Sniper could commit homicide on a massive scale? Abigail glanced at Soldier, who was now humming the American national anthem as he drove (rather recklessly) back to their base. He didn't seem to be too worried, but she kept forgetting that he was the kind of person that dealt with problems as they came. Well, except for in battle. He was probably the best strategist on their team, followed by Engineer and Medic.

Pyro shook her head. She shouldn't be worrying about what Soldier was doing, he could take care of himself. However, she and Demoman didn't particularly feel like dealing with Sniper at what would surely be his worst. They glanced out the window across from the couch, seeing the base come into view. The duo exchanged nervous glances (although Pyro's nervous glance couldn't be seen from under her mask) as they prepared for the worst.

* * *

At the very back of the infirmary, a door labeled "Recovery" led to a room similar to the infirmary, though there were no operation tables, no drawers and cabinets full of serums and syringes, just white beds, much like the few in the infirmary. The room's purpose was quite obvious; patients that required quiet rest in order to recover fully could get their sleep without being disturbed by other patients in the infirmary with less severe conditions.

Engineer groaned and stirred in his bed, making Medic look up from his human anatomy textbook. Seeing the Texan nearly awake, Medic fetched a damp cloth and fresh gauze from the infirmary before making his way over to his patient.

"Doc?" Engineer groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. "What the hell happened?"

"Vell," The German started, helping his teammate into a sitting position and propping pillows behind his back, "from vhat I gazhered from Scout, a bomb dud exploded in your face. How zhis ended up occurring, I haff no idea."

Engineer quirked an eyebrow and looked upwards, trying to remember just what he had been doing before entering his comatose state. Medic took the opportunity to take the blood soiled bandages off of Engineer's face and carefully dab the wound with the cloth. The doctor continued his work in content silence, knowing that the Texan preferred for it to be silent when he was thinking. The soundproof workshop wasn't only for the comfort of his teammates when he stayed up late tinkering.

When Medic was finished, he dressed Engineer's wound with fresh bandages. The Texan chuckled a bit, causing the doctor to give him a questioning look.

Engineer pointed to the bandages that covered half his face, including his eye. "Now ah know what Demo feels like." He snickered.

The doctor let out a chuckle as well, glad that his patient was feeling well enough to crack a joke about his own injury. He gathered the dirty gauze and tossed it in the waste basket before getting a glass of water for Engineer, which the Texan accepted gratefully. "Und you are most likely concussed, so you ah going to be spending more time sleeping zhan anyzhing else. Am I clear?" He shot his teammate a stern look.

Engineer, however, was unfazed by this. "Alright alright, whatever y'all say." He waved him off.

Medic looked at his watch. "I zhink dinner should be in about an hour, I'll bring you some before I eat. Sound gut?"

Engineer nodded and yawned. "Much obliged, Doc." He settled back down into his pillows and shut his eyes, feeling himself drift off to sleep already.

The German had gathered his remaining paperwork and was just about to exit the recovery room when Engineer sprang upwards in the bed, eyes wild and breathing fast.

"Where's Lizzie?" He murmured, looking straight ahead. "Where is she?! Was she caught in the blast?!" He demanded, becoming frantic as he recalled the events prior to the bomb exploding.

Medic was quite confused, seeing as he had no idea that she was even there when the accident happened, but he was quick to calm his teammate. "Nein, nein, she's fine und vell." The doctor assured him. "I believe she's following Spy around, actually, despite his apathy tovards kinder." He finished with a small smile.

Engineer did not look relieved or comforted in the slightest. "I thought you said she was fine and well." He growled, obviously not happy with the idea of Spy supervising his daughter.

Medic rolled his eyes. "Get some rest, Dell." He said, making his way over to the door.

Before he could make it out of the recovery room, a series of screams and shouts could be heard from outside. Both men stayed silent and listened intently to the argument that was taking place. After a moment's silence, the voices could be clearly identified as those of Sniper and Soldier.

Medic's face immediately showed utter annoyance and distaste. He turned on his heel and left the room, and Engineer decided that it would be wise to fall asleep, _fast._

* * *

Demoman and Pyro watched with interest as Sniper and Soldier wrestled each other on the ground, though it was obvious that Sniper was no match for the brawny patriot. They had already escaped the van, but had stopped to see the fight between the two. After all, everyone loved a good fistfight once in a while.

The whole thing had started with a simple question: "Wot th' bloody hell are you doin' with me van ya rocket hoppin' wankah?" Though it was expressed with much more anger and volume at the time.

After a moment of silence, Soldier's response to the question posed by Sniper was a simple "Shit" followed by some half assed excuses for excuses as to why he was in possession of his teammate's vehicle.

From there, the enraged bushman proceeded to lunge towards the patriot in a fit of rage, but was yanked back by a man in a blue suit.

"As much as I'd like to see you be pummeled by zhe American oaf," Spy had told him, "zhere is child on zhe premises and I do not wish to be ripped apart by 'er fazher's robotic 'and because you and Soldier cannot play nice." Spy was, indeed, holding the hand of a young red haired girl. It was true that Spy did not know much about taking care of children, but he knew enough to figure out that she probably shouldn't be exposed to such violence.

Sniper had not reacted well to this statement, seeing as his face was red with rage and a vein in his forehead was bulging bigger with every beat of his heart, but did not lash out again. Spy was glad and disappointed at the same time. He really wanted to see a good fight today, but then again, _he _didn't want to be the one getting beat up.

But if you were asking, "If he didn't attack Soldier, then why are they both wrestling on the ground and screaming profanities at one another while Spy and Lizzie watch with interest?" Then I will tell you, "Shush, be patient, dear reader."

Once Sniper had calmed down enough that the vein in his forehead had disappeared, he pushed past Soldier, who was now leaning nonchalantly against the van, and went inside to inspect the damage done to his precious van. Demoman and Pyro had escaped just seconds before he came around to the door, and stopped before going inside to catch the first glimpse of Sniper leaping out the driver door and tackling Soldier into the snow.

Just as Pyro had predicted, the rage of their Australian teammate was free to explode and cause harm to Soldier once he caught sight of the eggs and milk on the van floor. She and Demoman were just glad that they made it out before Sniper could get the wrong idea and blame them instead. They watched in silence as the fight unfolded, Soldier now on top of Sniper as both struggled for dominance. Well, Soldier didn't really struggle. He was actually having a fantastic time, though he was still mad at the Aussie and had apparently "done nothing wrong".

Eventually, Lizzie asked Spooky why Noipa and Uncle Solly were rolling around on the ground, and the Frenchman sighed as he took this as his cue to stop the fight. He let go of the young Texan's hand and made his way over to the brawl, and she skipped over to where Pyro was standing and just looked at her curiously, though Pyro didn't quite notice her.

With a grunt of effort, Spy hefted Sniper up by his shirt and pushed him away from Soldier, both parties still screaming incoherent nonsense at each other. It really was giving Spy a headache, and he now realized how much he didn't want to deal with his boisterous teammates today. Unfortunately, a certain patriot wasn't done fighting yet, and without warning, Soldier pounced on both Sniper and Spy, throwing random punches and not really caring who he hit.

Poor Spy was now caught in the middle of the fight, getting scratched and strangled and punched and kicked while Sniper and Soldier tried to murder each other. It was a godsend when Medic finally burst out the doors, looking none too impressed with the situation, and used his shoulder to knock the American off his fellow BLUs. Soldier was still snarling and trying to push past Medic when he got up, but the doctor was quick to hold him back.

"Zhat's _enough,_Soldat." Medic warned, giving Soldier a stern look.

The patriot was still growling at Sniper, who was attempting to return the aggression as Spy held an arm out in front of him. The sharpshooter's aviators were completely shattered, the frames bent and broken lenses cutting into his skin. The Frenchman looked back at Medic, sporting a bruise on his cheek from where Sniper had accidentally kicked him.

"_I think it's best if they spend the day away from each other, doctor."_ Spy called to him, speaking Medic's native tongue. _"Or maybe even the remainder of the week."_

"_Agreed." _Medic nodded, forcefully ushering Soldier away and back into the base as Sniper was led the opposite way.

* * *

Lizzie and Pyro sat on the floor of the firebug's bedroom, crayons and loose paper surrounding them. Once Spy had been added to the fight, Abigail and Demoman decided that it would be best to take Lizzie back inside. It was Pyro's turn to cook that night, but Demoman had offered to do it for her since the two had begun coloring pictures when he reminded her. Soon, the smell of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding wafted through the room, and Pyro was practically drooling in her gas mask.

Abigail stood up, ready to shove a mouthful of roast beef in her mouth. "Crrm rrn, Lrrzzrr! Drrnrr!" She called to her young companion.

Lizzie looked up at her, scrunching her nose. "Huh?"

"Rrt's trrm frr drrnrr." Pyro clarified.

The young Texan's expression didn't change. "Can't hear ya." She deadpanned.

The firebug huffed. How was she going to get this kid to understand her? She plopped down on the floor, hand on her chin. Lizzie shrugged and went back to her picture, putting down her light blue crayon and picking up a tan color. For a while, Pyro just watched her draw, marveling at what the young girl might be creating,

Just as Lizzie had picked up the blue once again, the light bulb in Pyro's head went off. Abigail grabbed a grey crayon, making a circle on the paper. Next, brown, which created another circle within the circle. She picked up the gray again, sketching out a three pronged stick and another with a jagged edge.

When she was done, she showed the picture to Lizzie. It portrayed a piece of meat on a plate accompanied by a fork and a knife. The red haired Texan let out a long "Ooohh" before returning to her coloring.

Pyro cocked her head. "Rrrr… Lrrzzrr?"

"Not hungry." Lizzie replied simply, working diligently on the picture before her.

Abigail sighed, now realizing her dilemma. Lizzie was not going to move unless she had what she considered a logical reason for doing so. Much like her father. Pyro's stomach grumbled. She was really _really_ hungry, but she couldn't just leave Lizzie there. Maybe… maybe she could talk her into going?

Pyro turned away from Lizzie and faced the wall. She took a deep breath, exhaling shakily. Okay, just this once…

"Hey, Lizzie?" The firebug asked, not turning back around just yet. She held her mask in her hands as she stretched and fiddled with the rubber nervously.

"Mhmm?"

"Um… Listen, Demo has worked hard on that dinner just for you. He'd be really disappointed if you didn't eat some. Plus, it smells like he's making roast beef. You don't wanna miss out on that, do you?"

The silence in the room proved that Lizzie was thinking, obviously not wanting to disappoint one of her new friends. Before Pyro could react, Lizzie had sprung up and grabbed her hand, tugging her towards the door.

"C'mon! Let's go!" Lizzie giggled, dragging Abigail out into the hallway.

Pyro gasped and jumped back into her room, ripped her hand out of Lizzie's grasp. The little Texan seemed confused for a moment, and she crept back inside the room to find her now re-masked friend sitting on the floor, hugging her knees as she pressed up against the wall.

She frowned. At first, she thought that the grey mask Pyro wore was her face, but now, she knew that there was a head of red hair underneath it. Her mind set on solving this mystery, Lizzie walked up to Pyro, lightly tugging on her suit.

"Umm," Lizzie started, remembering that she never did catch her new friend's name through all that mumbling, "miss?"

Abigail looked down at her slowly, taking in the young girl's expression, a mix of annoyance, curiosity, and concern.

"Why do ya wear a mask?"

This question caught Pyro a little off guard. She assumed that most seven year olds would just dismiss it as nothing, or even be scared by it. Then again, this was the daughter of Dell Conagher. Abigail really should've seen this coming when Lizzie hadn't even blinked an eye when she saw the mask at their first encounter.

Well, if she wasn't scared by the idea of a mumbling, expressionless, rubber monstrosity, she could probably handle a few burn scars. It certainly would be easier to communicate with the young girl if she could keep her mask off.

With a breath of courage, Pyro slowly raised her hands to her face and slipped off the mask.

Her eyes were screwed shut at first, waiting for the shrill screams of a terrified child, but instead, she heard one quiet, shy sentence.

"You're really pretty."

Abigail opened her eyes, a look of disbelief on her features. Did she just hear that? Judging by the awe-stricken expression on Lizzie's face, that sentence had, in fact, been said to her. With a shaky sort of laugh, Pyro managed a simple "thank you". She couldn't help the grin that spread over her face as she continued to stare at Lizzie, who was still scanning over her facial features. Another question from the young girl broke her out of her stupor.

"What's yer name?" Lizzie asked, plopping down on the floor next to Pyro.

"I…Uh…" Abigail stuttered. Should she tell the girl her real name? She felt as though her class name would be safer, but…

"You can call me Abby. Auntie Abby, if you'd like."

Lizzie beamed. "'Kay!" Pyro smiled as she got up and skipped down the hallway, calling for the firebug to go with her. Abigail chuckled and stood up, slipping the mask back over her face. She knew that Lizzie would call her by her real name in front of the rest of the BLUs, but she had a plan if there were any questions asked.

* * *

Scout sat in his room, reading a copy of a Batman comic. Having gotten bored with throwing his ball to himself, the Bostonian had broken out the super heroes with Emma joining him. The puppy lay lazily on Scout's stomach as he read his book, giving her a few pats before turning the page. To anyone who didn't know any better, Scout would've looked like he was actually reading the comic. In actual fact, his mind was in a completely different place as his eyes scanned over the pictures.

Scout frowned. When was dinner? He was getting pretty hungry, and a particularly loud growl from his stomach had startled Emma. She had perked her head and ears up, looking at Scout in curiosity.

"What are you lookin' at?" The runner grumbled, causing Emma to cock her head and let out a low whine.

He sighed. He couldn't even convince a dog that nothing was on his mind right now. Slowly, Scout got up and Emma hopped off his stomach, allowing the boy to turn his position so that his head was facing the foot of his bed. When Scout was now lying on his stomach, cheek pressed against the bed, Emma stepped onto his back. She turned in a circle three times, causing Scout minor discomfort, but soon settled down, laying her head beside Scout's neck.

"Y'know, Em," The Bostonian started, feeling her breath steadily as she lay on his back, "I don't really like kids. I mean, da only ones I was evah around were like, shit heads." Emma shifted her head slightly, making a high pitched rumble in her throat as if she understood, she felt for him.

"But whateva, I mean like, it ain't like havin' a kid around makes me think of my famjam or anythin'…" He trailed off, looking at the wall beside his bed. The golden retriever perked her head up, giving a small whine as she cocked her head.

"And you know what's weird?" He asked the puppy, who continued to listen intently. "I've been havin' dese dreams. Like dreams about my Ma and bruddas from when we was kids."

Emma slipped off Scout's back and moved to the foot of the bed, sitting in front of the boy's head. He propped himself up on his elbows, studying the golden retriever for a long while.

Scout frowned and huffed. "Stop lookin' at me like dat, dere's nothin' wrong! Jeez louise!"

Emma quirked an eyebrow slightly in an _"I may be a dog but I'm not an idiot" _fashion.

After what seemed like a decade long staring contest, the Bostonian sighed in defeat, folding his arms onto the bed and resting his chin on them. "Fuck, fine, I just... dis is da week dat Johnny's leavin'. He's supposed ta be makin' a stop in Venice though, so I bet he's gonna send a lettah from dere." Emma cocked her head. "Hm? Oh, s'cause my Nonna moved back dere, so now we've got family livin' relatively near to where Johnny's gonna be workin'."

Scout's faithful puppy pressed her ears against her head before nestling herself beside his arm, giving him a sympathetic look. The Bostonian furrowed his brow.

"Em," Scout started, staring at the wall in front of him, "did you have a family before Engie found ya?" Now that he thought about this, had she just been separated from her brothers and sisters and parents? From what he knew, golden retrievers were domesticated dogs, but that just meant that she might've been someone's pet. Scout imagined how he felt when he thought that he had lost Emma, even for a few hours until his RED counterpart brought her back. He couldn't imagine how horrible it must feel for her owners to have lost her for months, all hope of finding her now completely gone.

The Bostonian looked down at Emma, the little puppy's eyes drooping closed as she leaned her head against his arm. He laid down on his side and pulled her close to his chest. With little Emma snoozing beside him, he laid his head down and decided that he just needed a bit of rest.

* * *

Spy rummaged through the camper van's closet, trying to find a pair of tweezers. He had managed to get most of the glass out of Spy's face, but some of the tinier pieces were a little more difficult to take out.

"I swear," Sniper grumbled, making Spy sigh as he prepared for another rant from the bushman, "I'm gonna beat that stupid, hardheaded, ignorant, unprofessional, American psycho so hard, he won't even be able to taste his food for a month."

The Frenchman rolled his eyes, taking the pair of tweezers that he finally discovered and making his way over to Sniper. "Just calm down and let me get zhis out of your face." Spy ordered, though his tone was not harsh. He steadied the man's head by taking his jaw in his hand, and Sniper cooperatively stayed still as Spy took the piece of glass out from under his eye.

"You know, Lawrence, I'm no fortune teller, but after seeing what 'appened today when you tried to beat up zhe American brute, I wouldn't try again." Spy advised, now grabbing a damp cloth and lightly dabbing Sniper's wound. "'E would 'ave beaten you _and _I into a fine paste if Medic 'adn't come along."

Sniper humphed, muttering lowly about psychotic Americans. Spy sighed, folding the cloth over so that the clean side was dabbing the Aussie's face. He was mad at Soldier too, yes, but letting his anger get out of control as well would surely prove ineffective. Although he hated to admit it, sometimes ignoring these kinds of antics is better than making a huge deal over it.

Though, Spy might've felt differently about the matter if he and Sniper knew how Soldier bought all of the supplies, which were now stacked neatly on the rec rom table, thanks to the Frenchman.

* * *

"Soldat," Medic started slowly, dabbing Soldier's bloody lip with a damp cloth, "I know you zhink you vere just innocently borrowing somezhing from Sniper, but are you _honestly_ trying to tell me zhat you can't see any reason for him to be upset?"

"Uh-huh!" The patriot confirmed, feeling rather proud of himself. "Did you see the way I beat up that hippie scum?!"

Medic sighed. This conversation had been going nowhere for the past half hour, and now, all the doctor really wanted to do was get Soldier out of the infirmary so he could eat some dinner and go to bed early. "Ja, I vas zhere."

"Oh yeah, you were!" Soldier recalled as Medic tossed the dirtied cloth into the small laundry basket in the corner of the room. "Oh and you should see all the stuff I bought for Lizzie. She's gonna have so much fun!"

"Zhat's wünderbar." The German commented, lifting up his hand as Dietricha landed on it gracefully.

"And you should've seen this lady at the store. She was totally stealing Pyro's style."

Medic froze. "Oh vas she?" He asked, turning back to Soldier. "And, erm, zhis young voman, vhat did she look like? Vas her hair color, oh let's say, red?"

Soldier beamed. "Yeah! And she was holding a mask looking thing under her arm! I think she was kind of shy though, since she didn't seem to want to look at me much. But that's okay, since, y'know, I'm a gentleman and I respect the wishes of a lady." The patriot reminded Medic.

"Of course." The doctor brought a hand to his shoulder, and Dietricha hopped onto it. Medic cleared his throat before continuing. "A mere coincidence, I'm sure. Anyvays, you ah free to go. You may visit Engineer after dinner if you like, but he is still resting right now."

What remained uncovered by Soldier's helmet expressed utter confusion. "Uh, Doc? Why would I need to visit Engie? And why is he resting?"

For a split second, Medic's face mirrored Soldier's before he recalled that the patriot was not present during the time of the accident. "Oh, zhere vas just a small accident regarding a dud bomb, don't vorry."

Soldier shot up from his seat. "A FELLOW AMERICAN IS INJURED?!" He bellowed, making Medic cringe and Dietricha to fly off Medic's shoulder, startled.

"Soldat!" The doctor hissed, making his way over to the frightened bird. "Zhere is no yelling in zhe infirmary!"

The patriot immediately sat back down. "Oh, uh, right. Sorry."

"Zhere zhere darling," Medic cooed, stroking his dove's feathers and holding her comfortingly, "don't vorry, Papa vill protect you from zhe big bad Soldat." He reassured her. He turned back around and shot the American an icy glare.

"What?! I said I was sorry." Soldier grumbled. Medic rolled is eyes, heading out of the infirmary and down to his room, feeling ready for a pre-dinner nap.

"Wait wait wait!" Soldier yelled, getting up and following the doctor.

"ENGINEER IS IN ZHE RECOVERY ROOM, YOU CAN VISIT HIM AFTAH DINNER UND ASK _HIM_ VHAT HAPPENED!" Medic screamed back at him, quickening his pace. God, he didn't want to put up with any more of Soldier today.

"...oh, uh, thanks Doc!" The patriot called after him. Soldier turned back around and headed into the infirmary, whistling "Love Me Do" as he headed to the door in the back. Almost instantaneously, Soldier stopped himself, standing stock still. Scout really needed to stop ordering records from those Beatles hippies.

Once he turned the door handle and let himself into the room, he caught sight of Engineer sleeping in on of the white beds, gauze covering most of his face.

"HOLY HELL, ENGIE!" Soldier bellowed, making the Texan wake with a start. His breaths were still quick and short when his fellow American rushed towards him, leaning in close to his face and inspecting the bandages. "What happened to your _face_, Dell?!"

Engineer sighed. "S'a looooong story, partner."

Down the hallway, Medic had finally made it to his room and flopped on his bed. He thought he had heard Soldier yelling again and considered going back to the infirmary to be sure, but Archimedes and Dietricha tugged on the back of his coat before he could touch the door handle. Medic smiled and decided that his doves knew what was best for him at the moment, flopping down on the bed and yawning before he fell asleep.

* * *

The team had been wrong about Demoman's cooking. Once they had expressed to him their dislike for haggis, the Scot had shrugged and made something much more appealing to the team. He didn't even have to call them all for dinner, the smell of the delicious meal wafting through the base had beckoned his teammates to the kitchen. Emma and Scout were the first ones there, the Bostonian sneaking a piece of roast beef and throwing it to Emma. The puppy caught it in midair, and she gratefully licked her lips as she settled down on the rug in front of the couch.

The rest of the team arrived shortly after, though Spy left as quickly as he came, two plates of food in his hands as he made his way back out to the van. Soldier was still in the recovery room, talking with Engineer, and Medic brought two plates of food to them before coming back and eating is meal with his team. He had been angry at first, finding that Soldier had disobeyed him and disturbed Engineer, but the Texan had told him that Soldier agreed to eat dinner in the recovery room with him.

Despite the meal being delicious, Lizzie was being a bit picky.

"Don't want it." She frowned, crossing her arms and pouting. "Want ice cream!"

"Elizabeth, please," Medic said sternly, "ice cream doesn't have near as many nutrients as beef und vegetables. Eat your dinner." The doctor ordered, returning to his food. He wondered why Engineer, a fellow man of science, would not educate Lizzie on the importance of a balanced meal. Sommer would never even suggest having desert instead of dinner. She knew which foods would benefit her the greatest in the case of her overall health.

"Doktor, she ees seven." Heavy reminded his friend before turning to Lizzie, who looked at him nervously. "Let Heavy tell you story." He said to the little girl. She nodded slowly, waiting for the giant man to continue.

Heavy cleared his throat. "Long time ago, back in Motherland, Heavy" he pointed to himself, "was as leetle as Lizzie."

The girl seemed confused by this. "Little as me?"

"Da. Leetle as you. _But,_ because Heavy listen to Mama and Papa and eat all his food, Heavy get big and strong! Can do many things and make family very proud!" He proclaimed, beating a fist against his chest. Lizzie looked up at him, still awe-stricken as to how someone as little as her could grow up to be as big as the man before her. Heavy looked down at her once again. "Though, I did not always listen to parents. Sometimes I did not want to eat food. So, do you want Heavy to show you trick dat Mama use to make leetle Heavy grow up big and strong?"

Lizzie smiled and nodded vigorously, jumping suddenly into Heavy's lap. He repositioned her so that she sat facing him, and he grabbed Lizzie's plate and fork. The Russian stabbed a piece of the roast beef with his fork before holding it up to her mouth.

"Here comes choo choo train!" He declared, moving it towards her mouth slowly. "Must open tunnel for leetle choo choo train!"

The little Texan sat for a moment, unsure of what to do. Heavy placed the fork on the plate before pointing to her mouth. "Lizzie's mouth is tunnel."

She stared at him for a little while longer, but soon realized what Heavy meant. "Ooohh... Aaaaaah!" She sang, opening her mouth wide.

Heavy chuckled. "Da, good work! Choo choo!"

The rest of the team watched the with interest, small smiles forming on their faces even if they didn't know it. Pyro let out a muffled giggle, finding the scene extremely cute.

Demoman chuckled. "Ye sure got a way with the wee ones, eh Heavy?"

The Russian continued to feed Lizzie, but looked over to his Scottish teammate. "Da, I have two leetle sisters, and Mama need help to take care of family."

Lizzie pushed her food into her cheek and looked up at Heavy. "Um, Havvy?" She asked, wondering if she got his name right.

"Da, leetle Lizzie?"

"Ya wanna go sledding?! Huh?!" She grinned, looking up at him. "Maybe Auntie Abby can come with us as well!" She looked over to Pyro, an excited glint in her eyes. Pyro, however, pretending like she heard nothing and continued sipping her chocolate milk through her twisty straw. Medic quirked his eyebrow, looking from Lizzie to Pyro and frowning. He soon turned back to his dinner, giving Pyro one last questioning look, even though she was facing the opposite direction.

The giant looked outside. It was almost pitch black, and even though he loved sledding at night when he was a kid, he remembered how one of his little sisters once came with him, and she wasn't able to see a large jump when she went down. He had a hard time explaining to his Mama why Nikola had a bloody nose after that.

"Nyet, is dangerous to go when is so dark." He told her. She whined and protruded her bottom lip in an attempt to sway Heavy's decision, but his mind was set. "We go sledding tomorrow."

As if one cue, Spy sauntered into the room, taking two empty plates and placing them in the sink. Lizzie's face lit up.

"Spooky! Spooky!" She squealed, jumping off Heavy's lap and running over to him. Spy immediately went rigid, his eye twitching as Lizzie grabbed onto his leg. "Wanna make snowflakes! You promised, 'member?!"

Spy looked down at her, painfully recalling the events that led him to make the promise of snowflakes. He sighed. "I did, didn't I?"

She nodded her head. "Yes you did!"

Scout smirked from where he sat at the counter. "Ya did, Spy."

"Shut _up, _lapin." The Frenchman seethed, gritting his teeth even more when Scout's cocky grin widened. "Alright, come on, petite."

Lizzie smiled and released his leg from her iron grip. She grabbed his hand, running down the hallway to the rec room, Spy groaning the whole way there.

Demoman turned to Heavy, a small smile on his face. "Yer mum didn't actually do the train thing, did she?"

Heavy grinned back and shook his head. "Nyet, Mama hit head with spoon and send us to bed with nothing at all if we do not eat. But I do not think dat I could do dat to Lizzie."

The Scot chuckled, recalling the similar events that would take place in his house if he didn't cooperate with his mother. "Mum would just lecture us about how many jobs it took Dad to get us each item of food on the table, n'_then_ she would hit us with the spoon." He stabbed a piece of beef on his plate, the grin only spreading on his face. "I miss me mum..."

Medic clucked his tongue. "It sounds like you two vere uncooperative children. _I_ actually listened to mein mutter because _she_ knew vhat vas best for me."

Pyro rolled her eyes behind the mask. "Rrt srrnds lrrrk yrr wrr rr grrdrr-trrshrrs, Drrc."

"I vas not a 'goody-two shoes'! I vas an intelligent child zhat vas able to realize how foolish I vould be if I zhought I knew more zhan zhe voman who taught me everyzhing." He retorted, going back to his meal.

Scout scoffed. "Yeah well you guys can talk about yer moms all ya want, by _my_ Ma is by far da best Ma."

Heavy and Demoman exchanged looks before they both quirked an eyebrow at Scout. "Uh, right, I'm sure yer mum's a very nice lady, Scoot." The Scot said, cutting a piece of meat. "But I can guarantee ya that my mum could top your mum at _anythin'._"

Scout glared at Demoman. "Oh yeah? And what da hell makes you so sure?" He challenged, putting his fists on his hips.

"Please, leetle men," Heavy chided, "eet is obvious dat Heavy's mama ees best mama."

"Oh really now?" Demoman questioned, eyeing the Russian. "And wot makes yes think tha' _any_ of yer mums could compete with mine? She worked until she went BLIND for Chrissake!"

Scout waved him off. "Oh yeah, big whoop. My Ma worked three fricken jobs just so she could put food on da table for herself and eight kids, and she still found time ta tuck me in at night. She also did not miss one of my baseball games, EVAH." The boy smirked proudly. "Top dat."

"Heavy's Mama once wrestle bear and _win_ because stoopid bear attack sister!"

"Pfff, a bear's nothin'!" Demoman yelled, getting up from his chair. "_My_ Mum beat up a pack o' phantoms 'cause they were roamin' one o' tha' castles!"

Scout crossed his arms. "Oh yeah? Den why was DeGroot Keep haunted when we got dere? I'm sure if yer ma was as tough as you make her sound, I wouldn't have gotten chased through da forest by a twelve-foot-tall albino pedophile!"

Demoman shot the boy a dangerous glare. "Are ye callin' me a liar?"

"Does grass grow?"

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, BOYO!"

With a loud battle cry, Demoman leapt on Scout, both mercenaries throwing punches at each other and yelling incomprehensible profanities at the top of their lungs. Pyro turned to face them and leaned forward, intrigued, but Medic and Heavy sprang up from their seats to stop the fight. Medic grabbed Scout from under his arms and Heavy pulled Demoman up by his collar, and, unlike Sniper and Soldier, they didn't struggle and continue trying to murder each other. Instead, both BLUs settled for scowling at each other and finishing their dinner once they were released.

Once everyone was finished their meal and had put their dishes in the sink, Medic stacked them all up and began to wash. Everyone had left the room except for the firebug, who was just about to exit and continue on to her room.

"Pyro?" Medic called, not looking up from the sink.

The suited mercenary turned her head towards the doctor, stopping mid-step. "Yrrsh?"

"Could you help me dry zhese, bitte? Scout is vaiting in my office to get himself cleaned up. He didn't fare as vell as Demoman in zhat little tiff." The doctor asked.

Pyro nodded slowly and made her way over to the sink, grabbing a dry dish towel and a wet plate.

"Any specific reason vhy you told Elizabeth your real name?"

The firebug froze. She _knew_ Medic wanted something other than some help with the dishes. Sneaky bastard. With a huff, she put down the plate and pulled off her mask, waiting a bit until she could no longer hear any of her other teammates.

"I just wanted to be able to talk to her better! She can't understand me with my mask on, and so I figured if I was trusting her with that secret, she should at least know my name." She explained, trying to get Medic to understand.

"Und vhat happens vhen someone questions why she's calling you 'Auntie Abby'?"

Pyro smirked. "I already thought of that."

"Oh did you? Do explain vhat you intend to tell zhem."

"I'm just going to say that we were playing a game, and the character I was being was named Auntie Abby." The firebug shrugged, picking up her dishtowel once again. "It's believable enough."

The doctor sighed. "Zhey ah going to get suspicious, especially Scout. You know how he is."

"Yeah yeah Doc, don't worry about it." She dismissed, placing the now dry plate on the counter and reaching for a new one. "I've got this under control."

"I certainly hope so."

* * *

"And that's what happened, Sol." Engineer finished. It never ceased to amaze him that whenever there was a story being told, Soldier would stay dead silent and actually give the teller his complete and undivided attention.

Soldier looked thoughtful for a moment. "So wait, did you or did you not get more bacon?"

Engineer quirked an eyebrow. "When did Ah mention bacon at any time during that story?"

"Remember? When you were telling me what you were doing when you left Lizzie in the kitchen and you said 'cleanin' out mah workshop, pardner'" The patriot imitated his friend's voice, "and then I asked you if you remembered to get bacon because I wanted to make some for tomorrow and then you asked me what that had to do with the story and then I said that you mentioned the kitchen so it reminded me of that." He finished, giving Engineer a how-the-hell-do-you-not-remember-this-completely-relevant-part-of-our-conversation look.

The Texan blinked. "Uh... yeah, I remember."

"Oh good!" Soldier smiled. "So, does that mean you got bacon?"

"No."

"Aw."

* * *

Spy had taken Lizzie back to the camper van after he gathered the necessities for making snowflakes. The little girl now sat in the center of the van floor, cutting out tiny snippets from the folded piece of paper in her hands. The small pieces fluttered to the ground after they were cut, making quite the mess in Sniper's home.

"Ya know yer cleanin' that up, roight?" The Aussie mentioned to Spy, sipping his coffee.

Spy sighed. "Oui."

Sniper continued to watch Lizzie, observing her progress. "It ain't makin' them _wif_ her if ya don't actually, y'know, make them."

The Frenchman shot Sniper an annoyed glare. "I'm not in zhe mood, bushman." He growled.

"Noipa right, Spooky." Lizzie called from where she sat, not looking up from her craft as more tiny triangles of paper cluttered the ground. "Gotta make one."

Spy groaned as Sniper guffawed. "Come on then, Spook! Make a snowflake!" The Aussie encouraged, reaching down and offering him a piece of white paper.

The suited man stuck his tongue in his cheek before snatching the paper from his teammate. "I _hate_ you."

The statement only increased the grin on Sniper's face as Spy reached down and picked up a pair of scissors. The Aussie took a sip of his coffee as he watched the two make their craft, Spy soon becoming absorbed in delicately folding and cutting each tiny sliver of paper with the utmost care. Bloody perfectionist.

Once Spy was done his snowflake (and Lizzie was done five more of hers), he unfolded the paper, a smirk of victory on his face at a job well done. Lizzie marveled at the craft.

"Wow, Spooky!" She beamed. "That's so pretty!"

"Merci, petite." The Frenchman thanked her before holding getting to his feet. However, he was pulled back down again by his coattail, and Lizzie gave him a questioning look.

"Need more." The little Texan deadpanned, quirking her eyebrow at Spy. "Gonna decorate everything."

Spy paused. Did she just say that they needed _more_? And when she said 'everything', did she mean the entire base?! It was difficult enough to make one of them to such quality, he didn't want to make however many more Lizzie required! He looked down at the little girl, who was still holding onto his coattail.

Sniper poked him in the back with his foot. "C'mon, Spoi, you heard the little lady."

Spy whipped his head around, crossing his arms and scowling at the bushman. Sniper wasn't able to contain his grin, but raised his eyebrow at the Frenchman. "Go on then."

At this point, Lizzie had gotten up and was now bouncing up and down in front of Spy. "Let's get Uncle Solly. He's the snowflake master!" She beamed.

The suited man sighed and got up. As long as he could get this whole craft making business over with, he didn't care who helped. "Alright." He shot Lawrence a glare. "Stay 'ere."

Sniper scoffed. "Foine by me."

Lizzie giggled happily and grabbed the Frenchman by his hand, dragging him out of the van.

* * *

"Soldat, I am dead serious." Medic seethed. "If you don't get out of mein infirmary zhis _instant_, you vill end up on zhe business end of my bonesaw before you can scream 'America'."

Soldier huffed. Medic was always so melodramatic when it came to his medical equipment. Then again, he might not have been so mad if his infirmary's floor wasn't littered with broken glass and various substances. It had been an honest mistake, just trying to get Engineer some more bandages, but the fact that Soldier was now refusing to leave his fellow American's side and just get the hell out was pissing the doctor off to no end.

Before either one did anything rash, Engineer spoke up. "Uh, Sol, I'm pretty tired. Why don't y'all go and see what Lizzie's up to?"

At this suggestion, Soldier immediately perked up. "LIZZIE STILL NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN DECORATING THIS BASE AND BY GOD, WE'RE GONNA DO JUST THAT!" He bellowed, shaking a fist of justice in the air as he spoke.

Medic and Engineer flinched, but allowed Soldier to rush out of the recovery room and the infirmary, calling for the little Texan girl. The doctor sighed, looking at all the broken bottles and vials on the floor.

Engineer cleared his throat. "Ah'm sorry 'bout that, Doc."

"Nein nein, it's not your fault." Medic dismissed, smiling a bit when Aristotle perched on his shoulder and nuzzled up to the German's neck. "Soldat is… vell, you know."

"His heart was in the right place, trust me."

The doctor sighed. "Ja, so it vould seem." He turned and left, shutting off the lights. "Now, you require plenty of rest, so go to sleep. Doctor's orders." With that, he closed the door to the recovery room and proceeded to clean up the mess that his mentally unstable teammate created.

* * *

Scout, Heavy, Demoman, and Emma sat in the rec room, watching the Napoli vs Juventus soccer game on the small television. If one didn't know better, one would say that Demoman and Heavy were watching purely because they didn't have anything else to do, and if one said that, they would be very wrong. All three of the mercenaries loved watching soccer, and sometimes, arguments could get very heated when it came to the world cup, as each member of the trio cheered for a different country.

However, each person in the room was very relaxed as of then, as they were watching two teams from Serie A play. Well, mostly relaxed. Scout cheering for Napoli, seeing as that was where his ancestors came from, and his team was currently losing 2-1.

"YES YES DAT'S A RED CA–ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! COME ON, REF! DAT WAS A TOTAL FUCKING FOUL AND YOU _KNOW _IT! HE DIDN'T EVEN GET DA BALL! HIS FUCKIN' CLEATS WERE UP AND EVERYTHING!" Scout screeched and sprung up from his chair, throwing an impressive fit as his face turned as red as the card he wanted the referee to pull out. The Bostonian flopped back down on the couch, crossing his arms and glaring at the television.

Demoman chuckled. "Scoot, it's just a game."

"Oh look who's talkin' mista 'break da television with my bottle 'cause Scotland fucking sucks at soccah'." Scout retorted.

Demoman's face dropped into a dangerous glare. "They don't _suck_, they were just havin' a bad year. We still got tha' next World Cup."

Before Scout could make another witty remark, Heavy stepped in. "Don't leetle baby men start fighting again, or Heavy stop fight with fists dis time." He warned. Emma had dealt with enough of their antics today, and she promptly got up and left the room to see what everyone else was up to. The two shot each other another glare before looking back to the television, and Scout was overjoyed to find out that Napoli had tied up the score, but disappointed that he had missed the goal.

* * *

"Uncle Soooooollyyyyy!" Lizzie called, dragging Spy behind her. "Where are ya?!"

She and the Frenchman continued to wander the halls in search of Soldier. Spy checked his watch. It was getting to around the time when he liked to wind down to try his luck at a peaceful sleep, but this particular activity wasn't really helping him do that. With a heavy sigh, Spy continued on through the halls with the little girl, hoping that Soldier would just–

"BOO!" Soldier shouted as he popped out from around the corner. Lizzie let out a shrill squeal before giggling like mad, but Spy was sure his heart stopped for a few seconds before it started hammering hard in his chest. He felt foolish for getting startled, for he was, after all, a Spy, but things hadn't been going too smoothly for him lately. One could still see the deep bags under his eyes, and Sniper had questioned him about them since their battle that day, though he didn't get a very good answer.

"Uncle Solly, wanna help make snowflakes?!" She asked, beaming.

"Private, I am the Snowflake Master. I will make your snowflakes AND I WILL _DOMINATE THEM_!" He bellowed, making Spy rub his temples.

"Yaaaay!" Lizzie squealed. "Let's go!"

"EVER ONWARD!" He declared, scooping up the little girl and placing her on his shoulders before running down the hallway. "COME ON, PRIVATE FRENCHIE!"

The suited man sighed, all hopes of being able to slink away undetected gone. He followed the two into the kitchen and groaned at the sight of all the craft materials. Lizzie skipped over to Spy and tugged him to the table, sitting him down across from Soldier, who was already folding the paper for his first snowflake.

The patriot cleared his throat. "Now, Frenchie, I will show you the delicate art of snowflaking."

Spy quirked an eyebrow. "Snowflaking."

"Yes."

The Frenchman rolled is eyes. "Alright."

Spy had expected his teammate to be sloppy, to cut the triangles unevenly and still be proud of it and call it American. But, much to Spy's surprise, the patriot cut neatly and effortlessly, as if he could do this in his sleep. He was doing it fairly quickly took, and Spy couldn't help but gawk as Soldier's hands seemed to be moving like lightning.

"Aaaaand done!" Soldier declared, unfolding the snowflake and holding it up proudly.

Lizzie clapped and cheered while Spy continued to stare with his mouth agape. Before long, Soldier had started a new one, but stopped to give the Frenchman a questioning look from behind his helmet.

"Get going! We need five hundred of these by tonight! AM I CLEAR?!" He bellowed, breaking Spy out of his stupor.

The suited man sighed, but complied, picking up a piece of white paper and folding it for the start of his snowflake.

* * *

Soldier, Lizzie, and Spy sat on the couch in the rec room in front of the black and white TV, watching one of Soldier's favorite Christmas movies. Well, Lizzie and Soldier were watching. Spy was curled up on the other end of the couch, snoring lightly. He was more than happy to take the opportunity offered by Soldier to take a break and watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" so he could relax a little. Snowflakes were quite the exhausting craft. Getting Scout away from the television had been exhausting as well, but eventually, Heavy and Demoman were able to convince him to _play_ some soccer instead of watching it.

The movie finally faded out with each of the peanuts singing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing', and Lizzie bounced up and down in her seat, obviously satisfied with Soldier's choice of film. The patriot beamed, clapping a hand down abruptly on Spy's leg, making him jump a bit as he woke up. Spy grumbled incoherently in his native tongue as he looked to Soldier for an explanation.

"Wasn't that a great movie, Frenchie?" Soldier asked, grinning. "What was your favorite part?"

Spy sat still for a moment. Did… did Soldier really not know he was sleeping the entire time? Judging by the stupid grin on the American's face, he hadn't noticed. Spy coughed and thought for a moment, looking at Lizzie. He didn't want to let her down by letting her know that he didn't watch it.

"Uh, mine was… zhe part where… it… erm… snowed." He explained, trying to be vague about his description.

Soldier and Lizzie stared at him for a while before they both grinned. "I know, right?! That part was awesome!" The patriot agreed, beaming. "Hey remember that part? That part when that thing happened? That was the best!"

Spy bit the inside of his lip. "Oui… zhat was… quite enjoyable."

Soldier and Lizzie were both grinning now, and Spy couldn't help but feel a little guilty. The two got up, claiming that there were still many snowflakes to complete, and headed off to continue their project.

The Frenchman rested his head back on the pillow he had been using, unable to keep his eyes open any longer as he drifted off to sleep, shivering a bit from the lack of a blanket.

A minute later, Sniper walked into the room, whistling an Australian Christmas jingle. He was just coming in to grab the book that he had left in the room, but stopped when he saw the snoozing and trembling Spy.

He quirked an eyebrow. Spy would never fall asleep anywhere besides his own bedroom. The Aussie would have pondered this thought further if it weren't for the tiny footsteps coming from behind him.

He looked back to see Lizzie running in with a blanket in her hands. She crept over to Spy and carefully draped the blanket over him, so as to not wake him up. She looked back at Sniper and put a finger to her lips.

"Sssh," She told him, "Spooky sleeping."

Sniper couldn't help the grin that spread on his face. He put a finger to his lips as well, mimicking her motion and receiving a smile from the little girl before she went off to join Soldier.

* * *

Before everyone knew it, the clock struck 10:00, and each of the mercenaries, with the exception of Engineer, knew they had a battle to fight in the next morning. Medic allowed Lizzie to sleep in the recovery room in the bed next to her father's, and the little girl was overjoyed that the doctor approved her request to let Emma sleep in the bed with her.

Medic had spoken with Engineer about what Lizzie would do while they battled and he slept, and the Texan had assured him that she would be fine if she had crayons and paper and the recovery room door was locked. It seemed logical to the doctor, and he agreed with his teammate before bidding him and his daughter goodnight.

Lizzie lay in the bed as she stroked Emma's fur. For some reason, she didn't feel tired, and frankly, she couldn't quite figure out why. She had gotten her goodnight kiss from Daddy, had a glass of water, and was definitely warm enough, so what could be keeping her up? She sighed and looked down at the puppy, and Emma shuffled in closer to the little body next to her.

"What do Daddy's friends do?" She asked Emma. The golden retriever looked up at her and cocked her head.

Lizzie thought for a moment before grinning, an idea forming in her head. The thought forming into a small dream, the little Texan laid her head down on the pillow. "M'gonna find out."


	18. Here for the Holidays, Part 4

**Alright, I'm aware that this update was a little slower than the last ones, but I have a legitimate excuse this time: my laptop is broken. It has been for a while. I've been using a memory stick and writing little bits of the story any chance I see a free computer. Luckily, my school's computer lab is open at lunch. At any rate, please enjoy this chapter, and forgive me for the slow updates :)**

* * *

"**Here for the Holidays, Part 4"**

Engineer and Lizzie snoozed soundly as darkness continued to envelop Thunder Mountain in the early hours of the day, 5:03 to be exact. Medic was extremely strict on his rules about the infirmary being quiet for the comfort of his patients, so not a sound was heard save for the rhythmic snoring of the two Texans. They were fast asleep, but then again, so was most of the team at this early hour.

Key word: 'most'.

Soldier tip-toed, making sure not to wake Engineer up. Medic had lectured him on how important it was for him to get his rest, and he sure as hell didn't want to endure that boring speech again. He made his way over to Lizzie's bed and gently shook her.

"Morning, Lizzie." He whispered, though his whisper was how most people would speak at a normal volume.

The little girl rubbed her eyes and looked up at Soldier. "Hi Uncle Solly." She greeted with a yawn.

Soldier grinned. "Hooooow cup time is it?!" He bellowed, forgetting that Engineer was behind him, sleeping.

She beamed. "Way cup time!" Lizzie squealed. "Way way _way_ cup time!" She spread her arms out wide to emphasize just how cup time it was.

"That's right! And that means that it's time for breakfast!" The patriot confirmed, scooping her up and putting her on his shoulders before racing around the room.

Engineer groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Mornin' Sol." He mumbled.

"Morning, Engie!" Soldier beamed as Lizzie waved from where she was on the patriot's shoulders.

"Daddy, c'mon! It's waaaaay cup time!" She called down to him.

The Texan gave her and Soldier a very confused and tired look. "It's… what now?"

"Engie, it's way cup time." The patriot stated as-a-matter-of-factly. "Y'know, like 'wakeup time'? Jeez, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one around here."

Lizzie didn't look very impressed. "Yeah Daddy. Means wakeup time."

The gears and cogs in Engineer's weary mind started turning, and once he figured out what the two standing before him were talking about, he let out a bit of a sigh. "Oh I get it. 'Cause 'way cup time' sounds like 'wakeup time' when ya say it different. Haha. Very funny you two."

"I know, right?!" Soldier agreed, glad that his friend finally got the joke. "Alright, c'mon Lizzie, we've got teammates to wake up!"

The little Texan yawned, not used to getting up this early, and nodded, and Soldier sprinted out the door with Lizzie on still on his shoulders. As the patriot ran down the hall, Lizzie knocked on each door, still on Soldier's shoulders. After they had knocked on each door at least three times, the waited patiently for each of their teammates to wake up and smell the coffee that Soldier had started brewing before waking Lizzie up. She was so excited to see them all up, more so than yesterday, since Engineer had brought out a team picture and told her each of their names.

The little girl frowned at the absence of BLU mercenaries getting out of bed. She knocked on Soldier's helmet twice to get his attention. "Not getting up." She deadpanned.

Soldier lifted a hand up to scratch his chin. "You're absolutely right, Private." He stayed silent in thought for a moment before emitting a loud 'aha!' "Maybe they just don't know how cup time it is!"

Lizzie grinned. "Let's tell 'em!"

That was all the instruction Soldier needed to barge into the first door he saw , which was Medic's, and set Lizzie down on the floor. The two ran up to Medic's bed and sat down in front of it, and Archimedes and Hyppolita perched on the desk nearby, observing them.

Lizzie looked at Soldier. "Can I poke him?" She whispered. Soldier nodded, giving her a small salute. The little girl crept forward slowly, feeling as if she was on a top-secret mission, and lightly poked Medic's arm. Both parties cringed slightly, waiting for the German to wake up, but instead, he continued to lie there and snore lightly.

The young Texan frowned before poking Medic's arm furiously several times. "DOOOOOC!" She screamed.

Medic woke with a start, the whole world blurry before him without his glasses. "V-vhere… vhat… who's dying?!" He rambled, groping for his glasses on his nightstand. His hand brushed past the thin metal and he slipped the spectacles on, everything coming back into focus and revealing Soldier and Lizzie before him. He blinked once before rubbing his eyes under his glasses. "Guten Morgen." He muttered, flopping back down into his pillow.

Soldier sprang up. "Morning, Doc! How cup time is it?"

Medic's eyes opened a crack. "Pardon?"

Lizzie put her elbow on the mattress and rested her cheek on her fist. "How cup time is it?"

The doctor quirked an eyebrow. "…cup time."

"Yeah!"

"I haff no idea."

"Aw c'mon, guess!"

"No." Medic glanced at his clock before closing his eyes again. He sighed, feeling particularly tired this morning and not feeling the motivation to get up just yet. "Come back in half an hour, Dank–WAAHH!"

Much to the doctor's surprise and displeasure, he was yanked off his bed by his ankle and slung over Soldier's shoulder. He thrashed and struggled at first, but soon gave up, emitting a large yawn and allowing his teammate to carry him to wherever they were going. Lizzie followed close behind, a smug grin of victory on her face. Most of the team had gotten up by this time, but none of them seemed even remotely surprised at the display.

Demoman yawned as he looked at the three. "Mornin' Doc, Sol, Lizzie." He greeted them.

Lizzie waved back at him excitedly. "Hi Memmo!" She chirped.

The Scot looked at her, a slightly amused grin on his face. He could tell she was just like her daddy in the sense that she was always cheerful, even in the morning. But, taking after Engineer also meant that you did _not_ want to make her mad. Demoman was glad that it took quite a bit to make his Texan teammate lose his temper.

Soldier plopped Medic onto the couch, startling the doctor. "And for the record," Soldier said, leaning over to look at Medic, "the time of cup is _WAY!_" He bellowed, making the German flinch. The patriot marched off to the stove to retrieve the breakfast he had made for everyone.

Lizzie skipped up to Medic and hugged his arm. He looked down at her tiredly, but she returned a doe-eyed look and hugged his arm tighter. The doctor sighed and pulled her onto his lap.

"You're lucky you're adorable." He muttered. Lizzie hummed in triumph and found a comfortable position in Medic's arms.

One by one, the team members drifted into the kitchen, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, bacon, toast, and eggs beckoning them. Emma trotted in as well, licking the saliva that threatened to fall from her mouth as she smelled the delicious bacon. She hoped someone would throw her some, or maybe drop some and she could pounce on it.

However, her first wish was granted when Soldier gave a small whistle and threw her a piece, fresh out of the pan. She jumped and caught it in midair, delighted in such a treat, and looked at him expectantly after she landed.

Soldier shook his head, chuckling a bit. "No no, Emma, you got your piece." He told her, putting the tray on the counter. She flattened her ears against her head and whined a bit.

Scout, who was sitting on one of the stools at the counter, quickly glanced at Soldier to make sure he wasn't looking before grabbing a piece of bacon from the tray. He leaned down a bit, patting his thigh to beckon Emma closer.

"There ya go, dahlin'." He whispered, feeding her the greasy strip. She downed it with gusto, settling down by Scout's chair after she was done.

Heavy rolled his eyes with a grin on his face from where he sat on the couch, having just witnessed Scout's small crime. Was there anything that boy wouldn't do for his dog? Soldier clanged on a pot twice, his personal signal that their meal was ready, and everyone got up to retrieve a plate and their food. Medic took the liberty of filling a small plate for Lizzie, and the girl ate with the team, participating in the topics that she understood. When everyone was finished, they dumped their dirty plates in the sink and went back to their rooms to get ready for battle.

Lizzie ran her plan through her head very carefully as she stayed seated on the couch. She knew that they wouldn't be going out for a while, since they were all in their pyjamas, so she had some time to figure out where she would hide. She figured that they had some sort of special door or something that led them outside. Lizzie had seen a lot of huge buildings and something on train tracks when she was out with Scout the other day, and she had been wondering what it was. Such a place must have some sort of significant importance, and the more she thought about it, the more sense it made that it was where all of her Daddy's friends were going!

But that still left her inside the base. How was she going to figure out how to get there? She pondered this for a while. There had to be something that indicated where they should go. Lizzie hopped off from the couch, set on searching the base for anything that would give her a clue. She walked down the hall and towards the infirmary, recognizing the white double doors with the blue cross, and walking right past, knowing that wasn't where she needed to go.

The little Texan wandered back into the hallway where she had first found Demoman. She could hear the sound of the mercenaries getting dressed, each of their doors closed, the shutting and opening of drawers, a yell of 'GOD DAMMIT, WHO HID MY PANTS AGAIN?!' and, shortly after, laughter exploding from each bedroom. Scout then walked out of his room, an annoyed look on his face and an absence of work pants as he set out to search for his clothes. Lizzie giggled as he walked by, and the boy just rolled his eyes and stormed off.

Lizzie frowned. She'd never find what she was looking for! She contemplated giving up and coloring a picture, but where was the adventure in that? If she was going to be here for a full week, she was going to have to find something fun to do.

Much to her surprise, she was hoisted up from the ground by one large hand. She gave a small scream, but stopped when she realized it was just Heavy.

She waved. "Hi Havvy."

The large man gave her a questioning glance. "What is leetle Lizzie doing?"

"Mmm, nothin'." She replied, looking up at the ceiling.

Heavy, however, was not convinced. He had two little sisters, and he knew mischief when he saw it. The little girl just smiled innocently as if a halo was glowing over her head.

Almost on cue, Medic came out from around the corner. "Ah, there she is." He breathed. "Heavy, bring her back to the recovery room, bitte." He motioned for Heavy to follow him, and the Russian did, carrying Lizzie with him. When they entered, Engineer was still sleeping, and Emma was waiting for them inside, lying on the floor and perking up her ears when she saw them. Heavy placed Lizzie on the bed, and Medic wheeled over a small table with crayons, paper, pencils, and markers.

"Sorry I could not get you any glitter." Medic chuckled, causing Lizzie to whine a bit. "I know you love it, but it vould make such a mess in here."

Heavy and Medic soon headed for the door, each giving her a little wave, and she waved back. She could hear the door locking from the outside and sighed. Now what was she supposed to do? She'd never be able to unlock that door, and now she had to stay in here where it was super boring. Lizzie swung her legs over the side of the bed to face the table, hoping her Daddy would wake up soon and play something with her.

Emma hopped up onto the bed and sat beside Lizzie, observing her work. Medic must've just grabbed the supplies from Pyro's room, which had been sitting on the firebug's floor since the other day, because the pile of paper contained a few other pictures that Lizzie had already completed. One was a picture of a bird, most likely Archimedes, the other, a scene that depicted Spy, Soldier, and Sniper arguing. It seemed as though blood was on Sniper's face, and Spy was in between the two, trying to break them apart. Emma cocked her head, wondering where the girl had come up with such a scene.

Lizzie picked up the picture she had been working on, now finished, and set it aside, grabbing a new piece of paper. Emma glanced over to the picture, seeing someone in a blue shirt feeding a yellow dog a red stick. Looking closer, one could tell that it was Scout, and he was feeding Emma a second piece of bacon when Soldier wasn't looking. Emma didn't understand the picture, however, and would have shrugged if she could. The golden retriever hopped off Lizzie's bed and onto Engineer's, curling up beside him and taking a nap.

* * *

The team walked down the hall, chatting idly as they headed towards a blue door with white lettering saying 'BATTLEMENTS' in a block font. The filed through the door one by one, but Medic stopped before he passed through, letting Archimedes hop off his shoulder and onto his finger.

"You be good, Archimedes. Don't make me use zhe heavy duty cage again." He warned. The bird just cocked his head and cooed. "Und take care of Lizzie und Engineer." The doctor added, scratching his dove's head with his finger. Archimedes nuzzled into the touch before flying off, and Medic joined his team, slipping on his winter gloves. Today was definitely another day for a snowball fight, though they'd have to do without the cocoa breaks, unfortunately.

Heavy and Demoman immediately began discussing battle tactics, making marks in the snow to use as a map, since their official map had mysteriously disappeared. They knew the field well enough that they could make a bit of a replica, and it proved to be very useful when planning sneak attacks. Meanwhile, Soldier was busy making snowballs. He figured that if they had a good supply in the respawn, it would give them an advantage. When Demoman and Heavy had most of their plan laid out, the Scot retrieved the handheld radios that they usually wore for battle and handed them to each mercenary.

"It'll give us a tactical advantage, trust me. It's all part of the plan." He explained upon receiving a weird look from Spy. The Frenchman just rolled his eyes as he tucked the device into his pocket, muttering about how the whole team was just a bunch of manchildren.

Just as the countdown was about to start, Scout slapped a hand to his forehead, feeling around his chest frantically. "SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!" He cursed as he slipped his hand inside his shirt collar.

Sniper shot him a questioning look. "You alroight, kid?"

"NO!" Scout yelled back, grunting in frustration. "My dog tags are gone!"

The Aussie just rolled his eyes. "C'mon, you can go one battle wifout 'em." He assured the boy, leaning up against the wall. "S'just pieces of metal."

If looks could kill, Sniper would have been brutally massacred on the spot. Scout could not believe what he had just heard. "Dey're not just 'pieces of metal', dumbass. Dey're my good luck charms!" He snarled, glaring at Sniper. The Aussie simply rolled his eyes, muttering about stupid little boys and their superstitions.

Demoman walked over to Scout and put a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, boyo. The battle isn't startin' for a while yet. Go inside and see if you can find 'em." The Scotsman told him, and Scout wasted no time in rushing back through the door and into the base.

The young man knew that he only had a few minutes to find his tags before the battle started, so his mind moved at a rapid pace, trying to remember where he might've left them. The first place he checked was his room. He searched under his bed, tore of his sheets and covers, and emptied out every drawer he saw. Not there, no, no no no! He threw down the clothes he was holding in annoyance. Where could they be?!

Scout raced down the hallway, swinging into the kitchen and cursing when found nothing on any of the counters or in the drawers and cupboards. He sprinted to the rec room and searched between the cushions of the couches, rummaged through pieces of board games that had been left in disarray, but still no dog tags to be found. A noise bubbled up from his throat that was somewhere in between a whine and a groan as he wracked his memory. Where had he been yesterday? He was in his room, but he'd checked there already. He was in the rec room, the kitchen, the infirmary-

He snapped his fingers. Of course, the infirmary! He'd gone in there because Medic had patched him up from his scuffle with Demoman the other day, and he'd had to take his shirt off so the doctor could check for any serious bruising or injuries. Thankfully, there had been none, but he must've left his dog tags there when he put his shirt back on.

With his hopes raised, Scout hurried to the infirmary and tried to open the doors, but ended up slamming up against them instead. They were… locked?! No, they couldn't be. He tried again, pushing his whole body up against the door, but his suspicions were only confirmed. Without another moment's thought, Scout raced back to the battlements. He hoped he had enough time to ask Medic for the key and make it back in time for battle. Soldier would kill him if he was late.

He burst through the battlements door, making a few team members jump a bit, but he could care less at this point. Breathing hard, he rushed over to Medic.

"Doc! I need da key! Dey're in da infirmary!" He explained.

The doctor fished his keys out from his pocket, there were four of them on the ringlet, and handed them to Scout.

"Don't lose them." Medic told him, plopping them into the boy's outstretched palm. Scout gave a quick 'thanks' and sprinted off. "Und don't forget to lock the door vhen you're done!" He added.

However, the German's last instruction fell on deaf ears as Scout's only objective right now was to get his dog tags and get out. He fiddled with the keys, relieved that Medic had put small labels on them, and pushed the correct one into the lock, successfully opening the door.

The Bostonian quickly made his way to the examination table and checked the counters around him for his dog tags. But when he saw no trace of them, Scout grew increasingly frustrated. If they weren't here, where were they?! He let out a groan and slammed his fist on the table. He'd surely be sent to respawn more times than he'd be able to count if he couldn't find them.

The runner glanced up, hoping that they might be somewhere else in the infirmary. He scanned the room and saw beds and tables, but thanks to Medic's obsession with keeping the place clean, the tabletops were all bare.

He did see a room in the back, though, that he hadn't checked yet.

Scout rushed to the recovery room door and pushed on the door handle, finding it locked. The boy smirked. No matter, he simply picked out the correct key and pushed it into the door's lock before turning it and hearing a satisfying click. He opened the door cautiously, remembering that Engineer was resting, and crept in.

Lizzie's head shot up when the door opened, but she grinned when she recognized the person behind it. "Hi Scoot!" She chirped. Emma looked over to the boy sleepily as she lay on the bed beside Engineer.

Scout jumped a bit. He didn't anticipate for her to be there, but he supposed it made sense. "Hey Liz, have you seen -" He stopped, eyes growing wide at what he saw on the table, partially buried in crayons. "Are those my dog tags?!"

She cocked her head, confused. "I dunno." The little Texan said finally.

The Bostonian groaned and reached forward, taking his property from the mess of craft supplies. "Don't touch my stuff, ya little punk!" He shouted, storming out of the room.

For a moment, Lizzie sat completely still. What did she do wrong? Why was Scoot so mad at her? She looked to the door, which Scout had slammed closed in a hurry, and sighed. She listened for a while, waiting to hear the familiar clicking of the door locking.

But it never came.

She frowned a bit, confused. Scout did lock the door… didn't he? Lizzie slipped off the bed and over to the door, careful not to wake her father. To the young Texan's delight, the handle pushed down easily, allowing her the opportunity to escape. With a grin, she bounded out of the room, the gears in her little mind turning and processing. If she could listen for Scout's footfalls, she'd find out where he and the rest of the BLU mercenaries went this morning!

Sure enough, Lizzie could hear Scout sprinting through the halls. She followed the sound, careful to make sure she wasn't heard. Fortunately for her, the hallway that she had eventually entered had no alternate paths or doors, only a glowing blue sign that read 'BATTLEMENTS' with an arrow pointing down to the end of the hall. She could no longer hear the Bostonian's footsteps, but that was okay. She knew where to go now.

Being a smart little girl, Lizzie soon remembered that it was, in fact, snowing outside. She was glad that the battlements sign was there, otherwise she might not be able to find her way back. Quick as a bunny, the little Texan ran back to the coat closet and found her boots, coat, and mittens. She slipped on her winter equipment and rushed back to the battlements.

Once she found the end of the hall (a very long walk, in her opinion), she couldn't help the marvellous grin that spread across her face. The double doors she saw were blue, different from all other doors in the base, and the white block font that it sported matched that of the sign she followed earlier.

Eagerly, Lizzie stepped forward and pushed open the door, peeking her head out into the respawn room. She saw a metal cabinet in the room and a grate blocking her way out, but she found that once she walked up to them, they opened automatically.

"Wooow!" She gasped, watching the grates open. She had never seen anything like that back in Beecave! This was definitely something to tell Mommy about.

The little girl ran out onto the snowy battlefield, delighting in the snow. They almost never got white Christmases back in Texas, so the snow was exciting for her. She could hear no distant gunshots, as they had planned for another snowball fight today, but she did hear many of the mercenaries yelling, and sometimes even laughing, though it sounded like the laughing she heard when Dustin Bradley was making fun of her. She frowned and crossed her arms at the thought. Dustin Bradley was a real meanie.

Upon hearing a particularly loud bellow, Lizzie's attention was brought back to the task at hand. She wanted to go have fun with all of Daddy's friends! With a hop, skip, and a jump, she followed the sounds along with following the train track. She had seen a cart on it, but it seemed as though the mercenaries had abandoned it in favour of their snowball fight. She shrugged, continuing along the path.

* * *

"Wot th' bloody hell?" Sniper muttered, baffled at what he saw through his scope.

Spy, who sat on the crate beside him sipping his coffee, quirked an eyebrow. "Quoi?"

The Aussie didn't answer Spy right away, only continued to look through the scope of the rifle with a furrowed brow. "The lil' sheila's out here!" He gestured for Spy to look through as well. "See fer yerself!"

Incredulous, the suited man placed his coffee down and looked into the eyepiece of the scope. Sure enough, the girl in question skipped along the track without a care in the world, occasionally twirling in a circle and stopping to catch a snowflake on her tongue. Sniper and Spy exchanged glances before springing up from their crates and heading towards the ladder.

"Wait!" The Frenchman said, turning to Sniper. "You should stay 'ere."

Sniper looked confused and annoyed. "Wot?!"

"Keep an eye on 'er, because I may not get there before someone else does!" Spy explained hastily. "Go! Shoot anyone that gets close!"

The bushman grumped, but complied, plopping back onto the crate. "Foine." He grumbled, looking through his scope. "She's still followin' the Payload route, mate. But it's gonna take a while fer you ta get there."

Without further ado, Spy raced down the ladder and out into the snow, beginning to run. How did she even get out?! Medic had locked the door, hadn't he?! Not that it mattered at this point, really. The first thing on his mind was to get Lizzie to safety. Now he was glad that he had his radio, it would be easier for Sniper to tell him where the girl was.

* * *

Engineer rested peacefully, his pounding headaches finally starting to let up. Emma snored gently beside him, and the two relished in the silence by getting their much needed sleep. The Texan had never thought about how quiet the base was when no one was in it. There was no chattering of teammates, no fights over mothers or soccer teams breaking out, simply the constant tick of the clock in the recovery room.

Emma perked her ears up and slowly opened her eyes. Something felt wrong.

She lifted her head and sniffed the air. Oh yes, something was definitely wrong. Maybe it was just her senses telling her that something bad was _going_ to happen, or something bad _had_ happened and it was going to get worse. The golden retriever was just about to disregard the feeling when she noticed a certain little Texan missing from the bed across from her.

Immediately, Emma sprang up and began barking. She barked, howled, yelped, and whined, desperately pawing at Engineer in hopes that he'd wake up and see that his daughter was missing. When he didn't budge, she let out a growl of frustration. She'd go after Lizzie herself, but she couldn't possibly open the door. The window was shut tight as well, giving her no way to escape.

Emma whined. She didn't want to do what she was about to do, but it was the only way Engineer would wake up. Convincing herself she was just being a good girl, Emma bit down on the Texan's arm–hard.

"SON OF A-" Engineer screamed, flailing and making the puppy release his arm. He looked at her in shock and disbelief. "Emma?!"

The little dog flattened her ears against her head and whined. Before Engineer said anything else, she hopped off the bed and jumped up on the other one, running in a circle to illustrate her point.

The Texan was still inspecting the damage done to his arm. The bite hadn't gone that deep, really. She might've been strong, but she was still a puppy yet. He looked back at her, quirking his eyebrow when she ran around again, barking at him now.

"What are you…" He trailed off, realization dawning on him. "…Lizzie?"

Emma barked once again and jumped off the bed, pawing at the door. Engineer got out from under his blankets as he hoped to God that she was just hiding under his bed and playing a game. But upon testing the door handle, he found that it was unlocked.

"Oh lordy…" The Texan mumbled, his heart stopping. Medic told him that the door would be locked! Lizzie could be anywhere by now! She could be in the kitchen playing with knives! Or in the infirmary looking through the sharp equipment! Or-

Engineer's eyes widened. She could be outside. On the battlefield.

The man shook his head. Calm down, calm down, he told himself. There was no way that she found her way to the battlements. He'd made a point of avoiding that side of the base. He'd better check the entire building before he went and got himself worried. Before he could leave, Emma gave a small whine, looking up at him with her ears flattened to her head and apology in her eyes. Engineer sighed, crouching down and patting her head.

"It's alright, Emma." He assured her. "You were just trying to help. You're a good girl." Emma licked his hand and perked up, obviously happy that the man had forgiven her. With her mind set on the task of finding Lizzie, she trotted out of the room once Engineer had opened the door.

* * *

The RED Scout stood on the top of a hill not too far away from where Sniper was keeping watch on Lizzie. The Aussie had just been sitting there, leaning out of the window. He hadn't even noticed that Scout was standing and watching him for the better part of a minute. The boy could tell that Sniper was looking through his scope at something, but he didn't shoot at anything. Simply watched.

Scout smirked. It was always hilarious to catch a sniper off guard when they were focused, and this was no exception.

Quiet as a mouse, the RED bent down and picked up a handful of snow, cupping his other hand around it and squeezing tight to form a compact sphere. He shaped it and moulded it to shape it to his satisfaction, and looked up once again, seeing that the BLU Sniper had not left his perch or even caught onto what Scout was doing. Grinning, the Bostonian reeled back his arm and threw his ammunition as hard as he could. The accuracy wasn't great, so instead of hitting his head, the cold projectile hit the rifle out of Sniper's hands instead.

The snowball caught Sniper quite off guard. In the blink of an eye, his weapon tumbled out of his hands and to the ground below. After cursing loudly and hearing the soft thud of the rifle, he could hear someone laughing. The Australian snapped his head towards the sound. There, on a small hill, was none other than that little shit from the enemy team: the RED Scout. He was chortling and cackling madly at Sniper's misfortune.

"Oho man!" Scout laughed. "Dat turned out bettah than I expected!"

Sniper's face twisted into a grimace. Why that little-

A passing thought stopped him. Now that his rifle was out of his reach, how was he to know where Lizzie was? Even worse, how was he supposed to protect her?! His attention was immediately diverted away from the RED and to the ladder that led down from his perch.

Pulling out his radio and pressing down the button, he began to speak. "Spook, I've lost soight of her! Get a move on!"

* * *

Lizzie hummed a little tune as she continued along the payload track without a care in the world. She tilted her head out and stuck out her tongue, scrunching her eyes shut due to the brightness of the sky.

"Bonjour, petit."

The little girl jumped a bit. She hadn't heard anyone coming before, but that hardly mattered. What mattered was that she finally found someone! Glancing behind her, Lizzie found that it was the BLU Spy.

"Hi Spooky!" She chirped, rushing over to him. He lifted her up into his arms and allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck.

"What are you doing out 'ere?" He asked calmly. "Shouldn't you be inside the base?"

She wiped her nose with her glove, sniffing a little. "S'fun outside!" She exclaimed giddily. The man chuckled a bit, repositioning the girl in his arms.

"I'm glad you think so." Spy replied as he walked. "But it's time for you to come back inside."

She whined and tried to wriggle out of his grasp. "Don't wanna!" Lizzie fought harder and harder against him. She didn't want to go back inside! It was boring in there!

The Frenchman stopped, almost dropping her due to her struggling. Now what was he supposed to do?! She liked being outside much better than inside, that much was obvious. He just had to make inside seem more appealing to her than it actually was.

"I 'ave to tell you something!" He tried, still struggling to keep her in his grasp. "And it's important!"

Being a little kid, her curiosity got the better of her, and she sat still to look at Spy as she crossed her arms.

"Okay, I didn't want to say this with the team listening." He glanced around, "It's…" Another glance, "…a _secret._"

The little girl gasped and covered her mouth, a grin spreading across her face. "A secret?!" She whispered.

He smiled. Bingo. "Yes, so you can't tell anyone else!" Spy put a finger to his lips, and Lizzie mimicked the action as she nodded excitedly.

With the young Texan securely in his arms, he made his way back to his base. Elizabeth was too busy thinking about the secret that she didn't even notice his suit changing from blue to red before he cloaked and both of them disappeared.

The BLU Spy sprinted along the tracks, out of breath. He had been following the small footsteps that Lizzie had made in the snow when she walked on the payload tracks, but for some reason, they stopped here. He dropped to his knees at the last pair of imprints, panting as he tried to figure out what had happened.

It wasn't until he thought to look off of the tracks that he saw a much bigger pair of footprints. They didn't have the shape of any running shoe or boot of anyone on his team. No, their design was not that of the standard jackboots that both teams wore. The grips on the bottom were completely different. The shape of the shoe and the pattern in the snow confirmed Spy's worst suspicion; his RED counterpart had taken her.

With a loud string of curses, Spy whipped out his radio and started for the RED base.

* * *

Engineer was getting increasingly worried. He'd checked every square inch of the base and there was still no sign of Lizzie. He leaned against the doorframe of his workshop, a hand to his chin and his eyes squeezed shut. There had to be somewhere he hadn't searched…

A crackling noise and familiar voices rung out from a device on the desk of the Texan's workshop, breaking him out of his trance. He quickly picked it up, tuning the channel. It seemed as though his teammates had decided to bring out their radios with them today. It was probably Demoman's or Heavy's idea, he thought, seeing as they took their snowball fight strategies so seriously.

He was about to press down the button and start talking, but he began to hear a very interesting conversation going on, and it seemed to involve the whole team.

"Are you sure that she's even out here?" Medic's voice crackled through.

Engineer's eyes snapped open and his heart stopped a moment. They had better not be talking about whom he thought they were talking about.

"Oui," Spy growled, "I am positive, docteur."

"But it doesn't make sense!" The German replied. "I locked that door this morning!"

"Ye gave the keys to the kid, Doc." Demoman stated. "When he had to go find his tags."

The silence of realization ensued, followed by Scout's voice simply stating: "Uh… shit."

Sniper, who had retrieved his rifle and was scanning the enemy base, now spoke with urgency unlike Engineer had ever heard from him, "I can see her! She wif their Spoi!"

The Texan almost dropped his radio. "WHAT?!" He bellowed, making all other conversation screech to a halt, followed by moments of deafening silence.

Finally, a young Bostonian voice came through. "So, uh, Engie… how much of dat conversation did ya hear?" His voice was shaky. He was nervous for Engineer's reply, and he was right to be so.

"Enough for me ta know that YOU let mah daughter out inta th'battlefield!" He shouted, accent getting thicker as he became angrier and angrier with the Bostonian. "And now that _scumbag_ RED Spah HAS MAH DAUGHTER! MY SEVEN YEAR OLD BABY GIRL IS IN THE GODDAMN ENEMY BASE! YOU'D BEST GETCHYER TAIL OVER THERE AND FIX WHAT YOU'VE MESSED, BOY! OR I'LL BEAT YOU SO BAD YER MAMA'S GONNA HAFTA SPOON FEED YA FER A YEAR!"

Scout gulped. "Y-yes sir."

Engineer was fuming now, and he ran to the coat closet to grab his boots as fast as he could, not even bothering with his jacket to cover his blue striped pyjamas. Emma followed close behind. She could tell that Scout was in for it if Engineer caught him before the boy could get Lizzie back.

* * *

The BLU team had all gathered in front of their base, having retrieved their weapons and ammunition. Now all they needed was a plan.

Scout let out a yelp of surprise when he was grabbed and pinned against the wall by his neck. Upon opening his eyes, he could see that he was trapped between Engineer's gloved mechanical hand and the wall. This was not good.

"Hey Engie…" Scout said, voice choked. He put both hands on the Texan's, trying to pry it off his neck.

A hand clapped down on Engineer's shoulder. "Easy there, private. Although hurting Scout might be satisfying, it's not going to help."

The man held Scout in his grasp for a moment longer, staring at him intensely as his grip tightened. The boy begun to sputter as his face turned red, blurting apologies in hopes that Engineer might let him go.

"I'm sorry man!" He managed. "I didn't mean for it ta–_cough_ –happen!"

The Texan released him with a heavy sigh, dropping him to the ground and turning to Soldier.

His fellow American gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'll get Lizzie back if it's the last thing I do! And it won't be, because we've got respawn!"

Engineer couldn't help the sad laugh that escaped him. "And just how are you going to do that?"

"With _these!_" Soldier exclaimed, holding up a very familiar pair of boots. They were a dark brown color, the leather tough and durable with buckles on the side. Medic and Spy groaned simultaneously.

"Not those again!" The German sighed, glaring at the Mantreads. Even though they had helped Soldier gain a stunning victory once, they reeked enough to make one's eyes burn.

Scout wretched at the smell, but nodded. "Yeah, dey got a line up of sentries dat shoot snowballs right near da final payload cap. But you should be able ta jump right ovah deir range." He pulled out an official map of Thunder Mountain and spread it out on the ground. The team crouched down beside him, waiting for the scouting report.

Heavy's eyebrows shot up. "So that is where leetle map went!" He said. "Was looking for it!"

Scout waved him off as he continued to look at the map. "Findahs keepahs." He explained. "Look, Sol, dis is where dey got da sentries. Right Py?" He pointed to three spots on the map, two on the right side of the payload tracks and one on the left, and Pyro nodded, confirming the report. The sentries were positioned on the same level as the final payload capture point. "But I wouldn't bet on getting right in behind deir battlements with just a rocket jump."

"I could probably make it to the roof right here." Soldier explained, pointing to a building right behind the capture point. "It looks like they've got an opening right behind the field, and their base is set up in more of a circle around it. That's probably their equivalent to our backyard. I could jump down into it and search their base from there."

Scout continued to stare at the RED base on the map, seemingly entranced. "Dat is a freakin' sweet setup…" He murmured. "Much cooler dan our base."

Rolling his eyes, Engineer tapped a finger on the map. "Let's stick to the task at hand, shall we?"

Soldier nodded and slung his Rocket Jumper over his shoulder as he stood up. "So, I'll go in there and get Lizzie, but what will the rest of you do?"

"Blow up the sentries, of course!" Demoman smirked. "Ye can find out where the little lass is before they know we're here, and when you give the word," he pointed to his handheld radio, "we'll blast 'em ta kingdom come!"

Soldier frowned. "So basically, I'll be doing Scout's job."

"Basically, yeah." The Scot nodded. "Get her out if ya can, but I've got a hunch that says they're gonna be puttin' up a fight."

Engineer couldn't help but swallow and let out a shaky breath. He'd never been so worried in his entire life. He had no idea what they were going to do with his little angel! As worried as he was, he was also frustrated that he couldn't do anything to help. He was still too injured. The Texan's attention was brought back to the map when Heavy spoke up.

"So, we get by tiny sentries, is no big deal. But, how do we get into base afterwards?" He asked, making the team fall silent as they tried to think up an answer.

Sniper, who had been relatively silent during this period, found it to be a very obvious solution. "Simple, mate." He said flatly. "We don't."

The entire team turned to the Aussie, incredulous looks on their faces–especially Engineer's.

His expression remained the same. "Well, not at first. If we start pushin' the cart, it'll draw them out, makin' it easier fer Sol ta get Lizzie outta there." He explained. "But, if they don't come out, then we deliver th'payload. You lot remember wot happens when we win the round, roight?"

Medic perked up. "Of course! Once ve are successful, we haff access to their respawn room! We can infiltrate their base und find Elizabeth from there!"

Sniper smirked proudly and nodded. "Exactly. S'loike a good game of footy. Stroiker draws out th'defender ta create space so another bloke can receive the ball. But, if the defender doesn't follow him, he's open for a pass and off he goes to the net ta score one beauty of a goal."

Hitting Demoman on the shoulder, Scout sniggered. "See? Maybe dat's what Scotland needs ta learn before da next World Cup and da Euros. Not just dat kick-and-run crap."

Scout would have gone on about the strategies of different soccer teams around the world, but Demoman simply glared at him with a look that said, 'shut up you stupid-ass kid or I'm going to rip your face off and stuff it in a bottle and fill it with alcohol and set it on fire'. Needless to say, the mercenaries were very competitive when it came to their sports teams.

With their plan set out, the team began to put it into action, heading for the abandoned payload cart and Soldier heading out to the RED base. Before anyone touched the cart, however, the patriot turned around.

"Y'know," he started, "when I find Lizzie, how am I going to get her out? I need both hands on my launcher to do a successful rocket jump. Maybe she could hold onto my back…"

Engineer's stomach flipped at the thought of his daughter trying to hang onto Soldier while they were propelled into the air by an explosion. "Uh, _no_, absolutely _not_." He stated firmly. "Someone else has gotta go with ya ta make sure she's safe."

Spy put a hand to his chin. "But that leaves you with very few available companions, Soldier, as not many of us possess weapons that allow us to jump great distances. Demoman could go, but I don't believe 'e owns a Sticky Jumper."

The Scot shook his head. "Can't say that I do, lad." He sighed. "Been lookin' fer one fer _ages!_"

"That… that leaves you with just one person to go…" Spy's eyes shifted to Medic, as did everyone else's.

The doctor looked around at all his teammates. "Vhat? You're not suggesting that I haff a veapon that allows me to jump using explosives, are you?" He snorted. "That's preposterous."

Soldier crossed his arms and continued looking expectantly at Medic. "We're not suggesting that you do the jumping, just that you follow close behind."

The staring contest between Medic and Soldier continued until realization finally dawned on the German. "Oh no, _no_! I am _not_ using it!" He declared, straightening his posture. "Not in a million years!"

"Aw c'mon, Doc!" Soldier reasoned. "It's not that bad!"

"Yes it is." He sneered.

"No it's nooooot."

"Yes it iiiiiiis."

"Stop being such a pansy."

"I'm not a pansy! I simply do not enjoy heights."

"Just close your eyes then."

"That's not going to help! Und vhat about the landing?!"

"I'll catch you!"

"Oh vill you now."

"Yes sir!" The patriot put a hand over his heart. "I swear by life, liberty, justice, and my American honor, I will catch you."

The doctor seemed to consider this for a moment, pursing his lips. "Mmm… no."

Soldier seemed visibly deflated. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Engineer stepped towards Medic.

"Doc, please! Mah baby girl's out there!" He pleaded. "You and Sol are the only ones that can save her! Just imagine if your daughter was in Lizzie's position!" He swallowed. "Ah don't know what's gonna happen to her, and goddammit, I'm terrified."

Medic sighed and furrowed his eyebrows, giving his teammate a sympathetic look. "Alright." He muttered, nodding. "Fine."

The doctor headed back inside and rushed to the weapon storage room. When he returned, he held what would allow him to follow Soldier into the skies: the Quick-Fix.

The team swiftly made for the RED base. It looked as though all of the enemy team had gathered inside, because there wasn't a RED in sight. This only confirmed Demoman's suspicion that they would all be in their base, keeping her hostage. Medic and Soldier jumped at the opportunity –quite literally.

Trailing the medigun beam on Soldier, Medic took a deep breath. "Alright, Soldat. Vhenever you're read–AAAAAH!" He screeched as the patriot rocket jumped into the sky, dragging him behind. The doctor clutched to the Quick-Fix desperately as he screwed his eyes shut and tucked in his knees, knowing that if he let go, he'd plummet to the ground below.

Before he knew it, they were at the pique height of the rocket jump and were soon falling downward. Medic simply squeezed his eyes tighter, gripped the medigun, and tried not to scream.

A loud 'thud' could be heard as he felt himself hit something, but he didn't know what. He couldn't find it in himself to open his eyes, simply staying curled up in his little ball as he continued to hold onto the Quick-Fix in a white knuckled grip. He began to wonder if he was dead.

"See, Doc? I told you I'd catch you." Came a gruff voice.

Medic recognized that voice. That was the voice that sounded like it was yelling when it was trying to whisper, the voice that didn't get the slightest bit hoarse after screeching commands all day on the battlefield, the voice that hollered at him to get up at 5:30 in the morning. It was the voice that could only belong to one person in the whole world, and the voice that confirmed he was, in fact, still living.

He opened his eyes warily, finding himself not only alive, but without a scratch on his body. Soldier let go of his feet and propped him upwards–a little roughly –and slapped the still slightly trembling doctor on the back.

"Now was that so bad?" He mocked, making Medic roll his eyes.

"Ja, it _vas_." The German replied, though a slight smile played on his lips.

Soldier chuckled a bit as he strapped his rocket jumper to his back and pulled out his shovel. "Alright, Kruat, let's find this kid."

* * *

The RED Spy leaned up against the doorway of the supply room, waiting for the rest of his team to leave the field and meet him there. The room was completely made of wood, the Reliable Excavation and Demolition logo painted up on the wall. Stacks of crates all varied in height were set up around the room, some containing food, others ammunition, and some held extra medical equipment such as needles or IV bags. It seemed rather unused, and Lizzie sneezed a few times as she climbed up on the boxes and unsettled the layer of dust.

Spy had promised her that she could play on the boxes, that this would be like her secret jungle gym and that she would have lots of fun. Lizzie, however, was getting quite bored quite quickly. He'd told her that she was to stay on the boxes until he was done speaking to his team, but the curious side of her (which was more like two thirds of her) took over once she heard voices coming from below. She peered over the side of the boxes to see eight men gathered in front of Spy. She could even see Daddy!

Or at least, she thought it was Daddy.

Lizzie frowned. She knew her Daddy when she saw him, and that definitely wasn't him. He was scowling, scowling like she'd never seen Daddy do before. He also had a scar that cut across his cheek and went partway up his nose. Now she was _positive_ that he wasn't Daddy, though he did have the same uniform.

She looked at Doc, surprised to see that his hair was blonde instead of jet-black. Scoot looked different too, as if he was a couple years older than when she had seen him last. She could tell that skin was a lot lighter and paler too. The more Lizzie looked at him, the more suspicious and frightened she got. These weren't the same people she'd met yesterday. No, definitely not. They were…

…_strangers._

She ducked down behind a box, her breathing quickening as she tried to press herself up as close as she could to the wooden surface. She could hear them speaking, and she tried to calm herself as she listened.

The RED Soldier crossed his arms as he glared at Spy. "You'd better have a good reason to call us away from battle, Frenchie." He growled.

Spy rolled his eyes. "Oh please, I would 'ardly call that children's game a battle." He scoffed. "We're basically just playing games with the BLUs."

"I'll have you know, I was testin' out a new sentry prototype!" Engineer retorted. "One that can shoot anything you want. It'll come in handy if I happen t'find mahself out of ammo, and snowballs were the perfect thing to test it with."

With a groan of frustration, Sniper finally decided to cut in. "Stop yer bickerin', mates. Let the bloke speak." He looked at Spy expectantly.

"Of course. I should 'ate to keep the labourer from his toys for much longer." The Frenchman cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, I 'ave called you 'ere to inform you that we are now in possession of something that will give us great leverage on the BLUs."

Although it wasn't visible from under his helmet, Soldier quirked an eyebrow. "What, like, intel?" He grunted, not too impressed. "That's no big feat, crouton."

"Ah, my dear Soldier." Spy said with a mocking tone, walking away from the wall and amongst the team. "You underestimate me. See, what I 'ave is much _much_ more valuable than a silly briefcase." He waved his hand in the air as he said this, animating just how insignificant the intelligence was compared to what he had. "No, what I 'ave… is a _girl_."

Scout barked out a laugh. "Dat's _it?!_ You brag about gettin' girls all da time! How's dis one supposed ta give us anythin' on da BLUs, huh?" He questioned, crossing his arms.

Glaring hard at Scout, Spy clenched his jaw. "Those are _women_, lapin, _women_." He clarified. "There is a difference. And this one is not just any girl, she's the daughter of Dell Conagher."

"So you went and kidnapped da BLU Engie's daughter?!" The Bostonian spat. "Dat's sick, bro. She's a little kid."

Spy sighed and closed his eyes. "I wouldn't expect your puny brain to process this, so I will explain it to you. Do you have any idea how big of an opportunity this is? What this could mean?" He growled. Scout glared at him, but stayed silent. He didn't have an answer. "We could make the BLUs do _anything we want_ to get 'er back. We could make them surrender their land, give us BLU intelligence, money, anything!" He explained. "And after seeing our success, the Announcer might even give us a raise."

Most of the team seemed okay with this plan. RED _had_ suffered pay cuts this year, and it wouldn't hurt for them to have a little extra cash in the bank. Maybe this could even get them on the Announcer's good side. They'd get first pick for new weapons, hats, even which bases they would be relocated to!

Despite all the perks, Heavy still didn't like the idea.

"Does not seem right." He explained. "Not…" He waved his hand around, searching for the right word. "…ethical. She is just tiny baby girl, being away from family must scare her. She does not know us, does not even know where she is."

Medic scoffed. "Oh Heavy, you alvays vorry about the most miniscule things. It is not our problem if she is scarred for life or not. It von't affect vhat happens to us." He waved the giant off. "Besides, I think she vould make a positively _excellent_ test subject!"

Demoman's eyebrows shot up. "Now hold yer horses there, Doc, I agree with Heavy on this one. Th'poor wee lass is probably terrified. She don't need a menacin' doctor injectin' her with stuff that could potentially kill her." He shuddered as he said the word 'injecting', not fancying the thought of what would happen to a child in Medic's care.

"Ach, you take all the fun out of things." Medic grumped, folding his arms. "Vhat's the point of having a hostage if you're not even going to do anything to them?!"

Nobody on the team bothered to say anything further, simply leaving Medic to his German mutterings about how boring the team was.

Lizzie gulped. She was a smart girl. She knew they were talking about her. What she didn't know was what was going to happen, and what they were going to do. But something else nagged at her mind as well. That was still the same Spooky, wasn't it? Maybe she could ask him what was going on.

Cautiously, she climbed down from the crates, brushing the dust of her hands onto her jacket. She ran across the room as fast as her little legs would carry her and up to Spy, hiding behind his leg.

"Spooky?" She whimpered. "Wanna go home."

Once the RED team saw her, everyone's expression (save for Medic's) softened a bit. Spy simply snorted as he laughed.

"You're not going 'ome anytime soon." He informed her, not bothering to spare her sense of comfort. Now that she was in the RED base, he could care less about how much she trusted him.

Scout frowned. "Hey, don't be such a dick, Spy." He spat. "She's a freakin' little girl."

The Frenchman rolled his eyes. "At any rate, our plan is set. We'll keep 'er in 'ere while we bargain with our enemies. Labourer," he turned to Engineer, "set up a few sentries in this room just in case the BLUs try anything smart. And remember to lock the door."

"On it." The Texan confirmed, pulling out his PDA. He didn't exactly like this idea, but as long as they weren't going to hurt the girl, he figured everything would be okay. "And don't worry about it shootin' her, she don't look like she's wearin' any blue."

"_Perfect._" Spy purred. "Everyone else, do whatever you want. Simply make sure that the BLUs cannot reach this room."

Lizzie, meanwhile, glared up at Spy. She didn't understand what was going on! Spooky had been really nice to her yesterday, why was he being such a meanie now? She let go of the Frenchman's leg and stepped back a bit, staring at the floor as a million thoughts ran through her head. Each member of the RED team slowly filed out of the room, leaving it empty save for a little girl, a bunch of crates, and two sentries.

Outside the room, Pyro and Engineer leaned up against the wall. Neither were very comfortable with this situation.

"Rrs shrr grrnrr brr rrkrr?" The firebug asked, and Engineer sighed.

"She should be fine." He replied. "Well, physically, at least. Poor lil' thing's probably scared ta death."

The two fell silent again, letting the guilt soak up inside them. They knew that what they were doing was morally wrong, but what choice did they have? Spy was dead set with his plan, and when that happened, there was just now swaying him. The least they could do was make sure that Medic didn't get into that room either, otherwise there was no telling what would happen to her.

After another moment's silence, the speakers above them crackled to life.

"_The enemy has received additional time._" The Announcer growled.

Across the base, Spy seemed pleased. "Right on time."

* * *

Miss Pauling couldn't find it in herself to take her eyes off the screens. In front of her, the Announcer sat comfortably in her chair, legs crossed and a cigarette to her lips. On one screen, the BLUs pushed the cart with all their might. On another, the BLU Medic and Soldier had made their way down into the RED base and were preparing to sneak in. The one Miss Pauling was most keen on watching, however, was the one showing a room with crates upon crates upon crates. A little girl could be seen in the corner of the screen, trying to hide herself away everything. She looked scared, sad, and betrayed.

"Ma'am," The purple clad assistant asked, "why did you not inform the BLUs of Elizabeth's escape when we first saw her following the payload tracks?"

The room was deafeningly silent for a long time, the quiet humming of the television screens seemingly growing louder. Abruptly, the Announcer's chair swivelled around to face Miss Pauling.

"Because," she grinned, "_it's good fun to watch them squirm._"

* * *

**It looks as though the BLU team has a plan, but will it work? Will Medic and Soldier be able to break Lizzie out of there, or are they doomed to surrender all intelligence and land in return for Dell's daughter? Find out in the final chapter!**


End file.
